


Crimson Camellia

by sky_fish



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Crossdressing, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Injury, M/M, Reincarnation, Soulmates, alternative universe, different POVs, different timelines, gender switch of one character (past to present timeline), major character death (in past timeline)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-28 19:51:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 107,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10838229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sky_fish/pseuds/sky_fish
Summary: Assistant Professor Sakurai Sho regularly dreams about having a relationship with someone he hasn't met yet, being convinced that this person is his soulmate. When he meets Nino, he soon realizes that it must be him. Literature student Ninomiya Kazunari doesn't believe in soulmates or anything related to fate or love, nevertheless he can write the most intriguing and tragic love stories. The talented Kabuki-newcomer Ohno Satoshi bears a secret that he only shares with a handful of people. When he reads a short-story by Nino, he discovers himself in it. In the meantime, journalist Matsumoto Jun meets his own soulmate, but discovers that things aren't as they are supposed to be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposting from my lj. Written for the Arashiexchange 2016 for arashianelf. This was my first time attempting something like a soulmate fanfiction and I'm pretty sure that I didn't really follow all the "rules". Instead, I tried to create my own concept for this topic. This was a crazy write for just about two months and I fully enjoyed it. Last but not least, thank you to my dear half brain wendyjoly and my beta jtaytt who supported me during the writing process!
> 
> Each Chapter consists of 4 POVs of the four main characters (Sho -> Nino -> Jun -> Ohno). Although Sakumiya dominates a bit compared to Juntoshi) except the LAST chapter, which will only consist of the POVs of Sho and Nino.

_Lit only by a yellow, round paper lamp, the room dips in a romantic atmosphere, revealing just enough to feed the most secret of dreams. The chirring of the cicadas outside breaks the silence of the night, drowning the low moans coming from a couple, hidden in the semi-darkness._

_The skin underneath his fingers feels like it is burning and freezing at the same time. The hotness of the room makes it hard to concentrate, the slight, feather-like touch makes the young, only half-dressed, man on top of him shiver. Sho, lying underneath on his futon and enjoying the view, smiles - no, smirks - finding pure satisfaction in observing how restless the other becomes under his touch and he cannot take his hands from that so addictive body, from that so adorable person._

_The silver rays of the full moon shining from the outside into the room through the slightly opened paper doors give the whole scene an even more mysterious, magical vibe. It's almost dreamy and Sho swears, if this is a dream, he never wants to wake up again. He witnesses the man on top of him pulling in some air, his chest raising before he actually holds his breath from the excitement. The young man's hands find their way to Sho's body, his chest, slipping to the inside of the already slightly parted sleeping kimono, covering the lying man. He cannot hold back a sigh once he feels the touch of those adorably cute hands on his skin. Excited, he reaches his hands to finally undo the obi, which is only loosely holding his partner's clothes together anyway, getting rid of it and pushing the ordinary fabric away to expose what he wants to see the most - everything of the one he loves._

_Yes, love is the most prominent feeling, Sho is experiencing right now, deep, honest love. He knows, that it's somehow a miracle that they are still together, that they have overcome all the hurdles of their relationship so far and that now - despite all the circumstances - they still are a couple. A couple so much in love that they can barely spend one night apart from each other. This is why the other man sneaks into his lover's bedroom once the night falls, once the house is quiet and everyone is sleeping - except them._

_Enjoying the view, Sho allows his fingers to trail up the slender body on top of him, slowly, as if he doesn't want to miss touching even just one centimetre square of the flawless soft skin. He meets the familiar little brown dots, the moles of his lover spread over his body, small, at a size that only the one possessing the privilege to touch this body would be able to find them. Sho loves them. Every single one of it. He loves them as much as everything else about that person in his arms. His soulmate._

_His eyes follow his fingers' traces and he brushes them over the man's flat stomach, his chest, those tiny cute nipples, his distinct collarbones and his throat, along the slender jawline - not missing another, more prominent one of those lovely moles at the left side of the chin - until his hands cup the slim face. The young man's cheeks feel hot and are coloured in a nice shade of red. Sho gulps as his desire threatens to overwhelm him completely. He dares to lift his look a bit more, until their eyes finally met and this is the moment when he feels like breathing becomes hard. Those eyes, dark and deep, filled with tons of emotions are so alluring, looking right into Sho's heart, putting a spell on him._

_When their bodies finally unite, the young man moans silently, his lovely voice sending pleasant shivers all over Sho's body. How he loves this feeling of becoming one with that man, he can’t describe it. The sensation of their joint bodies drives Sho crazy, his senses sharpening and blurring together at the same time. His heartbeat increases with the speed of their movements, their breathing becomes hitching and when they release together shortly after, it feels like heaven and earth clash in the most beautiful sunrise Sho has ever seen. His lover collapses on top of Sho's chest and he immediately wraps his arms around the slim body, holding it close. Their hearts are beating against each other, fast, but in unison._

_Sho reaches his hand to his lover's back, letting his fingers trail up from the lower back along his spine until he finds a specific spot between the young man's shoulder blades. There's nothing to feel, no scar left, nothing, but Sho knows exactly that this is the very spot on which his lover wears the proof of their love, hidden from everyone who shouldn't see it. A small but meaningful tattoo, showing the picture of a camellia. The young man smiles when Sho doesn't stop to caress that spot and snuggles closer. Then, he reaches to Sho's other hand, brushing his fingers over a small mark covering his wrist. It shows the very same tattoo like on his back. Sho giggles slightly when the slight, almost fleeting touch tickles his sensitive skin and this intimacy between them makes Sho finally lose control again. He cannot hold back and lets his hands slide to the young man's face, cupping his cheeks to make him look him in the eye._

_"I love you," Sho speaks the truest words._

_He brings his own face closer, drawn by the magic of the man's eyes, and closes his eyes before their lips meet in a tender kiss. Their moans blend in and Sho's skin gets covered by a pleasuring goose bump. He reaches his hand up to run it through the young man's hair, lovingly. They brush their lips against each other’s again and again, deepening their kiss as if they never want to end it but when breathing becomes hard, they finally part._

_The young man on top of Sho finally slides down from the latter man's body, freeing him from his weight. Their bodies still stick together, but they don't care. Lying down right next to the other, it doesn't take long until the young man finds himself wrapped in the strong embrace of Sho again and he smiles happily._

_"I love you too, Shota...," the man whispers in a loving voice, reaching his hand to caress Sho's cheek._

_Sho frowns. Shota? This isn't his name. And yet he knows it's him..._

\- + -

Sho sits up straight when the shock of the annoying loud alarm of his cell phone pulls him out of his sleep. The bright sunlight shining through the opened curtains of the window hits his eyes mercilessly and he cringes. He moans and he feels the stiffness of his neck, finding himself still sitting on his desk, the materials for his first day in his new job spread all over the table top.

Crap, he must have fallen asleep in the middle of his preparations, Sho realizes, his protesting morning voice grumbling frustrated from deep down in his throat and he realizes that his throat feels awfully dry. When he gets up to get something to drink, he realizes that he has a hard-on and for a short moment, Sho slips back into dream world, back into that half-lit room in a fine Japanese mansion, back to that intimate scene. He sighs.

How often has he dreamt about that already? About that place, about that person that was with him? Remembering it, gives him the feeling of belonging somewhere else than here and now. The feeling is almost overwhelming and it's paired with this strong desire welling up the young man's chest. However, whenever he tries to remember the face of his partner, he cannot. He can only find seemingly, blurred snippets of a reality he created during night. He searches for the one thing that made him feel so safe, so secure and for some reason, he knows that it must be the person he is dreaming of - dreaming of being in love with, he is dreaming of having sex with.

But Sho cannot remember his face.

He shakes his head. He remembers the body, the figure of the young man, remembers that he has moles in several places, but he can't clearly see the face of this mysterious lover in his dreams. He just dreamed about such passionate, sensual intimate contact and now, the face of his partner was gone, how is this even possible? He _can_ remember something else though, a detail, something that always puzzles him when he dreams about it.

Absentmindedly, Sho lifts his left wrist, brushing the long-sleeved shirt that he is wearing back to expose his skin. There it is. A dark red spot. He lets his fingers run over the reddened skin slowly. It doesn't hurt. It never did. It's a birthmark, being imprinted on his body since his memories begin. It is not too rare to find a birthmark. That is not what is puzzling him. What is a mystery to him ever since he started thinking about it, is, why the birthmark more looks like a scar... some kind of brand wound or... an evanesced tattoo.

If someone looks closely, the birthmark could be recognized as a form of something, not only a red spot. It distantly resembles a flower and Sho remembers clearly that the lover of his dreams is wearing a _tattoo_ looking exactly like Sho's birthmark, just not on his wrist but on his back. Sho frowns and wonders again. Why does that person have a tattoo looking like Sho's birthmark? Did they really share the same tattoo? He already dreamed too often about it to just brush it off as a random detail that had slipped from his consciousness to his dream. He doesn't know – or forgot - what exactly it's supposed to mean but the question just falls into a collection of many others.

Who is this stranger in his dream? Is he even a stranger? Or someone Sho knows? But for some reason, Sho knows that it's none of his former boyfriends, none of his current friends. So why does he feel like he knows that person so well? Who is that young man with that splendid body, a man overflowing with love and pain at the same time? It's like he's waiting to meet him ever since. 

Again, the more Sho tries to remember his face, the more the details seem to slip through his fingers. In the blink of an eye, his mind is blank and he has forgotten almost everything about this world in his dreams. About that man, them, why they were together. Everything that's left is that strong persistent feeling of longing for that person and hoping to dream about him again.

A strange feeling hits Sho and pulls him back to reality. Right, he wanted to get something to drink... and take care of the little problem down there. Maybe a shower would be a good choice. But damned, how late is it? Today is the first day of his new job after all and he definitely cannot afford to be late from the start, especially not, since being late usually isn't an option for Sakurai Sho and his plans anyway. Snatching his phone, Sho checks the alarm clock. It went off just as usual and of course, he is much too early, following his safety schedule, so a quick shower should not be a problem. 

\- + -

When Sho sets his foot onto the campus of Seijo University, he takes a deep breath and has a hard time to suppress the broad smile forming on his face. The warm sun makes him feel good. Spring is in full bloom and spreading its colours all over the place. The virility of the trees within the campus correlates to the briskness of the students' spirits that enter the university grounds for the first time after the break for the new university year. Sho can hear the cheerful laughter, girls calling out to each other, greeting their friends or exchanging first class schedules to find common classes and check on common professors. Sho finds himself remembering his own time at Toudai University. He enjoyed leading a student's life and he's glad to be back, even if he'll stand at the other side from now on.

"Sakurai-san!" a voice in front of him calls his name and Sho's head gets pulled out of the clouds.

He faced forward, trying to find the source of the voice and it doesn't take long for him to spot the man – one of the professors - standing near the entrance of the university building, waving at the young man while flashing him a friendly smile. Sho speeds up his steps until he stops in front of the man, bowing to greet him properly too.

"Good Morning, Sakamoto-sensei," he says, smiling back at him.

The professor answers the young man's greeting with a nod before moving to stand right next to him, patting his shoulder. "Nervous on your first day?" he asks with a smirk.

Sho chuckles slightly. "Thankfully not that much, I think, I'm pretty well prepared for today’s lessons."

He misses confessing that part where he fell asleep around midnight and just briefly skimmed through the rest of the papers on his breakfast table before coming to the campus. However, Sho has a natural talent if it comes to memorizing stuff, so it wasn't a problem at all and even if so, he most likely won't have much to do anyway on his first day. He'll be watching his mentor and learning from him. Together with the professor, who gives him another approving nod, he finally enters the building, following the man up to the second floor to his office.

Sho himself isn't here as a student today, he graduated from Toudai University just a few weeks ago and his above-average grades combined with a self-confident appearance left a good impression at his job interview which lead his way to his first job after graduation. He will be working as an assistant professor of Sakamoto Masayuki here at Seijo, and hopefully soon he will have the pleasure to hold some lectures too. He aims to teach Literature and English, his first choice subjects and is happy when he learned that he would have the chance to do exactly so.

They are still early, considering that the first lecture will take place in only about one and a half hour. So, Sakamoto asks Sho to take a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk while he sits down himself. He opens one of the drawers to fish out a small stack of paper, after putting it in a clearfile with the logo of Seijo University printed on it and hands it to Sho. It consists of his schedule, the lessons to which Sho should follow him around to assist him and more information material. Most of the information, Sho has already received on the day of his job interview, just in case he wanted to take a closer look. To be honest, he knows quite a lot about the university and its customs by now and won't need most of them. Also the material for the first few lessons he has already received by mail. Those are the papers he briefed already and he is pretty sure that he knows the first lesson of Sakamoto's course "Modern Japanese Literature - A Closer Look on Murakami Haruki" for second year students by heart already. The lesson would be easy.

Sho gets proven wrong once class starts, even if it's nothing about him being not prepared but more of someone who completely distracts him during the lecture. He doesn't notice anything special until the room is more or less filled, small groups of students, friends, gathering in the different corners of the lecture hall. It's funny to watch them getting comfortable while Sho takes one of the chairs on the side in the front, close to Sakamoto's lecture podium but not too close so that he doesn't really stand out. He can see some stereotypes he knows from his own time as a student, smirking at that fact. There are the few obvious nerds populating the first row in order not to miss any single word the lecturer would say or write onto the huge blackboard behind the small podium. The next few rows are occupied by most likely the average students - people who take their stuff serious but don't want to stand out too much. And of course in the back row, a few troublemakers and people coming late.

Sakamoto seems to know his students very well and shamelessly "greets" every single one of the latecomers by their names, causing the other students to turn their heads and look at them. This must be embarrassing, Sho thinks, but probably a very effective way of casting the lateness out of them. The professor lets his eyes wander over the audience before he checks a list lying on his podium and it seems like he's a bit hesitant before actually starting his first lesson, as if he is still waiting for something – or someone. However, a look on his wrist watch tells him that it's time to start and he doesn't want to lose any more time.

"Alright, everybody," Sakamoto starts speaking into the microphone with a clear, loud voice, filling the room and magically drawing every single one's attention to him. Sho is impressed and takes a first mental note to learn from the professor's appearance. "Holidays are over, so let's get serious from the beginning of this course. I'm very happy to see many familiar faces from my last year's course," he waves a little and when a female student jumps up excitedly, answering the gesture, the audience laughs joyfully, Sakamoto joining them before he throws the girl a wink and she sits down again with flushed red cheeks. "I see that a few people who originally enrolled for this course are still missing and I hope that they will show up later. If anyone knows them, please make sure to lend them your notes afterwards, thank you. Anyway, I want to welcome all of you to accompany me on an interesting journey through Murakami Haruki's life and literature work up to today."

The audience claps and Sho smiles. He is excited to see that his mentor is such a respected person; the students seem to love him. Just when the young man is looking at the professor, Sakamoto suddenly turns his head to him and looks him straight into his eyes. Sho lifts his eyebrows, wondering, if he misses something as the other nods at him encouragingly, finally waving his hand a little to make him stand up and come join him behind the podium. Finally, Sho gets what is going on and jumps up from his chair, his papers carelessly falling onto the floor. Oh great, yeah _this_ is surely leaving a good impression, he thinks, gathering the spread materials quickly and putting them back onto his chair. Then, he takes some steps toward Sakamoto.

"May I introduce to you my new assistant professor, Sakurai Sho," Sakamoto says, pointing at the young man who now bows deeply before he looks at the audience again. The professor steps aside, making space on the podium for him to reach the microphone.

Well, _now_ he is getting a little nervous indeed, Sho thinks but he pulls himself together. He's prepared for this. "Nice to meet you, my name is Sakurai Sho and I will assist Sakamoto-sensei in his Literature and English courses. I am excited to meet so many passionate students and I hope we will be able to learn from each other. I am still a beginner but if you have any questions about the course and Sensei isn't available, please don't hesitate to ask me for help and I will try my best. Please treat me nicely."

A few people in the audience clap politely, some are looking at Sho with distinct disinterest or critique – especially the nerds from row one – and a few girls in the upper left start to whisper and giggle. Sho doesn't really want to know if this is a good or bad sign and so he decides to ignore it for now.

"Thank you, Sakurai-sensei," professor Sakamoto says, clapping too and Sho nods again. He is just about to turn around and return to his seat when Sakamoto speaks up, a bit surprised and Sho's attention is drawn back to him. "Ah, Ninomiya! Welcome!"

Sho follows the look of his professor, which darts to the back of the room where the door got pushed open a few seconds ago and another student entered the lecture hall. It's a young man, dressed in a grey and black shirt, wearing a shoulder bag and black framed glasses who is stepping down the stairs until he reaches the third row and stops there to bow to Sakamoto. Sho zeroes in on the newcomer, blending out everything else around him. Something about that guy immediately draws his interest to him. He seems familiar. Does he know him? No…

"I'm very sorry, Sensei, I'm late," the young man says and Sho blinks, returning to reality.

"Better late than never," the professor chuckles. "Not that it is exemplary behaviour to show up late at the first lesson, but I am happy about everyone joining my course, so please take a seat."

The young man – Ninomiya – blushes a little from embarrassment and takes place on a seat in the middle of the row, making sure that he has a good view at the blackboard. Sho cannot take his eyes off him, it's like he's under a spell. What the hell is going on?!

"Ah, right, Ninomiya," the professor continues, causing the other to stand up again. "This is Sakurai Sho, my new assistant professor, you just missed his introduction," he points at Sho who is still standing a little awkwardly between the podium and his chair. "Sakurai-sensei, this is Ninomiya, he won the university's literature contest last year, category short stories."

"Oh, Congratulations!" Sho says, genuinely, making a mental note to look it up later.

"Please don't mention it," Ninomiya murmurs, dropping his look as he blushes a little from the compliment. He doesn't seem to be the proud or confident type and somehow, Sho finds that very likeable. 

Sho smiles and finds himself still staring at the young man, unable to stop. It seems like Ninomiya somehow _feels_ it and when the young man then lifts his head again, looking directly at Sho and their eyes actually meet for the first time, Sho feels something strange inside his chest, causing his heartbeat to speed up and for a short moment, he forgets to breathe. He cannot really pinpoint what it is, but for some reason, a very familiar feeling spreads in him, until the realization that he actually _knows_ this man hits him violently. His feeling from before, finding him familiar, must be true. Just that Sho, for god's sake, is not able to tell exactly, where he knows that man from. He cannot remember... no wait… his… dreams? 

The sudden thought puzzles him and though, Sho feels a step closer to the answer. After looking at each other for a little longer, Ninomiya nods as a greeting before he finally averts his eyes and sits back down again, focusing on pulling out his notes and a pen from his bag. Sho finally strolls back to his chair, settling down too, but his look doesn't leave the young man for another few minutes, the strange feeling still present. 

For the rest of the lesson, Sho tries to concentrate onto Sakamoto's words but to be honest, he is not concentrated at all, his notes are not really making much sense either, his look drifting off to the young man called Ninomiya in the middle of the third row again and again and his heart and mind is just a huge mess. 

Thankfully, Sakamoto doesn't notice.

\- - + - -

When Nino wakes up in the morning, he squints his eyes. There it is again, that stabbing pain in his back. He hisses and reaches his hand, trying to touch the exact spot, slightly on the right side of his spine between his shoulder blades. It's a little hard to reach with his own hand but somehow, he manages and puts some pressure on it to soothe the pain. Damned, did he lie in such a bad position again last night, causing it to hurt? The pressure helps a bit, for now and the young man sighs, letting his face sink back into his pillow. He will just need another few minutes before he is ready to get up.

He hears the door of this room sliding open and footsteps approaching his bed. He's facing the wall so that he cannot see who entered, but he knows it's his girlfriend who probably got up already to get ready for their first day of the new semester at university. 

In fact, Nino didn't want her to stay over, here at his parents' place, but somehow, she just didn't want to go home the previous day. Not, that anything happened between them except of watching TV together before going to sleep around half past 10.

The mattress behind him sinks in a bit when she sits down right behind him. He can feel her long hair brushing his arm that he was still bending in a bit weird angle to reach the hurting spot near his spine.

"Is it your back again?" his girlfriend asks in a low voice.

Nino doesn't say anything but just nods. A second later, he feels her warm, soft fingers sliding underneath his shirt, underneath his hand, sensing the said spot, pressing slightly against it. He cringes again, and she retreats.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs.

"Not your fault," Nino says, slowly shifting, trying to get up. It takes a bit of effort but soon he sits upright in his bed, rubbing the hurting spot a last time.

When he looks at his girlfriend, her beautiful lips curl up into a warm smile, caring, worried, like always. As expected, she is already dressed in a nice feminine but not too strict light blue blouse and ultramarine blue, skinny jeans and she even has put on a light make-up, underlining her natural beauty. Her dark hair frames her slim, beautiful face and her eyes look piercing, like always. She's stunning, and she gives off this grown-up feeling. People are surprised when they hear that she's only about 20 years old. Sometimes Nino wonders what she finds in him, a slender, not very tall, still much too boyish looking young man with a hurting back at his young age but she seems to love him, sincerely.

"You should go to a doctor, it's obvious that it won't go away by itself," the woman says, sneaking a little closer to her boyfriend, reaching for his hand to press it, comforting.

"I know," Nino answers with a sigh, wanting to finish the topic.

"Shall I accompany you to a doctor in the afternoon?" the girl offers but Nino shakes his head.

"No need to," he turns down her offer immediately.

His girlfriend pouts. "Promise me, you'll go! You're too nonchalant, maybe they can find out what’s wrong with it this time."

Nino sighs. "Keiko, please," he cuts her and she bits her lower lip, knowing her boyfriend's attitude already.

He doesn't really want to talk about it. He has seen doctors already, trying to find out what it is, but they didn't find out anything. He didn't have an accident in the past that could have triggered the chronical pain he was feeling in his back since he could remember, and it doesn't seem to be any disease either. Some doctors even told Nino that he must be imagining the pain, that it might be something psychological. One even suspected that he was just making up the story about his hurting back to get a sick certificate so that he could skip work. Needless to say that Nino didn't consult that doctor ever again. The pain is real, he's convinced about it. Even if it's a mystery. Maybe, it's just part of him and he has to accept that he'll have to live with it. Thankfully, it is bearable most of the time and usually, it doesn't hinder him too much in his daily life. But there are bad days too and some of them started exactly like this morning.

Nino hopes that it wouldn't become one of these _bad_ days, since he cannot be distracted by back pain at all today. It's the first day of his second year in university and he's excited about it. He might sound like a nerd but he missed university life during holidays. He cannot wait to return to the campus, to sit in the lecture rooms and the grand lecture hall of his faculty. He wants to be back at the huge library or the bookshop near the campus again, discovering the countless treasures of literature that he wasn't able to read yet and to exchange opinions about his favourite works with his fellow students. Usually, Nino isn't a man of much words, but when it comes to his passion, he was able to talk for days.

Thinking about all the good things coming up helps to push away the thoughts about the pain and soon, Nino is standing in front of his wardrobe, wearing his glasses, and grabbing some clothes.

"Your mother made breakfast, I'll go ahead," Keiko finally says, huffily, because she knows that he won't listen to her anyway, getting up from the bed and exiting the room, leaving her boyfriend behind.

Nino sighs again - too often already, considering the early hour - now she's upset again, he thinks while putting on a grey long sleeved shirt and a black T-shirt over it, matching his dark hair. He brushes his fingers through his bed hair, trying to put it in place, before he gives up and goes to the toilet to fix the problem with a bit hair gel after brushing his teeth. His look falls onto Keiko's small, pink-blossomed toilet bag which sits at the outer side of the sink neatly and takes it into his hand for a second.

The thing with Nino and Keiko is that their relationship doesn't really go well. Things between them are strange somehow, or they _have_ become strange after the first phase of being in love passed. They got to know each other at the entrance exams for Seijo University over a year ago, as they ended up sitting next to each other in the exam room. They were chatting a bit while waiting for the test to begin, trying to soothe their nervousness and said good bye to each other at the end of the exam, not knowing if they would see each other ever again. Nino thought that it was a miracle when they met again at the entrance ceremony to Seijo a few months after the exam and maybe back then, he thought that it was… fate. Not that he believed in something like fate but they exchanged numbers and even if they entered completely different faculties at university, soon after they started dating. It has never been too passionate between them though, and they thought that it's just normal, since they aren't teenagers any longer, eager to explore love. Both want to share an adult relationship but for some reason, something is missing and Nino is convinced that he is not the only one knowing that. Nino cannot say, that he is happy in this relationship. Maybe, he doesn't love her enough.

Nevertheless, he cannot really grasp what exactly it is but somehow he knows that this woman isn't the person he wants to share his future life with. Maybe, they aren't compatible enough, and in fact, they don't have much common interests. Hell, they don't even really have much sex and the few times they did it, it was definitely not mind blowing, probably for both of them. 

Why they are still together then? Keiko loves him and maybe, Nino is lonely. He tried to break up with her once, knowing that the wish of not being alone isn't sufficient enough for a love relationship, but she is so damned persistent, lulling the young man in again and again, avoiding the topic of breaking up so skilfully that somehow it isn't really a topic any longer at all. Maybe, Nino is just too much of a coward to pick up the topic again, he doesn't deny it, and that's why he postpones the unavoidable again and again.

"Didn't you sleep well, Kazu?" his mother asks as soon as he shows up in the dining room, taking his usual seat to her right. "You look pale."

"It's nothing," her son answers, brushing away her hand when the woman reaches to touch his face.

"Your back?" she frowns, worried. "You really should go to a doctor again, Dear."

"There is no need to worry, Mom, I'm doing fine," Nino replies, focusing on the bowl of rice in front of him.

"You shouldn't talk so lightly about this topic," his mother scolds him. "Keiko-chan is truly worried about you too, right, Keiko-chan?"

Nino rolls his eyes and darts them to his girlfriend who is sitting next to him, sipping from her coffee, averting her eyes, obviously ignoring her boyfriend. She must have told his mother about his pain. Again.

The thing with Nino's parents and Keiko is that they simply love her. Well, Nino can't really blame them. In fact, Keiko is an almost flawless person. She's a wonderful guest, polite, considerate, smart and it is easy to hold conversations with her about everything and anything. She is smiling all the time, even when she is having one of these small fights with her boyfriend, behind his parents' back. When she comes over to pay a visit, she helps Nino's mother in the kitchen. She's the perfect daughter-in-law, no doubt. Things could be so perfect. Could. If they would feel right.

\- + -

After eating breakfast more or less in silence, Nino and Keiko get ready to leave the Ninomiya's house. Of course, the girl helped Nino's mother in the kitchen, as always, to dry the dishes the woman washed. Sometimes, the young man wonders if Keiko really likes doing household chores as she likes making his mother believe with her sweet words, or if she will throw the towel in an instant once she lives together with him and there is no potential mother-in-law around to please. Nino feels a bit guilty for having such thoughts about his own girlfriend, but he isn't really surprised about his doubts. In fact, they know little about each other for some reason and to be honest, he doesn't really care.

They walk next to each other to the station, without exchanging a single word, and take the next train that brings them a few stations further into the city. Then they walk together to the campus, still in silence but Nino doesn't mind. He's busy with examining his surroundings, spotting a few friends and acquaintances from last year, thinking about the first lesson of his new schedule. He looks at his watch, realizing that it was pretty much time already. Professor Sakamoto will surely start on time, and he should hurry in order not to be late for the first lesson.

When Nino wants to approach the second building on the left - literature faculty - Keiko holds him back, reaching out to grab his shirt's sleeve to make him look at her.

"You're not even going to wish me a nice day?" she asks, looking at him.

"Sorry, I was deep in thoughts," the young man murmurs, scratching his neck. "Have a nice day."

The girl sighs deeply, letting go the fabric between her fingers. She gives him a slightly desperate look and finally asks. "What did I do to you again to punish me with this deadly silence, Nino?"

"Eh?" Nino thinks about Keiko's words, wondering if she's right. Is he in a bad mood because of her? Maybe. But maybe he is just in a bad mood in general. "I'm not _punishing_ you, I just don't feel like talking, I'm sorry," he tries to find an excuse.

"You aren't mad at me?" Keiko gives him her cutest look. "Because I mentioned the doctors again? I know you don't want to go see them..."

Nino drops his look, examining his lousily tied shoelaces. "If you know it, why do you bring up the topic again?" he murmurs. 

The young woman steps forward, grabbing her boyfriend's arm. "I'm worried about you."

"And I told you so many times, you don't need to," Nino says. 

His eyes glances at the face of his watch again. Damned, Professor Sakamoto's lecture must be starting soon and indeed, in the corner of his eye the young man spots a known fellow student that he is sure to meet at the lecture, rushing into the building. A bit unnerved, he focuses onto his girlfriend again, trying to finish the topic. 

"Just stay out of my business, OK?" 

OK, maybe those were the wrong words, he thinks, judging from the stunned look on Keiko's face. It seems that she is searching for an answer, when she finally throws at him, "You're a stubborn mule, you know that?!"

That's enough for the young man and he finally snaps. "What do _you_ know about me?!"

"I'm your _girlfriend_!" Keiko points out loudly. "I am _supposed_ to know you but you refuse to talk to me or let me into your heart."

Dumbfounded, Nino just stares at her for a moment. Then he brushes his hand over his face, trying to sort his words, without success. "I... I don't know what to reply to this."

"Fine. You know what? I'll get you to open up and if it's the last what I'm doing," Keiko says in an aggressive tone and somehow it sounds more like a threat than a romantic promise between lovers, what it should be in some cheesy movie. "And about your back," she adds. "If you wish, go on and suffer. It's _your_ back, I get that. If you don't want my help with this, I won't push you anymore."

"Thanks, that's all I want," the young man says, rolling his eyes.

Keiko looks at him with a pissed off face and hisses. "You can be such an asshole, Nino."

He knows. He's a lousy boyfriend and for a moment, he even wishes, she will just break up with him on the spot instead of forcing another fight on him. He hates fighting. Nevertheless, the atmosphere between them is so poisoned most of the time, it's disgusting. Sometimes, Nino wonders if relationships are always supposed to be like this. He sees his parents pickering, fighting, on a daily basis since he can remember. They don't even fight over big things and their fights usually don't escalate but they linger in the air. And with him and Keiko, it is pretty much the same. Nino seriously wonders if he really wants that. If he really wants to have a relationship at all if it means that his life will be like this from now on. 

When he doesn't answer, Keiko just sighs and with a murmured "See you later at lunch," turns to walk away, approaching her own faculty on the campus. Nino looks at her, seeing her long dark hair swaying in the light spring breeze.

He sighs too - again - knowing that he messed up - again - but he cannot bring himself to give in to her demands and he doesn’t want to lie to her just to soothe her mood. He has to admit that she's right, he doesn't let her in his heart. Not too far at least. He knows that he has troubles trusting people and opening his heart to them. He doesn't have much experience with love. He doesn't have many friends, no close ones, at least. It always has been like this and he doesn't even really know why and where it comes from. Maybe, he's just scared. Scared to get hurt, scared to get betrayed. Yes, he is a coward and he hates himself the most for it.

Nino curses when he looks at his watch a last time. He'll be late. Damned.

He turns around, rushing into the building and passing the hallway with quick steps, approaching the lecture room for Professor Sakamoto's course. Nino has been looking forward to this course since it was announced at the end of the last semester and he was one of the first people to enrol in it. Murakami Haruki was one of his most favourite authors and Professor Sakamoto was a great lecturer. His talent and the topic of the course combined could just be interesting.

Feeling embarrassed, Nino pushes open the huge door to the lecture room, spotting all the other students already sitting throughout the room and of course, Sakamoto has already started. When Nino realises that he hasn’t missed anything essential yet, he's relieved. However, when the professor spots him and calls him by his name, he freezes and quickly bows to apologize for being late before hurrying to a seat in one of the rows in the front of the room.

"Ah, right, Ninomiya," the professor calls him again before Nino finally can focus on unpacking his stuff to prepare for taking notes. He quickly stands up again, looking at the professor with expectation, who then gestures to a young man standing near to him. "This is Sakurai Sho, my new assistant professor."

The professor quickly introduces the two men to each other, of course not missing to point out that Nino is one of the winners of a recent writing competition here at Seijo. Not that it has been something mentionable, just a small university internal contest but Sakamoto has praised Nino for his entry a couple of times already, obviously proud of his student.

"Oh, Congratulations!" the guy, Sakurai, says, though most likely, he has never read Nino's story and never will, the young man thinks. 

"Please don't mention it," Nino mumbles, more directed to the professor than to his new assistant. 

When he feels like the young man is still staring at him, he looks up again, his eyes meeting Sakurai's and suddenly, his heart unexpectedly skips a beat when the other's straight-forward look seem to be piercing his heart. It's like the guy's eyes are looking directly into his heart, his soul. For some reason, Nino feels like that man _recognizes_ him and he quickly tries to remember, if they have actually ever met before. But he cannot recall this face at all. Giving up, thinking that he may have mistaken, Nino finally nods to greet the other and then averts his eyes, trying to distract his mind from that person and concentrate on the lecture. He is here to learn something, after all.

The young man tries to concentrate onto Professor Sakamoto's lecture, taking notes as much as he can to make sure that he does not miss any details. The fact that the new assistant professor seems to be throwing looks at him occasionally, puzzles him at first. He doesn't understand what is going on. Why is that guy still staring at him so intensely? And why does it make Nino so nervous suddenly? Despite the strange feeling, the young man, for a few moments, isn't able to turn away from those eyes. However, in the end, Nino manages to ignore the stares somehow. For now.

\- + -

"Nino, I'm so sorry for our fight in the morning," is the first thing Keiko says when she shows up in the canteen, settling down in the seat opposite of Nino at the small table for two people. She looks worried, and sorry. "You know that I love you, right?"

The young man declined to join some of his fellow students for lunch, since he has the feeling that he should have a proper talk with his girlfriend but somehow, this isn't exactly the direction he is aiming for.

"Keiko...," he murmurs, searching for the right words but she cuts him quickly before he can even come up with a proper sentence.

"I know, you need your space and that it's not my right to tell you how to live your life," the woman continues. "I just want you to know that I'm worried about you. Because I love you."

"Thank you," is everything, Nino can finally come up with, defeated by the woman's words, like so often.

She doesn't even seem to mind that he doesn't give back the words of love. 

\- - + - -

The young man sits at the desk in his office of the local magazine _Tokyo Himawari_ , browsing the information of his latest assignment. He can't believe it. He sighs, attracting his co-worker’s attention who was taking a sip of his morning coffee, examining his own working material.

"What is it, Matsujun?" the man asks his colleague as he puts away the coffee.

Another sign, before Matsumoto Jun turns to face the other. "Why do I have to go to that kabuki performance? Seriously, this sounds so boring... I already went to see that rakugo play the last time and I almost fell asleep. I'm here to write about sport events, I'm not fit for this traditional stuff," the young man complains.

"Look," his co-worker started. "You know exactly that everyone of us has to rotate through the different topics at the beginning. It's to test and see in which you fit the most."

"It's annoying. I thought, I have proven myself enough already," the young man ruffles through his short brown hair.

"Of being _not_ fit for traditional stuff?" the other says in a teasing tone and Jun rolls his eyes.

"Of _being fit_ for the coverage of sport related stuff."

His colleague shrugs his shoulders, taking his coffee again. "Maybe the chief editor sees it differently?"

"Did Kimura-san say something?!" Jun leans over, panicking slightly.

"Don't tell me, you're scared of getting fired?" his co-worker lifts an eyebrow, his lips curling up in a mischievous grin.

"Of course, I'm _not_ scared," Jun replies with a pout on his full lips. "I just don't want to be stuck in this boring shit for the rest of my career. That's not what I am aiming for."

"You _are_ scared," the other teases him, earning another rolling of eyes before he leans over and pats Jun's shoulder encouragingly. "Don't worry. We all know, you're a talented writer. You'll be able to provide a proper article. I'm convinced you did a lot of proper research already and it will be perfect, even if this isn't really your topic, I'm sure!"

"Who are you, my personal life coach?" Jun grunts but his pout gets a little less huffy and a bit more smiley.

The other man ignores him and keeps on talking, proving once more that he's the chatty type. "And who knows, maybe you'll get to know a nice girl in the audience? I heard that kabuki is pretty popular among young women lately."

"Is that so...," Jun states, trying to act cool but raises his eyebrows, not being able to hide his curiosity.

Another mischievous smirk by his co-worker is the answer. "Now it doesn't sound so boring anymore does it?"

Jun rolls his eyes, cursing himself for not being able to hide his thoughts better. "Oh shut up, Toma."

"I just know how your brain works, Mr. Casanova. We're working together for months now after all," the latter chuckles. "Oh, or are you finally in a _serious_ relationship now?"

Jun sighs. He had wanted to forget the last disaster in his love life but of course, the other has to rub salt into the wound. "Nope..."

"The thing with Mao-chan...?" Toma gives his colleague a questioning look.

"...Didn't work out well," Jun completed the sentence.

"I see," his friend nods understandingly, pursing his lips. "What a pity, she's such a cutie."

"She is, but she... is not the _right one_ for me, you see?" Jun says, making a dramatic gesture with his hands to underline his statement. "Maybe I'm too romantic but... I think I still have to meet that one woman of my life."

Toma started giggling, almost falling from his chair, causing this colleague to throw an upset look at him. "I'm sorry but... _romantic_ says the Casanova, give me a break, seriously."

"Forget it," Jun rolls his eyes again. It's just impossible to hold a serious conversation with that guy.

"So let me get this summarized," the other man chuckles once more before he tries getting serious. "Your strategy to find that one right woman is to try it with _every_ woman you meet, right?"

"Asshole," Jun murmurs, turning away and snapping his project details. For him, the conversation is over.

"Wow, is that my new nickname?" Toma pretends to be surprised.

"I'm not _that_ bad," Jun growls, his lips again forming a pout.

"If you say so, Mr. I-fuck-every-woman-I-meet."

Jun throws a death glare at his colleague, his lips forming again, "Ass-hole."

Toma lifts his eyebrows again, leaning back in his chair cockily. "You're not really creative today, really."

"I'm very sorry, Mr. I-think-I'm-so-fucking-smart."

"Hm," Toma tilts his head, "Better," he nods, before finishing his coffee.

Jun rolls his eyes again and decides to ignore his buddy for the next few hours. As funny as this guy is, as annoying he is too at times, he just isn’t really in the mood for more stupid comments. Instead, he better reviews some of his research material again and prepare properly for the kabuki performance in the evening. With one thing, Toma is right. Jun is capable of providing a good report - as always - no matter what it is about, even if it's something boring like a kabuki performance.

\- + -

Maybe the young man underestimated the magic of kabuki, or he just needed the right motivation to find himself wrapped in this sort of thing. However, as soon as he is sitting in the middle of the audience, surrounded by a really varied mixture of people of all ages and genders, looking forward to the performance excitedly, he would be a liar if he said he's not impressed.

The stage looks marvellous, he has to admit, strong colours, and typical Japanese ornaments everywhere and the atmosphere is just fantastic. When the music starts, everyone becomes quiet at once. The lights get a bit dimmed to let the spotlights get focused onto the stage and the story can begin. Jun sits close to the _hanamichi_ , the walkway part of the stage that leads from a back entrance to the front stage, and like everybody else he turns his head and looks to the back as one of the spot lights gets directed there to support the first big entrance for the first act.

The costume of the male main character looks awfully expensive and heavy. And Jun cannot help but admire how well the actor is able to move despite the seemingly massive costume and the long white-haired wig, as he walks along the hanamichi until he reaches the front stage and poses impressively, his presence filling the room and making the audience hitch in reverence. The strong make-up is stunning and as unnatural as it seems, as well it fits into the whole scene, to the costume and the setting. The whole face painted white, the colourful strong lines in black and red emphasising the facial aspects and strengthen the lines, defining the character.

If Jun hasn't been impressed by now, the next appearance manages to steal his breath. The music - compared to the strong intro - now becomes soft; the light again focuses onto the back entrance, welcoming the next character. Countless cherry flower petals fall from the ceiling when the female protagonist appears on stage, the costume impressive and heavy too but much more elegant than that of the male character. The different patterns of gold and red embroidered kimono shine in the light, creating a dazzling effect. The white make-up is softer, more feminine of course and the long black hair is towering the top of the head in an impressive up-do. The actor's - or actress' - face is just beautiful. The white colour surrounding the eyes make them shine and sparkle, the tiny red lipsticked mouth looks just too sweet and the gracious movements of the person dressed in those marvellous kimono enchant not only Jun but also the rest of the audience. 

When the woman slowly walks - no, floats - over the walkway, she comes to a halt in the middle of the long stage, turning to each side before she opens her mouth. She is about to say something when for just a tiny little moment her eyes meet Jun's and the young man's world freezes. This is she. The most wonderful woman on earth. And Jun wants to get to know her, for all costs.

Yes, although knowing that in kabuki it was tradition that men also play female roles, Jun is convinced, that this must be a woman, even if female actors were still quite rare at this time. Also, the program has shown male as well as female names on the roles of the cast. However and whoever this might be, Jun is completely sure about it, he is looking right into the eyes of the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. 

\- + -  
   
After the performance, during which he has to admit he hasn't been as concentrated on the plot as he should have been, too much enchanted by the wonderful female lead actress, Jun immediately studies the pamphlet, searching for the list of the cast again. And there it is. Ohno Satoko, that is what is written there, plays the female main character and Jun is sure that this is the one, he's searching for.

He hurries to leave his seat, apologizing when he squeezes through the rows, passing girls in kimonos that flail over the male lead, old couples who still talk about the story of the play and the wonderful music. Jun though has only one thing in his mind – Ohno Satoko and that he has to meet her, no matter what it takes.

He makes use of his press card and it seems there is no problem for him to get backstage, at least he is allowed to enter the corridor to the dressing rooms. That's when things get a bit harder. He looks at several doors, spotting the name he is searching for listed with other names next to one of the doors and takes a deep breath as he stops in front of it. Of course, the door is closed and so he knocks, waiting with a running heartbeat for it to open.

A woman – not the one he's searching for – peaks her head out of the room, asking him what he wants. Jun enthusiastically introduces himself and asks if there is the opportunity to ask Ohno Satoko for an interview. The woman tilts her head and promises to ask, making Jun wait in the corridor after he presses onto the fact that it is really important. He sways on his feet, nervously, waiting, greeting the other people walking around the corridor, bowing deeply to the actors as they pass him.

"Excuse me uhm… Matsumoto-san is it, right?" the woman from before taps Jun's shoulder to make him look at her. 

He immediately turns to her, stiffening. "Yes?"

"I'm afraid Ohno-san is too busy right now," she says, bowing slightly. "If you can wait for a while, it may be possible but otherwise, please ask someone else for an interview."

She is about to close the door when Jun puts his hand against it, leaning a bit forward, darting his desperate eyes at the woman. "No, I can't, I need to talk to _her_."

The woman cringes slightly at the man's persistent behaviour. "As I told you, she is too busy, I'm very sorry."

Then, another woman pulls the door open and hurriedly steps out into the corridor and suddenly Jun feels like he's caught in a scene of slow motion. His head turns, his nose takes in the sweet scent of a floral perfume and when his eyes catch the woman's face, even if it is just for a moment, he immediately recognizes the actress from the kabuki stage.

"Ohno-san, excuse me!" he calls out immediately, his hand reaching at the woman's wrist before he realizes what he's doing.

The woman turns at him, surprised and again, there it is, that strange feeling when they lock eyes. Her brown eyes pierce him and Jun's heart feels like it's about to burst, he can feel his own heartbeat in his throat, his ears, his head, and it's like nothing else than him and this woman exist in the world right now. 

They look at each other for a moment, saying nothing, Jun still holding the woman's hand and he can feel his heartbeat even reaching his fingertips. He gulps. It's now or never.

"You are Ohno Satoko-san, right?" he asks, surprised that his voice doesn't abandon him.

"Yes...," the woman says.

The young journalist introduces himself, and his lips are like moving on their own, complimenting this beautiful woman for her wonderful performance, before he finally asks her for an interview, again, almost pleading. He doesn't know why and where this conviction is coming from but he just _knows_ that this may be her – the woman of his life. He cannot let her go now. No, not now that he finally met her.

To his surprise, Ohno immediately accepts despite the fact that she's supposed to be busy according to her assistant and he cannot believe his luck when the woman accepts to follow him outside in a nearby cafe so that they won't get interrupted during their interview. He finally lets go of her hand, apologizing and hopes that she doesn't notice his burning cheeks when he shows her the way out, letting her go first.

The café is perfect, the interior and the colours are comfortable and even a tiny bit romantic. There is light music in the background and they find a very nice spot at the back of the cafe, quiet and just for them. The scent of the tea they are served blends nicely with the light floral perfume Ohno is wearing and Jun feels more like being in a dream than in the middle of an interview. The woman's smile and her natural but cute behaviour is so enchanting that Jun has quite a bit trouble concentrating on his questions.

He tries his best to be charming, but not too demanding, not too flirty. He's nervous and he has to admit that it's actually a first time for him to be so nervous in the presence of a woman when usually it seems to be the most natural and easiest thing for him to flirt with someone. However, this just proves him even more that this time it is different. That _this woman_ is different and it excites him to a degree he never reached before.

While asking her some questions about the kabuki performance, about her job and her view on kabuki, Jun doesn't even realize how fast time passes and how late it's gotten already when Ohno finally points out that it is time to leave.

"I'm really sorry, I'd love to continue our conversation but I have to get early tomorrow, university, you know?" she says. 

Jun looks at her, a bit surprised. "Oh, so you're a student along with your acting career? I thought, you're a pro!"

She looks at Jun a bit shyly and smiles cutely as she brushes a strand of her beautiful brown hair behind her left ear. "Thank you very much, Matsumoto-san, but basically, I'm only an actor during my spare time while trying to be a proper student."

"May I ask what your major is?" Jun asks, not hiding his curiosity.

"I'm majoring in Arts," Ohno answers.

"That's really impressive. You're really an artistic person, aren't you?" Jun asks with a wide smile, looking at the woman, feeling impressed.

"I try to become better in the things I'm good at," she says, blushing nicely.

"Which university do you attend?" the young journalist asks and yes, he knows that this is not a question appropriate for an interview and no, he doesn't care any longer.

"Seijo University," Ohno tells him without hesitation.

"Wow, that's some pretty famous university!" he marvels. 

Again there is this cute and shy expression on the girl's face. Jun loves it. "I guess so... "

There are a few minutes of silence between them and even if Ohno has pointed out already that it's getting late, maybe she doesn't really want to leave yet, Jun thinks for a moment. Just like him. But she seems to be a responsible young woman and she surely doesn't want to set her university obligations on stake.

"So... it's getting late, isn't it?" he finally picks up, making her look at him. "Please allow me to take you home."

Ohno chuckles slightly and Jun immediately realizes how strange this must have sounded right now. "I mean... to the train station or something. I'm sorry, it's not that I…"

"No worries," the woman says, lifting her hand to her lips to cover a laughter. "I understood what you meant. I'm taking the bus home. I'd appreciate if you'd guide me to the station." She turns to a waiter nearby. "Excuse me? We would like to pay, please."

"Let me do this," Jun insists and pulls out his wallet when the bill arrives.

"Really?" the woman asks surprised. "I cannot accept this!"

"Of course you can, "Jun flashes her a convincing smile, "After all, I stole your precious time, it's the least I can do."

"I enjoyed it, to be honest. The time you _stole_ from me. I don't mind at all," Ohno says, a bit shyly and Jun's heart blooms again.

"I'm very happy then."

"Thank you very much for the tea."

They stand up and like a real gentleman, Jun helps Ohno into her coat before they leave the cafe together, strolling to the nearest bus station. Although it's quite a late hour already, the bus will still take about 15 minutes to arrive but honestly, the young journalist pretty much appreciates this since it means there is still a little time left to chat and that's what they do.

In the end, shortly before the bus is supposed to arrive, Jun decides to try his luck a last time for today. "Ohno-san?"

Their eyes lock again and the woman repeats that cute gesture of pushing her hair back behind her ear when Jun's heartbeat increases. "Yes?"

"I might be a little importunate but... may I get your number?" he asks straightforwardly.

Ohno looks at him, blushing nicely and averts her eyes before she chuckles slightly. She glances at him cutely, a smirk dancing on her lips. "Hm... that's really a little importunate, Matsumoto-san."

"I'm really sorry," the young journalist says but even if for the first time in his flirting career he indeed feels a little guilty for making the woman in front of him embarrassed, the urge of ensuring that they will be able to meet again is much stronger. 

"You know...," the girl says in a flirty way. "The next time we meet, I'll tell you."  
Jun arches his eyebrow. He cannot remember something like this ever happens. "The next time?"

Ohno nods. "The next time. Ah, my bus, I have to go."

"Ah, wa-wait! When will it be, the next time we meet?"

"That's up to you, Matsumoto-san," the woman smiles at him when the bus stops behind her.

Jun is completely speechless but not in a bad way. He's used to woman feeling embarrassed and flattered when he flirts with them and he's used to get every number he asks for, but this was definitely something new. Ohno challenges him. She seems to like him, seemed to be embarrassed and flattered too but she doesn't make it too easy for him and it makes Jun not only want her even more but also raises his respect for that woman. 

Then, when she is about to get on the bus, she turns at him again, reaching her hands to brush them over Jun's cheeks. Intuitively, he steps closer, his eyes fixated onto her beautiful eyes. She leans forward, stretching a little to meet his height and he feels her warm breath breaking through the cool night air, hitting his ear.

"I've been waiting for you and I _will_ be waiting for you," Ohno says, puzzling Jun's mind and exciting his heart.

She looks at him again and then she closes her eyes as she lays her soft lips onto his. It's a small kiss, maybe the most innocent kiss Jun has shared with a woman in his life, but his heart screams from joy and the butterflies in his stomach take off. He enjoys the sweet kiss and wishes it would never end, automatically leaning a little forward when Ohno finally draws back to hurry and catch the bus. Jun slightly brushes her hand for a last time and watches her getting on, smiling at him. 

"Good Night, Matsumoto-san."

Her voice echoes in Jun's ears for the rest of the evening, even joining his dreams. He knows, he's in love. _Really_ in love, maybe for the first time in his life.

\- - + - -

It is one of those days in which Ohno feels like dressing very feminine, maybe because he's already getting mentally prepared for playing his role at the Kabuki theatre this evening. On such days, Ohno takes – of course – much longer than usual in front of his wardrobe, facing the girl's collection, which is – of course – much larger and more colourful than his male clothes selection.

He reaches his hand out to a knee-long skirt, his favourite, wondering if it's still too cold to wear a skirt without tights. He hates tights, they make him feel too uncomfortable and constricted. But he loves this skirt. He decides to give it a try, it is spring after all and maybe stockings will do their job well enough to keep him from freezing. He takes his time to decide onto a nice top matching the skirt and after that opens another wardrobe with a small collection of wigs.

The good thing about not being a _real_ girl is that Ohno can be whatever type of girl he wants to be, whenever he wants to be.

He always kept it a secret from his parents and his friends from school that he has this _problem_. Well, in fact, this isn't the right word but there are still circles in which his _condition_ is being seen as a problem. In fact, it is just that he cannot really decide what he wants to be – a girl or a boy - and to be completely honest, he doesn't even _want_ to decide and wants to live everything he is to the fullest.

Ohno Satoshi was born with the body of a boy - that is undoubtable. With this, the gender written on his birth certificate is of course _male_. About his personality though, his soul, things aren't as easy as the small sign on his identity card. Ohno sees himself as a man, but also as a woman.

He grew up as a boy, his parents treated him as a boy, bought him boy’s clothes and toys fitting for boys and he took every single gesture of love by his parents with gratitude, not making a fuss over a blue pullover when he wanted one in pink. He was always a good boy and grateful to his parents who worked hard to provide him and his sisters the best life possible. However, even more grateful Ohno is toward his sisters who allowed him to join their girl’s games whenever he felt like. During their childhood, his sisters quickly learned that their little brother is a bit different from other boys. Nevertheless, they never did mind and instead of _different_ or _strange_ they use to call him _special_ and love him no less because of what he is.

To be honest, Ohno is fine with being seen as a man by most people and he even uses to refer to himself as a "he". It is much easier this way and he doesn't really care. Even if he uses a female name too when he appears as a woman, he doesn't hate it when people call him by his given name, Satoshi. He's fine with the gender on his identity card being male. He's fine with being called "-kun" and he's fine with his parents seeing him as a man and never even tried to convince them otherwise. 

Usually, he refers to himself simply as "Ohno" though, keeping it neutral with the usage of his family name. He doesn't like making a fuss over things, he likes keeping things to himself. For his family – except of his sisters – he is a man. At university he is a man, at the doctor he is a man, for the state he is a man. That's not a problem. It's not like he wants to get surgery to change his body forcefully, he has long learned to accept what he is, no, _who_ he is and he is convinced that his gender doesn't define him as the person he is, that this is the most important in his opinion.

Actually, Ohno even likes being a man, most of the time. Just sometimes, he wants to be more feminine than usual. More different from his usual self and those are the times when he lets his female side take the lead. In these moments, he likes dressing up nicely, he likes doing his nails or trying different hairstyles with his wigs or various make-up. He likes cuddling with his plush panda on his bed decorated with countless cute pillows and fluffy blankets. OK, this isn't limited to his girly days, he has to admit. He just loves fluffy stuff. Sometimes he even likes to go out as a girl, go shopping for nice girl clothes, eat a sweet strawberry crepes or ice cream with sugar sprinkles or go to karaoke to sing the latest female idol hits. Sometimes, when his sisters drop by to visit him, they do a girl's night and watch a sappy romantic love comedy, where the male actors' handsome faces on the screen make their hearts melt.

Sure, there is of course also the topic of love, and people might think that it is a bit complicated for Ohno. If people will ask him about his sexuality, he will probably say that he's gay. Considering the fact that he is physically identified as a man, most people see him as a man and he definitely likes men, no matter if he feels more like a boy or a girl on a specific day. He quickly realized that when he grew up with his sisters and found himself liking the same guys, the same idols and actors as they did, instead of girls. For him, this is just natural and when he started dreaming about a specific man - the lover of his dreams - around the age of 14, he wasn't surprised and enjoyed each and every dream that the mysterious man would appear in.

Ohno doesn't have a boyfriend at the moment. He tried being in a relationship twice but both times it didn't really work out and deep inside, Ohno knows that he was to be blamed. Not because of his situation itself but because for years, he is in love. As strange as it might sound, he is in love with the man in his dreams, the only person he ever might really be in love with, as he believed, even if he didn't meet him outside of his dream world - at least not yet. Ohno is convinced though that his dreams bear a deeper meaning. They seem to tell him a story, the whole story of him and this man, even if the time and place was a different setting. About the time when they first met, the time when they first kissed, the time when they married, the time when they first slept with each other...

Last night, Ohno dreamed of that man again and as always, they spent a wonderful time together. He even has to admit that this time it was one of those not-so-innocent dreams. Not that he minded. He enjoyed exploring the man's strong-built but slim body, his beautiful face with those full, beautifully waved lips, the small moles on and underneath his lips and those wonderful deep brown eyes, topped by thick, manly eyebrows.

Maybe it is the girl inside Ohno that makes him keep a dream diary since a couple of years ago. As soon as he has found out that the man in his dreams is appearing in them again and again, he started writing down his dreams, and discovered that - even in a mixed up order - it seemed to tell a complete life story of him and that man and it fascinates Ohno over and over. Sometimes, when he wakes up and he doesn't want to leave his dream world just yet, he even sketches a picture of his dream into his diary. His favourite image of course is the man he's dreaming about and Ohno is pretty proud of those portraits.

Ohno isn't very smart, that's what he believes. He hasn't been the best student at High School and he barely managed to get accepted to Seijo but Ohno has a lot of different talents. He's an artistic person. He draws, paints, he is a talented dancer and he loves acting. Next to his arts studies at university, he attends a couple of clubs, like the theatre club and the club for traditional Japanese dancing and music.

Furthermore, since a few years ago, he is part of a Kabuki ensemble, acting in female roles, so-called _onnagata_. When he entered the ensemble, he used his female name and his female personality for the first time in his life to introduce himself to new people. It was more like a spontaneous idea than a conviction of wanting to be seen as a woman entirely. Maybe it was more a test than anything else. He clarified from the start though then, that actually, he is a man, and the ensemble's other actors and the instructor accepted him as what he is, right away. In fact, they even appreciate his complex personality and the cross-dressing habit, thinking that it helps Ohno to enter those female roles even better. Further, even if in classic kabuki only men were allowed to act, no matter if whether male or female roles, nowadays, the rules aren't as strict any longer in some circles and it seems like Ohno has slipped into one of the more open-minded ones here, thankfully.

Soon, he has proved his acting talent. He has a very special presence, his graceful movements coming from his dance background, proving their advantage immediately, his cute, slightly round face being a perfect base for the female make-up and his naturally slightly high-pitched voice fitting in perfectly too. His popularity is rising gradually and his roles becoming more and more important with each play. They even say, he might be able to become a professional kabuki actor, making a living from it. Ohno seriously considers this goal, planning to focus on it once he graduated from university next year. He doesn't want to waste his parents' money as they paid for his university fees, even if they are not really interested in the artistic path that he has chosen. Because of this, he also keeps it a secret that he is doing kabuki, knowing that they won't be really interested in it. Also, the fact that he uses his female name in the group doesn't make it easier to tell them.

Being part of the kabuki ensemble and being able to act in female roles are things that please his female side very much and maybe that is why it shows up on such days so obviously. Ohno will have another few hours until he has to show up for the last practise before the actual show this evening. Maybe, he will go out for some ice cream before heading to the theatre. He is excited, since he will be playing one of the main roles in tonight's play.

Ohno looks at the full body mirror hanging on the wall in this bedroom, examining his appearance from head to toes. The dark brown, shoulder long curly wig and the brown make-up topped with black mascara and a slight pink coloured lip balm fits the healthy tone of his skin and the beige top matches perfectly with his favourite blue skirt. 

Ohno smiles and makes a cute pose before he reaches out to his self-crocheted blue bag to make his image perfect. He knows he is a strong woman and he knows he is ready to conquer the world.

\- + -

Ohno almost fails his first line when he's finally on stage, dressed up in something that feels like a mountain of different coloured, wonderfully embroidered kimono layers, his face painted white, his lips deep red, and wearing a wig with long black hair, towered in an impressive pinned-up hairstyle. He isn't nervous, he never is on stage, and usually, he's utterly focused and would never miss his start but this time, something is different. He feels it as soon as he sets his foot onto the stage, and he gets confirmed almost immediately when he lets his look run over the audience as he approaches them via that hanamichi until he spots a very familiar face there, close to the place he's standing now, looking at him. Spotting _him_.

 _Him_ , that means, literally, the man of his dreams.

Quickly, Ohno gets back into his role, he has to concentrate, has to focus on the story he and the other members of the ensemble are telling and especially with _him_ sitting in the audience, Ohno is sure that he has to give more than his best. He wants that man to notice him.

His plan seems to work out pretty well when Ohno realizes that the man in the audience, who seems to take notes about the play repeatedly - maybe he was a reporter or something - but actually always takes a break and simply looks at him when it's Ohno's turn. Maybe he is imagining things. Maybe he just sees what he wants to see, but Ohno doesn't care. The simple thought of being watched by this man who for some miraculous reason looks exactly like the man in his dreams, gives him strength and energy, gives him the power to act his role to its fullest and to make the audience burst out in excitement after the story is finished being told.

Ohno doesn't hear the wave of applause at the ending of the play when he stands there lined up with his fellow actors, because everything he can focus on is just that man, just that face. For the first time this evening, he wonders and he gets a little scared when one thought pops up his mind.

What, if he isn't real?

What if this is just one of his dreams? Ohno panics a little, his heart sinking into his stomach. He has to find out. He has to make sure that this isn't just a dream and that this man is actually real.

After the last greeting, the actors leave the stage and hurry backstage to change. Ohno is very impatient when he reaches the dressing room, asking one of the female staff members to help him get out of those numerous layers of heavy fabric and cleaning his face from the thick white make-up. He dresses back into his private clothes, puts on the wig hastily, just sorting a few strands of hair and just quickly puts back on some light make-up and mascara, some lip balm to complete his appearance. Instinctively, Ohno wants _him_ to see him at his most beautiful.

"Ohno-san!" a staff member suddenly calls out for him. "There is someone outside from a local magazine. He wants to interview you."

"What?!" Ohno panics slightly, he doesn't have time for this now, he has to hurry, go out and search for the man from his dreams before it's too late - if he didn't leave already. "Ah, can't you tell him to interview someone else from the cast? I have something really urgent to do!"

The staff member looks a bit critical at Ohno, turning down an interview can be troublesome. He knows that he is being impolite but what if this is a one-time chance to meet the man from the audience again?

"He says it's really important..."

"Then ask him if he can wait for a while, I'll try to be back as soon as possible," Ohno says, packing his few belongings and waving good bye to his fellow actors before rushing out of the room.

"Ohno-san, excuse me!" 

It's just when he passes a few people standing outside in the corridor, when someone grabs his wrist to make him stop, calling his name. Ohno freezes slightly at the sound of that voice. A very familiar voice that he has never heard before - at least not for real.

When he turns around, his eyes widen in surprise and his heart skips a beat as he immediately recognizes the face in front of him. He has drawn it so often, each and every line, each and every mole, each and every single eyelash and the warm sparkle in those eyes. He has dreamed so often of this face, this soft, pale skin, the soft hair, those wonderful, kissable lips. It's _him_ , Ohno cannot believe it...

He stops, well aware of the fact that the other man is still holding onto his wrist, which makes Ohno's heart beats fast and erratic.

"You are Ohno Satoko-san, right?" the young man asked to confirm and Ohno cannot believe that he is actually here to see him.

"Yes...," Ohno says.

"My name is Matsumoto Jun, I'm a journalist from _Tokyo Himawari_ and I just want to tell you that your performance was _splendid_ ," the young man starts talking. "I am quite new to kabuki, to be honest but what _you_ did up there on stage is just… I don't have words for it. I am very sorry for being annoying, but do you have a few minutes for a short interview?"

He looks at Ohno, an almost pleading impression on his beautiful face and Ohno's heart melts. He has a hard time not to blurt out that he is searching exactly for him and that now that he has found him - or the other way round - he doesn't plan on leaving anywhere anytime soon.

Ohno willingly agrees to Matsumoto's invitation to join him for a cup of tea in the nearby café where they will have a bit of privacy for themselves in order to take the interview. The ambience is beautiful, even a little romantic and Ohno chuckles, feeling amused when he imagines him and Matsumoto being on a date. By the time the tea gets served, the young journalist is already in the middle of asking Ohno various things about kabuki, about being a woman working in this field, about goals, ambitions, whatever that comes to his mind.

One after another Ohno answers each and every question as good as he can with his limited concentration. In fact, he's burning to ask his own questions to that man like _"Why do I dream about you almost every night?"_ but he doesn't and instead for now enjoys the full attention the other is paying at him. He likes the way Matsumoto looks at him, seemingly interested in each and every word that leaves his lips. He likes the way the man smiles back when he flashes him a smile and he _loves_ how he blushes slightly, each and every time their eyes meet.

This must be fate, is what Ohno thinks, not only after their _short_ interview which has turned into something really more similar to a date halfway than a work related conversation.

Ohno is utterly happy when Matsumoto wants to bring him to his station, probably to make sure that he will get home safely. This man was just too cute to be true. When the journalist asks for Ohno's number then though, the latter gives it a second thought. If this really is fate, wouldn't it be just too blunt to just ask for a number to stay connected? Up to now Ohno had been connected to Matsumoto through his dreams, even if they didn't really meet, and now after such a long time, they actually have met, wouldn't it be possible, that their paths will cross again?

Maybe, Ohno is thinking in a bit too romantic way. Maybe, this is because today, he is a girl. But he wants to challenge fate again, one last time, to make this even more exciting, to test, if they are really meant for each other. With this, Ohno refuses to give Matsumoto his number and instead promises him to give it to him the next time they meet.

When the bus draws in at the station and comes really close, Matsumoto looks at him with almost desperate eyes and Ohno's heart twitches immensely. It's then when he cannot hold back anymore and leans a bit forward, stretching his body to meet the taller man's height.

"I've been waiting for you my entire life and I _will_ be waiting for you again," Ohno whispers in the journalist's ear and when he puts his lips onto Matsumoto's for a tender kiss shortly after, he just _knows_ that they _will_ meet again.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**_The Princess in the Flames _ ** _  
A short story by Ninomiya Kazunari_

_Despite being a princess, when the youngest daughter of the most powerful clan in the southern countries was a child, she loved playing outside. Grown up, surrounded by the large fields of crop and flowers, it must be natural. She loved sitting at the nearby river, watching the fishes scrimmaging around underneath the small waves, the silver scales shimmering like little diamonds. She loved climbing on the highest trees in the Lord's gardens, trying to pick some of the pink peaches or purple plums and she loved playing in the dirt, catching lizards to make friends with them._

_In the afternoon, when the little princess got called inside of the mansion, already prepared to get scolded for her behaviour, for dirtying her precious kimonos and messing up her thick, black hair, she didn't mind. She listened to her mother, the lord's wife, to her maid who had to fight with the dirt on her clothes and the leaves and branches in the girl's hair when she bathed her afterwards. Though, whenever the little princess climbed on her father's lap at the end of the day, to get taught something or to listen to a short good night story he would tell her, he never scolded her. Instead, he told her enthusiastically, that his daughter should live to her fullest and play outside as much as she wished, until one day she would have to become a noble samurai's wife and make him happy._

_At this time, the princess still didn't know what it meant to become someone's wife or what it meant to make someone happy but she knew that she never wanted to stop playing with the fishes and the lizards outside and tasting the fresh and sweet peaches from her parent's gardens. Bearing these thoughts in mind, she dreamed about making her future husband amazed by the colours of nature and making him taste her favourite fruits, hoping that he would share her likings._

_The princess was about thirteen years old, when she met her destined husband for the first time. He was the eldest son of the most powerful warlord from the other side of the country, coming from the pine trees in the high north._

_When the young lord and his father, a very tall man, were guests in the house in the large fields, in order to train their swords and talk to the princess' father about economic and strategic plans regarding a war alliance, things the princess didn't know about and wasn’t interested in anyway, she would peek through the doors and eavesdrop on them, curious about the boy accompanying the tall samurai. He must be about her age, maybe a little bit older but still much too young for war and he didn't share the princess' lively and happy feelings at all. He just sat there besides his father, a strict expression on his face and an empty look in his eyes. It was a very sad view in her opinion._

_She wanted to run into the room, barge into the conversation and grab the boy's hand to drag him outside into the gardens, showing him the beauty of the world and make him smile. And this was what she did on the third day after the samurai and his son arrived and it made her heart bloom that she succeeded and earned the boy's sincere smile when she introduced him to the blue blue sky and gave him a peach to taste its sweetness. It was worth the scolding from her parents that the princess had to endure afterwards._

_Three years later, the samurai and his son visited their country again and even if the boy was still far from being an adult, he had grown up nicely, his face matured, his voice deepened and if the princess missed the boy she knew from three years ago, she now knew why - she was in love with this young man._

_When they met outside in the garden, the princess, still her usual young wild self, wanted to climb a tree to get her favourite peaches for her young samurai, she was so nervous that she didn't pay enough attention and slipped from one of the thick branches, falling to the ground. Preparing for the pain to meet her body, she closed her eyes but instead of onto the hard ground, she fell right into the young samurai's strong arms, catching her without faltering._

_The young man pressed the princess close to his chest and she could feel his excited heartbeat through the fabric of his dark purple hakama as she put her hand against him. This was when the young samurai told the princess that he was here to take her with him, up to the north, to the pine trees, to his home castle, and that he wanted her to marry him._

_It might have been a political alliance arranged by their fathers, but in fact for the princess and her samurai, it was no different from a celebration of their innocent, young love. With her cheeks coloured in a nice red, she accepted his proposal happily and followed him into his hometown, taking along her family for a huge wedding celebration, the most beautiful and colourful she could ever imagine._

_They loved each other, truly, and the samurai wanted to make his princess happy, even if her family had to leave to return to the south and she would stay home at his castle, even if he had to leave and fight in the war. Knowing that the princess could easily get depressed over the long cold winter months in the north, he made sure to bring her back to her southern home at least once a year, to enable her to see her family and friends, to eat lots of her beloved peaches from the gardens._

_The two of them were happy for years and soon, they even got blessed with a child, but then, the war became heavier and harder and the samurai had to leave his castle more and more often, leaving behind his wife and child, in order to save his lands. His wife was praying each and every day for him to return safely and she used to tell her child stories over stories about her beloved husband to keep his vision vivid, to keep his presence, even if he was far away._

_It was unlucky that one of the samurai's enemies played a wicked game and used dirty methods while trying to achieve victory and with this, the princess and her child fell victim to such devilish plans. Nobody noticed the assassin entering the castle's grounds in the protection of the dark night, unseen by the guards at the gates. Nobody noticed that this assassin, who checked that every soul in the house was sleeping, started a fire and when it got noticed, it was already too late._

_While the house was collapsing, the wood cracking and the paper doors burning in the brightest light, the princess was holding her little crying child close to her chest. Helplessly caught within the flames, she was praying to get reborn at some place, at some time, together with her beloved husband and her beloved child, so that they would have the chance to live together and love each other for one more time._

_When the samurai returned to the castle in the north, the war was won, but he found his home destroyed and his wife and child dead. He had to realize that he had lost something much more important and his heart cried more tears than his eyes could shed._

_When the pain became unbearable, winter fell in his blackened heart and froze his feelings. The samurai reached for his katana and decided to follow his beloved. While the red liquid, even darker than the reddest flames could be, spread from his body, he was ready to leave this world behind, hoping to be able to embrace his princess and their child once more in the afterlife._

_Then, it greened again._

_THE END_

\- - + - -

Sho closes the issue of Seijo University's campus magazine in which Ninomiya's story is printed, certified as one of the winning entries to the university's literature contest of the past year, with a printed seal at the beginning of the story. At the end of the story, there's a capture of a small review.

_"Ninomiya Kazunari manages to capture the beauty of words in a positive but sad love-story, using colours to paint our imaginations. He does not fail to hurt our hearts, showing us the happiness of a couple, before he rips them out of life – just too realistically – but still gives us the hint of hope to believe in the afterlife and the possibility of reincarnation of lovers' souls."  
Sakamoto Masayuki, Professor for Japanese and English literature_

The young assistant professor darts his look at the wall in front of him behind his desk, not paying attention particularly to the pin board hanging there, which is covered all over with photos and sticky notes, or the shadows from the desk lamp drawing patterns on it, but letting his mind wander.

He thinks about Ninomiya's story again. It's like what Professor Sakamoto wrote, a sad but beautiful story. With a very tragic ending. It hurts Sho, maybe more than it should. It was just a story after all, wasn't it? But somehow it felt a bit familiar, as if it happened to someone he knows. Further, even if Professor Sakamoto pointed to that hint of hope offered by Ninomiya through mentioning the praying of the characters to get born again, there was no final statement that it would really happen, not even with that last sentence. It was up to the readers to believe or not to believe that the couple would get reborn and be able to meet again and Sho wondered, if Ninomiya himself believes in it or not.

Remembering the appearance of the young man, as they met for the first time this morning during Professor Sakamoto's first lecture of the semester, Sho felt his heartbeat speeding up again. Ninomiya has left a very strong impression on him, making him feel like they knew each other.

\- + - 

_Sho finds himself dressed in a dark blue kimono, sitting at the low but spacious dining table in a familiar mansion. There aren't many people sitting at the table, his mother and one of his sisters, the one who is still unmarried, and they are eating in silence. When they finished dinner, his mother and sister stand up and leave, talking about a stroll through the gardens in the evening sun. Sho waits until the servants put away the empty plates and bowls; and waits until only one of the servants is left in the room._

_He reaches his hand to grip the young man's wrist, holding him back as he wants to take away a tray with empty tea cups. The young man turns around, looking at Sho with his dark brown eyes, questioning._

_"I have to talk to you, please come to my room later," Sho says in a low voice, so that nobody else would be able to hear them even if someone is still around._

_"Certainly, Mylord," the servant answers and nods with a small smile on his lips before he leaves the room._

_Sho feels his heartbeat running, the pleasant anticipation running through his veins and he knows that he is smiling too. He gets up and walks through the wooden corridors to his room, getting changed into his night wear and sits down at the low table on which a book and a letter are prepared. There is still some light from the outside shining through the paper doors, but nevertheless he lights the candles in the paper lamps, one on the table, the other on the floor, close to his futon to brighten the room. He takes another look at the letter that he received this morning, reading through the few but beautifully written lines before he puts it back aside and dives into the story of his book for a few more pages until someone silently knocks at his door._

_"Come in," Sho replies, putting away the book and when the paper door slides open, it's the young servant from before, who enters the room after quickly glancing through the corridors to make sure he isn't seen._

_"You wanted to talk to me?" the young man asks._

_Sho flashes him a smile and pats on the letter lying in front of him on top of the table. "You know, my friend from the north is planning to get married to a princess from the south. I just received the invitation to their wedding ceremony."_

_"A wedding ceremony?"_

_"Yes, and I want you to come along with me on that journey."_

_"You mean, as your servant," the young man wants to confirm._

_"Well, yes, of course," Sho replies, even if he sounds a little bitter. "I would love to take you with me as my partner, but you know it's impossible."_

_The other man nods, hanging his head. "Yes, I know."_

_"However, I don't want to leave you behind for too long," Sho says, leaning his chin on one of his hands, looking up to the young man who was still standing next to the door. His eyes are filled with love and his voice has turned into a low whisper when he continues. "I would miss you so badly."_

_The servant lifts his head again, his face flushed red when he looks at Sho. "Me too," he whispers back and he looks kind of desperate. "I'd die if we're separated for too long. I'll gladly accompany you, my Lord."_

_Sho chuckles, finding the other man just too adorable. "Come here," he says, patting on the floor right next to him and the servant immediately complies. Sho leans closer, until his lips almost brush the young man's ear. "How did I tell you to call me when we are on our own?"_

_Shivering slightly from the excitement, the young servant gulps before he looks at Sho directly into the eyes. His lips part for another whisper. "Shota…"_

_"Right," Sho smiles happily, his heartbeat perceptible all over his body and mind. He reaches his hand up to the man's red cheeks, caressing his lover's beautiful face. "Please call me like that, not Mylord."_

_"Sure, Shota," this sweet voice, this cute face, this adorable man is driving Sho crazy._

_"Much better," he smiles satisfied and leans closer, brushing his lips against the young servant’s._

_They share light kisses for a while, Sho caressing the young man's face over and over, guiding his hand in his neck to play with the short black hair in the nape and bringing his hand up on the back of his head, burying his fingers passionately in the thick, soft hair. Sho enjoys the kiss, but somehow, something seems a little off. His partner answers his kisses, but he seems a bit distracted, he isn't fully concentrated. Sho breaks the kiss, looking at his lover, worried. The young man, his cheeks still flushed, averts his eyes, sheepishly._

_"What's wrong, you look worried, my dear," Sho asks, his hands all over the young man's face to caress him, to make him talk to him._

_"Uhm well…," the young man stammered. "I was just wondering… ah, it might be a stupid thought, please forget it."_

_"Hm? What is it?" Sho asks, not letting the other push his worries away with a troublesome statement like that. He whispers softly. "You know you can tell or ask me anything, right?"_

_His lover lifts one of his hands, putting it on top of Sho's and the warmth of their hands mix pleasantly. Still, Sho feels the worry, the nervousness coming from the young servant. "Won't you have to marry a princess too one day?"_

_Sho feels the stab in his heart, the same that the other man must feel right now, right there in his own heart too. So this is where the worry is coming from. He sighs but doesn't leave his lover's touch, looking at him with slightly sad eyes._

_"… I assume I will have to, sooner or later, even if I tried to avoid it so far."_

_The other man closes his eyes, presses Sho's hand firmer against his face. "I wished, I could be a princess, then," he whispers._

_"You _are_ my princess," Sho answers seriously. "The love of my life."_

_A soft chuckle leaves the young servant's throat as he allows his lips to curl up into a small sad smile and opens his eyes again. "I love your humour. But seriously, if I at least was a woman…"_

_It almost breaks Sho's heart to hear that and he wants to try everything possible to make the other forget this thought right away. "Don't say that. I don't want you to be a woman. I love you the way you are. I'm truly sorry though that I cannot marry you. I'd love to."_

_"May I stay with you?" the servant finally asks, his voice barely heard._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"If you ever get married, may I stay with you? Like this?" the young man asks again and Sho's heart skips a beat._

_"Of course," he says. "I will never leave you."_

_"Then I will be your secret mistress."_

_"You will be the brightest star on my night sky when we'll meet," Sho swears and he means it._

_"You are so cheesy, really," his lover chuckles again, this time it sounds genuine._

_"You like it cheesy, don't you, my little princess?" Sho dares to tease the other, smiling at him._

_"So I'm your princess?"_

_Sho nods persuasively. "Risking to be cheesy again, I say, you're at least the only princess in my heart."_

_"I'm relieved then and yes, I kind of like your cheesiness," the other answers but suddenly, there was that sadness back in his eyes, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence and even in the dim light, Sho can spot shiny tears forming in his lover's eyes._

_"Hey, dear…," he tries to soothe the young man, brushing his thumb over his wet cheek. "Don't cry, please…"_

_"I'm sorry," the other replies, taking a deep breath and trying to gulp down his sadness. "You say such wonderful things and I cry… sorry for ruining the mood. I'm too sensitive."_

_Sho smiles. "You can indeed compete with a woman regarding your sensitivity. But I may say that I do love your sensitivity very much, Kazu. In every way."_

_He leans forward again, his hands still cupping the young man's face, and again their lips meet for a tender kiss before Sho breaks it again, just to slightly brush his lips against his lover's cheeks, kissing away the tears. He kisses him again on the lips, his hands slowly wandering down from the young man's cheeks along his neck, slipping under the collar of his simple kimono. Sho slightly pushes the fabric from the young man's shoulders to undress him._

_Feeling his lover's breath hitch before a small moan leaves his lips, Sho smirks against the other's lips while he lets his hand wander further, along the soft skin, down his chest. His fingers ghost over the tiny nipples, brush around the cute belly bottom and finally find their way between his lover's legs as Sho lays him on the ground, holding him in his strong arms, their lips never parting for too long._

_The dim light of the paper lamp near the futon, on which the young man's head is bedded, creates an interesting play of light and shadows on the young servant's face. His dark eyes shine, and Sho starts one of his favourite games – drawing patterns between those cute tiny moles spread all over the young man's face. Sho leans down again, kissing each and every one of it, tenderly. How much he loves this beautiful face, how much he loves this wonderful man, he cannot put it into proper words and so he lets his kisses speak._

\- + - 

This time, when Sho wakes up, he's lying on his back in his bed, the blanket partly pushed aside and his whole body sweating. His breath hitches, his heartbeat is running and he feels just hot. He lifts his hand, brushing it over his sweaty forehead and feels how his cheeks are burning.

He just had a very sensual, and in the ending very sexual, dream of himself and Ninomiya Kazunari. Fuck.

Sho would be lying if he says that he isn't surprised. He just dreamed the usual setting, about himself being the son of a war lord in ancient Japan, about him leading a secret love life with one of his servants. But the difference from his usual dreams is that while he can _never_ remember his lover's face when he woke up, this time he remembers it perfectly and it is undoubtedly that of the young student he just met the other day.

How is this possible, Sho wonders, rubbing his eyes. Did he dream about him because he stared at the student too long yesterday? Because he read his short story, set in ancient Japan, just before he fell asleep? But for some reason, Sho is convinced that these are not the reasons why he dreamed about him. It wasn't the first time he dreamed about this man, it was just the first time that he can actually remember his face. Thinking about it, this kind of seems to make no sense at all but at the same time, it does make so much sense, it feels like an enlightment, like he just discovered an answer that has been in front of him forever, ready to be found out.

Despite his confusion, Sho cannot longer hold back a wide smile adorning his lips. Finally. Finally he is able to _see_ the man of his dreams. Finally, he knows who he is. Maybe, this doesn't make too much sense yet but for some reason, the young man is convinced that this means the meeting of him and Ninomiya is fated. And he has to meet him again, no matter what.

After a quick shower, which Sho definitely needs after this night, he rushes into the kitchen of his apartment, finding his roommate Aiba Masaki sitting at the kitchen table with a mug filled with freshly brewed coffee and a newspaper in his hands, only his messed up, reddish brown hair sticking up behind it.

"Ah, you made coffee already, that's awesome!" Sho exclaims.

"Please help yourself," Aiba murmurs, gesturing with his own still half-filled cup of coffee.

Sho doesn't think twice before reaching into the cupboard, getting his own mug and fills it while humming some happy song that's stuck in his head. His roommate lowers the newspaper a little and with lifted eyebrows gives his friend a slightly critical look.

"No offence but since this is really rare and in the early morning, I have to ask," he says after clearing his throat. "Sho-kun, did something happen? You look so… happy."

His friend starts laughing as he sits down with his coffee and a slice of toast and marmalade that he prepared quickly. "You say this as if I'm usually never this happy."

"Well, at least not to _such_ an extent," Aiba points out. "People might believe that you just fell in love or something."

Sho continues humming happily, his smile getting even wider. When his friend doesn't stop staring at him, he puts down his knife and toast and explains. "You know what, Aiba, I think, that's exactly what happened."

"Excuse me?" the other lifts his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Yeah," Sho continues, all smiles. "I think, I'm in love."

Aiba finally pushes away the newspaper, as if he never had an interest in it in the first place. He looks at his friend with big, exciting eyes. "Whoa, really!? Tell me more! What happened, who is it? Do I know him? Does he like you too?"

"His name is Ninomiya Kazunari. He's one of Sakamoto-sensei's students," Sho starts. "He's a budding young writer, I met him yesterday at Sakamoto's lecture."

"And then?" his room mate sharpens his ears, preparing for an interesting story.

Which didn't really follow. Sho just shrugged his shoulders instead. "Then? Nothing. I just met him."

Aiba blanked. Honestly, he is expecting a little more. "So, did you talk and got along well immediately? Did you go for a date after the lecture?"

Sho chuckles. "Ah no… I would have loved to, though."

"OK, so let me summarize that. It's simply you having fallen in love at first sight with a student in the lecture hall?" Aiba asks to make sure.

"To be honest, I'm not completely sure but I think that's _not_ exactly what it is," Sho answers with a serious frown on his face. "It's true, I never met him before. At least, not _really_..."

"What are you talking about?" the other asks, hopelessly confused by his friend's words.

"I told you about those dreams that I have sometimes, right?" Sho asks. Of course he doesn't tell all the details to his friend, at least he keeps the dirty ones to himself, but the other at least has an idea about Sho's reoccurring dreams.

"The one where you're so in love with someone whose face you cannot remember once you wake up?"

"Exactly those."

"What's with those dreams?" Aiba takes another sip of coffee.

"I think, it's him," Sho blurts out.

"Him?" another raises an eyebrow.

"The young writer! I think _he_ is the one I'm seeing in my dreams," Sho points out, excitedly.

"Eh?!" his room mate starts laughing, causing his friend to frown. "That's impossible! Didn't you say you don't remember the face of the guy in your dreams? And didn't you just say you never met that Ninomiya guy before? And now you suddenly recognize him in your dreams?"

"Yeah, somehow."

"Don't you think that you just _dream_ that guy into your dreams now because you… well, fell for him at first sight in the lecture hall?" Aiba leans over the table to poke Sho's arm teasingly, who just tilts his head for a moment, ignoring the teasing perfectly.

"It can be a possibility, I admit, but I'm sure this is not what is going on," the young assistant professor slowly shakes his head to himself. 

"I think you're just madly in love, that's all," Aiba chuckles. "Don't interpret too much from the dreams."

"You're no fun, Aiba."

"I'm being realistic."

"No fun!" Sho repeats smirking and finally takes a bite from his toast. 

He doesn't care if his friend Aiba believes him or not. He knows better.

\- - + - -

"Do you have any plans for dinner already?" a voice behind Nino asks, pulling him out of his dream world.

The young man turns around, a little confused, his mind still occupied with the things he has just read in the book placed in front of him on the library table. He adjusts his glasses that have slipped down his nose a little and takes in the figure of a young man he met for the first time in his life only yesterday. It was that weirdo of new assistant of his lecturer. Sakurai Something...

"Excuse me?"

The weirdo smiles and lets out a soft chuckle, looking a bit awkward but somehow cute and Nino doesn't know why the hell he suddenly thinks that. He frowns, brushing away the thought instantly and focuses back on Sakurai.

"I'd like to invite you for dinner," the man repeats and without asking he takes the seat at the opposite of Nino's table. "That is, if you're free."

Nino looks at the man with big eyes, finally letting the information that didn't reach him the first time sink in. He frowns again, wondering why the other wants to ask him out for dinner on their second encounter. "What…"

"I want to get to know you better," Sakurai bluntly states, staring at Nino intensively.

Nino lifts his eyebrows, closing his book. "Why?"

"Because you're fascinating me."

Nino doesn't get it. He doesn't get what the man in front of him is saying, what he is _thinking_ to say something like that out loud so straightforwardly. This confuses him immensely. How long have they known each other, for one day? Beside the fact that _knowing each other_ actually requires a bit more than the fact that they have been in the same room for about two hours and will continue to do so for the rest of the semester. Which somehow makes Nino quite nervous, especially after the other man said something like this just now. Nino pulls his courage together, deciding to be straight-forward too to be able to deal with that person

"I'm sorry but…," he starts, crossing his arms and leaning on the table. "Are you hitting on me?"

Sakurai is still looking at him straightforwardly with a dazzling smile, his eyes piercing and Nino feels a lump forming in his throat. He wants to look away, avert his eyes from those of the man in front of him, because they simply makes him nervous. Well, the whole behaviour and presence of that man makes him nervous. Immensely. 

"What if I am?" Sakurai asks, his voice sounding soft. Too soft. It sends a confusing shiver down Nino's spine.

He leans back in his seat, finally allowing himself to break the eye contact again and drops his look onto the book he was reading just a few minutes ago. He tries to act cool. "You're pretty blatant, aren't you? Are assistant professors even allowed to hit on students?"

The young man just shrugs his shoulders casually and soon, Nino's eyes naturally find Sakurai's again, as if they draw him like the moths to the flame. 

Sakurai grins. "Maybe not, but who cares nowadays? So?"

"So what?" Nino shoots back.

"What's your answer to my invitation?"

Nino takes a deep breath. He still cannot believe what is happening right now. "Sakurai-san… I have to tell you I'm sorry but I already have plans for dinner."

"Oh, OK," the other says, accepting. "So what about tomorrow?"

Unbelievable. "And I have a girlfriend," Nino adds.

"Oh… Oh! That girl is your girlfriend? I had no idea…," the young man concludes, astonished and Nino frowns, wondering if the other has been spying on him since yesterday when he saw him together with Keiko. It's not like they are clinging to each other on the campus. 

"Is it that surprising?" he asks huffily, averting his eyes again.

"Oh gosh, no, sorry, that's not what I meant," Sakurai says, a bit abashed, chuckling inevitably. 

Nino sighs. He shouldn't be so surprised, maybe. He knows that he and Keiko don't particularly look like a couple to the outside. They barely behave like they are close, especially not in the public. What should surprise him more is why Sakurai still comes up to him, and even asks him out. Does he look like he's interested in men? And even if he was, does Sakurai think that someone will agree to go out for dinner with him so quickly? They barely know each other. They don't even know if they will be able to fill a whole evening with topics to talk about (well OK, literature maybe since they seemed to have this common interest). And why does Nino imagine just now in which kind of restaurant the other will invite him too? He's confused. His brain is thinking nonsense, obviously.

“I... have a girlfriend,” Nino repeats, almost feeling guilty to use his crumbling relationship with Keiko as an excuse.

"I'm sorry then," Sakurai finally says, pulling the young man out of his thoughts. "I just wanted to try my luck."

For some reason, Nino doesn't appreciate the casualness the other now portrays. Doesn't he care more about being turned down? Does this mean he's not been serious? If Sakurai doesn't care and give up so easily on him, why does he even bother to ask him in first place? "Well, please try it with someone else then," Nino finally spits, cursing his thoughts. 

"You're pretty cold, aren't you?" Sakurai states, his voice lower and more serious now.

Nino gulps. Maybe, Sakurai _does_ care? But he pretends not to notice. "I don't know how this might concern you."

The young assistant professor gives him this piercing look again but then he tilts his head a little and his look becomes softer, the smile on his face fading, being replaced by... care. "I wonder if you really are cold or if you're just trying to protect yourself."

Nino's heart stops beating for a moment, this actually hits it right there where it hurts. He feels caught. He hates it. "Did you major in Psychology or what's with this analysis now?"

"I just watched you and that's my impression about you," Sakurai points out. "Sorry for being so straightforward."

"Did you just admit that you're stalking me?"

Now there's that cute chuckle back. "You're really too negative, Ninomiya-kun."

"I'm being realistic," the other shoots back.

"Maybe you should change your view of things once in a while. You may be missing something."

"Don't talk as if you actually know me," Nino says, slowly but surely getting unnerved by the other.

Sakurai doesn't answer and just continues looking at him for a few seconds. He leans a bit forward then, supporting his arms on the table in front of him.

"I read your story," he says, suddenly switching the topic, and Nino thinks that this might have been a better start for their conversation, maybe.

"Oh, did you?" he asks casually, pretending not to care.

"Yes, and I have to say that I found it really good. Well written, dreamy and touching."

"Thank you," the student answers, nodding slightly, acknowledging the praise, even if he's still not sure if he wants to continue talking to that man, who confuses him so much. But of course, he's happy to hear those words about his work.

Sakurai then sighs slightly, pursing his lips and a frown adorns his face, as if he is thinking about something troublesome. "But I wonder how the ending is to be interpreted." 

He brings his hand together in front of him, the tips of his fingers touching. Nino finds himself staring at those hands. Sakurai has beautiful hands, he thinks before he forces himself to pull his eyes away from them again.

"The ending?" he repeats, his eyes wandering to the man's hands again that now slightly fold. Why the hell is he feeling so attracted to that man's hands?!

"You let the lovers die, both of them," Sakurai points out. "But you let them pray that they meet again in their next life."

Nino nods slightly. "Indeed."

The assistant professor continues his analysis. "And then you write, _Then it greens again_ but I'm seriously wondering if you refer to their love, that they get reborn and meet each other again, or if you just bluntly state that life goes on even after they died."

"What do _you_ think?"

"Well, I'd like to see it like Sakamoto-sensei and interpret it as a sign of hope for their rebirth."

"Then please go on and do so," Nino says, making an inviting gesture with his hand.

"Is that your intention?" Sakurai asks.

"To make others hope?" the student asks and Sakurai nods. "My intention is to make people think about it and to decide themselves. Up to individual interpretation, you know?"

"Do you believe in it yourself? The possibility of reincarnation, I mean."

Nino doesn't answer the question. Instead, after staring at the other for a few seconds, he tries to avoid the topic. "Sakurai-san, please, I have to finish reading this book to prepare for a presentation, could you please…?" 

To be honest, he doesn't want to talk about this topic at all, especially not with this guy whom he barely knows. It might be true that his story provides the material to talk about and it is the reader's right to ask questions but Nino feels uncomfortable about it somehow. As if he isn't ready yet to talk about this topic. It's strange. But he feels like he isn't able to give a proper answer at the moment. Probably, he isn't decided about how to interpret his own story yet.

"Sure, sorry for the disturbance," the other finally says after staring at Nino for a few more seconds. He eventually stands up, smiling at him before he finally leaves. "We'll see each other in class then."

"Seems inevitable," Nino murmurs with a sigh, relieved about seeing the other leave. 

This was really awkward.

\- + -

On the third day after the start of the new semester, the first after studies club activities finally get to start properly on the campus, after the most enthusiastic club members finally gathered enough new members for their clubs to hold a first introduction meeting.

Nino enters the club room of the theatre group, nodding politely at some new excited faces of young students and being greeted by the familiar faces from last year. In the furthest corner, he recognizes Ohno Satoshi, third year student and one of the group's most promising actors, seemingly deep in his own thoughts, like so often. Nino doesn't know him well, everything he knows about that person is that he is very quiet - maybe even shy - except when he is on stage, where he is able to perform the most splendid performances without showing any hints of shyness at all. Though, when Nino steps into the room further and Ohno's attention finally gets drawn on him, the man gets up, approaching him immediately.

"Ninomiya-kun," the older student greets him with a serious look in his eyes.

"Senpai," the young man answers nodding, a bit surprised. It is uncommon for Ohno to approach someone, to _talk_ to someone of his own accord. Usually, when the young man speaks, it's limited to things regarding the play they are working on. "It's been a while, I hope you had a nice holiday."

Ohno ignores Nino's attempt for doing some small talk and immediately gets to the point. "Do you have a moment after club activities? I want to talk to you."

Surprised, Nino shrugs his shoulders. "Sure, coffee at the canteen?"

"Let's go outside. Better this way," the other man says, secrecy lying in his voice.

"Well, sure, as you like," Nino accepts, wondering what his fellow student might need to talk about - especially if he couldn't just say it out loud here, in front of the other club members.

\- + -

"This is _my_ story," Ohno simply states when they finally sit down on a bench in the campus' park, paper cups of coffee in each of their hands.

"What? What are you talking about?" Nino frowns.

"I know I'm a bit late but I finally had time to read it. Your short story that won the university's literature contest last month."

"Ah, really, you did? Thank you very much," the younger says, a little embarrassed. "But what do you mean by it is _your_ story?"

"You are telling _my_ story!" the other student repeats, seemingly agitated.

"What?!" Nino asks, a bit shocked. "No! I didn't steal your story I wrote it myself, I swear!"

Ohno quickly shakes his head. "No, no, that's not what I mean. I'm not talking about plagiarism, what I meant is that I _experienced_ this very story," the student tries to set things straight - just that nothing at all seems to be clear after this statement.

"Excuse me?" Nino asks, underlining his serious confusion with frowned eyebrows.

"I mean, you even used my name!"

"Your name?"

"The princess from the large fields, obviously, it's even written with the kanji for _Ohno_ , isn't it?" the young man points out.

"Well…," Nino scratches his head. It's true, he used that in his story. Not that he had realized it was actually the same as the surname than the one of his fellow student. 

"Tell me, why did you use my name in your story?" Ohno asks, persistent.

"Eh?" Nino seriously wonders, trying to remember what even made him pick this name in first place. To be honest, he cannot remember. At least he didn't use that name with thinking about his fellow student, he just followed his inspiration. "I don't know, it's just what I came up with. And you know, you're not the only _Ohno_ living in Japan, it's not particularly _your_ name," he dares pointing out.

"Then what about the samurai from the pine trees?" Ohno asks in excitement.

"What about him?" Nino asks, of course already assuming that Ohno is talking about another _name_ that he used in his story.

"You used that name too," Ohno points out. Bingo.

"I did," the student confirmed, nodding.

"Why?" Ohno asks and it almost sounds like an offence in Nino's ears.

What was with this questioning?! He felt like being at the police, seriously. A little offended, the younger man reaches to his coffee, taking it in his hand again.

"I don't know, I just came up with it and thought it's fitting to the character?" Nino shrugs his shoulders again, taking another sip of his coffee. Seriously, he had no idea where this strange talk with Ohno is heading to.

"I met someone called _Matsumoto_ just a few days ago," the older man answered, crossing his arms and giving Nino a look as if this will explain everything.

"….And?" the other dares to ask. Well, yes, he can see the relation between the kanji he used and the most common way to write _Matsumoto_ but...

Ohno frees one of his hands, making an excited gesture. "This cannot be a sheer coincidence."

"What else should it be?" Nino chuckles a bit amused. He cannot believe that Ohno is serious about his random picking of names. "This has nothing to do with me. I feel flattered that my story seems to have made such an impact on you but, sorry, don't you think you're interpreting a little too much into it? It's just a story, man…"

"I don't know but… Do you believe in reincarnation, Ninomiya-kun?" the older man asks directly.

Nino looks at him, critically, wondering if this question will cause him even more trouble in the future. He takes a sip from his coffee. Compared to the conversation with Sakurai though, he doesn't want to turn the other away too quickly, he might become angry, Nino thinks. With that he decides to go with a "No?" for the time being.

"Why did you write about it then?" the older student confronts him.

"Why shouldn't I? It's just a romantic idea, isn't it? I'm writing, I'm allowed to use romantic ideas, even if I don't particularly believe in them, don't you think so?" Nino replies.

"Do you believe in something like fate?" Ohno continues.

"No."

"In God?"

"Seriously?" Nino chuckles. "No offence to people who do but, no, definitely not."

"But you _want_ to believe in something, right?" Ohno ask.

For a moment Nino freezes. Is Ohno right? Does he want to believe in something cheesy like reincarnated lovers, like fate connecting people throughout different lives? Is that what makes him wonder if his relationship with Keiko is really _everything_ life can offer in connection with love?

"You sound like you want to sell me your religion," Nino finally murmurs, brushing away his upcoming doubts.

"In fact, I don't care about what you believe in and what you don’t. It's your decision. I'm just wondering. How can someone who doesn't believe in anything write such a story?" the other man looks at him, honestly puzzled. "With those names?!"

"I dreamt about it, that's how I found this story,” Nino bursts. “I just followed my inspiration and wrote it down, that's all."

"You're strange! How can you dream about _my_ life?"

"Are you kidding me?" Nino gives him a critical look before he finally explodes. "Who is the strange one here? You believe you are a princess living in ancient Japan or what?"

"Ah… no, no," Ohno says, waving his hand. He frowns and slightly rubs his forehead as if he tries thinking hard about what to say in order not to make things worse. He doesn't seem to be the type who wants to fight over things. "You know what?" he asks, almost frustrated. "Forget it! I'm just… stunned. Maybe, you _should_ think about reincarnation. I think there is a reason that you came up with this."

"Why does everyone today seem to know what's good for me?" Nino murmurs annoyed in his hands as he buries his face in them, trying to forget the image of Sakurai that just pops up his head.

"Excuse me?" Ohno asks, as he didn't hear the other man's words.

Nino sighs and turns back at the other. "Ohno-san, please don't be upset, but I think you're talking nonsensical stuff and I don't really know what I should think about this now. This is just a story. I like creating stories. There's no deeper meaning behind this. I appreciate that you read the story but I don't really know what you want to tell me with all this. Is it supposed to be a critique? You know, I'm fine with that, I'm still learning."

"I… to be honest, I don't really know myself. I just felt the urge to talk to you about it."

"Did you at least enjoy the story?" Nino tries to wrap up the strange conversation somehow, lifting his eyebrow.

Ohno sits up straight, facing him. "Well, frankly speaking, as you can imagine maybe, I didn't like that the samurai committed suicide after he lost his princess and child. It's too sad and I'm sure the princess would have wanted him to live on."

Nino sits there and looks at his fellow student. He senses some strange sadness in the other's words and even if he knows it isn't necessary, he feels bad about it.

"I'm sorry," he then murmurs, even if he wonders, why the hell he's apologizing now and for what exactly. 

For writing a story with a scene that his colleague doesn't like? Or because he feels sympathetic for the other who seemingly identifies a bit too much with the princess in his story? No, why should he feel sorry for that? Ohno is right in front of him in flesh and blood. He is not that princess Nino wrote about, obviously. He has nothing to do with his story. Nothing at all.

"It's not your fault," Ohno then sighs. "It's what happened, after all. And I like the very ending. It's indeed greening again, so to say." 

There's a smile on Ohno's face now. Nino frowns again but doesn't talk any longer, not knowing how to react to his fellow student. They keep sitting next to each other until they finished their hot drinks, not exchanging any more words and when Ohno finally stands up and excuses himself, Nino just nods politely in response.

He sighs. So this makes two awkward and confusing conversations with two different people within one day. Considering that he will be meeting up with Keiko later, the possibility of making it a new record with three awkward conversations with three different people, is very high. What a great day.

\- - + - -

"And, how was it?" Toma asks curiously when Jun arrives at work the day after the kabuki performance.

"Uhm... nice?" Jun answers, putting his bag down on his table. He's pretty sure that he's not able to hide the happy smile on his face when he remembers the happenings of the previous evening, especially the _kiss_ with that wonderful girl.

Of course, Toma cannot _not_ see this and so he immediately picks up on Jun's strange behaviour. "So? Found some liking in kabuki?"

"Maybe?" Jun answers, pretending to be busy with searching something in his bag.

"Come on, Matsujun, tell me," his colleague whispers, rolling his chair a bit closer. "I know that expression on your face too well already. You met a hot girl?"

Jun finally sits down on his chair, rolling a bit closer to his buddy. "In fact, I think I met _her_."

"Her?" Toma lifts his eyebrows, questioning.

"Yes, _her_. The woman of my life," the latter says in a low voice, not hiding his happy smile at all any longer.

"I can't believe it, you must be joking," the other man chuckles.

"I'm deadly serious," Jun answers, his smile wiped off his face.

"Oh well," Toma lifts his hands in surrender, giggling. "Then, congratulations?"

"Thanks."

"So? How is she?" the other asks, lifting his eyebrows in curiosity.

Jun's face softens even more, without him even realizing it. He remembers Satoko's beautiful face, her mysterious eyes, her soft brown hair that he is dying to touch. He sighs. "She's just beautiful, really. Wonderful. Talented – she's one of the kabuki performers, you see? Seriously, she's the best woman I ever met."

"Hah... That sounds pretty nice," Toma admits with a smirk, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "But what I actually meant is, how is she in bed?" he wiggles his eyebrows.

"I don't know," Jun answers just bluntly.

"What?!" Toma blanks.

"I said, I don't know," his friend repeats.

Toma chuckles again. "Oh come on, don't joke with me, Mr. Casanova! This will be a first for you not landing in bed with the object of your desire on the first evening."

"Don't call her an _object_ ," Jun says in an upset voice.

"Wow wow, calm down, lover boy," his colleague retreats. "It's just..."

"I know what you mean but can you imagine that once in a while I can be serious too? It's not all about sex, you know?" the other answers and somehow he knows himself how strange such a statement sounds out of _his_ mouth. Why does he feel ashamed right now?

Toma seems to get another idea. He gasps. "Don't tell me, she turned you down!"

Jun blushes slightly.

"Oh my Gosh," Toma almost freaks out. " _You_ , Matsumoto Casanova Jun got turned down, I don't believe it! Now _this_ is really a first!" the other says, leaning back in his chair and observing his friend, seriously shocked.

"It's not that she turned me down completely, it's just...," Jun starts, wondering how pathetic he must be sounding right now but Toma doesn't know what happened.

"She turned you down only _half_? Yeah, sure."

Jun leaned closer, darting a serious look at his friend. "You know, in fact, we kissed."

"You mean, you forced a kiss on her."

"No, actually, _she_ kissed me."

"And _then_ she turned you down? Oh wow, that must be really depressing," Toma clasps his hands in front of his mouth, acting a shocked expression.

Jun pouts. "As I already said, she _didn't_ turn me down. She just refused to give me her number."

"You know, in _my_ world, this comes pretty close to the definition of _being turned down_."

"She said, she'll give me her number the next time we meet," Jun exclaims.

"So she _postponed_ to turn you down."

"She said, she's been waiting for me," Jun says in a serious tone. "And I feel like she's saying the truth. It's like we searched for each other and found each other finally."

Toma couldn't hold back any longer, bursting out into laughter. "Oh my Gosh," he starts once he calms down a little. "You must be kidding me. If this is really true, I don't know which of you is worse."

"Seriously, why are you so fucking annoying?" Jun sighs deeply. "I think, she just wants to challenge me. To see, if I'm serious about her or something, you know?"

"I have to admit, this makes it sound a little more interesting, indeed. So when will you meet her again?"

"I'll try my luck soon. She gave me the name of her university, I might find her there."

"Oho, she's a university student? Way to go, Matsujun!"

"Shut up, it doesn't matter what she is. But I have to see her again and next time we meet, I'll get her number, for sure," Jun says, finally deciding to ignore any further stupid comment by his co-worker and focusing to his task to write his article.

\- + -

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**Back to the Roots**

**Are female Kabuki actors the Stars of Tomorrow?**

Cherry blossom petals falling from the ceiling, softly embracing the impressive figure of the princess from the red moon. White skin, tiny red lips and a melancholic look in the eyes are her main features. The heavy but elegant layers of kimono, embroidered with gold and red silk create a dazzling image. When Princess Akatsuki lifts her hand, holding up an ornamented fan, the audience holds its breath before it gets drawn into the utterly beautiful dance scene taking place on the colourful stage, enchanting every single viewer.

The individual characters of the word _kabuki_ (歌舞伎) mean sing (歌), dance (舞), and skill (伎) and therefore bear the meaning "the art of singing and dancing". This form of theatre is known as "avant-garde" or "bizarre" theatre, combining classical Japanese dance and drama, highlighted with colourful settings, costumes and the typically strong make-up.

The young kabuki actress Ohno Satoko (23) is just one of the performers of the latest interpretation of modern kabuki play "Akatsuki" who proved her outstanding dancing and performance skills, but she is still one of the fewer female interpretors of this genre.

**A brief History on the Change of Kabuki**

Contradictory to the well-known common practice of an all-male cast in kabuki performances, originally, kabuki was in the hands of women. It was in 1603 when the founder of kabuki, _Izumo no Okuni_ (possibly a temple servant of _Izumo Taisha_ ) performed in the dry riverbeds of Kyoto, showing a brand new style of dance drama. Due to the popularity of the humorous plays and the admired actresses, the so-called _onna-kabuki_ became well-received, especially in Edo's red-light district, before it became prohibited in 1629 due to its erotic connotation.

Not long after, the typical, still dominating, all-male cast kabuki (also known as _yarō-kabuki_ (young man kabuki)) became established, letting men also act in the female roles ( _onnagata_ or _oyama_ ) in those plays. Pushing back the importance of the dance aspect, the focus gradually switched to drama.

During the years and besides its popularity, kabuki also went through dark times in its history. Burnt down theatres, banned plays and prostitution were the words found in headlines in connection with kabuki. Nevertheless - or maybe even because of that - it never died down and finally received more recognition as it became more radical in the Meiji period, emerging modern, sometimes even Western influenced styles. Being banned again during World War II for a length of time, after the war it was difficult for kabuki to regain its popularity until director _Takechi Tetsuji_ 's innovative productions initiated the come back of kabuki in the Kansai region.

Today, kabuki is the most popular of the traditional styles of Japanese drama and even influences other modern works of Japanese popular culture such as TV doramas, movies and anime, their stars not only being known in the kabuki world. But kabuki didn't only adapt from the new forms of media but also from the idea of modern Japan and modern culture reception, allowing women again to take part in kabuki performances. Still, female kabuki actors are outnumbered by male interpretors but some local kabuki troupes today use female actors in onnagata roles again, the trend rising.

**Interview with Ohno Satoko – A rising Star**

After the performance, _Tokyo Himawari_ (TH) was presented with the chance of holding an interview with Ohno Satoko-san (OS), playing the female lead character of the above cited play "Akatsuki". She is one of only a few female kabuki actors in Tokyo and part of the middle-sized kabuki ensemble _TsubakiKabuki_ with mixed cast and currently climbing the ladder of her ascending career.

 **TH:** Ohno Satoko-san, please let us congratulate you to your splendid performance in "Akatsuki" the other day.

 **OS:** Thank you very much.

 **TH:** As one of the few female kabuki actresses nowadays, what are your feelings about the gender role within kabuki performances?

 **OS:** I am very happy that nowadays also women are allowed again to take part in kabuki performances, taking over female roles. I consider kabuki as part of Japan's treasure and I appreciate that slowly but surely the all-male-rule seems to vanish in order to make chances equal between men and women.

 **TH:** There are still more male than female actors in this field. Do you think there will be more women joining in the future?

 **OS:** Definitely. Nowadays, kabuki is still popular among the Japanese and there seems to be a trend among young women to favour this form of drama. I think this will become the basis of more women wanting to join kabuki ensembles in the future.

 **TH:** What made you want to join a kabuki ensemble in first place?

 **OS:** I was always interested in Japanese cultural arts like ikebana, traditional music, and especially dance. I took dancing lessons since my childhood days and I am part of theatre clubs since middle school. I always felt the urge of improving my interests and skills while combining them with traditions. Kabuki seemed to be the perfect choice for me.

 **TH:** Did you have trouble to get accepted in an ensemble when you started searching for a fitting group, because you are a woman?

 **OS:** Not at all. In fact, _TsubakiKabuki_ was the first group I approached and they welcomed me with open arms and support me completely. I am very grateful for this.

 **TH:** How do you see the chances of female actors becoming as popular as for example male onnagata actor Daigoro-san*?

 **OS:** I personally think that it isn't important if the actor is actually male or female. As long as the actor does a good job and provides a good performance, chances for success and popularity should be equal.

 **TH:** Do you aim to become an actress of such a degree of popularity?

 **OS:** I would be a liar if I said I don't aim for a successful career in this field but more than popularity, for me the most important thing is the fun of being able to act on stage and the bigger the role, the happier and more grateful I am. I hope I will be able to act in many more performances in the future.

 **TH:** Good luck with this, we are convinced with your talent and beauty, you will become a leading star of modern kabuki. We are looking forward to a lot of more gorgeous performances of yours.

 **OS:** Thank you very much for your support.

 **TH:** Thank you very much for this interesting interview, Ohno-san.

*Tachibana Daigoro (28), one of Heisei's celebrated onna-gata actors  
Text and interview by Matsumoto Jun (Tokyo Himawari)

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

\- + -

A few days later, two of _Tokyo Himawari_ 's latest magazine issues stored carefully in his bag, Jun crosses the gates of Seijo University around lunch time. He's a bit excited. Well, not only a bit, to be honest. He's utterly excited as he wants to try his luck to find Ohno here and to give her one of the freshly printed magazines to make sure she gets a copy of their interview. The other magazine, he plans to beg for her signature. Yes, he knows that's a bit embarrassing, but he doesn't care.

The impression he gets from the campus is almost overwhelming. He almost forgot how it feels like mixing among students and teachers, even if it's just about two years ago that he himself graduated from Toudai University. It's obviously lunch break, lots of students are sitting on benches or on blankets placed on the grass underneath the blooming trees, the warm spring sun tickling everyone's cheeks to a cheerful smile. The countless voices mixed with happy laughter give off a pleasant feeling. 

Jun quickly realizes that he won't be able to find Ohno here right away, there are just too many faces and the university grounds too large. With that, the young journalist takes a step forward, to ask the first group of students that crosses his way, a small group of young women, for help.

"Excuse me, I am searching for Ohno Satoko-san, she's supposed to be a student here. Do you know her by any chance?" he asks, immediately drawing one girl's attention at him.

The girl seems to think for a second, probably browsing some names and faces connected to those names that she might know, but then she just shakes her head with an apologizing impression, "No, I'm sorry, I don’t know any girl of that name," she says, her friends shaking their heads to.

"But if you ask nicely, we can come along and help you search for her," another girl says, winking at the young man who then just waves his hand and thankfully declines.

The girl pouts slightly and if Jun pays more attention at them when he leaves, he will be able to hear the laughter of the other women, about their friend's failed flirting attempt. But he doesn't notice that at all, only thinking about the woman he is trying to find. He has to see her again.

As predicted though, it is quite difficult to find the one he is looking for and with that, even after asking more and more students, Jun doesn't have any hint about Ohno Satoko. It's strange, like nobody knows her or ever heard her name. How is that possible, Jun wonders. Such a beautiful, talented young woman, a kabuki actress, not being known at her own university? He stops his walk in the middle of the campus when a thought hits him, that there is a possibly Ohno has lied to him. What if she isn't attending Seijo University, what if it was just to get rid of him? But why did she want to get rid of him, she seemed to like Jun when they met. She even _kissed_ him. No, it must be just a strange coincidence that Jun doesn't meet anyone who seems to know her. It is just the beginning of a new semester, maybe she's new here and that's the reason why nobody knows her yet. Yeah, that must be it, Jun concludes for himself.

Suddenly someone taps his shoulder and Jun whirls around, facing a man, maybe around his age, looking at him with big eyes.

"I'm sorry," the guy says, "I didn't want to surprise you. Are you OK? You look a little lost somehow."

Jun stares at the young man, slightly confused when suddenly he gets a slight feeling of knowing that man when seeing his face.

"Excuse me," Jun starts. "But do we know each other? You look familiar somehow."

"I'm not sure? Maybe you attended one of Sakamoto-sensei's classes? I'm his new assistant professor. I'm sorry though, I don't remember your face," the man answers with an apologetic smile.

"Ah no, no, I'm not a student here, I'm a journalist," Jun chuckles and waves his hand before he quickly reaches inside of his jacket's pocket to pull out a business card to hand it to the young professor. 

"Oh, you're from _Tokyo Himawari_ ," the man says. "I'm one of your readers, actually. I am about to pick up the latest issue at the nearby kiosk in the evening."

"Thank you very much."

"So what leads you here to Seijo University?" the young professor asks curiously. "Did I miss something interesting?"

"I'm searching for someone."

"Searching for someone?" 

"Yes, a female student," Jun continues, feeling hope again. If this man is working here, he may know more students than the other people he asked so far, maybe. "She's a kabuki actress and is featured in an article and interview that I wrote for the latest issue."

"Wow, that's pretty awesome! I didn't know we have someone like that here on the campus," the other man nods interested and Jun's hope fades a little again.

"Her name is Ohno Satoko. Maybe you know her?" he tries his luck nevertheless.

The man in front of him frowns, as if he tries to remember the name but unfortunately in the end he has to deny, excusing his ignorance with the fact that he's still quite new here too.

"But now that you mentioned it before, I think I kind of find your face familiar too," he adds. "May I ask were you graduated from?"

"I graduated from Toudai University," Jun answers.

"Really? Me too!" the other man exclaims.

"I see! I guess here we have our common point," the journalist concludes. "We must have seen each other there."

"Definitely. Did you also have to visit Inagaki-sensei's lectures about Japan's modern economics?" the young man asks, arching his eyebrows curiously.

Jun frowns at the memory of this professor, "Of course! Oh my God, they were super boring..."

"Right? I once fell asleep and had to do some imposition," the young professor admits chuckling and Jun joins in the laughter. "Ah, I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. Sakurai Sho."

"Pleased to meet you, Sakurai-san."

"Well then, Matsumoto-san," the young professor says reading Jun's name from the business card again quickly. "I'm really sorry I can't be of any help for your search."

Jun just shakes his head, understanding. "No problem, thanks for trying to help me. Ah!" he then reaches inside his bag quickly. "If you like, please take one of these," he says, handing Sakurai one of the magazines. 

"Oh wow, thank you very much!" the other gladly accepts the magazine. "I'll keep my ears and eyes open and in case I get to know something about Ohno-san, I'll contact you," he promises. 

"I will be really grateful for your help," Jun bows slightly again before he leaves.

\- - + - -

The thing is that Ohno somehow _knows_. Knows that he has not always been a boy. At least not his soul. But this is something he cannot talk about to anyone yet. People might call him crazy. But deep inside, he is convinced that his dreams aren't just simple dreams and that they must show his past. His and Matsumoto's past in which they were a couple. A couple so much in love that somehow, their souls must have been reborn in order to find each other again. Just like how it is hinted in Ninomiya Kazunari's short story.

Ohno read said story just the day before, because he has the university's magazine at home for weeks but didn't have time to read it yet. He is surprised. No, surprised would be an understatement. He is flabbergasted, speechless, overwhelmed by how _real_ the story feels because it is actually more or less a summary of his own dreams. He can't believe it.

Ohno checks the name of the author again – Ninomiya Kazunari – and remembers that they are both members of the theatre club – Ohno as an actor and Ninomiya usually providing the scripts, rewriting famous stories with new interpretations and helping out as a director or actor for their plays. 

Ohno doesn't know what has gotten into him to approach Ninomiya because of his story and to try talking to him. What is he expecting from the other man? That he tells him he stole his dream diaries and made it into a story? That's a stupid thought and it cannot be true since Ohno keeps them safe and sound at home and never brings any along, too afraid to lose it on his way. But what else? That he's some kind of creepy dream walker who stole his dream? Ohno of course knows that something like that isn't possible - at least that's what he thinks. Nevertheless, it is extremely strange to read Ninomiya's short story and recognize the story of his own very dreams that he has been dreaming for years now. How is this even possible? But then, how is it possible that just a few days earlier the exact man of his dreams - Matsumoto, as he has found out his name - has shown up in front of Ohno? This is at least strange at the same level. And since Ohno even believes in something like reincarnation, who is he to decide what else exists?

In the end though, Ninomiya is totally confused about the conversation with Ohno and it's like the young man's eyes are literally screaming "What do you want from me?" at him. So even _if_ Ninomiya for some reason is able to see Ohno's dreams – or his past – he doesn't seem to be aware of it at all. The latter has to admit that the conversation maybe runs a bit into some kind of awkward dead end. But to his defence, it is really hard to talk to someone about something you don't really understand yourself! Maybe, Ohno was hoping that Ninomiya, as the writer of the story, is able to explain him something more, but it's not such a big surprise that this isn't the case.

Now, instead of finding answers, Ohno has managed to create even more questions - at least for Ninomiya - and on top of that he most probably left an even more awkward impression on the young fellow student than what the other might already have about him. Well, Ohno doesn't care. He's been a loner ever since and he doesn't mind if that fact doesn't change.

However, Ohno could use a friend here at university, to be honest. Yes, he has his sisters but they live quite far away, and yes, he gets along well with his fellow actors in the kabuki group that he is part of besides his university and club activities. The latter even know about his cross dressing habit and don't mind it at all but nevertheless their relationship isn't really something he calls friendship. Maybe it's because Ohno can never relate to other people that well, those who seem to be so sure about being who they are. But with Ninomiya, it is kind of different. For Ohno it feels like that guy is still searching. For something, or someone, at least, it feels like he isn't complete yet. Maybe, he'll be able to understand Ohno better than any other person he met so far.

It is two days after his conversation with Ninomiya, when Ohno overhears his fellow students talking about something during arts classes. Usually, he's completely spaced out, focused on his project and nothing reaches his ears, no matter how loud the conversations around him might be but when someone mentions the name _Matsumoto_ , it's like that name pulls Ohno out of his trance. He looks at the young woman who mentioned the name, holding his brush still over the canvas, and sharpens his ears to listen to the conversation she's holding with her friend.

"His name is Matsumoto and he's a journalist from _Tokyo Himawari_. And he's damned good looking, I tell you," the girl says.

This is when Ohno starts listening. The image of the man of his dreams pops up his mind and Ohno mentally notes that he indeed is _damned good looking_ but at this point, he is still not sure if they are talking about _his_ Matsumoto or someone else with that surname.

"He's been coming to the campus for a few days?" the other girl asked.

"Yes, around midday usually," the other confirmed. "It seems like he's searching for someone."

"Because he's working at a magazine?" OK, no doubt, they _are_ talking about his Matsumoto, Ohno thinks, his heart skipping a beat. He's coming to the campus? "Maybe he wants to interview someone?" 

"No," the first girl shakes her head, tilting it. "It seems he's searching for someone specific that he already _did_ interview."

"Doesn't he have the number of that person? If they already met for an interview and such..." the other student wonders.

"It would make sense, right?" her friend asks. "But obviously not."

"Who is he searching for?"

"Someone called _Ohno Satoko_ ," the young woman explained.

Ohno blushes deeply, feeling his hand starting to tremble slightly. So Matsumoto is searching for him, here on the campus. Well, searching for his female version, that is. No wonder, he doesn't find _Satoko_ , since _she_ doesn't _exist_ on the campus. A strange feeling of guilt waves through Ohno's body. It's not what he intended but it's obviously his fault that the young journalist is wasting his time getting here and searching for Satoko, and this just because Ohno let himself get carried away and wanted to follow this spontaneous, romantic idea of testing the potential love between yeah, him and someone who he believes is the reincarnation of his husband from centuries ago. 

Feeling the trembling in his hands getting stronger, Ohno drops his hand with the brush, not caring about the paint dripping onto the with newspaper covered arts room floor. He tries to gulp down the heavy lump forming in his throat. 

"She seems to be a student here at Seijo," the girl continues, pulling Ohno out of his thoughts again, making him cringe slightly before he turns his attention back to the girls. "But the strange thing is that there _is_ no one with that name on the campus, nobody knows her and he even asked some professors."

"Eh? Then that person lied to him?" the other asked surprised.

No! Ohno screams mentally. He didn't lie to Matsumoto! It's just that - OK, maybe he kind of lied to him. Not about studying at Seijo at least. But Matsumoto thinks he is a woman and Ohno just realizes that he did not do anything to make him believe otherwise when they met. Because for himself it isn't a big deal. Because back then he _was_ a woman and he felt too deep in this character, that he forgot the reality for a while. However, he should have considered that for other people it indeed could be a big deal. They define themselves and others through their gender. Just because something is the truth for Ohno, it doesn't mean it is the truth for everyone else and officially the only truth about Ohno is that he is a male student studying at Seijo and with the information he gave Matsumoto, the other will not be able to find him. But then, and this terrible thought only crosses Ohno's mind right now, what if Matsumoto finds out the truth and doesn't even _want_ to find him any longer? Because he is actually not who he believes he is?

"Ah, Ohno-san?" one of the female students suddenly turns around and looks at the young man with big eyes.

Surprised, Ohno stiffens. "Eh? Yes?"

"I just realized that we are talking about someone with the same surname as yours and it might be naïve to ask but do _you_ happen to know an Ohno Satoko?"

Ohno stares at the young woman for a second, thinking. Should he say yes? No? Pretend he doesn't know? Surprisingly, he feels the situation being more confusing and difficult than he thought it would be.

"Satomi, leave him alone, he's concentrated, can't you see it?" the other girl then cuts in before Ohno even forms the first half of his reply.

"True...," the student called Satomi says, a bit shocked. "I'm really sorry, Ohno-san. Please continue your work."

Ohno just nods slightly to signal that he is OK and the girl doesn't need to worry about it, but he is seriously relieved when the two students turn around again, leaving him in peace. With this he doesn't need to answer, doesn't need to think about the topic deeper than he wants. At least not for now.

\- + -

Of course, in the end, the topic doesn't leave Ohno alone, coming back at him full force as the next day he strolls through the campus during lunch break, wanting to reach from the one building to the other and he spots that familiar face in the middle of the campus, searching. It's Matsumoto. 

Ohno's heart jumps. The other man is still searching for him, it's like a dream. After listening to the rumours and stories his fellow students have to tell about the young good-looking journalist who's searching for that mysterious woman, of course, Ohno played with the thought of going out on the campus and meeting the other man. Just, that he feels like he cannot meet him the way he is at university. As a man. And even if, he wouldn't be able to tell the other that he is actually the same person as the one he is searching for.

However, Ohno just knows, he wants to meet him again. Wants to talk to him again. One way or the other. If it is as Satoko – but he couldn't come here as Satoko – or as who he is at the moment, even if it might mean that he will have to lie for a while.

In the end, the young arts student cannot hold back any longer, seeing the journalist asking students after students for the one he's searching and so, Ohno decides to approach the other man, finally.

He clears his throat as he stops right next to him and his voice – sounding a bit deeper than the voice he used for his appearance as Satoko – almost breaks from the nervousness. "Excuse me," he says, "Matsumoto-san right?"

The journalist turns around, his big brown eyes meeting Ohno's immediately. They look at each other for a moment that feels like an eternity for Ohno and he wonders if the other actually recognizes him. His heart beats fast and loud, up to his throat and it's like he cannot hear anything else than the bumping of his heart right now. He cannot read the look in Matsumoto's eyes, he _thinks_ that there is a hint of recognition but is it possible? Ohno knows that he looks completely different without the female features, his short hair, no make-up on, nothing to be reminded of the beauty of his female side.

The moment is over faster than Ohno expected _eternity_ to last, when suddenly he realizes that the look in Matsumoto's eyes is up and foremost confusion and surprise. 

"Yes?" the man asks, wondering.

Ohno tries to gulp down his nervousness, wishing he could just disappear right now. But he has to talk to him. Now that he started the conversation, he actually has to _talk_ to him, damned! He clears this throat. "You are searching for Ohno Satoko?"

"Oh my god, yes!" Matsumoto exclaims, immediately, his eyes flickering suddenly. "Don't tell me you know her?" He sounds so excited and Ohno just can find it adorable and cute.

"Well, I do," Ohno says and well, it isn't even a lie.

The excitement that replaces the confusion on Matsumoto's eyes now, makes Ohno's heart cringe.

"Really? Can you tell me where I can find her?" the young man asks enthusiastically. 

"Well, Satoko is my... sister." OK, _this_ is a lie.

"I see! Well, now that you mentioned it, you look kind of familiar, you even sound a bit like her, I bet you are twins," Matsumoto says, still excited. He's so cute, Ohno thinks.

"Yeah," the lie continues.

"So, is she here somewhere? Can you guide me to her?"

Ohno spots hope in Matsumoto's look. His heart cringes again.

"Well, fact is she isn't here today," he starts a bit sheepishly. "To be honest, she barely attends university, she's too busy with her job."

"The kabuki group?" the journalist supposes.

"Yeah," Ohno wonders when he will be able to stop this. He feels the spiral of lies drawing closer already.

"Will she come here soon?"

Ohno tilts his head, sheepishly. "I don't think so."

"I see," Matsumoto nods slowly, biting his lower lip slightly and Ohno can only look at the cute dark mole on the man's lips. "Sounds like she's really busy. Then, may I ask you for a favour? I wanted to give her this magazine before she buys it herself, it's from the interview I took with her, I'm sure you know about it as her brother."

"Ah, yeah, sure," Ohno nods hastily.

"I wanted her to have a copy," the journalist blushes a little as he reaches out his hands at the student, lowering his head a little. Too cute to be true, Ohno thinks. "Can you please give it to her?"

"Of course. Thank you very much," the other man takes the magazine, gladly, and for him it's weighing like a treasure.

"So I guess I have to search for her somewhere else," Matsumoto finally concludes. "She's going to the kabuki group regularly, isn't she? Do you know where they do their rehearsals?"

"Uhm... you want to try meeting her there?" Ohno asks a little surprised. He thought that with Matsumoto giving him the magazine, things are settled for the time being but it seems he miscalculated about the journalist.

"Sure. I have to see her again," the young man smiles enthusiastically and it makes Ohno's heart melt helplessly and he wishes he could just jump at the other, kissing him again like he did the last time they met. "Do you know the times when she's there?"

However, of course, Ohno cannot break his lie yet. He has to play along. "Uhm, I'm not sure."

"I guess I'll just try my luck after work then. Thank you very much," Matsumoto bows slightly, apologizing and ready to finally leave.

That's it, Ohno thinks, he's leaving. And of course, he doesn't want him to leave. He wants to reach his hand to tug on the journalist's shirt, to drag him to stay with him, even if just for a little while longer. But of course, that's not possible. Wouldn't it be strange? However, Ohno's lips move faster than his brain can think at the moment and so he calls the other, making him stop.

"Ah, Matsumoto-san, wait. Do you want me to give her your business card? I can't promise she'll call you but just in case."

"Oh, really? That would be great!" again there is this generous smile that makes Ohno's heart throb. "If she wants to contact me, I'd be happy. I really want to see her. I'll write my private cell phone number onto it, wait a second."

"I'll give her the card too then," the art student promises in a low voice.

"Thank you so much, Ohno-san," Matsumoto says and hurriedly reaches into his bag to fish for a business card and a pen. After scribbling his number onto the empty space on the back side, he hands the card to the other man carefully.

"It's nothing," Ohno shakes his head slightly.

"Really, you don't know what it means to me," the journalist bows again. "Good bye."

"Good bye."

Ohno takes a look at the business card in his hands, letting his thumb brush softly over the man's name, the kanji with the pine trees. His heart is still beating like crazy. Maybe it wouldn't be fate again that reunited Ohno and Matsumoto after that interview, but Matsumoto's persistence to find Satoko again and Ohno's inability to resist him. But that should be fine, too.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

On the evening after the encounter with Ninomiya in the library, Sho visits the "Leaf-Letters", a bookstore with cafe close to the campus and at the same time the working place of Sho's roommate Aiba. In the morning he promised to go get buying groceries if Aiba makes him a list of what they needed, so he is there to pick up said list. 

Aiba is lining books on the shelves in some not so busy area of the bookstore at the moment, waving friendlily when his friend shows up around the corner. While they exchange some small talk, he reaches in his green apron's pocket and pulls out the list he wrote for Sho, handing it to him with a thankful nod. 

Just before Sho is about to leave, Aiba grins at him, knowingly. "How is it with _him_? Did you meet? Any progress?"

Of course, he's referring to Ninomiya, Sho's crush that the other told his friend about just in the morning. Sho bites his lower lip and smiles. "I asked him out."

Aiba gapes at him, excited. "You really did it?! Courageous! And what did he say?"

"He turned me down," Sho states in a casual voice and Aiba nods understandingly.

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that but it's not so surprising, is it?" he analyses while crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I bet he must have been confused by your invitation. You barely know each other after all."

"You can say so. He is very confused," Sho agrees. "Further, he has a girlfriend," he states.

Aiba cringes. "Ouch! Shit, well, that's unlucky."

Sho chuckles softly, scratching his cheek, making Aiba frown.

"You don't really look that disappointed somehow," the man says a bit confused.

"Well, it's not over yet," Sho says with a smile.

Aiba arches his eyebrows. "Although he turned you down and told you he has a girlfriend?"

"Yeah," Sho tilts his head, frowning a little. "I don't know and maybe I'm imagining things but some part of me kind of feels like he doesn't mean it."

"You mean he lied about having a girlfriend?"

"That's not what I meant," the other man shakes his head. "He doesn't seem to be the lying type. But when he turned me down it feels like he doesn't _really mean_ it. There is something in his eyes, I think. It's like, he just doesn't know yet that we belong together, you know?"

"Gosh you sound so full of yourself," Aiba chuckles, shaking his head slightly before Sho joins in the laughter.

"I know! I've never had thoughts like these before in my life," the young assistant professor admits, his eyes widened in excitement. It's like he doesn’t know himself but it feels good somehow, he feels assured. "I just kind of know it, you see? I cannot describe it any better."

"Or you're imagining things," Aiba dares to point out.

"Maybe. But it feels so right!" Sho cannot help the wide smile forming on his lips when he thinks about the whole thing again. He found him. _Him_ , the one he's dreaming about since… he doesn't even know when it started but finally, he can see his face.

"But if he has a girlfriend, what makes you think that he will change his mind and come to you? What if he's completely straight?" his roommate continues.

Sho shakes his head. That can't be true. "I don't think so."

"Full of yourself, it's admirable. That must be the power of love," Aiba attempts a whistle, failing.

"Don't make fun of me," his friend slightly pouts, even if he knows how crazy he must sound.

"I don't. But I want you to be careful, I'm not fond of the idea of having to nurse my roommate's broken heart."

Sho shakes his head, again the wide smile on his face. "It will work out; I have to believe in it. He's my… soulmate."

Aiba stares at the other as he uses such a meaningful word. He smirks and pats his roommate's shoulders. "Well, good luck then." 

\- + - 

Some days passed, and Sho continues trying to approach Ninomiya. Of course he doesn't _stalk_ him, at least he refuses to call it like that. But he has a close eye on him during lectures (noticing in amusement that the other is quite aware of the fact that he's getting spied on and his shy reaction makes Sho realize even more how cute the young man is) and outside of the classroom he tries to get in touch with the other too. He already gave him a cup of coffee for free when the other seemed to be waiting for someone (maybe his girlfriend) and tried to start a short conversation. He casually asks Ninomiya about university, about his projects, even his hobbies. 

Ninomiya seems surprised, confused and not knowing how to react, even a little grumpy (which Sho finds cute too) but in the end, he doesn't push the assistant professor away and instead honestly answers his questions. Even if Ninomiya still declines invitations (Sho tried it once with a suggestion of going to a nearby cafe instead of aiming for a candle light dinner but got turned down again) Sho is getting closer to his goal – getting to know the other man better, even if he feels like he knows him quite well already. It's like re-discovering something you once loved, it's incredible and wonderful. And maybe, they even start to getting along quite well, Sho thinks. 

Of course, Ninomiya is different from the man Sho dreams of, in many aspects, but that's not surprising. Sho doesn't expect to meet the exact same person from his dreams. He himself isn't the _exact same person_ from his dreams and he still doesn't understand the whole mysterious thing anyway. However, it's interesting to see the differences and the commonalities that _dream Ninomiya_ and the real one have, even if they look exactly alike. 

The real one is much grumpier but he holds the same melancholy like the one in Sho's dreams and a subtle shyness that glimpses through at times. His language is more impolite and direct though, but that's no surprise considering that Sho's dreams are set in ancient Japan and Ninomiya is actually one of his servants there when now he is a smart student, critical when facing him. Sho appreciates this Ninomiya, he's charming in a way that he is not aware of himself. But there is one thing Sho misses. 

His smiles.

Sho doesn't know Ninomiya well enough yet to grasp the actual situation and understand why the other seems to be gloomy, maybe even depressed. The other – obviously – won’t let him into his heart that quickly but Sho is confident to be able to find a way and he's willing to help the other man with everything, if he needs help. Sho's feelings don't differ from the ones in his dreams. He wants to help Ninomiya. He wants to protect him. He wants to be there for him and be with him forever.

After thinking about the whole situation for a while, Sho finally started to try finding out more about it, the dreams, the strange connection he feels to Ninomiya and whatnot. Not even for a second he considered that his heart was just driving him crazy and made him interpret Ninomiya into his dreams, like Aiba assumed, just because he _fell for him at first sight_. This isn’t the case. There is more behind it. Sho knows it. He _feels_ it. 

He finally ends up browsing the internet, spending hours of research about love, mystical connection between people, reincarnation, _soulmates_. When thinking about Ninomiya, this word keeps popping up Sho's mind and what he first thought to be a vague idea of something, he comes to the conclusion that this is what they actually must be. _Soulmates_. Even, if Ninomiya doesn't know. Not yet. But Sho will find a way to prove it to him, that's for sure.

\- + -

_The marriage of young Lord Matsumoto Junta and his princess, Lady Saki, has been splendid, the biggest and most colourful feast Sho ever visited. The celebration after the actual ceremony goes on and on until the early morning hours when finally people leave to their bivouacs or fall asleep around the tables in the large dining room one by one, their bodies smelling of alcohol. It's almost time for the sun to rise, at least the sky is slightly getting brighter by the minute and if someone was in an empty quiet house, the first birds' songs would be able to reach their ears._

_Sho is still sober, he isn't very fond of sake since it makes his mind dizzy in an unhealthy way. There is only one thing that is able to make him feel the world's worth and it is definitely not found in a small cup of liquid. He bids good night to his friend and his friend's wife who are both still sitting and drinking, tired but happy, at the far end of the table, clinging to each other, totally in love._

_A young man by Sho's side follows him at every turn, almost like a shadow, just like he did the whole evening. Sho leaves the room and goes along the corridor, follows the sound of the slightly creaking wood until he reaches a door, the door to the guest room that he was assigned to for those few days, staying in the house of his friend. The man behind him, his servant Ninomiya Kazuya, his _Kazu_ , stops too, a bit insecure but Sho reaches out his hand to grab the man's wrist and pulls him into the still half-dark room and right into his warm embrace._

_Sho feels his own heartbeat, running like a drum and he feels the fast heartbeat of the young man in his arms, who sneaks closer, burying his face in the fabric of Sho's festive kimono, his arms finding their way around his waist, pressing himself closer. Sho cannot resist and reaches his hand down at the other man, putting it underneath his chin and pulls his face closer, meeting the other's tired but excited glance._

_"Finally we're on our own," Sho murmurs with a happy smile on his face just before he lays his lips tenderly on top of the young man's._

_"We have to be careful, what if someone sees us?" the young man in his arms whispers, out of breath, when they break the kiss._

_"We are careful enough, don't worry. Even if someone sees us, they are all drunk. They won't realize or they won't mind," Sho answers. "Can you please help me to undress?"_

_The young lord turns so that his servant is able to help him out of the several layers of heavy fabric easily, putting it aside carefully before he hands him his nightwear. As to return the favour, Sho does the same, helping the young man out of his clothes – even if they aren't as impressive and expensive as his own – brushing his body lovingly with his hands before the other blushes and quickly slips on his own sleeping kimono. Sho then reaches for the other's hand again, pulling him with him to the already prepared futon._

_"Let's just go to bed, you must be tired, right?"_

_"You too," the servant replies and obeys Sho's suggestion._

_They lie down on the futon next to each other, close enough that their breath hits each other's faces, close enough that a whisper is everything needed to be understood. Sho caresses his lover's cheek with his hand and presses another slight kiss onto those kissable lips. The young man smiles at him, genuinely, lifting his hand to put it on Sho's before he allows his eyes to fall shut. But Sho isn't finished yet. His heart is still drumming inside his chest, even if tired, he's still excited from the feast, drunken, not from the alcohol but from the pleasant atmosphere. Drunken from the thought of being present on a day on which a couple swore their eternal love to each other. It makes him feel itchy. In a good way._

_"Kazu?" Sho whispers, wondering if his lover's mind has already slipped away._

_But the other opens his eyes immediately, looking at him. "Yes?"_

_Sho snuggles a little closer, bringing their bodies together. "Once we're home, I want you to do something for me."_

_"What do you want me to do?" the servant wonders._

_"I want you to prove your love to me," Sho says earnestly._

_Kazu breaks into a warm smile, nodding. "I'll do everything. You know that I'm sincere."_

_Excitement spreading in Sho's chest, he shifts position, sitting up, supporting his weight with his arms while the other young man rolls on his back, looking up at him curiously._

_"Well, I won't force you to do it because it will hurt but I beg you to consider it," Sho starts._

_"What is it?" his lover asks curiously, sitting up too._

_"You remember the injury on my wrist?" Sho asks, pulling the said wrist in front of his body. It's still wrapped in a small piece of bandage._

_"The one you got from sword training?"_

_"Actually, that was a little lie. It's not from sword training," the young lord admits._

_The servant frowns, worries. "What happened then?"_

_"Don't worry, it's nothing serious. Look, I'll show you," Sho says and removes the bandages, revealing a coin sized, small, black drawing on his skin, showing the form of a flower._

_"What's that?" his lover asks surprised, reaching his hands at Sho's wrist but not daring to touch it._

_"It's a tattoo."_

_"A tattoo?"_

_"Yes, some kind of ornament on my skin," the young man explains._

_The other frowns, but looks fascinated. "How… is it painted?"_

_"Kind of," Sho nods. "But it's permanent. It's ink inserted underneath my skin with a sharp object."_

_"Doesn't it hurt?" the servant asks, his face now seriously worried as he looks at Sho with big eyes._

_The other man smiles. "Not any longer. It already healed, you see?"_

_"Ah…"_

_"Touch it," Sho encourages him. "Don't be shy. It doesn't hurt, I swear."_

_Fascinated but with a lot of care, Kazu finally touches Sho's tattoo with the tips of his fingers, very carefully, as if he is afraid to wipe away the picture decorating his lover's wrist. It feels just like the slight brush from the wings of a butterfly and it tickles slightly, when the young man lets his finger follow the drawing._

_"But it hurt when you made it?" he asks silently._

_"It did. But I did it for you so the pain was worth it."_

_Again, the young man lifts his head, his beautiful eyes meeting Sho's. His cheeks blush nicely. "For me?"_

_"Yes. It's a symbol for me carrying you in my heart forever. Can you see what the ornament depicts?"_

_"It's… it's a camellia," the servant stammers and blushes even more, as if he realizes something very important at this very moment._

_"Do you remember the first time we met?" Sho asks in a low whisper, reaching out his free hand to cup his lover's cheek again, lovingly. It's warm, so warm, even warmer than usual, due to the admirable blush._

_"Of course, I do," the other whispers back, nodding in short movements so not to make Sho draw away his hand._

_"You were so young, such a young child."_

_A soft chuckle leaves the servant's smiling lips. Sho loves this chuckle, this smile. "Not that much younger than you were."_

_"True," the young lord tilts his head. "But I kind of felt like grown up then already. I had to be grown up after all. But you, you were still a child and you were scared to death from being brought to my place – a stranger's place – because your parents couldn't afford to feed you any longer."_

_Together they dive into the memories of their past, visiting one of the servant's saddest but also brightest days. The memory is so vivid as if it happened yesterday._

_The young man sighs silently, almost unheard. "I was supposed to become your servant in order to survive. You became my source of life. And as I found out later, not only because you were the one paying for my food."_

_"Back then you were so scared by the new situation and the new people, you fled into our gardens as soon as people wasn’t paying attention for a small moment and hid there," Sho remembers vividly._

_"I did," Kazu nods._

_"Although it was raining heavily."_

_"I didn't know where to go," the young man explains._

_Sho intertwines his fingers with Kazu's. "When I heard that a child around my age is hiding in the gardens, scared, I wanted to help."_

_"You always had such a good heart, you still have," his lover says, clutching their hands together as if he never wants to let go._

_"I found you, crouching underneath the camellia bush," Sho continues. "I can still see you in front of my eyes just like that. Small, drenched in the rain, crying and shivering from fear and from the cold and immediately, I knew that I had to protect you."_

_"And you pulled me out from underneath there and inside to get me into a warm bath," Kazu continues the story with a loving smile. He locks eyes with Sho. "You made that house that scared me so much into something I'd start to love."_

_"You remember?" the young lord chuckles. "We got scolded because I allowed you, a young servant, to accompany me to my bath but since they didn't want you to fall ill on your first day, they allowed you to bath with me."_

_"And soon after we became friends, even if I was supposed to be your servant," the other man finishes the story. Their story._

_Sho cannot hold back and leans forward, hugging Kazu close. "Yes, you're more than my servant. You're my best friend, you're my lover, you're my better half, you're the one I love the most in this world," the words spill out of Sho's mouth, sincere and clear, feeling like honey to the other man's ears. "And since that day, whenever I see a camellia, I think about you. That's why I chose this motif to represent our love."_

_"It's beautiful, I love it," the servant whispers into Sho's ear, his eyes closed._

_Sho ends the embrace, putting his hands on his lover's shoulders and looks straight into his eyes. His heart is beating so fast that he can swear that it is about to jump out of his chest. "If you want, I'd like you to get the same tattoo."_

_"The same as yours?" Kazu wants to confirm._

_"Yes, as our sign that we belong together," suddenly the young lord sounds confident and insecure at the same time, scared of being let down by his lover. "Will... will you do it?"_

_"For you? Of course," the young man nods his head, eagerly._

_Sho hugs him tightly again, pressing him even closer than before and it's just then when he realizes that he's shaking a little from the excitement. But with Kazu in his arms, everything seems fine. "Aren't you scared?" Sho finally asks._

_"Maybe a little bit," his lover answers after a second of thinking. "But it's more of being thrilled, pleasurably. Like always when I'm with you. It makes me so happy that you thought about such a way to prove our love, really."_

_"You don't have to if you don't want to. I won't force you," the young lord repeats, just to be safe._

_"No, really," the servant shakes his head, brushing his nose against his lover's neck. "I can't wait to do it. I love the idea. I love you."_

_"I love you too," Sho answers, his heart bursting. Right now, he must be the happiest man in the world._

_He lets his lips search for Kazu's, finding them, warm and soft, hungry against his when they kiss again and again._

\- - + - -

For some reason, the first thing Nino thinks about when he wakes up in the morning, is Sakurai. Just... why?!

Nino thinks that this Sakurai guy is really a strange guy. From the first moment they met, he acts just… well, strange. He stares at him, flashes him smiles that make the other utterly confused, he talks to him whenever he can find him on the campus and has the chance to. Hell, that guy even tried to invite him for dinner and for coffee! It confuses Nino. He's not used to this kind of attention, especially not from a man. It's not that he has something against gay people – and what else should he think about Sakurai than being gay and interested in him, according to his behaviour – but he is just not used to this degree of attention. Even when he started dating Keiko, it wasn't like this. They somehow liked each other, they somehow started dating, and they somehow became a couple. That's how easy it was. But now there is Sakurai and dealing with Sakurai isn't easy at all for Nino.

He cannot even say that he doesn't _like_ the attention that the other man gives him or that he doesn't like _him_. Sakurai seems to be a decent young man, polite (even if a little pushy), friendly, open-minded. For some reason, it doesn't upset Nino or make him feel uncomfortable when the other approaches him, but it makes him feel really nervous and insecure.

Questions pop up his mind like how is it possible that someone who knows you for just a few days seems to be interested in you to such an extent? Why doesn't he simply give up on him after Nino told him that he has a girlfriend? Why Sakurai is even interested in _him_ when Nino is taken and for sure not the most delightful company? The young assistant professor is a good-looking man and surely can have _everybody_ he wants, so why him? And why the hell does Nino's heart start beating faster when he's around?

Yeah, that last part is most likely the most confusing for Nino at the moment. He feels nervous around Sakurai, but not the kind of nervousness you have before a test or an unpleasant doctor's appointment, it was more the kind of nervousness when you are waiting in the queue for a concert of your favourite artist or yeah… the kind of nervousness you feel when that one person that you like since elementary school suddenly realizes that you exist and talks to you.

No, it's not like Nino developed a liking to Sakurai or that he is interested in him. At least not in the same way the other seems to be interested in him. Nino isn't gay. He never liked men this way before and he doesn't plan on switching his sexual orientation now after more than 20 years, just because a good-looking guy is showing interest in him and makes him… curious. 

But why is it then that the young student feels like he has somehow started to become _obsessed_ with that guy? He doesn't mind any longer when Sakurai meets him in the corridors of the university buildings or on the campus, stopping him for a conversation. It doesn't bother him any longer when the other stares at him during classes, hell no, on the contrary, Nino starts staring at him too when the other isn’t looking and when their eyes meet, which happens pretty often, he feels that strange connection he cannot grasp yet and he allows himself to look into those dark eyes, just for a few seconds, just as long until his stopped heart restarts beating and he averts his eyes. No, he's not interested in Sakurai…

Nino sighs. Maybe he should stay at home today, considering that with two seminars held by Sakamoto-sensei (and Sakurai as his assistant accordingly) his day will be filled with the other man and he isn't sure how to face the situation. He wants to think about it, wants to sort his thoughts and feelings before he meets him again or he might actually accept the guy's next invitation. What? Is he really thinking that? 

Confused and frustrated, Nino buries his face in his pillow and pulls the blanket tighter around him. Yes, staying here in bed for the whole day sounds pretty good. But of course, it's not so easy to skip university, especially not with Nino's mother knocking at his door.

"Kazu, breakfast is ready," he hears her voice. "And it's time for you to leave."

"I don't wanna," Nino grumbles into his pillow after another sigh, knowing that his mother won't hear him like that.

"What did you say?" she asks when she pushes open the door, peaking her head into her son's room.

"I'll stay at home for today," Nino answers, turning his head to face her.

Immediately, his mother comes closer to his bed, sitting down on the edge. She reaches out her hand, putting it on her son's forehead, her face worried. "What is it, aren't you feeling well?"

Nino tries to brush her hand away but gives up when she just continues. "Not really."

"Hm, you don't seem to have a fever," his mother concludes. Of course not, he's not sick, Nino thinks. "What is it darling, your back?"

Nino rolls his eyes. "Mom, please don't talk about my back. It's not about my back. I just don't feel well."

"You seem quite stressed lately," the woman then states, crossing her arms, a concerned look on her face. "Is everything OK?"

Yes. No. Maybe? "Hm." 

"Problems with your studies?"

"No," Nino sighs.

"What is it then, problems with Keiko-chan?" his mother's voice sounds soft, careful.

The mentioning of his girlfriend's name makes Nino's heart sting. Right, Keiko... he should think about how to continue things with her too. Sakurai is still occupying his mind. Damned. Nino cannot even remember if he met or texted his girlfriend the previous day. Nino's memory is blurred. He feels guilty but all he can remember is that he met Sakurai on the campus and that they talked about some books and the realization that they just recently enjoyed the very same book of one of Nino's favourite authors and exchanged opinions about it, making him feel light and happy.

Another deep sign leaves Nino's lips. That thing with Keiko… it really isn't going well. And he knows, it's not leading them anywhere. He takes his guts together and finally for the first time he talks to his mother about the issue, sincerely. "… To be honest, I think Keiko and I should better break up."

"What?!" the woman sitting next to him looks at him, shocked. Of course, she didn't expect this. "Kazu, do you know what you're saying?! What are you talking about so suddenly? Please, don't make too fast decisions, you and Keiko-chan are so perfect for each other! You shouldn't think about breaking up." 

"You think so?" Nino asks back, not sure if the sarcastic tone that he is aiming for is present enough. "I know you like her and it's not like I don't but what if we're just not meant to be together?"

"You know, in a relationship there are good times and bad times but you will manage it through. Look at me and your father."

His mother ignores Nino's doubts completely, trying to cheer him up by trying to give her son the feeling of relating to him. Maybe that isn't the best example, Nino thinks, remembering their countless fights, the heavy atmosphere between them most of the time, but he doesn't want to hurt his mother so he keeps his mouth shut.

"Don't worry Kazu, you two will be fine," the woman gives him a smile and pats her son's shoulder before she stands up to leave the room. "And now get up, breakfast is getting cold."

Nino doesn't really agree. But he knows that with his mother he will meet deaf ears regarding this topic. She just doesn't want to see how unhappy her son is most of the time when it comes to Keiko. Nino’s thoughts start running in circles but he just finds one answer. He has to break up with Keiko. It will be better for both of them or they will not be able to get out of this and advance. 

For a moment, the image of the new assistant professor pops up in his mind again and the imagination of the snippet of a conversation in which he will tell him that he no longer has a girlfriend. Nino shakes his head slightly. No, that's not why he will break up with her. It's just an inevitable conclusion for something that's going wrong for just too long already.

\- + - 

Nino cannot say what is his final motivation to get up this morning, the urge to talk to Keiko and to finally settle things between them or the subtle urge to see Sakurai, that he still tries to ignore but somehow _can't_. However, his plan to stay at home and to run away from things got crushed and this is why the student now stands there in a silent corner of the campus, facing his girlfriend as he asked her for a talk.

When he tells her about his feelings, that he thinks they don't match and that it’s better if they break up, she just looks at him in disbelief, her bag slowly slipping from her shoulder without her noticing. 

"I thought this topic is over," she states coldly before her voice takes on a hint of panic. "We won't break up."

Nino tries to explain. "For _you_ the topic seems to be over but honestly, I am not sure how long I can take this."

Keiko shoots him a look, a mixture of hurt, disgust and disbelief. "How can you stand there and say something cruel like that? Do you even think about my feelings?"

"Keiko, look," Nino tries again, scratching the back of his head as he searches for the right words. Why is this so damned difficult? "It's not that I don't like you. It's just… think about it, do you really think the two of us together hit it off?"

The young woman doesn't pick up his question and instead crosses her arms in a defensive posture. "Are you cheating on me?" she fires at him.

"What?!" Nino can't believe it.

"You are cheating on me, aren't you?" Keiko's voice starts shaking dangerously. "You have someone else. That's why you want to break up."

The young man shook his head. "Keiko, you know that's not true. I never cheated on you and I never would!"

"Who is she?" she ignores his denial, as if she's obsessed by this idea, spreading in her head like weeds.

"Stop that," Nino says, getting desperate.

"Tell me!" Keiko yells at him.

The young student sighs, rubbing his forehead before he faces her again, trying to stay calm and factual. "See? If you cannot even trust me enough to believe me that I'm not cheating, what's this relationship worth? I told you, I'm _not_ cheating on you!"

"Then why do you want to break up?!" the girl in front of him continues yelling, she looks so angry...

"Because I don't _love_ you," Nino finally bursts and most likely this is the most honest thing he told Keiko in a while. 

He feels awful and deeply sorry when he looks into her face and sees tears forming in her eyes. It's unlike her to cry, she's a strong woman. He didn't expect and of course didn't intend to hurt her that much but…

"I'm sorry," he continues in a soft voice, even if he knows that he cannot save the situation anymore. "I know this must sound awful but I just cannot pretend to feel what I don't. I do _like_ you, but I think it's not enough for a proper _love_ relationship. It's not your fault, it's mine."

"Save your words," Keiko spits at him, tears dropping from her eyelashes and running down her cheeks. "I get it."

"Look, we can stay-"

"If you're going to say we could stay as friends, forget it!" she snaps, shooting Nino a death glare.

"Keiko…," he tries to calm her down.

"Fuck off, Nino. I hate you."

With those last words, the young woman turns around, her hair whirling through the air and the heels of her shoes clattering over the stone ground of the campus quickly, as she hurries away, clutching her bag firmly and hunching her back slightly. Nino hangs his head, closing his eyes. He didn't plan to end this in such a poor way. He feels awful. Awful and guilty for hurting someone who spent the last year with him, bearing with his gloomy mood, being his friend and partner, even if they didn't click perfectly. And then, he feels awful for feeling guilty too and _relieved_ at the same time about the break up. 

For feeling… free.

\- + -

Just after Sakamoto-sensei's classes, Nino flees from the campus immediately. If this was a normal day, maybe he would wait somewhere in the corridors to try and see if Sakurai will come up to him for a chat – Nino is almost shocked about how used he is to this procedure already – but today, he just feels horrible because of what happened with Keiko. He feels like he doesn't have the right for a nice chat. He has averted his eyes from the young assistant professor as much as possible during the lecture and even left a few minutes before the actual end of classes so that Sakurai doesn't even have the chance to catch up with him, if he wants. 

Nino doesn't feel like going home though. He doesn't want to tell his mother about the breakup but he's sure that she knows about it already. Considering how close she and Keiko are, the young woman must have contacted his mother already by the time he gets home. To be exact, he's even surprised that he didn't get bombarded by incoming calls and messages from his mother already. He maybe should go to club activities, the theatre club holds this meeting for a new project and Nino has offered his script to them but he honestly feels like skipping it today. He doesn't want to see other people at the moment, and he's not able to concentrate on anything anyway. 

Instead, Nino ends up in the bookstore close to the campus, one of his favourite places. He plans to go through the new releases to see if he might be interesting in picking up some of them. Or maybe he can buy some of the missing volumes of his Agatha Christie collection in the English book section. 

In the end the English book section is exactly the place in which he ends up, standing on top of a small stepladder, searching for some specific titles in one of the upper shelves. But suddenly, there is this familiar and distinct sensation between his shoulder blades, his back getting hit full force with a wave of pain. Nino curses, he tries to remember if he made a strange movement or something, causing it, but he cannot connect it to anything. Just as usual, the pain is suddenly there and right now, it's overwhelming.

He accidentally pulls a few books out of the shelf when he drops his arm and tries to reach the hurting spot on his back. The books hit him, he loses balance, and he hears them scatter around him when he meets the floor, crouching, feeling like paralyzed. The stepladder gets pushed over, making noise. Nino, his eyes closed firmly from the stabbing pain, can hear footsteps and murmurs around him, people approaching him. Someone kneels down in front of him, he can hear it, feel it. 

And then there is a familiar voice, sounding surprised and worried. "Ninomiya-kun! Are you hurt?"

"Sakurai-san?" Nino tries to get up, but he can't. He opens an eye and spots the familiar face from the corner of his eye. What is he doing here? Stalking him? No, what a stupid thought, Nino scolds himself. It must be pure coincidence. "Don't worry it's just – argh…, " he cringes again.

"Ninomiya? Ninomiya!" the other man's voice sounds slightly panicked and Nino feels the touch of Sakurai's hand on his arm. "Shall I call an ambulance?"

"What?!" now Nino is the one to panic. "No! No, no doctor. It's not necessary at all!" 

"But you're in pain!"

"Oh really?" a slightly desperate chuckle leaves Nino's mouth when he struggles to get up, clinging onto Sakurai's arm that the other offers him. "Thanks for pointing that out, I almost missed it."

"Hey, I just want to help you," the other says, tilting his head but not sounding offended.

"Maybe I don't need your help," Nino murmurs. He planned to sound more upset but somehow, he sounds calming. He realizes that more than feeling annoyed by Sakurai, he just doesn't want him to worry about him. "Really, it's just my back, it will go away."

"Where does it hurt, here?" Sakurai asks concerned, his hand carefully brushing over Nino's back, meeting the spot that the other tries to reach with his hand.

Nino freezes when he feels Sakurai's touch. He doesn't hear his "Ah, Sorry!", too confused about what follows. His heart stops beating for a moment, then it starts rushing. Rushing so fast that it feels like the blood running through Nino's veins is all he can hear. The sound disappears and then the student seems to lose ground, the edges of his vision bending, blurring. It's like he's getting pulled into something, somewhere. Is it a dream? Is it a memory? He cannot name it. 

_Suddenly he hears the noise of rain, drumming against his ears, sees the blurry silhouette of some red flowers becoming clear. He's sitting underneath a bush, hiding from something. He's freezing, he's scared. His feet – the feet of a child - are bare and covered in cold dirt. Then there's a hand, reaching out for his, a very warm hand, pulling him. He stands up and it's like he's growing, his body stretching into the one of a young adult and the hand that reached out for him circles around his waist, pulling him into a tight embrace. He feels the soft fabric of a kimono against his skin. The rain and the coldness is gone. He breathes the scent of the person that is holding him in his arms. He closes his eyes. He knows this scent. He loves this scent. It feels so warm. It feels so good._

Then, it's over just as fast as it started. Nino blinks. He's back. And the pain too. He crouches under Sakurai's touch.

"Ninomiya?" 

Sakurai's distant voice. This scent… Nino's heart skips another beat.

"Don't be so stubborn! Can you even move?" Sakurai's voice is getting closer just like his big eyes that look at him, worried.

It's like Nino arrives again in reality. What the hell was that? Has he been gone? Has he lost consciousness? No, it doesn't seem like that, just as if he hasn't listened for a while. He squints his eyes, slightly shakes his head. "Wait a second," he murmurs.

The sensation of Sakurai's touch is still there but he is not touching his hurting spot any longer, his hands moved to Nino's shoulders to slowly guide him away. "Come here, sit down. Or… lay down? Which helps the best?"

Nino looks at him, puzzled and tries to remember Sakurai's question. "Ah... lying down but not here, obviously."

"Do you live nearby?" the other asks.

Nino shakes his head. "Not too nearby…"

"Alright... You know what? I live just a few minutes away. You can rest there," Sakurai suggests.

"What?" Nino wonders. "No, wait, you don't need to-"

"It's no problem, really," the assistant professor assures him. "I have some crème at home, it might help against the pain."

"OK, OK, whatever," Nino murmurs. Somehow, that idea doesn't sound _so_ bad. 

"Let's go."

Nino allows Sakurai to help him out of the bookstore and indeed they only take a few minutes by foot to arrive in the assistant professor’s apartment which is located just about two streets away in the third floor of a small mansion – thankfully equipped with an elevator. 

As soon as they enter Sakurai's apartment, Nino feels comfortable. It's warm and friendly and he likes it immediately. The subtle wish to come here more often suddenly spreads in his chest and he mentally scolds himself for thinking this.

"I live here together with my roommate, Aiba. He's working at the "Leaf-Letters" you know?" Sakurai immediately explains. 

He helps Nino to get rid of his shoes since the student cannot move well on his own. Nino feels ashamed but he doesn't protest, unable to do anything against it anyway. Afterwards, Sakurai leads him through the apartment, passing a kitchen-living room and heading to what seems to be his bedroom. He helps Nino to sit down and quickly leaves the room, telling him he will be back in a minute with the crème he promised. Nino just sits there, his back still hunched and hurting but he cannot help looking around, a bit curious. So this is Sakurai's room, he thinks. It's not too big, not too small, the bed he's sitting on is a usual western bed, there is a desk and a few shelves in the room, the shelves of course overflowing with countless books and in front of the desk there is a pin board decorated with photos, post-its and postcards. It spreads a nice and warm feeling, this room, but nevertheless, it makes Nino a bit nervous. He's in Sakurai's room. Well, and why does this make him so nervous now? 

He cannot answer the question but once Sakurai returns, a tube of crème in his hands as well as a glass of water and some pills, Nino gets even more nervous. Nino averts his eyes when the other takes place next to him and hands him the glass of water.

"I thought maybe you might need some painkiller," Sakurai says and gives one of the pills to the other man.

Nino gladly accepts it and gulps it down after thanking the other man. He tries to avoid taking painkillers on a regular basis but from time to time when the pain is too heavy, it couldn't hurt to take one. Most likely it will help better than any crème can. 

"You want me to help you applying it?" the young assistant professor then suggests, making Nino stare at him.

The student blushes as he feels the heat running to his cheeks. Damned. He didn't think about that. Indeed, once he's in pain and cannot move properly, it's difficult for him to reach that specific spot and right now his back is still in pain and feels like it's blocking half of his body. He doesn't say anything though, he's not able to.

"Come here," Sakurai says. "You better get rid of your shirt and lay down on your stomach."

"Eh?!" Nino feels slightly panicking when the other man reaches out his hands to grab Nino's shirt, starting to pull it up before the latter makes him stop.

"So that I can help you properly," Sakurai explains with a serious look. "You can't really move after all, can you?"

Nino gives up and finally lets the assistant professor help him to undress, even if he feels embarrassed like he hasn’t in a very long time. He feels like hiding when he sits there with his scrawny, pale body, only his pants on and feels Sakurai's look on him. He wants to cross his arms in front of his chest but even this movement is painful, shooting stabs through his back. He curses.

"Try to lie down," Sakurai suggests again.

He pushes the blanket of his bed back and adjusts the pillow to make a comfortable spot for Nino to lie down. The young man can't believe what is actually going on. It feels so unreal. There he was breaking up with his girlfriend during lunch break on the campus and now he's sitting here, half naked on the bed of another guy, one who, well... might actually _aim_ for him lying on his bed, even if the circumstances should be different. Nino gulps down the lump forming in his throat but finally does as he's told and tries to carefully lie down, finding a position that's bearable.

"Don't be scared, it's just a little cold," Sakurai says as he crawls a little closer and opens the tube of crème to poor some of it onto his fingers. "So where exactly is the spot? It is near this..."

Nino tries to turn his head a little to be able to actually see Sakurai who seems to stare at a specific spot on his back.

"Well, yeah, it's close to that reddish spot on my spine between the shoulders," Nino starts. "A bit to the right though." Still, Sakurai stares at his back and Nino feels his cheeks blushing again. This was becoming even more embarrassing. "Sakurai-san?"

"Ah," the other blinks, as if he got pulled out of a day dream and looks at Nino with a smile causing the other to frown. Is something wrong?

"That's just a birthmark," Nino murmurs, referring to the red spot on his skin which must be what distracted the other man just before. 

"Sorry. So, let me try," the assistant professor says and reaches his hand to touch Nino's skin.

It feels indeed a little cold and Nino shivers for a moment but quickly adjusts to the nice and careful touch of the other man. He carefully spreads the crème at the respective spot and around it, starting to slowly massage the crème all over Nino's upper back. It feels good. So good... and Nino cannot help but close his eyes and relax. The fingers dancing over his back now spread their warmth through the cold silky crème and he can feel how the pain starts lessening, slipping away, just like his suddenly just too tired mind. Nino takes a deep breath, noticing the familiar scent coming from Sakurai's pillow. It's strange and he doesn't understand why but he feels safe here, safer than he feels anywhere else.

\- + - 

When Nino wakes up again, his mind slow to come back to the real world, he immediately feels like he dreamed something very important but at the same moment he realizes that he forgot his dream right away. He curses mentally. He knows that it was a pleasant dream, none of those that you actually _want_ to forget but it can't be helped. 

After burying his nose once again in the soft pillow on which his head is resting, Nino opens his eyes – and to his surprise, he stared into another pair of brown eyes, just a few centimetres from his body. A surprised yell almost escapes from his lips but he immediately recognizes Sakurai's beautiful, brown eyes and remembers at once where he is and why. And that he's actually lying in that guy’s bed, half naked and covered by a blanket, the original owner of the bed lying just a bit away from him, looking at him. Smiling at him.

"Holy fuck!" Nino chuckles, reaching one of his hands to rub his sleepy eyes. "My God, you really surprised me!"

"I'm sorry, this wasn't my intention," Sakurai snorts amused.

"What… why…"

"Don't even think about scolding me for lying on _my own_ bed, Ninomiya," the other man forecloses smirking before the student can actually ask him why they are sharing one bed.

"True…," Nino has to admit. He has no right to complain or even to wonder.

After a few seconds of silence in which nobody of them moves at all, Sakurai finally asks. "How do you feel?" 

Sakurai's voice sounds deep and silent, and it's easy to Nino's ears. It makes him shiver slightly, from pleasure. He tries to ignore it.

"Better," the student answers after trying to sense the rest of his pain in his back which seems to be gone. He moves his shoulders. Nothing but a tiny little feeling of stiffness. "Much better, thank you."

"Must be my magical fingers."

"Rather your magical pain killer," Nino smirks, realizing that the pill had even knocked him out.

"Killjoy," Sakurai pouts cutely.

"Flirter," Nino shoots back.

"Hm... Caught me," the other admits.

It makes Nino chuckle softly but he stops soon after, his eyes still locked with Sakurai's. His heart beat speeds up. No. Why? A hundred of questions form in Nino's mind that he might like to ask the young man lying there, staring at him, but he tries to break it down to the most essential one, pulling together all of his courage.

"Ne, Sakurai-san," he starts in a silent voice. "Why do I feel like we know each other? For longer than just a few days, I mean."

The other smiles at him, his adorable lips curling up at the sided. "Well, I _do_ know you. Kind of."

"Why? Wherefrom?" Nino asks puzzled. "I cannot remember if we went to the same schools or something. But… I think there is _something_ ," he pauses shortly, wondering how much he could tell and how honest he can be with that guy. He decides on the very honest option. What does he have to lose? "Something draws me to you, maybe I really do know you too."

"Listen," Sakurai says. "I believe that we, you and me," Sakurai points his finger between them, "already lived once and that we shared our lives together."

Nino stares at the other for a while. "Are you talking about reincarnation?"

"Yeah, I guess," the other man simply says. "Do you find it crazy?"

The student sighs. There is the question again, forcing him to think about it. But still, he doesn't have the answer to it yet. How is he even supposed to? It's one of the world’s biggest questions after all. He searches for some words to say, putting some together in the end that he thinks make at least the most sense to him at the moment. 

"Well, I'm not quite sure, to be honest," Nino finally answers. "But why does everyone around me suddenly believe in it?"

"I'm not a pro in this field either but I did a little research and I wonder, is it sudden? Or is it something that we all know deep inside of us that just needs to be awaken?"

"You think it awakened in you?"

"Indeed," Sakurai sounds so convinced, Nino finds it admirable.

"And _I_ am supposed to be the… reincarnation of… who?" he whispers, wondering.

"Of my lover," the other man answers, the same conviction like before swaying in his voice.

Nino chuckles. "You must be kidding me."

Sakurai slightly shakes his head. "No, I mean it. And I hope it will wake up in you soon."

"I don't know what to think about this, really," the student replies, shaking his head as to get rid of the stupid idea.

"Maybe not yet. But take your time. I'll help you to remember."

"I don't believe-"

Nino cannot even finish his sentence when Sakurai's face suddenly gets closer – too close – and those plum lips make their way to Nino's, capturing them in a soft, short kiss. It's just like the touching of butterfly wings, it's almost not noticeable, it's gone in an instant. Still, it's so sweet and it makes Nino's heart skip a beat. 

Sakurai draws back and he sits up next to Nino, still looking at him. The student's big, disbelieving eyes follow each and every of his moves and he looks like he's searching for words again, until finally something leaves his parted lips in a small, cracking voice.

"You shouldn't _kiss_ me all of a sudden," Nino says almost voicelessly. "I… I told you I have a girlfriend."

Sakurai looks at him, serious. Not a hint of a smile or a smirk, hinting on a joke is showing on his face. "You said so but what does it mean to you? Do you love her? Do you want to stay with her?"

Nino wants to scream "No" but he can't. He feels too embarrassed, too shy to tell Sakurai the truth, too... he doesn't really know what.

"In case you don't, won't you consider becoming my boyfriend instead?" Seriously, 

Sakurai is killing him by saying so. How _can_ Nino even? 

"I'm not into guys," he blubbers. 

"Are you sure?" No, not any longer. "I think you didn't dislike this kiss just now."

"I-I don't know anything any longer," Nino stammers, finally sitting up again to meet about the height of the other man's eyes. "I'm so confused. _You_ confuse me." He feels his face turning red again.

"I think that's a good thing. But I'm ready to wait," Sakurai says, this time, a small smile can be spotted on his lips.

"To wait?"

"Yeah, to wait for you."

Nino takes a deep breath. He tries to sort his thoughts. He cannot simply give in to this. "What if I don't decide on you?"

"I'll chase after you and will finally convince you."

"There's the creepy stalker back," the student murmurs.

"Of course I won't harm you," Sakurai says, arching his eyebrows and smiling genuinely.

"I know," Nino says without any doubt, surprising himself.

"So you trust me?" the other man asks.

"I don't know why but for some reason, yes I do," Nino answers, tilting his head slightly.

"That's enough for me for now."

There is this silence between them again. A silence of which Nino doesn't know if it's a good one or a bad one. It's making him feel restless at least. As if there's something he needs to do. His brain tries to come up with a plan, with something smart maybe, but it fails terribly. In the end, everything Nino can think about is only one thing.

"Sakurai? I lied."

The other looks at him, curiously. "Hm? What about?"

"I don't have a girlfriend any longer. We broke up today," Nino states bluntly.

"Really?" the other looks at him with big eyes. "You aren't joking?"

Nino shakes his head and finally drops his eyes, letting them watch the wrinkles that form underneath his hands on Sakurai's blanket. "I think I hurt her…"

"…I bet, you're hurt too," the assistant professor murmurs, and Nino is surprised that he finds the other man saying out loud what he is too afraid to admit.

"You're definitely an interesting person, Sakurai Sho," he says after chuckling softly. It's as if he has admitted his defeat to the other man.

"Same goes for you, Ninomiya Kazunari," Sakurai nods with a sincere smile.

Immediately, Nino shoots him with a serious look. "That doesn't mean that I want to be your boyfriend or that I like men, though!"

"But you wanted me to know that you are single and that you find me interesting?" the other laughs.

"Well, I don't want to lie to you," Nino admits.

"I appreciate that."

Nino puts again, "But that –"

"I know," Sakurai stops him. "It doesn't mean that you want to be my boyfriend."

"Right."

"I'll make you change your mind," Sakurai says in a sweet voice, making Nino wonder if it is a threat or a promise.

"Stop that, you're annoying," he blushes again.

Sakurai smiles widely, leaning a bit forward to Nino. "We can be friends first?" he suggests.

This takes Nino by surprise, but he cannot say that this is a bad idea. "…We can."

"Great!" Sakurai looks cute when he seems to be happy.

"Ah," Nino chimes in quickly. "No more kisses, though. Friends don't kiss."

"OK… no kisses," Sakurai tilts his head.

"Promise."

"I do."

"Good," Nino sighs, relieved but he gets irritated by Sakurai's next chuckle.

"I can't wait for the day you change your mind."

Nino blushes and grabs the pillow he has been lying on before, and throws it into Sakurai's direction. Then, he searches the bed for his shirt, it's time to hide from that idiot's eyes.

\- - + - -

If Jun did not already believe that his and Ohno's encounter was fate, at least after their second fateful encounter he would be convinced of it. The saying "good things happen when you least expect them" totally applies to their situation, he thinks, overly happy to find himself and Ohno on a date in a small but romantic restaurant for lunch on a beautiful, warm Saturday.

He just met her again in a small shop for accessories, just a few streets away, by pure coincidence. After handing his business card with his number to her brother when Jun couldn't find the woman on Seijo's campus, begging him to forward it to Ohno Satoko, of course Jun didn't think that it would be _that_ easy and that she would just call him the second she received the business card and she didn't call him. She said, she would give him _her_ number the next time they meet after all, right? And _meeting_ would most likely mean meeting face to face, maybe by chance again?

Well, at least this was exactly what happened. Jun is about to leave when he sees the beautiful woman standing in the shop, thinking about which necklace she should buy, and he finds it funny that he was in the shop for a similar reason, namely to find a nice accessory that he might be able to present to the girl when they meet again. Who would have thought that it would happen so soon? Not that he is complaining! He didn't show her what he bought, keeping the present safe in his pocket, but he immediately invited her for lunch and he didn't get a declination at all and this is how they ended up in this restaurant now.

After lunch, Jun asks Ohno if they will meet again and Ohno doesn't sound like she finds it a bad idea, admitting to the young journalist that she originally has played with the thought to call him soon if they haven’t met by chance. Jun's heart screams in joy, seeing that their interest for each other is still reciprocal. 

"Now you'll have to keep your promise and give me your number, it's _the next time we meet_ , isn't it?" Jun points out with a smile on his lips when they are standing at the bus station together after spending the rest of the day together. They went shopping and strolling through town, and ended up here, naturally, as if this is becoming their _thing_ , Jun guiding the girl to the bus station. 

Ohno smiles cutely. "I'll give it to you. But only if..."

"Only if what?" Jun asks, almost panicking. Is Ohno still not convinced that they are meant for each other?

"Only if you give me a good night kiss," the woman whispers, her cheeks flushed red and her look is so damned cute that Jun wouldn't be able to hold back anyway.

He gets closer, his hand finding Ohno's shoulder with one hand while he reaches up the other hand to brush back a few strands of hair to free Ohno's face. He closes his eyes when he leans forward, placing his lips on Ohno's for just a few seconds, to give her a tender kiss. His heart beat rushes and he wants to pull her closer, kiss her more, deeper, wilder... but he is holding back. He might have been known as a casanova before he met this special girl but now, much more than a casanova he wants to be a gentleman. 

The gentleman, after the proper good night kiss and finally receiving his princess' cell phone number, immediately makes use of his newly gained pride and with this, just about two hours later, when he's back at home, about ready to go to bed, he sends her a good night text. Not too cheesy, not too neutral, something in between that he's convinced might please her and after five minutes of waiting with an incredible fast racing heart, he gets rewarded with a super cute answer. He has to pull himself together not to kiss the screen of his cell phone, that's how happy he is. Needless to say, he needs a few more hours before finally falling asleep, his mind busy with thinking of his dream girl.

\- + -

They text each other from then on over the next few days, in the mornings, during lunch break, in the evenings and every now and then in between and when their schedules allow it, they even meet for lunch or for a cup of coffee in the afternoon. Jun isn't used to it, he has been in relationships, but nothing so… innocent and exciting, nothing so _grown-up_ as it feels. However, he obviously enjoys it, that much can also see the people around him, including his co-worker Toma, who eyes him suspiciously when the young journalist comes back from the restroom, all smiles.

"Did you," Toma starts, looking at his colleague. "Did you just text your girlfriend while you were on the toilet?"

Jun blushes and furrows his eyebrows at his friend. "It's not of your concern when I'm texting my girlfriend and what I'm doing on the toilet either, I think."

Toma bursts out laughing and turns his chair again, facing his computer screen and reaching for his nth cup of coffee to sip on it. "Don't mind me, I'm just teasing you."

"Obviously," Jun sighs and takes his place again, looking at the article he's currently working on.

"But it's nice, you call her your _girlfriend_ ," Toma points out with a smile on his face. "Does it mean, it's something serious this time?"

"Yes, it's serious," Jun agrees, convinced. At least for him it's really serious business this time.

"So she's great in bed?" Toma chuckled, reaching his finger to poke his colleague's side who just brushes him away.

"Not that it's to your concern, but I still don't know how she is in bed," Jun answers. "We're taking it slow."

Toma looks at his friend with widened eyes. "Oh my God, what did she _do_ to you?! I don't recognize you!"

"Oh shut up, Toma, really," with this, the conversation is over for Jun.

It's not that he doesn't want to _know_ if and how compatible he and Ohno would be also in bed, of course. He's a man with desires, surely, and of course he desires the woman of his life. But he doesn't want to rush her, doesn't want to rush _them_ , he wants to enjoy their innocent getting to know each other for as long as possible and at least, they kiss and yeah, they kiss very often and it is very wonderful. The best kisses, Jun has ever shared.

They meet again on the next evening, it's a working day but both of them cannot wait until the weekend for their next date. With this, Jun bought two tickets of an early evening screening of a new movie that both of them find interesting and meets Ohno in front of the cinema, dressed nicely and with a warm smile decorating his face. 

He reaches out to take her hand after they greeted each other properly, intertwining their fingers and he isn’t ashamed to do so in the public – well, they already kissed at a bus station anyway -, on the contrary, he's proud that Ohno allows him to sending a sign that they belong together. 

After the movie is over, it is time for Ohno to go home, she says, considering that the day after there will be rehearsal for a play of the kabuki theatre but for some reasons, she waves it off and tells Jun that even if they are going for a short walk, she will be in bed early enough to cope with it. Obviously, she doesn't want to go home yet, she still wants to spend time with him, and Jun very much appreciates about this, offering her his arm with a wide, charming smile, to guide her for a walk through the city.

They end up on the pavement next to a wide river, the water splashing against the brick wall in gentle waves. On the other side of the river, they can see the wide-spread impressive skyline of Tokyo, all possible imaginable colours blending into each other, creating a surreal and oh so fabulous image, showing the coexistence of dreams and reality.

Ohno stands close to Jun, her arm circled around his elbow and she leans a little against him, her head gently touching his shoulder. Jun is quite a bit taller than her and he enjoys it for a silly reason. He feels strong next to her, able to protect her and that's what he will do for the rest of his life.

"Ne, Jun-kun," Ohno asks in a soft voice, the usage of Jun's given name causing a pleasant shiver to cover his arms. The woman leans a bit closer, her eyelashes draw small shadows on her cheeks in the light of a lantern and she looks so damned beautiful that Jun almost cannot handle it. "Do you believe in fate?"

The young journalist nods his head, heavily, convinced about his words that follow. "Of course, I do. It's fate that we met after all, isn't it?"

Ohno gives him one of her beautiful smiles. "I believe in it too. I think, that we're soulmates."

"It has to be like that," Jun whispers, agreeing with this wonderful thought. Ohno looks so happy, Jun's heart blooms.

"You know... people might find this thought ridiculous," the woman speaks, leaning her head against Jun's shoulder and darting her look straight at the dark water covered in colourful reflections from the bright buildings on the other side of the river. They can hear the water and Jun almost missed Ohno's whisper. "I'm convinced that we already lived once in this world, together, and that we belong together ever since."

"That's a really beautiful thought," the young man answers, sincerely. 

Ohno reaches for Jun's hand, who intertwines their fingers and presses her hand. "Do you believe in reincarnation?" she asks, turning at him.

Jun looks at her, her beautiful face so close again that he cannot stop his heartbeat from increasing. "If I believe in fate, I should believe in reincarnation too, right?"

"You might call me crazy, but I do actually _remember_ my past life. _Our_ past life," Ohno says, her eyes sparkling mysteriously. 

"You _remember_ it?"

"Yes, in my dreams," she nods. "I see us living together, loving each other, it's like I live a second life in my dreams but I know it's our memories. I see your face when I'm dreaming. That's how I recognized you."

"That sounds incredible. I wished, I could say the same," Jun whispers.

"I think there are different grades of remembering our past lives. The fact that you think that I'm meant to be yours, it's proof that you unconsciously remember us, I'm sure about it," Ohno starts, sounding excited. "And maybe, one day you will remember properly. Wouldn't that be awesome? If we can actually share our joined memories?"

"It will be the best.," the young journalist agrees. "I want to remember every single bit of you. And I want to create even more beautiful memories with you from now on."

Ohno smiles genuinely, before she seems to remember something. "Ah, right, I wanted to tell you something interesting. Actually, there is someone who seems to remember us too, even if he doesn't admit it."

Jun frowns. "Someone else?"

"Yes, one of my friends… well, we're not such close friends yet but he's attending university too and I know him from after class activities," the young woman explains.

"He remembers us?"

Ohno nods. "I think he lived once too, most likely around the same time. Maybe we were acquaintances back then too. I have to admit that I don't remember any other faces clearly, only yours. But he wrote a story and told me it's based on one of his dreams. And this story actually tells _our_ story."

Jun looks at the young woman with an astonished look. Someone else remembered _their_ story, but _he_ couldn't remember it? "How unfair," he pouts slightly. "Why does that guy remember you but I don't?"

Ohno chuckles sweetly, surely sensing the hint of jealousy in Jun's voice. "As I said, I think there are different grades of remembering. He doesn't _clearly_ remember, he even denied it. But I just thought, maybe, if you read his story, you might start remembering something too?"

Jun widens his eyes. He didn't give it a second thought before, but Ohno is completely right. "I guess I should read it then! Where can I find it?"

"It got printed in a magazine of Seijo, I have a copy at home and I can bring it along the next time we meet," Ohno suggests before she blushes, turning a bit shy. "Or... if you want to know about our past life, my dreams are much more accurate and detailed. I can tell you everything you want."

Of course, this sounds like a wonderful idea in Jun's ears. He smiles, pressing Ohno's hand firmer. "Then tell me about one of your dreams, please."

"Which one do you want to hear?"

"Hm...Your favourite," the young journalist suggests.

"My favourite?" Ohno tilts her head. "That's hard to decide…"

"Then… pick the first that comes to your mind," the young man whispers, encouragingly.

"Hm…," it doesn't take long until a beautiful smile shows up on Ohno's face, her cheeks slightly blushing in a nice shade of red. "The one when you asked me to marry you. It was the first time I realized that you like me."

Their eyes meet again and they share a soft kiss before Ohno starts to tell the story.

\- + -

Meeting Ohno has definitely turned Jun's life upside down, but in a good way. Just like he told his friend Toma, he has been searching for the one right woman in his life for such a long time, and he still cannot believe that he really found her, in a moment when he least expected it. That must be the funny side of fate, Jun thinks. It is interesting, that Ohno seems to think in a similar way as he does, with all the talking about fate and being meant for each other. To be exact, the woman carries this topic even further, saying that she's regularly dreaming about them, about them being a couple in ancient times and the description of her dreams seem so vivid, Jun almost feels like he can remember them himself. Just that he cannot. Not yet. But he wants to.

Jun read that short story Ohno recommended to him, "The Princess in the Flames" by a student of her university, called Ninomiya Kazunari. The ending of the story is disturbing, heart-breaking, and Jun swears to himself that if the story really tells their past, this time they will have a happy ending. However, Jun found it interesting and fascinating, how well the young man was able to capture the essence of what Ohno calls her and Jun's past life. It's a mystery to the young journalist, why that Ninomiya guy can dream about their past, but _he_ can’t. He tried… 

It's not that Jun doesn't believe Ohno's words, he trusts her and when she says those stories tell about their common past, then that's what it is like, he's sure about it. Before, Jun never thought much about reincarnation, but Ohno opened his eyes. It all seemed so clear now, so logical, so obvious. He can even feel it. But he also wants to see it with his own eyes in his own dreams. He wants to share those memories with the woman he loves, so that their love can become even deeper. 

The memories don't find him and Jun wonders, if there is something he can do about it. He doesn't know much about the topic of reincarnation itself, and so in the end he decides to give it a try to do some research on it, to see what he can find and maybe, he will be able to get some tips about remembering his former life. He isn't completely sure if it's his nature as a journalist to be curious about it or if it's simply his love to Ohno that makes him feel the urge of gathering information and stories of other people. However, his curiosity and his research skills finally guide him to a seemingly interesting website, providing a platform for people believing in reincarnation and the possibility of meeting your _soulmate_ from an earlier life again in your present life. Jun finds the thought very fascinating, especially since he's experiencing it himself at the moment and so his curiosity about the website makes him join the community.

**_\- - - - - - - - - -_ **

**_Do you believe in soulmates?_ **

**_\- - - - - - - - - -_ **

This is what the website's title reads on top, white letters laying over a nice designed blue-purple patterned header which isn't too bright for the eye and gives a calming vibe. It has something mystical but comfortable with it, something charming.  
**_  
\- - - - - - - - - -_**

**_This is not a matchmaking site!_ **

**_\- - - - - - - - - -_ **

...is written in a small info box following the header, even before the actual info text is posted.  
**_  
\- - - - - - - - - -_**

**_This is a website for people who are interested in the topic of soulmates and reincarnation and are searching for advice and materials dealing with the topic. Love advice included, but as stated above, this is not a matchmaking site. For the popular matchmaking site (soulmates.jp) please follow the link in parentheses._ **

**_\- - - - - - - - - -_ **

Jun scrolls down, reading the rest of the info page, before he checks the side bar for getting access to the forum platform. 

\- - + - -

Ohno wants to call him. Matsumoto. Since the very moment he received the young journalist's business card, he cannot think about anything else, he wants to call him. But he knows that it will look... kind of desperate if _he_ was the one contacting the young man now, after he talked so big about fate and about meeting again and everything, right? It will kill the magic. And even more than calling the other, he wants to preserve the magic between them.

The young man decides to allow himself to think about the whole thing for a little longer and just a few days later, after another dream from the past, he goes out, strolling through town, dressed as a girl. He's totally in girly mood, still thinking about the journalist and how it would be to meet him again, drawing the perfect encounter between them on the canvas of his imagination, and he has a lot of imagination.

After shopping for a few new clothes, Ohno finds himself standing in a small, cute accessory shop, looking through all the different kinds of things offered there, stuff that would make each and every girls’ hearts beat faster. There were tons of bracelets, necklaces and earrings from the most cute to the most elegant shapes, hair pins, hair bands in different colours and sizes, cell phone cases, pouches, and whatever else girls will need. Ohno wants to find a fitting necklace for his new dress, of which he dreams about to wear it one day on a date with Matsumoto. He giggles to himself when he tries holding one of the much too huge necklaces over his top. Not that he's planning to buy something like that, but it's interesting seeing the different kinds of designs people come up with.

In the end, he cannot decide between a nice silver necklace with several small blue, leaf shaped pendants, and a gold necklace with one bigger white flower in the front. Both would fit his new dress and Ohno keeps wondering which piece will please Matsumoto's taste more.

He is unexpectedly drawn out of his thoughts, when suddenly someone lays a hand on his arm, touching him softly, and making him turn. Surprised, Ohno looks at the owner of the hand and he gasps when he recognizes the one, immediately. His heart stops beating for a second.

"Matsumoto-san," he stammers, obviously surprised. 

"Ohno-san, I'm so happy to meet you here!" the young journalist greets him, immediately flashing him his gorgeous smile. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, thank you," Ohno answers perplex, asking the same question back then.

"I was searching for you on Seijo's campus but I just couldn't find you!" the young man sounds a bit desperate. "Then I finally met your brother and I gave him my business card and a magazine for you, did you receive it?"

Ohno gets a little more nervous, remembering the scene vividly, or course, as well as remembering when he read the article and interview that Matsumoto wrote for his magazine. "I received it," he answers shyly, "Thank you very much. I'm sorry for not calling you..."

Matsumoto shakes his head slightly, still smiling. "No no, don't be. I guess, we were meant to meet each other here again. May I ask you out for lunch, please?"

Ohno blushes deeply, his heart beating fast at the cute invitation and how is he supposed to decline now? He cannot believe his luck, meeting the man from his dreams here, much sooner than he expected and even without having to call him. This must indeed be fate, Ohno thinks, happily. He asks Matsumoto for a few more seconds and asks him which colour he prefers, Blue or White, without showing him the necklaces he is thinking of buying. When the young journalist answers "Blue" though, Ohno quickly reaches at the respective jewellery and hurries to the cashier to buy it.

At the end of the day, Ohno finally gives his cell phone number to Matsumoto. It's just the beginning of countless text messages that they will exchange, and numerous dates on which they will go. He has never been happier in his life.

\- + -

Regardless what Ohno thought to be true, reality caught up to him much faster than expected. The development of his relationship with Matsumoto, who he started to call "Jun-kun" already a few days ago, is just awesome and goes very smoothly. They take it slow but they do make progress and especially thanks to Jun's open mind regarding the whole soulmate topic, it's very easy for Ohno to get their hearts close. They share a common past after all, they are linked through fate and when Ohno tells his boyfriend about his dreams and the other listens with sharp ears and bright eyes, it's pure happiness they share. It could be so perfect…

The journalist has a very charming way of sending messages that aren't too cheesy but romantic and personal enough to make Ohno's heart beat faster. And the same can be said about their dates, it's just wonderful. Jun is a pure gentleman. He knows exactly, what women want, he knows chic restaurants, chooses the right movies, knows the most romantic places in town and just walking next to each other, their arms linked and watching the city-lights of the night, sharing tender kisses once in a while, is enough for Ohno. For now.

But the longer they are dating each other, the bigger the desire between them grows, Ohno knows it. He feels that Jun is getting more and more passionate with each kiss and he feels that he himself gets more and more hungry and he's sure it's just a question of time until one of them finally suggests spending a night together. Yeah, with this, things are getting serious. Very serious. Not only regarding their relationship, but also regarding Ohno's secret.

This very secret starts to prey on Ohno's mind more and more, up to the point that he is about to explode. It rips off the rose-tinted glasses from his eyes, pulls him out of his dream world, his comfort zone. 

"I'm not a real woman, I'm a person born in the body of a man," he wants to scream it out to Jun, but at the same time, whenever he tries to approach the topic, his voice falls mute and the respective words don't leave his throat. He's scared. So scared. What if Jun will hate him? He thinks Ohno is a girl, he thinks, Ohno is his _girl_ friend, and Ohno is convinced once the man finds out the truth, he might be in big trouble. He wants to trust the fact that they are soulmates and meant for each other, but there are doubts, such huge doubts. He has been a woman in the past, Jun's past self was in love with a woman, just like his present self is in love with a _woman_ , at least that's what he thinks. If he finds out that Ohno – at least physically – is a _man_ , will this mean the end of their relationship?

In order not to _really_ explode, Ohno finally decides to entrust his sorrows to someone, hoping that some advice will help him to deal with the situation or that he at least will feel a bit lighter about it, sharing his fears with a confident. The first people coming to his mind are his sisters of course, they are his closest friends, but he never told them about his dream diary, about his belief in reincarnation and all those things. It might be a bit complicated to explain everything to them and what if they don't believe him? 

With this, Ohno finds it a better idea to try his luck with talking to his fellow student, Ninomiya, at least they already talked about reincarnation and Ninomiya must be thinking that he's crazy anyway, so why not risk it and add a little more craziness to their relationship? For some reason, Ohno thinks that he can trust the guy. He didn't seem too fond of the idea of reincarnation yet but he also doesn't seem like one who will be disgusted by finding out Ohno's secret. They don't know each other that well yet and they never met outside club activities but since their conversation, they seem to talk a bit more to each other and thankfully, Ninomiya doesn't treat him strangely. Maybe they really knew each other in the past, which will explain Ninomiya's ability to dream about Ohno and Jun's story, Maybe it means that they were friends and that they can be friends again in this life. Ohno wants to believe it.

Ohno holds Ninomiya back after a meeting of the theatre club, asking him if he has some time to spend to talk. The younger student seems a bit surprised by the sudden request, especially when Ohno confesses that he needs some advice.

"I have no idea how _I_ am supposed to help you, Ohno-san," Ninomiya says, surprised. "But if I can help you, sure, I'll try."

They take place in a corner of the theatre clubroom, and Ohno offers the other man a can of tea which he gladly accepts. He's a bit nervous, since he knows that opening up about an issue like the one that applies to him is always risky, but he wants to trust his instincts about Ninomiya being a good guy who he can trust.

"To be honest, I have a secret that I want to share with you," Ohno starts in a low voice. "But I might have to go a bit around it to explain the situation…"

"I'm all ears," Ninomiya says, looking at his colleague with big eyes, ready to listen to everything he has to tell.

Ohno frowns for a second, not sure where exactly to start, before he picks up on their last conversation. "I told you that I met someone called Matsumoto, you remember? Just like the one in your story." 

"You mean the lord from the pine trees in the north?" Ninomiya wants to confirm.

The other student nods enthusiastically. "Exactly, that one. I told you, I met a Matsumoto just a few days before reading your story, right?"

"Yeah, you told me, why?"

"In fact, we started dating shortly after," the student admits.

"Is this your secret?" Ninomiya arches an eyebrow. "That you're gay? I don't have a problem with that, you know? I already thought that you…"

Ohno chuckles softly. "Well yeah, no, it's not that I try to hide my sexual orientation, but thanks, I'm glad to know that you don't have an issue with something like that. But I'm talking about something else. I'm not sure if it came through when we talked the last time, but in fact, I do believe that he's my soulmate," Ohno explains, looking at Ninomiya closely who starts nibbling on the opening of the can.

"I remember that you said something about soulmates. Or you asked me about if I believe in them."

Ohno nods again. "I know you said you don't believe in something like that. But just let's pretend you do," he says and Ninomiya agrees a bit hesitating. "I think that Matsumoto doesn't question the assumption that we are soulmates."

"That sounds kinda good, doesn't it?" Ninomiya asks with a friendly smile on his face, leaning back in his seat.

Ohno tilts his head, troubled. "Well, it would be good, if there wasn't this problem..." 

"Which problem?" Ninomiya frowns.

The older student sighs heavily, scratching his head before he faces his colleague again. He leans a bit forward on the small table between them. "Listen, I'm going to entrust something very intimate to you now and I'm really sorry to bother you with this. I know, we don't know each other that well yet, but I think, I can trust you." 

Ninomiya blinks a bit confused. "Well, yes? I can keep secrets, if that's what you're worrying about." 

"I'm sure, you can," Ohno says. "However, did you ever hear of the term genderqueer?" 

"Genderqueer? Yeah, sure. Why are you asking?" 

"You know, I'm one of those people who are called _genderqueer_ ," Ohno spills out. Ninomiya's expression doesn't change. It makes Ohno a little insecure. "Do you know what this means?" 

"That you're not sure if you're a man or a woman, right?" Ninomiya states casually.

"That hits it pretty well, yeah." 

"But, just to clarify this. You're a man, aren't you?" the young student eyes Ohno a bit curiously.

"I'm born as a man. I dress like a man here at university and in most occasions in life, so yeah, I'm a man officially, so to say," Ohno nods. "But there are times in which I also feel like a woman. Do you find that strange?" 

The other tilts his head. "It's uncommon; you might have to admit that. But... if that's who you are, it's who you are, right?" 

"I'm glad you see it like that, Ninomiya-kun."

Ninomiya doesn't look disgusted or confused, which makes Ohno really relieved, but he looks curious, interested. "Is this why you feel so connected with the woman in my story?" 

"I do believe that I _was_ this exact woman you wrote about, in a former life." 

The younger student sighs slightly and lifts his hand to rub the space between his eyebrows. "The reincarnation topic again..."

"You find it ridiculous?"

Ninomiya frowns and looks at the other man, looking a bit troubled. "No... no," he shakes his head slightly. "That's not what I mean. It's just, the topic or reincarnation is giving me a bit of a headache lately. But go on… so you're a woman, reborn in the body of a man," he states as if he wants to spread the facts on the table in front of him. 

"Yes. I was a woman but I got reborn as a man. My mindset is something in between, I think and I don't have a problem with it," Ohno admits.

"Well, isn't it good then? Then in fact it isn't a problem," the other wonders. "I bet, some other people similar to you are much more confused. It's a complicated topic."

"That's the problem now... it _is_ getting complicated," Ohno sighs.

"Problem? Because you don't know about your gender any longer?" 

"Up to now, I could accept myself as a man but also as a girl," the older man says. "But what do you think... might a normal _man_ be able to love a person like me?" 

Ninomiya frowns again. "Hm? What are you talking about?" 

"Matsumoto...," Ohno states, his face expressionless. "I think he likes women." 

"Oh, OK, now I get back on tracks. He doesn't _know_ you're a man? Did he meet you as a woman?" Ninomiya asks, a bit surprised.

"Yes, we met on one of those days in which I dressed as a girl," Ohno lowers his head, sighing. "And to be honest, I didn't even _think_ about the whole issue… since I don't feel strange when I'm crossdressing or anything and since I don't feel like I'm telling a lie when I'm dressing as a girl, I just didn't _think_ about it."

"And now you're afraid that he may not like you if you tell him that you're not a woman… that's indeed complicated," Ninomiya finishes Ohno's thoughts in a sad voice. He crosses his arms and lowers his eyes, as if he's getting lost deep in thoughts. After a few seconds, he looks at Ohno again. "But you did get along when you met, didn't you?" 

"Yes, very well. But...," Ohno cannot hold back his doubts any longer, feeling how his eyes threaten to get filled with tears. He can feel his heartbeat up to his throat, as if it's hammering against the lump that's forming there.

"Hey, look, Ohno-san!" Ninomiya suddenly reaches out his hand, brushing Ohno's arm, as if he's trying to cheer him up. "How can you be so sure he doesn't like you as you are? He likes you, that's a fact. Maybe, it's not so important to him which gender you have." 

His eyes wet but still no tears shed, the older student looks at the young man in front of him, surprised. Well, he's right. He's right, but… "But I'm not confident," Ohno whispers.

"What do you have to lose?" the other continues, arching his eyebrows. "You have to tell him sooner or later, maybe better sooner than later… and then see how it goes. If it doesn't work out, well, then… maybe it wasn't as fated as you think?" 

Ohno gulps and shakes his head. "I refuse to believe that. We're meant to be together." 

Ninomiya smiles and draws his hand back to cross his arms again, confidently. "Well, that's the right attitude. That sounds more like the Ohno-san I know so far. Don't make yourself doubt your fate if you want to make others believe in it." 

Ohno feels the small side blow from Ninomiya. "You don't believe me anyway, do you? Well, how could you when I'm talking about fate the one second and about my doubts about it the other…" 

"I don't say that I don't believe that _you_ believe in something and that sense of belief I respect," the young student counters and he sounds sincere.

"You're really an interesting guy," Ohno says. "Thanks for listening to my sorrows."

"It's no problem, really. I'm sorry I cannot provide any more help."

"Don't be, you already did what you can," the older replies. He pauses, before he parts his lips again to fill the sudden, a little bit awkward silence between them. "You know what, for some reason I feel like we know each other for quite a long time already." 

"Really?" Ninomiya arches an eyebrow, critically, of course but Ohno doesn't care.

"Yeah, I think it's possible that we knew each other in our former lives too." 

The younger man shrugs his shoulders. "Well… Maybe." 

"No, I'm quite sure we were friends," Ohno grins. He's not teasing the other but it kinda feels a little like it. "I feel this strange connection." 

Ninomiya chuckles. "Still, this sounds a little off to me, but it would indeed be nice, wouldn't it? I have to admit that the idea of having a confident through several lives is indeed a comforting thought."

"Right?" Ohno smiles.

"But you know what? If I didn't know you're so madly in love with that Matsumoto guy, I'd think you are trying to hit on me, Senpai," Ninomiya jokes, causing the other to break into a genuine laughter.

"I really might sound like that, I'm sorry," Ohno then says, his mouth still covered by a hand. "But I mean it. I think we were, no we _are_ kind of friends." 

Ninomiya makes a humming noise. "Well… I can live with that. Thanks for entrusting your sorrows to me. For now, everything I can do for you is wishing you good luck with Matsumoto." 

"Thanks. And Ninomiya-" 

"You know what?" the other cuts him with a grin on his face. "Call me Nino, please. If you already claim to be my friend." 

"Alright, Nino then," Ohno smiles back. "I just want to you know that if you have something to talk about, no matter how strange it is, you can always come to me with it, OK?" 

"Thanks, I'll remember that."

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

It's pure coincidence that Sho was there when Ninomiya collapsed in the "Leaf-Letter" after classes. He came here after Sakamoto's lecture because he was frustrated not to be able to catch Ninomiya, who left early, for a talk and his only plan was to go and lament a bit in front of his roommate Aiba and then search for a new book to buy. Sho honestly didn't expect he would actually meet Ninomiya there.

He happens to be nearby when some strange noises can be heard from the English book section and it's a shock to see the familiar young man crouching on the floor in pain, in between two rows of book shelves. Sho runs to Ninomiya, kneeling down in front of him and tries to help him, not really knowing what happened to the other and how he can help. Ninomiya says something about his back and that it will be fine but he doesn't look fine at all, and Sho is deeply worried about him. He offers to call an ambulance, causing a shocked look on the other man's face and changes his offer to bring him along to his place where he could rest for a while.

It's unbelievable that this _resting for a while_ finally turns out into Ninomiya sitting on Sho's bed just about twenty minutes later, Sho with some crème in his hands and asking the other to undress.

He can totally get why Ninomiya blushes and feels unease, it's indeed a bit embarrassing, but Sho only has good intentions for the young man and sincerely wants to help him. When Ninomiya finally lies on his stomach on top of Sho's bed, his back naked and Sho's hands covered in crème, ready to apply it onto the hurting spot, Sho freezes as he discovers a reddish spot on Ninomiya's spine between his shoulder blades.

He leans a little closer, his heart starting to race and he takes a closer look at the spot that seemed to be a birthmark but that's not what makes him hesitate. It's more about the _form_ of the birthmark. It's round, not very big, and the red parts find each other in a fainting pattern, something looking very familiar to Sho, even if it cannot be recognized at the first glance. He quickly turns his hand, watching at his left wrist which shows a very similar spot. Too similar to be a coincidence. His heart skips a beat. He thinks about his last dream, the one in which he showed dream Ninomiya the tattoo on his wrist, imitating the pattern of a camellia and begged the young servant to get one for himself too, as a proof of their love.

And there it is. The proof of their love.

It must be the counterpart of his own sign; of the remains of the tattoo, he dreamed about, something that he – or a version of him – once engraved to his body to remind him that no matter what will happen to them, he would love this one man forever and ever. The pattern is fainted, distant, but still there and this is what erases Sho's last little doubts of him being stupid to believe in his own dreams as if they are leading reality, maybe imagining things just because he fell for this guy at first sight in the lecture hall. The very same pattern, decorating not only his own wrist but also Ninomiya's back, is the proof of love between them and the proof that it isn't all just a dream, and that it is in a twisted way _real_.

"It's just a birthmark," Ninomiya says, sounding embarrassed when Sho realizes that he's been staring at the young man's back maybe for a little too long.

His voice calls Sho back to reality and he quickly continues what he wanted to do, letting his fingers find their way onto Ninomiya's back, following his description of the spot where it is hurting the most, a spot a bit right of the birthmark. Sho doesn't see any wound or scar or anything that might explain the cause of pain and he wonders what triggered it when he starts spreading the cold crème on the soft skin. Ninomiya cringes a little for a second from the cold sensation but the more Sho spreads the crème on the young man's back, the more the other relaxes and it doesn't take long before Ninomiya falls asleep. A smile curls up Sho's lips, he finds it very cute that despite the fact that the other doesn't seem to fully trust him yet and seems to feel more or less uncomfortable in his presence, he is now baring his back at him, allowing him to take care of him. He even seems to trust him enough to allow his mind to slip away into the world of dreams.

Sho continues to massage the other's back, wanting to make sure that he makes the pain disappear as good as he can as well as not wanting to stop touching the other. It feels so good, his hands hovering over him, his fingertips touching that soft skin. It feels familiar, as if Sho did this many times already, just like in his dreams. It makes him feel addicted. He cannot take off his hands from that man...

Suddenly, the ringing of a cell phone pulls Sho out of his almost trance-like state, making him cringe and pull back his hands. He doesn't know this ring tone so it's surely not his phone, and at first he cannot comprehend the origin of the sound. When he finally realizes, that it must be Ninomiya's cell phone, which seemed to be stuffed into the shirt of the young man, which now lies at the edge of his bed, Sho gets a tissue to clean his hands before reaching out to mute it, in order not to wake up the young student.

On the screen, there is written "Mom" and Sho supposes that it might be better to let Ninomiya's family know where their son is, in case they are waiting and worrying for him. He quickly presses the green button to accept the call, pressing the cell phone to his ear.

 _"Kazu? Where are you?! I'm waiting for you with dinner ready, can't you at least text me when you're coming home late?"_ Sho hears the voice of a woman, sounding a bit annoyed.

"Ah, I'm sorry, Ninomiya-san, this is Sakurai speaking," he quickly says to clarify that Ninomiya didn't hear her small rant.

 _"Sakurai?"_ the woman repeats, wondering. _"Are you a university friend of my son?"_

"Kind of," Sho answers. "In fact, your son had a sudden attack of back pain. I took care of him and brought him to my place to rest."

 _"Eh? Is he doing OK?! He's not, right? That's why he doesn't pick up the call for himself?"_ the woman almost freaks out, and Sho searches for the right words to calm her down again.

"No, no, I'm sorry, that's not what I meant! He's already feeling better, it's just, he fell asleep and I didn't want him to wake up, so I picked up instead."

_"Ah... OK. Well, can he move? Shall I come pick him up?"_

Sho lets his look wander back to Ninomiya, looking at the young man's peacefully sleeping figure. He doesn't want to wake him up. He doesn't want to let him go. He...

"I think it might be best to let him sleep. He can stay overnight at my place, it's no problem," Sho decides on his own, the words leaving his lips even before he can properly think about them. "I'll tell him to call you, first thing when he wakes up."

_"Eh?"_

"Don't worry about him, Ninomiya-san, I'll take proper care of him. It was nice to talk to you-"

_"Sakurai-san, wait-"_

"Please, he's in good hands. Good bye," and with this, Sho ends the phone call.

He stares at the phone in his hands, looks at Ninomiya, then back at the phone. He gulps, trying to calm down his racing heartbeat. Did he really just... he did. He looks at Ninomiya again and he doesn't regret it. Quickly, Sho mutes Ninomiya's cell phone and places it with the screen facing down on top of his desk. For now, the matter is settled.

Sho returns to focus on Ninomiya's back, and lets his eyes wander again to the small birthmark decorating his spine. He reaches out his hand and touches it, slightly, with a tender smile on his face. This is it. This is his chance to prove to the other that they belong together. It will be Sho's final trump.

The crème on Ninomiya's back already dried up and his skin starts feeling cold, so the young man pulls his blanket over the student, carefully, not to wake him up. Ninomiya frowns and lets a little sigh escape from his lips but he doesn't wake up. Finally, Sho allows himself to lie down on his bed too, on top of the blanket. He rests his head on his arm and turns to face the young man lying next to him, their faces just a few centimetres apart from each other. He takes in the vision of that beautiful, slim face, the cute nose, those incredibly wonderful lips and all those adorable moles spread over the young man's face. Sho reaches out to touch them, one by one, drawing a map on the soft skin. He brushes his hand over Ninomiya's cheek. He feels his heart bumping like crazy in his chest. He leans forward, just a little bit, and places a small kiss on Ninomiya's forehead.

When Ninomiya wakes up after about two hours, it's already dark outside. The young man is surprised to find Sho lying next to him and Sho is highly amused about his reaction before they start a conversation. His feelings are riding a roller coaster when he finds out that Ninomiya actually broke up with his girlfriend, but then adds that this would not mean that he wants to become Sho's boyfriend instead – as the young assistant professor suggested. Well, considering the situation, it would be too early and too fast of a progress and Sho is totally ready to give Ninomiya the time he needs to get used to the image of being Sho's soulmate, and hopefully eventually to fall in love with him again.

Since it's quite late already, Sho reports to Ninomiya that he told his mother on the phone that he could stay over and since the young student seems to be pretty tired, he gladly accepts the offer and some nightwear the other lends him. The shirt is slightly too big and the sweatpants are a little too long but Sho finds it utterly cute and has a hard time hiding his smirk while Ninomiya fights a serious blush as he finds the other staring at him.

They return to bed, and if Ninomiya is embarrassed to find Sho lying next to him again, he doesn't bother to hide it. However, when Sho tells him that there's a couch in the living room that he can prepare for him, the student surprisingly declines, saying that he's OK with the situation. They talk a bit about Sakamoto's lecture and Ninomiya excitedly starts telling Sho about his project plans for the seminar, curious about the assistant professor's opinion. However, even if they are talking about something university related, it feels more like a talk between friends than between a student and his mentor. In the end, Sho pushes his hands underneath Ninomiya's shirt, insisting on massaging his back for another few minutes just to make sure that the other would not wake up with another back pain in the morning. After getting convinced, blushing nicely of course, Ninomiya allows Sho to touch him and falls asleep again soon after, causing the other to chuckle softly.

Sho doesn't find it so easy to find some sleep, his rapid heartbeat is still keeping him awake and he just cannot get enough of the sight of Ninomiya's sleeping face in the half dark room, lit only by a small lamp on his bedside table. He still can't believe that this is happening right now. Sure, Ninomiya told him that they are just friends, for the time being, but still, he's lying here, on his bed. Sho is allowed to touch Ninomiya's skin and despite being embarrassed, the young student didn't turn away. The warmth of Sho's hand and the warmth of Ninomiya's back mixing pleasantly. It feels so familiar, so right.

Eventually, the pleasant feeling lulls Sho into his sleep too but it's just as if he slips from one world into the other, not changing the fact that he's linked to Ninomiya by touch.

\- + -

_When Sho opens his eyes a second later, he finds himself and Kazu in almost the same position, lying next to each other, facing each other, his hand on the younger's lower back. The material they are lying on feels harder than the soft bed in his room and he can hear the singing of birds from outside. They are lying on a futon and Sho is dressed in a sleeping kimono while Kazu seems to lie beside him, his back only covered with a light haori._

_Sho lets his hand wander up a little bit, until his fingers reach the edges of some bandages wrapped around his lover's back. His heart starts racing and he quickly sits up, pulling the haori away to take a closer look. Just when Sho sees the full image of his lover laying on his stomach, half dressed and some small red stains leaking through the white bandages, he remembers what happened._

_He brushes his hand over his face, sighing relieved. It's not an injury, at least nothing serious. His lover exposed himself to the pain voluntarily; he did it for Sho's and his own sake. Sho doesn't dare to touch the respective spot, knowing how much it must be hurting right now. He endured the same pain, even if it was on another part of his body. He knows that Kazu will need a bit of time to recover, especially with a wound on his back. The young servant has refused to let his wrist be tattooed, too scared that the obvious spot will reveal his and Sho's secret and so Sho has of course accepted the young man's request to let another part of his body get decorated._

_Kazu doesn't move at all, just his back seems to rise and lower in a low, steady rhythm. He must still be knocked out from the anaesthetic drug that he received once the pain became too much to bear. Sho remembers the past night clearly, remembers how his lover's hand that he has been holding clenched his, in order to find an outlet for the pain and in order to make sure he wasn’t alone. Of course, Sho has been with him when the tattoo artist he called from another town visited the mansion and accepted their request and he has been with Kazu from beginning to the end of the painful tattooing session, which they had to hold at night in order not to attract anyone's attention._

_Of course, Sho knows that their relationship is forbidden. He is destined to marry a fine woman, a princess from another clan, in the future, in order to connect two different countries in a peaceful alliance and in order to provide future heirs to the Sakurai house. Nobody will allow him to love a man, especially not his servant, someone from low status and without any properties and reputation. But for Sho, all those merits don't count and in his eyes, his lover is of high intellectual standard and his properties are not only his smartness but also his loyalty, his loving and caring self, the most beautiful smile in the world, and all the love he gives to Sho._

_Sho reaches out his hand again, to caress Kazu's cheek slightly, brushing back a few strands of hair. The young man takes a deeper breath and frowns in his sleep, moves a little... is he going to wake up?_

_"Shota...," the young servant whispers voicelessly, moving his hand as if he is searching for Sho's._

_"I'm here, Kazu," the young lord whispers, reaching for his lover's hand to slightly squeeze it. "How do you feel?"_

_The other finally opens his eyes again; he still seems to be so tired. "I feel a bit dizzy... and my back hurts...," he cringes._

_"Yeah, of course it hurts," Sho lets out a soft chuckle. "It's a very sensible spot that you chose for your tattoo."_

_"We couldn't risk-," the young man starts but Sho cuts him, enforcing the grip of his hand a little._

_"I know. I know, and it was very brave from you to choose this. I'm very proud of you," he smiles genuinely. The two men look at each other for a while before Sho breaks the silence between them again. "Do you regret it?" he asks._

_Kazu shakes his head as best as he can in his still lying position. "No!" he says immediately. "No, of course not. It's our proof of love, right? I'd never regret it."_

_Sho smiles happily. "I'm relieved then. Thank you for doing this for me."_

_He leans down to brush his lips against his lover’s, just slightly first, before he allows the kiss to grow into something passionate. They switch position, Kazu sits up, swaying a bit until Sho catches him and they sit there, arm in arm, the young servant melting into the embrace of his lord, not moving too much in order not to cause more pain in his back, but eager to be close to him, as close as possible. Sho cups his lover's face, pressing their mouthes together again and again. They part their lips, allowing their tongues to join the dance of caress and they have to pull themselves together not to break out into moaning. When they break their kiss, Sho puts his forehead against Kazu's, their eyes are still closed and they are smiling, happily, feeling each other's breath, each other's closeness._

_When Kazu opens his eyes again, he suddenly realizes that it's not night any longer. He gets nervous, looking around. "Wait... what's the time?"_

_"Maybe two hours from lunch time," Sho answers casually. "Why?"_

_"And I am still in your room?!" his lover slightly panics. "Oh God, what if anyone sees us?"_

_Sho waves his hand. "Don't worry, I told everyone that you have to clean my room and that they shouldn't disturb you. I didn't know when you'll wake up again."_

_Kazu chuckles. "I won't be able to clean your room like this..."_

_Sho chuckles too. "I know, don't worry, I'll do it myself."_

_"You're a really uncommon lord, Shota," the servant says with a soft look in his eyes._

_"I know," the young lord smirks. "But that's what you love about me, right?"_

_Kazu tilts his head, pretending to think about it for a second. "Hm... among other things."_

_The other man happily places a kiss on top of his head before he pulls him into an embrace, avoiding the still hurtful back. "Today is such a wonderful day," Sho whispers. "Now we both have a sign on our body that shows that we belong to each other. It's like we got married, somehow, isn't it?"_

_His partner blushes nicely, obviously embarrassed but he cannot deny the smile on his face. "It is... I like that thought."_

_"And the tattoo is forever," the other continues. "No ring will ever be able to compete with it."_

_There is a sad tone swinging along in his voice but he wants to forget about the dark events in the future, he wants to live now and he wants to make the best out of the situation. No matter what will happen, nothing will be able to separate him and Kazu._

_"Shota?" the young servant finally asks, sounding a bit insecure. He draws back from their hug, to face his lover properly. "Is there something you want to tell me?"_

_"What?" Sho looks at him, puzzled._

_"You seem a bit lost in thoughts. Are you worried about something?"_

_"Kazu...," the young lord starts. He knows that he has to tell the other sooner or later. It's inevitable. He sighs and reaches for his lover's hands to hold them in his. "To be honest, I fear it will be quite soon... That I'll have to get married."_

_Kazu squeezes Sho's hands, biting his lower lip. He always does this when he feels unpleasant but has to pull himself together, and that's what he does, very often, for Sho's sake. "Well, we knew this day would come. But we promised to stay together. We won't lose each other. Nothing will change...," he says, trying to hide the bitterness in his words._

_"Nothing but that I'll have to share a bed with a woman instead of you, the one I love," Sho says. He is not so successful in hiding his bitterness._

_"Maybe... you don't have to?" the young servant asks innocently, lifting his eyebrows. "As it's tradition in your family, the husband and wife will have separated bedrooms anyway, everyone their own kingdom, is the saying, isn't it?" Now there is a little hope blooming in Kazu's voice._

_Sho smiles bitterly. "Yeah, thankfully, this will make it easy for us to continue meeting in secret," he says, squeezing his lover's hands again. "But it will be suspicious if my wife won't get pregnant."_

_"True... well, I guess, you'll have to lie down next to her, at least once, so that she can bear you a baby," Kazu whispers._

_Of course, he doesn't like the thought of sharing the body of his beloved, not even once. To be honest, the thought alone makes him feel sick, jealous, he can feel the stab in his heart and he wants to take Sho's hands and elope with his lover immediately, but he knows that it's not possible. And it will be necessary that the young lord sets a child into this world, or he will lose his reputation._

_"Will you ever be able to like a child that's mine and another woman's?" Sho then asks in a worried voice after a few seconds of silence and Kazu is surprised that his partner worries about something like that._

_"It will be yours. Of course I will be able to love it," he says as if it's the most normal in the world._

_Sho smiles. "I want us to play together. My child has many things to learn from you."_

_"Sure," his lover answers._

_"And now... I don't want to think about this any longer. Let's not talk about it, OK?"_

_Kazu nods. "OK... So what do you want to talk about?"_

_"First thing, let's get your bandages changed," the other man suggests. "I don't want your wound to get infected. You have to take good care of it until it's healed, alright?"_

_The young servant blushes and his heart skips a beat. He's sure that he's the only servant in the world who gets his dirty bandages changed by his lord and he is endlessly proud about that fact. "I will."_

_"Turn around, my dear," Sho says and Kazu does as he is told._

_Sho searches for the beginning of the fabric to roll it from his servant's body, slowly. As soon as the bandage is removed, he carefully pulls away the soft handkerchief, which is covering the tattoo's wound, drenched in medical crème and a bit of blood. He takes a close look at it, seeing the dark ink, forming the pattern of a camellia, engraved in the swollen and still slightly bleeding skin of his lover. It looks good, no infection, it already starts heeling. Sho feels the urge to kiss it, but he knows it will hurt Kazu and so he doesn't. Instead, he leans forward and kisses his neck, lovingly._

_"Kazu? Kiss me," Sho whispers and makes the other turn his head a little so that their lips will be able to meet._

_"It won't be the last time, will it?" the young servant whispers._

_"It won't, of course not. I'll kiss you every day, until my life ends," Sho promises and Kazu smiles because he just knows that it's the truth._

_"I'm happy then."_

\- + -

Again, when Sho wakes up, he hears the voices of the birds outside, but not so clear, not so close and there is the noise of traffic outside, the faraway chime from a tram way. He arrives in reality.

Then there's the noise of breathing and even if Sho's eyes are still closed, he knows exactly what it means. He is still there. He is still sleeping in his bed, peacefully. Is this really no longer a dream? Sho almost doesn't dare to open his eyes, fearing that he might be gone.

A tiny moan finally makes him snap his eyes open and he looks directly into Ninomiya's face, who must still be dreaming. Sho's heart races and he hopes with everything he has that the young man is dreaming something similar to what he dreamed of just a bit ago. Something connected to their former lives. He wants the young student to remember. At least, one day... Maybe without the sad vibe of the couple's future. He can remember and he can still feel the pain they had to go through because of this, because of the restrains that society back then burdened onto their shoulders. Class difference, having an affair in the dark and never be able to openly show their love to each other... it's been hard.

But this time, it should be much easier. Fate was good to them. They are both born in the same time again, even into the same place again. They are born into a society in which classes don't matter that much any longer. And they are born into a society where homosexually might not be openly displayed, but at least it is silently accepted and gaining more and more respect with passing time. Not that it matters to Sho. It never has. He loves who he loves and he won't let anybody push him from his path.

Now the only thing left is to convince Ninomiya about the same. Sho knows that he cannot force the other to fall in love with him and that's not what he wants. He wants the other to fall for him, naturally, just like it happened in the past. He wants to be his friend, his confident and eventually his lover.

Sho's stomach grumbles a little and he already fears of waking up the sleeping beauty lying next to him. He quickly glances backwards at the alarm clock standing on his bedside table, showing quite an early hour. University won't start too early today and there is still time left to take a proper breakfast. The young assistant professor hopes that he will be able to prepare something that his guest might like.

He turns to Ninomiya, wondering if he should wake him but in the end, he decides to let him sleep a bit longer. Sho goes into the bathroom to get ready and changes into other clothes. When he returns to his room and finds Ninomiya still sleeping like an angel, he scribbles a note that tells the young student that he should come to the kitchen when he wakes up. Sho puts the note onto the blanket so that Ninomiya won't miss it once he opens his eyes and then, after looking at him for a few seconds, he quickly bends down and places the hint of another kiss onto the young man's lips.

"Sorry for not keeping my promise, I just can't resist you," Sho whispers smiling before he makes his way into the kitchen.

\- + -

"Oh wow, something good happened again?" Aiba asks under yawning when he enters the kitchen the next morning, overwhelmed by the pleasant smell of fresh coffee and breakfast.

"Hm?" Sho turns around, the frying pan in one hand and the spatula in the other.

Aiba pulls his chair and takes place on his usual seat at the already set table, grinning at his roommate. "You're humming some cheerful song _again_."

It's just then, when Sho realizes that indeed he is doing so. He chuckles and then smiles to himself. 

"Maybe," he says, focusing on breakfast again. Seems that this is his habit when he's in good mood. When he's in love. "Coffee? And you want some fried egg and toast too?"

"Sure, thanks," the other man answers while reaching for the morning newspaper, which is already lying in the middle of the table.

Sho lowers the heat for the frying pan to avoid burning its content and turns to the cupboard, putting out three mugs. He fills one of it and places it in front of his roommate, earning a grateful nod before the other returns to page 5 of the newspaper. Just a second later, he lowers the paper again, taking a closer look at the table in front of him. He counts the plates. One, two, three. He frowns and tilts his head and just when he is about to part his lips to ask his friend a question, the kitchen door opens again and an unknown guy enters the room, messy black bed hair, dressed in Sho's pajamas and with a cell phone in his hand at which he is looking, frowning.

"Sakurai-san," the young man asks, holding his cell phone at him. "What the hell did you tell my mom? She called me like a thousand times while I was sleeping?!"

Sho whirls around, two more filled coffee mugs in his hands, checking the cell phone screen. He feels only just a tiny little bit guilty. "I just told her you'd stay here and that I'll take care of you since she was worried about your back."

"That's all?" the black haired guy asks, arching his eyebrows.

"That's all," Sho nods.

Ninomiya makes a thinking noise and tilts his head while focusing on his cell phone again. "Did she say something else maybe?"

"No? We didn't talk for long," Sho replies while placing the mugs on the table and pulling back a chair, signalling the young man to take his place. "Call her afterwards, now it's breakfast."

"You can cook?!" the other man asks critically.

"Hey!" the assistant professor darts his finger at his guest but the black haired man ignores him, turning to Aiba.

"Is it edible? I have a sensitive stomach," he asks and Aiba isn't sure if he's serious or joking.

"Sit down now, Ninomiya and try it. I made it with lots of love," Sho says in a strict voice, pointing at the chair he prepared for the other.

"Alright, alright," the other grins. "And thanks for letting me stay,"

Sho flashes him a charming smile. "Always a pleasure."

"What the...," Aiba finally voices out after watching the conversation between the two men without interrupting.

Sho looks at him, as if he just notices his present now and the young man next to him turns to Aiba too. 

"Ah, sorry Aiba, I didn't introduce you," Sho says. "This is Ninomiya. Ninomiya-kun, my roommate and friend Aiba, I’ve told you about him."

The young man nods politely in Aiba's direction. "Nice to meet you, Aiba-san."

Sho's roommate frowns, looking at the other guy. "Wait, _Ninomiya_ , you say?"

"Yes..."

" _That_ Ninomiya?!" Aiba finally explodes.

Ninomiya looks at him, quite surprised by the suddenly loud voice and Sho giggles, the young student looks almost scared. "Uhm... I think, it's not like I'm famous, is it?"

"Ah, sorry, it's just, I told him about you and...," Sho starts while he turns to the kitchen counter getting a basket filled with toast and the frying pan with the fried eggs.

"And I didn't think you'd convince him to spend a night with you so fast, OMG," his roommate concludes his sentence.

"Eh?! Spend a night with him?" Ninomiya asks a little confused.

Sho blushes, putting down the basket quickly and waves his hands in denial. "Aiba, it's not what you think now..."

"Wait, what does he think?" the young student turns to Sho, frowning at him.

"What I do think? Well, Sho-kun here has a crush on you –," Aiba starts, grinning while pointing at his roommate. "I don't think it'a a secret crush, so don't look at me like this now – and now," he turns back to Ninomiya, leaning a bit forward, giving him a smirk. "I find you in our kitchen in the morning... dressed in Sho-kun's pajamas. What do you think, I'm thinking when seeing such thing?"

"Eh?!" Ninomiya blushed deeply and Sho couldn't help but grin at his cute reaction. "No! It's nothing like _that_! I just... slept in his bed."

"Yeah, sure," Aiba lifts his eyebrows, exchanging a smirk with Sho who divides the eggs onto the three plates on the table and then sits down.

"Really! Nothing happened!" Ninomiya exclaims.

"Nothing?" Aiba asks again, this time at Sho.

Sho takes a sip from his coffee, shaking his head slightly. "Unfortunately..."

"Hey!" Ninomiya turns to Sho, giving him a serious look. "Of course not, after all, we said no kisses anymore; we're just friends for the time being!"

"You _kissed_?!" Aiba clasps his hands in front of his lips, widening his eyes. "And nothing else happened when you slept in his bed? Oh my... I pity you, Sho-kun."

"Thanks," Sho nods appreciating.

"You're not an easy lay, are you?" Aiba notes, looking at Ninomiya again.

"I don't want him to be an easy lay, so it's totally fine for me!" Sho explains then, finally trying to calm down his friend's tension.

"Well, if you say so," the latter ends the topic and reaches for a slice of toast.

"I'm sorry for this awkward conversation, Ninomiya-kun!" Sho says, watching the young student who also reaches for some toast and tries to keep himself busy in order not to blush even more.

"Oh well...," Ninomiya tries to sound casual. "I think I should get used to _awkward_ if it comes to you."

While Aiba bursts into laughter, patting Ninomiya's shoulder and agreeing to his statement, Sho decides not to take this as a bad comment. He smiles and drinks another sip of coffee. His soulmate is such a damned cutie, it's impossible to get mad at him.

\- - + - -

_Nino – as he's called from most people living in this house – finds himself wandering through the wooden corridors of a grand Japanese mansion after he finished his cleaning duties for the morning. His bare feet feel nice on the sun-warmed floor and the birds' singing from the gardens adds to the pleasant atmosphere. He feels some excitement, not really knowing where it comes from exactly, but when his stroll ends in front of a room and he opens the door to the house’s library, his heart jumps a little._

_Carefully looking around to check that nobody sees him going inside, he finally pushes the wooden paper door aside and enters the room. He takes in the surroundings more closely; bookshelves lining each wall of the room, more shelves are standing in between. It is a quiet place, the quietest in the whole residence and it's his secret shelter that he visits whenever there is a little time left or when he was scolded by someone and wants to distract his frustrated mind._

_He turns around two times and finds himself in front of the shelf that holds his most favourite book. He reaches his hand out and takes the old looking book in his hands. It surely was read a hundred times already. The picture on the front cover shows a woman in a glorious kimono, a small bamboo grove next to her and above, a full, bright shining moon. Yes, this is Nino's favourite story and he feels the unbearable urge to read it. But when he opens the book and lays his eyes on the first page, he surprisingly has to find out that he cannot read it. The kanji are too difficult. He finds a few characters here and there that look familiar, but his mind is puzzled._

_His look falls onto his hands and he just realizes how small they look. He touches his face, he doesn't feel a trace of hair. He must be a young teenager, maybe 11, 12 years old; maybe that is why he cannot read those difficult words yet._

_"Nino," he suddenly hears a familiar voice from behind him._

_He whirls around and immediately recognizes the boy's face who showed up behind him with a smile on his face, even if he's much younger than the one he knows. Sakurai Sho. No… not exactly. Sakurai Shota, that’s it._

_"Young Lord!" the young boy blushes and quickly hides the book he's holding in his hands behind his back, facing his lord. "I – I'm so sorry, I know I shouldn't be here, I just…"_

_"What are you doing?" the other boy asks curiously, his voice friendly, as if he doesn't consider at all to scold the younger._

_"Oh, it's nothing, I just…"_

_"Don't worry, I'm not here to scold you and I won't tell anybody," the young lord assures the boy. "Let me see what's behind your back."_

_Nino slowly pulls out the book and holds it to the other, looking at him shyly._

_"Ah, the story of Kaguya-hime," Lord Shota says, smiling, letting his fingers glide over the colourful book cover. "You like books, don't you?"_

_Nino nods, embarrassed. "Yes, I do. I… I want to learn more about those stories that you're telling me."_

_He remembers the scenes when he is on cleaning duties in the corridors or in some rooms and it happens that the young lord is often present too, sitting there to watch over the young servant, telling him from fantastic stories that he reads in his books._

_"Can you read?" Shota asks._

_Nino blushes. Now, he remembers why it's so hard for him to decipher those characters. "Just a little bit. My parents sent me to school for about a year but then they couldn't afford it any longer, I had to help with work."_

_"It's a pity…," Shota says, tilting his head while flapping through the pages of the book before he looks up to meet Nino's eyes, making the other gasp slightly. "You know what? Maybe I can teach you."_

_"What?! Really?" Nino exclaims, surprised, his heart skipping a beat. "But young Lord, I'm just a servant, I cannot accept that! You can't waste your precious time with me on something like that..."_

_"I don't see it as a waste of time," Shota replies. "I want to help you enjoy books on your own if that's what you wish for," he flashes him a sincere smile. "And furthermore, I consider you as a friend, not only as a servant. At least, I want us to become friends."_

_"That's too much, young Lord, you're too generous," the young servant bows his head, his flushed face hidden behind the black bangs and he hopes, the other doesn't see his excitement._

_"Can't we call each other by our given names?" the other boy asks, casually._

_"Our given names?!" Nino stares at him before he adds in a low voice. "Like among real friends?"_

_"Yes," the young lord nods enthusiastically. "Call me Shota. And I'll call you Kazu. If you don't mind."_

_"I – I don't mind at all, really!" the boy answers, his heart starting to race as the other spoke his name, a nickname nobody called him with since he left the house of his parents. "But… people will find it strange and they'll think I don't have any respect toward you."_

_"Hm… then let's say we use those names only when we're on our own."_

_"Like a secret?" Nino whispers._

_"Yes, our secret."_

_Nino feels the smile on his lips and the warmth spreading in his heart._

_\- + -_

_The years go by, and after a jump in time, Nino finds himself in his mid-teens, growing up. He's still living in the Sakurai's mansion, he's still Shota's servant and still they are friends. Best friends. Nino feels the bond between them growing stronger with each day. He's happy to be able to see this boy growing up into a young man and he's grateful that he's allowed to be part of his life. There is nothing left from the fear that he once felt when he came to this house as a young boy, hiding underneath the camellia bush in the gardens because he's scared about his new surroundings and terrified over being separated from his parents._

_Shota has always been nice to him and the other servants. Nino is convinced that he's the most friendly and most pure hearted young lord this world has ever seen and swears to follow him for the rest of his life. For a very long time he doesn't think that he is something special to Shota, when the other treats him nicely, smiles at him lovingly and helps him by teaching him to read all those difficult words and explore the most wonderful stories. Nino tries not to think too much about it, he doesn't want those feelings in his heart that he doesn't really understand to grow too big but of course, when he realizes that he's falling in love with his lord, it's too late already._

_They still meet in the library at nights, on a more or less regular basis, depending on how busy people in the house are, since they want to keep it a secret. Nino treasures those moments, they are the moments he looks forward to the most when he wakes up in the morning in the servants' room and when he sees Shota looking at him with his usual friendly smile, he just cannot help but wish that the other young man is looking forward to their secret meetings too._

_His heart beats faster as soon as he hears the library's door slide open and someone is getting closer to the small table in the furthest corner in the back of the room, hidden by the shelves and only lit with a small candle to provide a little light for reading. His heart stops beating when the young lord turns around the last corner, sometimes carrying a new book, sometimes bringing along a few snacks that the servants usually never get to eat. He remembers to breathe again when Shota puts his hand onto his shoulder friendlily as he kneels down beside him and puts his stuff onto the table._

_There are times when Shota leaves Nino alone for a little while in order not to disturb the other with some small writing and reading practices, and goes searching for new interesting books that they have not read together yet. It's during one of those practice nights, when things between them change._

_Nino is focusing on writing some kanji, biting his lips and frowning in concentration. Shota must be somewhere behind him, browsing through the shelves but Nino is too focused to listen to the noises the other might cause, as he does sometimes just because he wants to make sure that the other didn't leave and is still around him. Suddenly, he feels a presence behind him, assuming it's his young lord and it's just as he wants to turn around and look at him, when two arms wrap around his body and he feels the other young man leaning close from behind, burying his face on the young servant's shoulder._

_He almost hits over the small stone with black ink from the surprise and he stiffens, not able to move, when Shota presses closer to him. He can feel the warmth of the young man's body, he can feel the slight trembling of his arms wrapped around his shoulders from behind and he thinks he can even feel the strong heartbeat against his back._

_"Please, don't hate me or anything for doing this, Kazu," the young lord whispers. "I just can't hold it back any longer."_

_Nino doesn't react, too busy trying not to forget how to breath and he just listens to the other's words._

_"You might not know it but I really like you. I mean, a lot. More than I like anybody else. I want you to belong to me, to be mine, only mine and I'm not talking about a lord – servant relationship," Shota continues and Nino's heart is beating faster and faster. "Do you know what this means?"_

_Finally, the young servant shows a reaction, even if it's just a tiny, shy nod, since he's still not able to speak. He feels a little dizzy, this cannot be true..._

_Shota loosens the embrace a little bit just to give Nino the room to finally turn around to face him. They look into each other's eyes and Nino is sure that he must be as red as the camellia outside in the gardens, judging from how hot his face feels._

_When Shota leans forward, Nino instinctively closes his eyes and their lips meet halfway when Nino reaches his hands to put them around the young lord's neck while the other circles his arms around Nino's waist, pulling him closer._

\- + -

It takes quite a bit of his courage before Nino is able to enter the kitchen which the small handwritten message on the bed has indicated. He takes a deep breath, tries to forget all those feelings and images of his dream. His heart is racing and he still feels highly confused. His dream has felt so real, so damned real, more like a memory than an actual dream but how is this possible? Did Sakurai's (and Ohno's) chatter about all this soulmate and reincarnation stuff even follow him into his dreams now? Still, the young man doesn't believe that those things are real so he's convinced that his brain is just pranking him. Nevertheless, like this, he'll barely be able to behave normal in front of Sakurai now. Just yesterday he told him that they are only friends. How pathetic would it look like if he throws his arms around his neck now, eager to kiss him, just because he still feels this incredible urge to do so, just like in that silly dream?

As expected, the scene in the kitchen is embarrassing, not only facing the other man – trying to play the situation down and starting to picker with him – but also having to defend his and Sakurai's innocently spent night in front of the assistant professor's roommate. Nino has a hard time not to drown in shame mentally, but he's pretty sure he can display an – at least a bit more – confident figure. Maybe. The breakfast tastes unbelievably good and the student wonders why this is and why he's so freaking happy to receive a self-made breakfast by the other man. He tries not to look at Sakurai too often while the three guys are eating and their eyes meet only twice, but it's enough to make Nino nervous.

He and Sakurai walk to the campus together, it's really not far from the young man's apartment. On their way, they pass some of Nino's fellow students from Sakamoto's course who greet them and when Nino sees Ohno sitting on one of the campus benches, a magazine on his knees, he waves at him friendlily. The other smiles back at him.

Classes go by pretty fast and Sakurai joins Nino's lunch break as if it's the most natural thing in the world. Nino's heart does some strange things when he sees the assistant professor approaching his table with his food tray and a wide charming smile on his face. The young student cannot refuse when Sakurai asks if he might join him and he seriously wonders for how long he might be able to withstand the other. And if it's even necessary. 

\- + -

"Mom?" Nino opens the door to his house in the evening, pulling off his shoes in the entrance area. "Mom, I'm back home."

It doesn't take long until the woman comes running, an apron over her clothes. Seems that she's busy with making dinner. "Kazu! How are you?" she asks, worried.

He tilts his head. "Fine, thanks, and you?"

His mother sighs before she knits her brows in furrow. "Don't "you" me! Why didn't you call me?!" now she sounds upset and Nino tries to hide the rolling of his eyes. He knew this is coming.

"Maybe, because I was busy at university?" he states, putting down his shoulder bag.

"What about in the morning?" his mother asks snippily. "Your _friend_ said you'd call me when you wake up."

"I was busy…," Nino sighs. "Preparations and such, you know?"

"So you couldn't just call for a minute or send me a message? Do you know how worried I was? I heard your back was hurting!"

"Mom, I'm no longer a 10 year old who has to call you every two hours to inform you where I am, or am I?!" the son complains. "And the pain is gone now, so no need to worry."

Nino bends down to lift his bag again. He wants to enter the corridor, heading for his room but suddenly, his mother blocks his way. He frowns at her, questioning.

"So, is there something you have to tell me?" the woman finally asks. She sounds a bit strange.

Of course, Nino knows what she's talking about, even if he preferred not to start a conversation about that topic, so he tries to avoid it. "What do I have to tell you?"

Of course, it's hopeless. "Keiko-chan called me yesterday. She was crying."

"Yeah… that…," he bites his lower lips and shrugs his shoulders, leisurely.

"Did you really break up with her?" his mother asks, her voice sounding a bit sad and Nino hates it, because he knows that she must be more hurt about the situation than _he_ actually is.

"I told you, I think it's better if we-," he tries, but his mother does not seem to be willing to listen to him.

"How could you?" she asks, shaking her head slightly.

Nino feels a rush of anger running through his body. Not only that it's really not his mother's business, he also just doesn't want others to pity his ex-girlfriend, just as he doesn't want others to pity him because of a failed relationship. They have to face reality, they will not have a future, that's how simple it is and that's why he decided to break up. He doesn't expect Keiko to immediately accept it but going to cry to his mother behind his back, now that was really low.

"The poor girl…," his mother murmurs.

"What about your poor son?!" the student explodes. "Yes, I'm sorry for Keiko if she's really that sad now but believe me, it's better this way. We both weren't happy any longer in this relationship."

"I think, you're the only one thinking this way, Kazu," his mother chimes in. "Keiko says, she thinks you cheated on her, is it true?"

"She's still saying that shit?" Nino chuckles.

"Watch your language, young man," his mother points at him with a serious face.

"And you even _believe_ that shit? You believe her more than your own son?" he doesn’t get it. "Thanks, Mom! Just for your information, I never cheated on her or anyone else in my whole life!"

"What about that… _friend_ of yours from university?"

"Which friend are you talking about? And why do you emphasize that word so strangely all the time?!" If she wants to play games, then she got Nino on the wrong foot today. He's definitely not in the mood for such things now.

"Come on, you know exactly who I'm talking about!" she bites back.

Well... Nino knows who _he_ is thinking about right now in this connection, even if it has nothing to do with cheating, but he doesn't know who his mother might be talking about. She doesn't know Sakurai. Oh, wait, she does. From that phone call, right?

"I mean that guy who picked up your phone instead of you when you were sleeping yesterday," she answers. Yes, Nino was right.

"You mean Sakurai?"

"Yes," she nods.

Nino sighs. Well, he didn't see _this_ conversation coming and he almost can't believe that he's asking the following question for real. "What makes you think that I cheated on Keiko with Sakurai?" he doesn't even let his mother answer, it's just too ridiculous that she even might come up with this idea. "Oh my God," he mumbles. "We're... just friends."

But his mother doesn't let him go so easily. "She said she saw you together with him quite a lot since the beginning of the semester. And that this man is flirting with you quite obviously."

Nino tilts his head. Maybe, he's too honest but how will lying help at this point? "Well… it seems he likes me."

The woman buries her face in her hands for a few seconds, shaking her head slightly and Nino frowns wondering until she finally looks at him again, her face even more serious than before, close to despair. "Kazu, this is dangerous, you shouldn't spend time with such a man, really!"

"Why? What are you talking about?" he wonders seriously.

"And you?" his mother asks, ignoring his question, her voice turning a bit hysteric. "Are _you_ one of those people too?"

" _One of those people_?" Nino lets out a desperate chuckle. He can't believe his ears. "Seriously, Mom-"

"Answer me, Kazu," the woman demands. "I'm asking you if you're one of those _gay_ people."

"What?! Mom, I'm not... it's just-," well, what is it _just_?

"This man, he's obviously _gay_!"

Well, most likely, yeah, Sakurai is gay. "And? Is this a problem?" Nino asks, shooting an unnerved look at his mother.

Obviously, it is, judging from her disgusted look. Nino's heart cringes. The thought alone that his mother or any other person might find Sakurai disgusting, just because he's gay, makes him feel sick. He's seriously surprised by his mother's reaction. It's true, Nino never thought of himself as being gay and the topic was never before big in his household. However, it would be a lie if he says that he doesn't at least _consider_ the possibility of being gay himself during the last few hours… or days. It might be a first time for him to allow his mind to think in this direction. Up to now, he was far from it. He told Sakurai that he's not into men, but things change, people change, or maybe... he never changed and is just starting to discover and understand his true self, finally.

"Do you like that man?" his mother asks, sincerely.

Nino doesn't really know how to answer. And he doesn't know any longer how to deal with his own mother, seeing her opposed reaction. It makes him insecure, so damned insecure. "Mom, I-"

"You like him, right?"

"I…," still, the words are stuck in his throat.

"You cannot deny it?!" she asks, hysterically. "Oh my God…," she touches her forehead and she sounds like her world is crushing down. "I can't believe it, my _own_ son is gay…"

"MOM!" the student can feel the rejection stabbing his heart and it hurts so damned much that he has no words for it.

His mother just starts shaking her head slightly while she lifts her gaze to her son, despair visible in her eyes. "No wonder that things with Keiko didn't work out… oh, poor girl, it must be such a shock, she must feel so betrayed… "

Another stab.

"Mom, can you please stop this now?!" Nino asks, his throat feeling all choked up.

"I thought, I brought you up well…," the woman continues. The hell, are those tears in her eyes?! "What will your father say?"

"That's what you care about?" her son asks in disbelief. He's hurt deeply by his mother's behaviour and the disappointment makes him – maybe a bit too - emotional. "You know what? Tell him what you want, I don't care. Tell him, his son is probably gay! I don't care what you think about it or what he will think about it, I'm leaving," he bursts out and turns on his heel, bending down in the entrance area again to put back on his shoes.

He already reaches at the door handle when his mother takes a step toward her son. "Kazu, where are you going?"

He turns around, shooting her a death glare. "I don't know, visiting a _gay bar_ maybe?!"

"Don't you dare-"

He tops his previous comment with even more sarcasm and he really hopes his mother gets it. "I can go sell my body to dirty old men? That's what you think about _gay people_ , right? That they do dirty things with _dirty_ people."

"They aren't normal, Kazu, you have to understand this," his mother comes closer, reaching her hand to Nino's arm. "This Sakurai guy, he will hurt you! He's just playing with your feelings, he's a pervert, he just wants to get you in his bed!"

Nino can't believe the level of ignorance that his mother's words bear, he had no idea that this is what she's thinking about the whole topic. "Oh, I've been there already. Because he was so nice to let me sleep in his bed when my back was hurting and I couldn't move, not because he's a _pervert_! But now that you say so, maybe I go straight back to him and let him rape me, then you don't have to fear about the virginity of your son's ass anymore and you know what? I would even enjoy it! He's nice! And not dirty at all, he's damned handsome!"

"Kazu!" his mother shrieks, aghast.

"You think that gay people are less worth than straight people, don't you?" her son continues and he knows that what he's going to say will hurt her but she insulted Sakurai, he just cannot accept it. "But I tell you that people like Sakurai are worth much more than people like you who take the liberty to judge about one's life style just because of their sexual orientation."

"Kazu, I'm sorry, listen, I-"

No, no matter what she would say now, nothing can take back what she said, or how she behaved. Nino is fed up. "No, Mom, I heard enough of this. I'm leaving. Don't call me."

Nino smashes the door behind him, running onto the streets, his shoes only half tied. He quickly adjusts his shoulder bag so that he at least doesn't lose it on his way. He's furious. He can't believe the conversation he just had with his mother. He cannot remember when he has been this hurt and disappointed with her in his whole life. How can she insult Sakurai just like this? She doesn't even know him, they only exchanged a few words on the phone and Nino is pretty sure that Sakurai was polite with her. How can she take Keiko's side when her son breaks up with a girl whom he's unhappy with in a relationship? And how can she look at her son with such disgust and blame herself for _not bringing him up well_? Nino doesn't even know if he's gay, or if he's just fascinated by Sakurai, but hearing his mother talk like this doesn't only hit his humanity, it also hit his own heart. She rejected him. A possibility of him. She let her son down.

The student just realizes that he doesn't really know where to go when he finds himself at the train station waiting for the next train back to town. He doesn't have many friends, at least not close ones who he may want to bother now to ask them for a place to stay for a while. He broke up with Keiko, so her house isn't an option any longer either, of course. At the back of his mind, of course, there is Sakurai. Sakurai's apartment, it will be possible, maybe. At least Nino is sure the assistant professor won't send him away. He likes the student too much. But is it right of Nino to make use of that fact? Is he _using_ Sakurai and his feelings for him when he shows up in front of him again? He's still not sure how he feels about him, he doesn't want to create hope in the other if he's not sure that he will be able to live up to it…

The young man is seriously troubled. He feels lost, as if he doesn't have any place to go. Suddenly, he's all alone in this world, he feels empty. Just as empty as he met before. Before he met Sakurai...

\- + -

"Ninomiya, what a nice surprise!" Sakurai exclaims with a wide smile on his face, his eyes sparkling. "What guides you here, did you miss me that much?"

The young assistant professor smirks and throws Nino a wink and if the student had been in a better mood, he might chuckle and slap the guy's shoulder now. But he's in a very bad mood and he's still torn between his twisted feelings about showing up here. However, this is the only thing he can think about right now. That he wants to be here and nowhere else. 

He insecurely averts his eyes and bows slightly. "I'm sorry to bother you again but… I just had a severe fight with my mom and… I cannot think of any other place to go…"

"Oh...," Sakurai says, surprised. "Well… then come in, let's talk."

Nino nods thankfully and follows Sakurai into his apartment, the same warmth spreading through the place, a place where gay people aren't hated, a place where everyone will be accepted with open arms, no matter who or what they are. Nino waves friendlily at Aiba who is sitting in the living room in front of the TV and giving him a surprised look – he surely didn't expect such a fast reunion either – and follows Sakurai when the man leads him to his room where he offers him a place to sit down on the bed.

Papers are spread on the desk, indicating that the assistant professor is working on something, most likely preparations for tomorrow's class, Nino thinks. He feels a bit guilty. Maybe he better didn't come here. The assistant professor sits down on his chair again, but the other way round, bedding his crossed arms on the backrest and facing Nino.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you're busy, I didn't want to disturb you," Nino says a bit nervously. "Shall I leave you alone? I can join Aiba-san in the living room, or just sit here and be quiet, I swear, you won't even feel my presence," he offers, pointing at the direction of the living room.

"Don't be silly, you're no disturbance at all," Sakurai flashes him a smile and Nino almost melts on the spot, his heartbeat rushing his ears. He's quite sure that he is blushing right now and so he lifts his hand to try hiding his face a little.

"What happened with your mom, do you want to talk about it?" Sakurai asks after a few seconds of silence, concerned.

"Ah...," Nino blushes again. He didn't intend to bother the other with his problem. "I'm not sure…"

"You're not bothering me, if that's what you think, really," Sakurai says, obviously he's able to read Nino's thoughts. "Maybe I can help."

Or at least parts of it. Nino chuckles slightly desperate. "I fear you won't be able to help."

The student wants to avoid admitting that Sakurai was part of the whole problem, maybe even the trigger for everything. Not that Nino blames him, he just realizes the importance of Sakurai's presence in this situation and it's not Sakurai's fault but it's Nino's doing that he let Sakurai's presence grow so much in importance to his life, so fast. Shall he blame it on that weird but oh-so real feeling dream?

"Is it something embarrassing?"

Nino shakes his head before he slightly tilts it. "No, not at all. Well, my mother acted very embarrassing I have to say. She really disappointed me…"

"That sounds more severe than just a normal family fight," Sakurai dares pointing out, frowning at Nino.

"Well, yeah, I guess," he says, dropping his look onto his knees. "I found something that might break it… my family."

"What is it?"

The student looks back at Sakurai, hesitating if he should really tell him but in the end, he just lets it out. "My parents seem to be fucking homophobic people. And I hate it!"

"...Oh," Sakurai sounds surprised and looks at the other man with big eyes.

"I mean, it's not even that," Nino quickly adds, not sure if he expressed himself in the best way, Sakurai maybe misunderstanding and so he bursts out into blubbering, hoping that his point might get clear. "I mean, it's not like I came out and they didn't accept me, to be honest, I don't know what I am but she suspected me of cheating on my girlfriend with you and then she started to insult you because you're probably gay – that's just my assumption, I'm sorry if I'm wrong. I got so damned angry and I felt so hurt when I heard all this shit leaving her mouth… I just couldn't take it any longer and so I yelled at her and told her that you're a nice person and… left."

Sakurai blinks. "Oh wow," he finally says, obviously flabbergasted by the sudden flood of words. "Now _this_ is really something. Do you feel better now that you let it all out?"

Nino sighs, tilting his head. "Maybe a little bit."

"You want to talk about it?" the assistant professor offers.

"About what exactly?" Nino wonders, knowing that there were too many possible discussion worthy topics hanging in the air between them now.

Sakurai shifts a little on his chair, "First things first, to clarify, yes, I'm gay. And I'm proud of it. And I'm used to it that there are still some people thinking that it might be strange or disgusting, but I honestly don't care," he shrugs his shoulders, in demonstration. "And you shouldn't care either but thank you very much for defending me," he smiles. 

Nino blushes.

"Second," the assistant professor continues, "maybe we should talk about you being hurt by her words to such an extent. I don't want to wildly assume things but I think if there isn't at least the possibility of you being gay, or bi, you might not have been so hurt."

Nino thinks for a while, this is exactly what's bothering him all the time, to be honest. He crosses his arms. "...Maybe that's right," he finally admits, averting Sakurai's eyes.

"You feel rejected by her, don't you?"

Nino nods.

"I can see that it hurts to feel rejected by the woman who raised you," Sakurai says, understanding. Even if it doesn't make things better, Nino is somehow glad that someone seems to understand his feelings. 

"I just didn't know that she's so narrow minded and…"

"You're confused," the assistant professor concludes. "That's why your argument escalated."

"I guess, yes."

"I don't know the exact words she used to hurt you so I don't know the extent of your pain either but, let me tell you from my experience, give her a little time," Sakurai starts, giving his most honest advice to the young man. "Let her get used to the idea and sort her feelings and then she'll get back to you and you'll be able to talk about it like adults."

"You think so? She sounded so… I don't know," Nino sighs, seriously worried.

The other smiles at him, encouragingly. "Believe me, sometimes a little time is everything it takes to make people understand."

"I hope so. I don't want to fight with her forever," the student admits, thinking about his mother. "Gosh, I think I never used such harsh words in front of her."

"It will be fine, don't worry."

Nino looks at the other, taking in the warmth of his sincere smile and yes, somehow, it makes him believe. He tries to smile back, even if just a little bit. "Thank you, Sakurai-san, really."

"No problem," the other slightly shakes his head. Then, his sympathetic smile turns into a grin and Nino frowns, wondering a little. "And now the most important point," Sakurai says, starting to sway a bit on his chair.

"What do you mean? And why are you smirking?" Nino starts to feel very insecure right now.

Sakurai's smirk gets more intense before he parts his lips. "You're not completely sure about being straight?"

"Eh?" the student looks at him surprised. "Wait, I never said…"

"Your reaction said enough," Sakurai replies. "And I have to admit, I'm pretty excited about it. This means that I might at least have a tiny little chance with you, doesn't it?"

"I…," Nino thinks about his dream again, about how he felt towards that young lord that looked exactly like Sakurai, thinks about what he feels in Sakurai's presence lately.

"It's OK, don't worry, I'll help you find the answer," the assistant professor chuckles cheerfully, letting his chair spin one, two, three times before he stops and looks at Nino again with a confidence in his face that the other finds simply admirable.

"You're doing everything your way anyway, no matter what I say, right?" he says, smiling.

Sakurai tilts his head, cutely. "True."

"I wished I had your self-confidence."

"I'll make you feel self-confident," the other promises. "You just have to give me that chance to."

"This conversation is turning awkward," Nino blushes deeply.

"You said you have to get used to _awkward_ if it comes to me."

"Well, I did say so, yes," the younger man admits.

"I see it as a compliment, you know?" Again, there's this confident, charming smile.

"Being awkward?" Nino arches an eyebrow.

"Yes, it's more interesting," the other nods and somehow, Nino has to agree with this way of thinking.

"Well, then, _Awkward_ ," Nino chuckles amused at the usage of this new found nickname for the other man.

"Thanks," Sakurai makes a bowing gesture. "So, do you want to stay overnight again?"

"Uhm… well, I don't think that I want to go home tonight," Nino confesses a bit embarrassed.

"It's OK. You can wear my clothes again and if you want, I can massage your back again so that you'll be able to fall asleep like a baby," Sakurai says, winking at his guest.

"That's what you would like, right? Don't mock me! But yeah, night wear will be appreciated."

A few minutes later, Nino changes into the same set of night clothes from the previous evening and offers to Sakurai again to leave him alone, just to be polite. The other tells him, he's free to go watch TV if he prefers but he can also stay in his room and do something else. In the end, Nino asks him for permission to browse through his bookshelf and soon finds himself lying on Sakurai's bed, his back against some comfortable pillows and burying his nose in a new edition of the popular Japanese fairy-tale about Kaguya, the princess from the moon.

It doesn't take long until Nino's eyelids start to feel heavy, just like the book in his hands that he finally lets drop onto his chest while his head sinks back into the soft pillow more and more. Nino is half-asleep when he feels someone freeing him from the weight of the book and he considers, but does not really manage to open his eyes, letting only a small sigh leave his lips. He senses the closeness of someone, Sakurai, his nice odour hanging in the air, the warmth of his body spreading and lulling the student even more. He feels him getting closer, feeling the man's breath hitting his face, and feeling those really unbelievably soft lips pressing slightly against his, again.

Nino sighs, his eyes still closed, and then, when the warmth disappears, he instinctively lifts his hands and puts them around the other man's neck, pulling him back close to him, pressing their lips together _again_ , just to feel that soft brush between them, this little sweetness. Nino doesn't even know what he's doing when he slightly parts his lips and allows Sakurai a more intimate kiss, just for a while. He drifts back to sleep, lulled by the pleasant feelings that overwhelm him right now, and his arms feel so damned heavy that they slip from the other man's neck when Nino drops to sleep completely.

\- + -

"You kissed me last night... didn't you?" Nino whispers in the next morning, his throat feeling still a bit heavy from the sleep. His memory is blurred, honestly, he cannot tell if it was a dream or not but either way, he's embarrassed, confused, and his heart is racing about that thought.

"I did," Sakurai admits, lying next to him in the bed, both of them cuddled underneath the blanket. It's already bright outside.

"Didn't we say no kisses?"

"I can say sorry now for breaking my promise but I think you liked it," Sakurai smirks. "You kissed me back, and I dare to point out that it is nothing that _friends_ do. We should consider declaring the promise invalid, if you ask me. I don't plan to stop kissing you."

Nino blushes deeply, and considers burying his head underneath the blanket again. "Gosh, how can you be so straightforward?"

"If both of us are as shy as you are, we will never make any progress," Sakurai chuckled.

"What is this?" Nino frowns, seriously. "This _thing_ between us I mean?"

"It's fate," Sakurai answers sincere. "Maybe it's time for you to accept it."

The young assistant professor reaches out his hand under the blanket, to find one of Nino's and the young man feels their fingers intertwining, their hands fitting each other just perfectly and it feels just too good to be true. Maybe, Nino thinks, maybe, Sakurai is right.

\- - + - - 

"What are you doing?" a voice behind Jun asks, too close to his ear and he almost jumps up from his chair in surprise.

Turning around, of course he's not surprised to see his colleague Toma – holding his obligatory cup of coffee (Jun is wondering if his friend is a serious addict) – and he sighs in relief. At least there is no need to hide the website he's browsing at the moment then.

" _Do you believe in soulmates_ , they ask?" Toma reads the header of the website and takes a sip of his coffee. Jun cannot see it but he bets that the other man is arching an eyebrow critically.

"I'm doing some research on this topic... for an article," Jun says, clearing his throat.

Toma takes his place on the chair next to Jun's working space and chuckles. "I actually would believe you if I didn't know how obsessed you're with your little girlfriend and the thought of being fated for each other, lately. With this, you cannot fool me. Uhm... but don't worry, I won't tell our boss that you're using the computer for private stuff," he adds when he sees Jun's death glare.

"Good," Jun mumbles. "Better for you."

Toma chuckles again before he focuses on his own work.

Since the day Jun signed up in that specific forum to get more information about reincarnation, he's been browsing it regularly, drawn into the fascinating world, tons of theories and stories, shared by people, of how they think they experience reincarnation themselves and whatever else he can find there. Just yesterday, he even opened his own topic, telling his own story (of course without using real names), curious about how people will react and which advice they may give him. He still cannot remember his and Ohno's past, even if it's what he wants the most. It doesn't take too long when he gets his first reply, and he reads it carefully.

**_Comment by ShotaS_ ** __

_Hello, MJ, nice to meet you._

_Your story is very interesting and it really sounds like you found your soulmate, so congratulations on this! I think, it's admirable that even if you yourself don't remember your past life yet, you actually do believe what your girlfriend says. That's proving how much you trust each other and also a proof of your joint past, imo._

_Tbh, I wished, my soulmate would be as open-minded as you are! I didn't share this story on my own here, but I want to share it with you now. I found him just recently but so far, he doesn't really believe in what I'm telling him, in fact I guess he must think I'm completely crazy. How I'm convinced then that it is him, you ask? At first I didn't see him clearly in my dreams and didn't realize that they are actually memories but ever since I found him in real life, I just know it!_

_Furthermore, I found proof. He has a birthmark on his back very similar to a birthmark that I carry on my wrist and I'm convinced that those are the spots on which we shared a tattoo in our past life, to prove our love to each other. Anyway, it's still a long way for me to convince him. I think though, the more time we spend together (he seems to open up a little, recently), the better the chances that he will actually remember._

_So don't give up and keep on meeting your girlfriend! Let her tell you about her dreams but don't stress yourself, I'm sure, memory will find you soon! Hang in there and good luck!_

_Greetings, S_

Jun has to admit that his heart feels much lighter after reading this encouraging message and he plans to answer it as soon as possible, which will be once he returns home this evening. For now, he really has to focus on work matters. With that he clicks away the tab of the internet browser and returns to the document he's working on currently, doing some last bit of revising on an interview with an ikebana artist he met a few days ago.

At home, just after Jun replied to ShotaS' comment in the internet forum, when he's finally lying on his couch in a comfortable position, the young man starts a call to his girlfriend, with a well-deserved can of beer standing on the low table in front of him. His heartbeat increases with each beep that he hears ringing in his ear and when Ohno finally picks up the call, Jun breaks into a smile. Like every day when they don't meet, they talk for a fair bit of time, exchanging details from their days and more.

Her cute chuckle makes Jun's heart bloom and he finds himself complimenting her cute personality for the nth time, surely making her blush intensely and he loves the fact that he's the one bringing such an effect onto the woman he loves. He seriously cannot remember when was the last time in his life that he's been so happy.

They end the call with a promise to call each other the next day again and Jun reaches for his beer, taking a sip, satisfies, his thoughts still occupied with his cute girlfriend. He's absolutely sure that this time, things will work out. He's convinced that he found the woman of his life in Ohno.

He cringes a bit in surprise, when his cell phone suddenly vibrates again and he immediately checks it, just to find that he received a message of the exact woman who occupies his thoughts at that moment. He smiles widely when he opens the message and reads it.

**_Sender:_ Ohno Satoko-san  
** _Subject:_ Invitation  
_Attachment:_ map.jpg 

**Dear Jun-kun,**

**Thank you very much for your sweet good night call. I hope we will be able to meet in our dreams.**

**It's been almost a month since you interviewed me and we first kissed after the kabuki performance. I consider myself very lucky to have found you, my soulmate, in this life. I enjoy the time we spend together and I hope for you it's the same.**

**I would like to invite you to my place on Saturday afternoon, 4 pm, for a comfy home date, watching some DVDs and cuddling on the couch. Please let me know if this is convenient to you. If yes, please check out the attachment, I sent you my address with a map so that you can find the way to my apartment.**

**Because you told me you like Mont Blanc, I'll try to prepare some. I hope you will like them!**

**Looking forward to welcome you at my place.**

**Love,  
Ohno ♥**

\- + -

"Jun-kun! You're here!"

When Ohno opens the door, Jun's heart skips a beat. His girlfriend welcomes him with her usual friendly, slightly shy smile and she's dressed up nicely. Her brown shoulder long hair is slightly curly and she's wearing a dark blue, wonderful dress, her shoulders covered by a light blue, short sleeved bolero. Around her neck lays a nice silver necklace with several small blue, leaf shaped pendants, the colour matching perfectly with the dress.

"Thank you very much for the invitation," the young journalist says when he finally finds back his voice, still overwhelmed by the beauty of the woman standing in the door frame, now making space for him to enter the apartment.

"Please come in," she says friendlily, offering him some slippers when he enters. "I'm sorry, my place is pretty small."

"No problem at all," Jun says, smiling, his heart beating fast from the excitement. "I'm happy to have the chance to see how you live."

Ohno's place is quite small, but also very comfortable. It's not a typical girl's place, Jun thinks, the curtains and furniture are mostly in white, elegant but neutral. But he can spot some flowers in a vase standing on the small table in the kitchen as well as a few plants standing in the shelves in the living room. And there are also some fluffy, colourful pillows on the bed in the bed-living room, accompanied by a huge plush animal. And of course there are several painting materials, obviously stored away carefully to make the place fit for guests, and even if Jun expected an arts student's place to be a bit messier, the apartment is very clean. He likes it a lot.

After gesturing to Jun to sit down on a pillow at the low table in the middle of the room, Ohno hurries to the kitchen to get a tray already filled with two cups of tea and – as Jun can see when she comes around the counter – two servings of Mont Blanc, his favourite sweets. Again, Jun's heart skips a beat and he's sure that he's showing quite a silly grin now on his face, but he just cannot hide his joy and happiness over Ohno's gesture to go through the trouble to actually make those for him.

"I'm very sorry, I didn't bring any sweets since you said you'll make something," Jun explains his empty hands, not revealing the secret that he has something else in his pocket, a present for Ohno. He plans to give it to her, later.

"Don't worry, it's totally fine. I don't want to trouble you with bringing things along when I invite you," Ohno smiles, placing the cup of tea and the small plate with the Mont Blanc in front of her guest.

"It looks so delicious, really!" Jun compliments the sweets, causing Ohno to blush and hide behind the now empty tray.

She sits down too, brushing her dress straight, and tilts her head with a cute smile, pointing at the sweets, encouraging her boyfriend to try it. "Please, take a bite."

Of course, Jun cannot hold back any longer and he reaches for the small fork letting it sink through the light brown chestnut cream and icing sugar covered whipped cream. The consistency is perfect, the smell is sweet but not intrusive and when the fork goes through the crispy meringue on the basis it makes his mouth water. He cannot wait to taste it and just as expected, the melting of the creams and the meringue in his mouth create a burst of flavour that makes him sigh in happiness. He chews the bite carefully until the last bit of cream melted and then he turns to Ohno who is looking at him with wide eyes and a shy look, eager to hear his comments.

"Ohno-san," he starts, darting at the Mont Blanc with the tip of his fork, "This is unbelievably delicious, really! I _love_ it!" he smiles widely after licking a last bit of cream from his lips.

"Really?" the young woman asks with a happy smile, bringing her hands in front of her chest and sighing in relief. "I'm so glad that you like it! Please, eat up, I have second servings too in the refrigerator!"

"I'm digging in, thank you so much!" Jun answers and dedicates himself to the rest of his Mont Blanc, enjoying every single bite of it and even half of the second servings that he shares with Ohno afterwards.

Their "home date" as Ohno calls it, is going very well. As always, they enjoy talking to each other about everything under the sun, but especially, Jun enjoys Ohno's stories about her dreams, featuring both of them as the main protagonists. He even convinced her to show him some pages of the dream diary she once told him about. She's too shy to show some of the pages (and Jun hopes that the dreams written down there feature some not so innocent scenes that they maybe can be able to re-enact soon, slapping himself for his dirty mind. In the end, she shows him various pages with drawings in different materials like pencil, watercolour or ink, all of them showing one motive – Jun's face. He's stunned of how much the pictures look alike him – even with other hair style of course, considering that Ohno's dreams take place hundreds of years ago. He's even more impressed when he sees the date scribbled underneath each and every drawing, showing that those were made long before he and Ohno met.

When Ohno becomes too embarrassed by all the compliments for her drawings, she finally puts away her diary again and suggests to Jun about watching a DVD, moving to the bed where it's much more comfortable. Of course, the young man doesn't object and so Ohno puts in the disc into the DVD-player and they sit down on the fluffy blanket that's covering the bed sheets. The young woman cuddles against Jun's chest, blushing, when he lifts one arm and offers her space to snuggle up close.

It doesn't even take half of the movie until the focus of both isn't dedicated to the story on the screen any longer but more onto each other, onto each other's face, each other's eyes, each other's lips. Ohno sighs silently into a passionate kiss they are sharing and Jun cannot hold back and strokes his girlfriend's cheek lovingly, letting his fingers run down her neck, her shoulders, until his hand settles at her waist, waiting there respectfully, not going any further.

It's so obvious and they both know, that the possibility of more happening between them is swaying in the air. Their kisses get more passionate with every minute, their bodies more and more impatient. Jun feels the tension overwhelming his body and he knows, it's just a matter of time, a matter of when Ohno will finally allow him to take the next step. He won't force her to do anything she doesn't like, he promised himself that on the day they started dating. He'll let her decide on what they will do and how fast things will happen between them. But he sincerely hopes that the time of waiting will be over soon, since his love and desire for this woman is growing stronger with each day he knows her.

But suddenly, instead of allowing them to finally get more intimate, Ohno seems to become unfocused and nervous, breaking the contact of their lips faster each time, eventually even drawing back a little. When Jun looks at her, worried, fearing a rejection, her face is flushed red and she is averting her eyes as if she's scared to look at him.

He cups her face, making her eyes turn in his direction and places a soft kiss on top of her nose, smiling.

"Hey, Sweetie, you don't need to be nervous," he says in a low voice. He lets his thumb brush over her cheek. "We can even stop if you want to, even if I... have to admit that it will be a bit... hard for me to let go of you now," he smirks.

Embarrassed, the girl looks away again, starting to bite her lips.

"Ohno-san? Hey, talk to me, what's troubling you?" the young reporter tries again to get through to her.

It takes her a few seconds until she finally raises her voice. "Uhm... Jun-kun?"

"Yes?" he asks, patiently.

"You know, there is something I have to tell you," Ohno says, the nervousness in her voice undeniable.

"What is it? You sound so serious, suddenly," Jun starts to worry.

"Well, it's something really serious."

"Tell me. You know you can tell me anything," he says, trying to reassure her.

She squints her eyes. "I fear that you might hate me, if you find out..."

Jun chuckles softly. "Don't be silly, I could never hate you!"

"I really hope so."

"Now tell me, dear. Are you a virgin or something?" he asks carefully. "You know, I don't have any problem with neither you are or you're not. You're wonderful, you're perfect just as you are."

Jun is kind of surprised when he realises that his words do not have the calming effect he is aiming for, not at all, and that Ohno just continues looking at him with those serious eyes.

"It's something different," she finally says, biting her lips again. Jun can see that whatever she is up to tell him, it must be weighing on her heart heavily. "You know... I feel really bad for hiding this so long from you," Ohno says, her voice breaking slightly. "It's not that I intended to do so, it's more like I didn't consider it as hiding something important from you, at first, since for me it's not a big deal. But I'm aware that this is much more complicated and that it can actually be a very big deal for you, so... I think it's time to finally tell you."

The young journalist will be a liar if he says that he's not a little bit scared now. "Wow, this must be something big, what are you talking about?"

Ohno takes a deep breath. "The truth is that I'm not... an ordinary woman..."

"Not an ordinary woman?" Jun repeats after her and lets out a soft chuckle. He brushes his thumb over Ohno's soft skin again. "Of course not, you're a very special woman."

"I'm pretty sure though I'm _special_ in a way you may not appreciate," Ohno whispers, her eyebrows knitted in sorrow.

Jun frowns. "What do you mean?"

Then finally, Ohno let's drop the bomb. "I'm not a real woman."

Though, for Jun the bomb didn't explode yet, it's just like it's in between them, ticking, like it can be blown up any second, as soon as he fits the missing piece of the puzzle in his mind. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"The truth is... I... kind of am a woman but also not _really_ , I'm also... a man, you know? The young woman continues, trying to explain something that Jun has no idea what she is actually talking about.

"What? Ohno-san, you're confusing me! What do you mean by you're _also a man_?"

"Do you know what genderqueer means?" she asks, looking at him, insecurely.

"I... do...," Jun answers slowly, quickly browsing each and every information about that term that he might find in his brain.

"Well... to be honest, that's how I am," his girlfriend admits. "I consider myself not as a real woman or a real man, I'm... both somehow, you see? But fact is, I am born... as a man."

"You are born... as a man...," Jun repeats and he feels that the bomb between them is about to explode.

"Maybe... I should better show you," Ohno sighs, nervously.

She reaches up her hand, placing it on top of Jun's hand that had just stopped brushing her cheeks a second ago.

"Wait, what... what are you doing?" Jun asks, slightly panicking.

With trembling hands, Ohno slowly guides his hand down their bodies, towards parts that Ohno hasn't let the young journalist touch before. Jun's finger brushing over her stomach, through the fabric of the nice blue dress and he allows his curious eyes to follow the movement of their hands, down until they reach the skirt of her dress. It's fluffy from the tons of fabric that made up the petty coat like appearance, hiding the shape. Ohno guides Jun's hand further, to her leg, letting him touch her thigh and brush upwards until they reach that specific area between Ohno's legs and finally, the bomb explodes.

Jun sharply pulls in the air between his lips, he holds his breath and his hand stiffens immediately when he feels the obvious _bulge_ there, something that he definitely will not find on a woman's body. His throat suddenly feels so dry and he almost doesn't dare looking at Ohno, knowing that his own expression will show first and foremost pure shock.

"So... this is how it is," Ohno whispers, and when Jun gulps and finally is finding the courage to look at her... _him_... Ohno again, Ohno's face is flushed red, eyes closed, probably fearing the reaction of the young journalist.

Jun's hand is still lying on the respective body part but when Ohno's grip loosens, he slowly starts pulling his hand back, still staring at the other who finally opens his eyes, eyes that look at Jun as if he is about to start crying.

"I'm sorry, I-," Jun starts, knowing that his action must have hurt Ohno but he's too confused himself to know what's right or wrong at the moment. He isn't even able to finish his sentence, his mind becomes just a huge blank room, and he is unable to find the right words.

"Jun-kun...," Ohno's voice sounds like a faint whisper, his voice trembling, breaking away.

"Ohno-san... I...," Jun honestly doesn't know how to properly react to this.

He's seriously shocked, his heart aches so much suddenly, dreams of a joint future, imaginations of him and Ohno being together start crumbling down inside of him. Ohno isn't the woman he thought, Ohno lied to him, told him, they were a married couple in the past, a man and a _woman_ in love with each other over decades, over death. Ohno deceived him, made him _believe_ he is a woman. _Him_ , a straight man, formerly famous for chasing every woman he finds attractive, searching for the _woman of his life_ for all of his life and now that he thought he has finally found her... she is a man... 

A man. And Jun cannot be in love with a man. That's all he can think about right now. He never liked men _that_ way, not at all, he didn't even _consider_ that possibility for himself. He's into women. He wants to get married, wants to have children, with the woman of his life.

"I'm sorry, I just can't...," Jun starts, shaking his head slightly. "I just can't..."

He finally stands up, hurriedly, feeling the urge to flee from the situation as long as his brain refuses to think straight. He reaches to the low table next to the bed, grabbing his things and he's about to run through the room to reach the apartment's door and leave when he hears Ohno's voice behind him, tearing a crack in his heart.

"Jun-kun, please!" he sobs. "I'm so sorry about everything, really! Just... please, believe me, I sincerely love you, I didn't want to lie to you, I just... it's complicated, you know?"

"You made me believe, you're a woman," Jun says, without turning back and just letting the first words that come to his mind from within a dense fog leave his mouth. "You... betrayed me..."

"I cannot change the fact that I am not a real woman, I... I wished I could, for your sake, but I can't! It is my only hope that you may maybe... just maybe accept me as who I am," Ohno continues, desperately and his sobbing sounds so pitiful, it makes Jun feel even worse. "I can understand if you cannot love someone like me, but please, please forgive me. Please... don't _hate_ me!"

Ohno doesn't say more after this and just tries to calm down his sobs. Jun still doesn't have the courage to turn back and face him. He's still too confused, his heart, his mind, every cell of his body is screaming from the confusion and frustration he's going through at this very moment. He doesn't know what's right or wrong any longer.

"I'm sorry, Ohno-san," he finally whispers. "I need some time to think about this. Good night."

With those words, Jun takes his last steps toward the apartment door, hurriedly puts on his shoes and grabs his jacket. He leaves, letting the door fall shut behind him with a numbing noise, locking out Ohno's sobs and crying voice, locking _Ohno_ out from his life, at least for now. When he puts his hands into his jacket’s pocket, he feels the small package that is still placed there, the present that he intended to give Ohno at the end of the day. He clenches it tightly.

\- - + - -

When Ohno sees Nino coming to the campus, dressed in his last day's clothes and walking next to the same guy – someone pretty new, a young assistant professor or so - for the second time in a row, he cannot help but smirk. Maybe he is just wildly assuming or imagining things but looking at his newly found friend, he thinks that the young student looks kind of nervous – the good kind of nervous – being close to that man who talks to him vividly, flashing him wide smiles. Further, Ohno hasn't seen Nino coming to the campus together with that woman who probably was his girlfriend, for a few days now. And maybe he imagines this too, but right now, Nino looks much less grumpy and much happier than he looks when he's together with _her_.

He decides to send Nino a message, not the first one, since they exchanged phone numbers after their last conversation, and suggests meeting in the theatre clubroom in the afternoon, since he wants to talk to him about something. Nino replies about half an hour later, saying that he will come.

The theatre club doesn't have a scheduled meeting this afternoon and so nobody else is in the clubroom when most classes are over and people start going home after their lectures. Ohno is sitting at the table in the corner next to the window, the same table at which he and Nino had their last conversation. His legs are hanging loose, swaying back and forth as if he's pretending that he is sitting on a swing, aiming for the clouds with each movement. But actually, his head is the only thing in the clouds and his eyes try to catch the silhouettes dancing through the afternoon sky, dipped in multiple colours, with the sun setting already in the back. He tries to go through a few lines of "Akatsuki", the kabuki ensemble still has a few performances coming up and he knows how important practice is. However, his thoughts cannot really focus and just trail away, to Jun…

It's when someone slides the door to the room open and enters, that Ohno gets pulled out of his thoughts and focuses onto the other young man who approaches him, his one hand holding onto the strap of his shoulder bag that he's about to pull off and the other hand lifted to greet him casually.

"Hey, Nino," Ohno greets back with a friendly smile and jumps from the table.

"Ohno-senpai, you wanted to talk?" the young student asks, putting his bag onto the table and fishing two cans of tea out of it, handing one to Ohno who thanks him properly before starting some small talk.

"Yeah, I'm sorry to bother you… I bet, you have better things to do?"

"No worries," Nino smiles. "It's no problem."

"Great," Ohno says as they settle down on their usual chairs. To be honest, he's pretty nervous and he needs some assurance from his friend. "You know, I wanted to tell you that I decided to tell Jun-kun the truth… about me."

Nino looks at him, a bit surprised but quickly gets hold of his expression, turning it into a smile. "Really? That's good!" he exclaims, sincerely but Ohno can see the slight worry on his friend's face.

"I know, you must think that it's risky, right?" the older asks in a low voice, opening the can of tea to take a first sip.

Nino tilts his head. "Well, I was the one saying that you should tell him, and I still think that it's the right thing to do, but I would be a liar if I say I'm not worried. I don't know that guy, I have no idea how he might react to your confession. I want to believe in the love you two share but I can't help but wonder... I don't want you to get hurt."

"Thanks for your kind words, Nino," Ohno smiles at him, genuinely grateful. It's amazing, how fast he was able to become friends with that guy, they never thought that they have much in common until recently but since then they are growing together somehow and Ohno is happy that he can call them friends now.

"How do you intend to tell him?" Nino asks, curiously.

"I thought about inviting him to my place... since I feel most comfortable there," the older student starts. "I will need all my courage to tell him."

The younger gives Ohno an encouraging smile. "I'm sure you'll be able to do so. I wish you good luck!"

"Thank you! I'll give my best!"

"Are you confident?" Nino finally dares asking after drinking from his tea. "It's not that I want to discourage you or something, it is just pure curiosity, really," he quickly adds, waiving his hand a little.

Ohno chuckles. "I have to think positive, right? It's not that I have much choice, I have to tell him sooner or later."

Nino doesn't answer, focusing on his tea. Maybe he has doubts, just like Ohno has and it's understandable. Then, the young student suddenly looks at him as if he wants to ask him something else but isn't brave enough to do so.

Ohno tilts his head, smiling at him. "Is there also something you want to talk about?"

Nino purses his lips and then sighs as he reaches up his hand to scratch the mole on his chin slightly. He then looks at Ohno, frowning slightly. "You know this whole topic of reincarnation and soulmates… I told you I don't believe in it but to be honest, I'm seriously starting to question it."

"Really?" the older man asks surprised. "Did something special happen that makes you think so?"

"Well, yeah… kind of?" Nino frowns even more, he looks puzzled. "I'm not sure if I had some kind of flashback recently or something similar and soon after, I had this dream… a very vivid dream. And I have to admit after talking to you, recently, and thinking about it for a while, I'm not sure if it is maybe something like a memory of a past life... instead of just a simple dream. I'm used to vivid dreams, you see? It's my inspiration when I'm writing stories, but this time, it feels completely different..."

Ohno nods understanding, remembering the time when he started to have those dreams about his past life. How vivid they were, how real they felt and how impressed he was about how clearly he could remember them most of the time after waking up, until he was convinced that they must be more than simple dreams. "Sometimes, it's hard to tell, but if you feel like there's a connection to the past, maybe it is."

"Maybe. And then... there's more," Nino continues.

"What is it?"

"I met someone," the young student says. "And he says, that _I_ am the reincarnation of his lover!"

"Oh! Wait, you mean that young assistant professor?" Ohno points at Nino, clearly remembering the face of the man the other came to university with this morning. "What's his name? I forgot it, I only heard about him joining the faculty this semester."

"Eh? How do you know who I'm talking about?" Nino wondered, seriously confused.

"I saw you coming to university together this morning. Again," Ohno smirks and lifts one eyebrow at Nino, challenging him to explain himself.

"Oh, yeah… well... His name is Sakurai Sho, he's the assistant professor of Sakamoto-sensei from my literature courses."

"Why did you two come here together?" Ohno asks curiously but when he sees his friend blushing nicely, he doesn't want to dig too deep for now, so he just keeps on. "So he claims to be your soulmate?"

"Kind of."

"And now you wonder if he's right?" the older man completes the other's thoughts.

Nino nods, sheepishly. "Yeah… Well, I'm not sure, I'm confused," he admits. "It's just… a feeling. What he tells me, how he treats me, and… he even appears in my dreams. It's just small things but they sound similar to what you told me and it makes me seriously doubt what I said before."

"You don't _remember_ him, right?" Ohno wants to confirm.

"As I said, I don't know, this dream, it feels so… real somehow."

"It's hard to describe, right?"

"It is," Nino sighs again.

Ohno smiles. His friend was adorable, cute when he's confused. "Do you feel something for that person?"

The young student takes a deep breath and even if he tries to hide his blushing cheeks, it's helpless. "I don't know if it's connected to this reincarnation thing or if it's just a crush or something but I think, I am starting to like him, yes."

"Maybe that's enough proof for a past connection?" Ohno offers, smiling.

"I'm still not 100% convinced."

"Talk to him," the older says.

"Eh?" Nino stares at him.

"About your dreams," the other man continues. "If he has such dreams too, that's it. He didn't tell you about any dreams yet, I assume?"

"We don't know each other _that_ well yet…," Nino murmurs.

"But you spent the night with him?" Ohno chuckles.

Nino blushes even more. "I didn't! I… just happened to sleep over at his place, that's all!"

"You're not a couple yet, right?"

"No," Nino says, his voice sounding a bit shocked. "Of course not!"

"What about that girl who you used to hang out with?" Ohno continues to question him. He wants to confirm things, to get a picture of the whole situation after all.

"Ah... you mean Keiko?" Nino arches his eyebrow, wondering. "She was my girlfriend. I broke up with her the other day."

"I see," Ohno hums. "I was already wondering why I didn't see you together any longer. Did you break up with her because of _him_?"

"I… I don't know," Nino stammers. "...Maybe?"

"So you like him?"

Nino doesn't answer but there is no need to. The answer is written on his face.

"And he likes you, right?" Ohno tries it the other way round.

Nino tilts his head again, hiding his blushing face behind his arm but he cannot fool Ohno. "He says he does, and he kissed me. Not only once."

The older man smirks and reaches out his hand to pat his friend's shoulder. "I guess then it's your turn now."

\- + -

The meeting with Jun on the following Saturday ends in the worst state imaginable. Well, maybe not in the _worst_ , Jun could have yelled at Ohno or hit him or god-knows-what he could have done to him after he found out that Ohno has been lying to him for several weeks now. And told him in probably the worst situation for telling someone something like this, ever.

However, when Jun leaves Ohno's apartment, saying that he "betrayed him" it feels almost like a fatal stab through the student's heart and as soon as the other closed the door behind him, Ohno breaks down on his bed in tears, his body trembling and his heart hurting like it never did before. If he didn't know before what a broken heart felt like, now he knows it just too well. It's like not only the heart in his chest but also the whole world around him is breaking apart, turning colourless and losing all the lights and hopes he put there. It's over…

Of course, Ohno knows that it's his own fault. What he did to Jun might not have been due to his bad intention but no matter how you look at it, it's completely understandable that Jun feels betrayed by the _woman_ he loves. It's completely understandable that he, as a straight guy, is totally shocked by this disclosure and it's also completely understandable that he isn't able to face Ohno any longer now. He betrayed him. He shocked him. He lost him.

Ohno cries for what feels like hours, but honestly, he totally lost the feeling for time and has no idea how much time eventually passed when his eyes and throat feel so dry that he stops crying. His head feels like bursting, his chest aches and his limbs have fallen numb but he doesn't care. He just lies there on his bed, his face still wet with tears, the brown hair of his wig messed up and he doesn't even want to know how he looks like at the moment. His look falls onto the low table in the middle of the room, the used plates and teacups still there. With the memory of Jun sitting there and enjoying Ohno's Mont Blanc, the tears return again, Ohno buries his face in the fluffy pillow he's holding in his arms. He sobs heartbreakingly.

About half an hour later, he finally stands up, his feet feeling like jelly but he cannot stand the look of the used plates on that table any longer. He takes them to the kitchen but his hands feel so weak that just before he can put the dishes into the sink, they slip through his fingers, crashing to the floor, bursting into countless pieces. Ohno curses, he screams, he cries again and then breaks down on the floor. His vision blurred, he tries to pick up the pieces but he cannot grasp them, he feels too weak. Eventually, he decides to put away the ruined plates later and go back to bed.

He spots his cell phone that he had put to mute during Jun's visit lying on the bedside table and when he approaches the bed again, he reaches out with his trembling hand to the device. He nervously slides away the screen saver, to check if maybe… just maybe, he might have received a call, or a message from Jun, that maybe a miracle is waiting for him.

There isn't a miracle waiting on his phone, but there is a message from Nino on their LINE chat and when Ohno reads the message "Good luck! Tell me how it went!" followed by an encouraging cute sticker, the young man bursts into tears again.

He hesitates a little bit but finally, he takes the courage to dial Nino's number, to give him a report about the disaster he created. He tries to stop sobbing before the other picks up the phone but he knows he fails.

 _"Ohno-senpai?"_ Nino's voice asks as soon as the free-line signal disappears.

Ohno's voice fails him and he can't control the desperate sob leaving his lips. "Nino…"

 _"Senpai?"_ this time, Nino sounds shocked. _"Are you crying? What's going on?"_

"Nino, I…I…," the other man continues sobbing and lifts his hand to his mouth as if pressing his fingers against his lips will keep them from trembling. He then tries to voice some words, but he knows that nothing useful is leaving his mouth.

 _"Calm down, Ohno-senpai,"_ his friend says in a worried voice. _"I can't understand you. What happened?"_

The arts student takes a deep breath, trying to calm his voice at least for one explaining sentence. "I told him. I told him that I'm not a woman… and he… he…"

 _"He…,"_ even without finishing the sentence, Ohno is sure that Nino got what must have happened. At least, his pitiful reaction makes him conclude this. _"Oh Senpai… I'm so sorry to hear that. What did he say?"_

"He left," the older man sobs. "He didn't say much and just left."

_"Gosh, really? How could he?"_

"I guess it's too much of a shock. It's my own fault… It's... It's because I'm not a woman," Ohno manages to say before another wave of tears floods his vision.

 _"Stop that, please, it's not your fault!"_ Nino's stern but caring voice reaches the young man's ear but it feels so distant, it feels so unreal, it sounds like a lie to him.

"I can't bear this," he sobs. "Now that I finally found him, I dreamed my whole life about him and now he's gone... I want to die."

Nino raises his voice, sounding genuinely shocked. _"Don't talk such crap, Senpai! You're scaring me!"_

Nevertheless, Ohno somehow cannot stop the train of his thoughts running wild, heading towards that chasm that opens in front of him, leading into just a huge black hole of nothing. Ohno cannot help but stare at it, stare at it and let it grow, as if it is real, just in front of his eyes. His voice must be only a distant whisper and he isn't even sure any longer if it still reaches his friend through the phone. "Maybe, I will be luckier in my next life and I'll be reborn as a woman again…"

 _"Ohno-senpai, listen to me!"_ Nino's voice, sounding a bit hysteric, intrudes Ohno's dark thoughts. _"Listen, you're totally fine the way you are and if this Matsumoto doesn't get it, he's a jerk!"_

Ohno knows that his friend means it in a good way, but badmouthing Jun isn't helpful at all at the moment. It's not what Ohno thinks about him. He doesn't blame him. He doesn't hate him for hurting him, it's his own fault and he knows it too well. "No, Nino, you don't understand..."

 _"Send me your address, I'm dropping by,"_ the young man at the other side of the line says determined.

"What?" Ohno frowns.

 _"Just do it. I won't leave you alone in such a state!"_ Nino continues. _"Don't move, don't do anything stupid and just wait for me. We'll talk about this and we'll find a way, I promise!"_

\- + -

Ohno doesn't care that he still is dressed as a woman and that his make-up must be smeared all over his face from crying when he opens the door and finds Nino in front of it. He doesn't care when the other looks at him a bit surprised – of course, it's the first time that he sees him dressed as a woman – and checks the name plate in front of the apartment, just to make sure he got the right one. Ohno immediately bursts out into tears again as soon as Nino is inside, his hands hiding his face and his knees are so weak that he almost breaks down again, if not for Nino who catches him and guides him back into the living room to make him sit down on his bed again.

The young man seems a bit unsure about what to do, about how to deal with his fellow schoolmate now, but he seems determined to help and this alone is enough of a reason for Ohno to lean towards the other and hide his face against his shoulder. Soon after, he feels Nino's hand patting his head, comfortingly.

"Ohno-senpai, listen to me. I know we don't know each other too well yet, but we are friends, right?" the other man starts in a friendly voice. "And I'm convinced that you are a wonderful person no matter if you’re a man or a woman or whatever in between. You're beautiful, both, as a girl as well as a man, believe me. And if that Matsumoto guy doesn't see it, then there will be another man who sees it and he'll love you the way you deserve to be loved."

Ohno appreciates the friendly words and he knows, Nino means well but the thought alone of replacing Jun in his life cuts so deep into his heart that he cannot stand it. It's impossible. "No, _he_ is the one! He's the _only_ one for me, I don't want another man. We're meant to be together. It's just… I don't know, I must have done something really bad in my past life if God punished me like this. Why can't I be a woman? Why?"

Nino sighs, sympathetically. "But didn't you say you like being a man? That you're fine with how things are?"

He's right… "I am, but he obviously is not. If I can't be a woman, I can't be loved by him, you see?"

"Did he _say_ that to you?" the young student asks.

Ohno sits up again, reaching his fingers to wipe away some tears. "He said that I made him believe that I'm a woman and that I betrayed him… and that he needs time to think about this. Nino, I'm sure he will never ever look at me the same way, he will never call me or be willing to meet me, since I'm not a woman," he lets out all of his sorrows, all of his fears, pouring them in front of his friend.

"Ohno-senpai…," Nino murmurs and Ohno can see that the young man is about to protest but he fears the words filled with hope that might not become true, so he cuts his friend before he can say even more.

"I want to be a woman, really. I want to have him back…," Ohno whispers.

"But you _are_ what you _are_ , Senpai!" Nino speaks up. "And there's nothing wrong with it."

"But what, if I really become a woman?" the older continues. "Don't you think he'll be able to love me then?"

"What are you talking about?" Nino frowns.

"I don't know… I… I might be able to get surgery or something," Ohno says, his voice quivering.

"To switch gender?!" Nino gapes at him. He doesn't look convinced by this idea. "Are you crazy?! You're not even convinced yourself that you're a woman only, aren't you?"

"But Nino, if Jun-kun-," the young man wants to argue but Nino puts his hands on Ohno's shoulders and shakes him slightly to force him to look at him. Desperately, the student looks into his friend's eyes, knowing that the other will not be able to help him.

"Matsumoto isn't the one who should decide for you which gender you want to be. It's your decision and I got to know you as a very self-confident and happy young person who has no issue with his gender queerness and I think it's the best way to deal with it. It's admirable! You shouldn't press yourself into one role if you are more than that," Nino tries to convince Ohno.

He has to admit, if he would be simply confused over his gender right now, if it would be just a random man who confuses him, making him doubt himself, this little speech would have worked wonders. But this is different, this concerns the love of his life, his _soulmate_ and Ohno thinks that he is willing to risk things for it if he can protect it, he is willing to sacrifice parts of himself, if he can get back what he lost.

"All of this must be just a huge mistake," Ohno mumbles. " _I_ am a mistake... Fate must be kidding me."

"Stop that now, Senpai, you don't know what you're talking," Nino shakes him again, "Maybe, fate is just _challenging_ you? You and Matsumoto. To see if you both are worth being reunited?"

Ohno considers his friend’s words, of course, and yeah, maybe they make sense but right now, he's just so desperate that he cannot think straight, he just wants Jun back no matter what it takes. "I may lose, Nino, really. But if I can win Matsumoto back if I become a woman, I should try it at least."

"This is crazy, really," Nino whispers.

"I'll do the surgery," Ohno says after a few seconds of silence.

Nino shakes his head, frowning. "No, Senpai, you shouldn’t decide this so quickly, you hear me? You're confused, you're desperate, you're shocked because Matsumoto left but please, think about it, wait for a few days," the younger student tries to talk him out of it, out of his plan, his maybe only chance of succeeding and winning the competition against fate. "And if then, you really still consider it, go and talk with a specialist. I'll go with you if you want to. But don't decide this just because you got dumped by that idiot."

"I love that idiot, Nino," Ohno feels the tears welling up in his eyes again. "I love him _so much_!"

"And if he really loves you too, he will not want to have such a big upheavel in your existence," Nino argues. "Think about it if he's really worth it if he can't love you the way you are."

"He's worth anything," Ohno sobs, breaking down in tears again, while Nino takes him in his arms.

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

Sho cannot believe what is happening right now. He's standing here, Ninomiya in his arms, and the younger is curling his arms around his neck and kissing him. Yes, _kissing_ him. Initiated by _him_ and it's not just an innocent touch of their lips, it's a _real_ kiss.

Sho wonders how he's supposed to keep his heart from jumping out of his chest right now. He cannot hold back any longer and takes advantage of the nice surprise, wrapping his arms around the younger man, his hands burying in the soft fabric of his shirt, bringing them closer. Ninomiya's eyes are closed and so, Sho closes his eyes too, allowing himself to get carried away by the sweet taste of this man's lips, that he's already so addicted to, melting from the soft touch, wishing that their kiss will never end.

He feels Ninomiya's breath hitting his face as the younger draws back a little, just to allow them to catch some breath and it's just a second later when he feels those soft, warm lips on his again, continuing their kiss, caressing. It's a less innocent kiss than those they shared so far but it's still innocent enough, shy, cute, loving. Sho can feel the tenderness between them, the potential passion, the… yeah… love? Does Ninomiya actually love him back?

However, the kiss is just overwhelming. It makes Sho's heart stop, it's like Ninomiya's gesture finally allowing his dreams to come true again.

Still, he can't believe that this is true.

Even more incredible than the surprising kiss is the fact that they are standing in the middle of the street, Ninomiya seemingly not giving a shit about who might be able to see them like this. In fact, he even _knows_ who is watching them – Ninomiya's mother, her eyes surely widened in pure shock.

So how did they get here?

\- + -

A few days after Ninomiya's fight with his mother that made him temporarily move in with Sho, the young man says that he has to go home go get some of his things, clothes, stuff for university and the likes. He borrowed a few things from Sho to dress for a few days and he even bought a couple new sets of socks and underwear, since he seems serious about not going back home to live with his parents again. Since Sho can clearly see how nervous and insecure Ninomiya feels about the idea of returning home, even if it's just for the purpose to get some of his things, he finally offers the young man to go with him and he has to admit, he's even a little surprised when Nino accepts.

Just about half an hour later, they are standing in front of the small house that the Ninomiya family lives in, well; apparently, Ninomiya seems to have lived together with his mother and his father, who's often away due to work. His older sister is already married and left the house to live with her husband about three years ago, according to Ninomiya's explanation.

It's late in the afternoon and the sky has already slowly darkened, and people started switching on the lights inside of their homes. There's also a light on in the Ninomiya's house, upstairs, in his mother's room.

The student just planned to go in as silently as he can, to tiptoe upstairs, grab his things and rush out of the house again without being caught by his mother but of course, in the end, his plan failed. Originally, Sho was planning to wait outside but once he hears voices coming through the unlocked door, he gets a little nervous and follows the young man inside.

"Kazu, please, wake up! This man is no good for you!" is the first thing Sho catches by a female voice from upstairs.

"In fact I think he's the best thing that happened to me in quite some time," Ninomiya replies and Sho can feel his heart beat speeding up, even if he knows that it might not be the time for feeling nice about a compliment like that.

The young man can hear rustling footsteps upstairs, sounds like Ninomiya's mother is not going to let her son go. Well, Sho can understand that but the following sentence he hears hits him right there where it hurts. "Are you throwing away your family life for a fling?!"

"A _fling_!? Mom, we aren't even together, for now we're friends! Not that this is any of your concern anyway…," Ninomiya replies and yes, even this hurts the young assistant professor a little, they are not a couple, of course, at least not yet.

"You didn't… have sex with him yet?"

"MOM!" Ninomiya almost freaks out. Footsteps can be heard again, and the young man's voice gets closer as he must be approaching the stairs. "As if I would tell you, Oh my God!"

"You can still come back then, it's not too late!" the woman starts arguing again and Sho can only sign. He didn't think that the situation is this bad, no wonder that Ninomiya wanted to leave after the first fight. "Think about it, just come back here, forget about him and we'll call Keiko-chan and you can make up with her –"

"No, Mom, I won't forget about him and I won't get back together with Keiko, it's over, can't you see it?! You're blinded by I don't know, fear? I don't even get what you are afraid of! I'm not taking drugs or anything, it just happened that... I came to like a guy. My gosh, it's not the end of the world!"

"Kazu, please…," the woman pleads but her son doesn't listen and just rushes down the stairs, his eyes locking with Sho's when he spots the other.

"Sakurai-san, we're leaving," Ninomiya says, putting down two bags on the ground, and Sho grabs one immediately to help the other carry his stuff while Ninomiya reaches for his shoes to put them back on.

"Kazu, wait!" his mother stops right in front of them, shooting Sho a death glare and then looks at her son again. "You're not going anywhere with that man!"

"I'm going _where_ I want to with _whom_ I want, Mom!" the student says while tying his shoelaces.

Desperately, his mother reaches her hand to his shoulder. "You'll regret it, he'll hurt you!"

"He won't, now stop this, seriously!" Ninomiya turns around, brushing away his mother's hand and points at Sho. "He's standing right here and you talk about him as disrespectful as this?! That's why I can't stay here, you see? Your behaviour is the worst, apologize to him!"

Sho doesn't feel offended personally, he already experienced enough homophobic people. In fact during his teenage days he experienced even worse things than being treated like air or getting badmouthed, but he appreciates that Ninomiya defends him against his mother. When his mother doesn’t make any signs of being willing to apologize to Sho, the student sighs, looks at Sho, apologetic, and opens the door, setting his feet out of the house. Sho follows him, without saying anything.

"You can't be serious, Kazu," the whining voice of Ninomiya's mother can be heard behind their backs. She follows them outside and when the two men reach the streets, she yells after her son. "Tell me you're not serious!"

Ninomiya whirls around again, his look angry. "I _am_ serious, Mom, I even think I've never been more serious."

Then, everything goes very fast. Ninomiya turns to Sho, facing him with a determined look. His eyes are overflowing with emotions and Sho's heart almost stops beating at this sight. He feels the urge to wrap his arms around the young man but Ninomiya is faster. He drops his bag and lifts his arms, circling them around Sho's neck and he almost desperately brings them close, sealing their lips with a kiss. The young assistant professor allows himself to get carried away and answers the kiss, not paying attention to the shocked reaction of Ninomiya's mother. He just doesn't care. Right now, he's in heaven. He's back in his dreams. There could be a _mob_ of homophobic people chasing him right now, as long as Ninomiya kisses him, Sho would be able to fight everything.

When they finally break their kiss, Ninomiya looks back to the house, his mother has sunken to her knees, crying, and Sho cannot read the look in Ninomiya's face any longer. He cannot tell if he's feeling sad, disgusted or shocked right now, maybe it's a mixture of all those things. However, the young man can just stare at his collapsed mother, unable to avert his eyes.

"Let's go, Ninomiya," Sho finally says in a low voice and takes the young student's hand in his, pulling him away slightly after they grabbed the two bags. Sho is sure, nothing good will happen now, if they stay.

They don't talk on the way home to Sho's apartment but when they sit on the train, each of them with a bag filled with Ninomiya's stuff on their laps, Sho is still holding Ninomiya's hand, as their hands lie in between them, hidden from anyone's eyes. Ninomiya is just staring ahead blankly, his look distant and his lips pressed close. He must be deep in thoughts about his family and what has just happened a few minutes ago and at first, he doesn't react when Sho presses his hand to get his attention. The second time, he reacts and gets pulled out of his thoughts, looking at the other man with big, wondering, sad eyes.

"Are you OK?" Sho asks carefully.

Ninomiya attempts a smile, nodding, but he doesn't answer immediately and Sho can feel that the student has trouble talking at the moment. His eyes are slightly wet, he doesn't cry though. Sho intertwines their fingers, squeezing the student's hand stronger, smiling at him, reassuringly.

"Don't worry, I'm here for you."

"I...," Ninomiya starts, his voice sounding faint and distant. "I'm sorry for dragging down the mood."

Sho shakes his head. It's OK. Thankfully, Ninomiya answers the pressure, clenching Sho's hand firmly before he darts his look in front of him again for the rest of the ride.

\- + -

"Soooo, what do you want to do now?" Sho asks in a cheerful voice once the young men put down Ninomiya's luggage in the assistant professor's room. "Watch a movie? Play some card games? Uhm... cook something?"

Ninomiya smiles slightly. He must be able to look through Sho's plans completely, the older thinks, it's too obvious how he's trying to distract the younger from his depressive thoughts. "I guess watching a movie might be nice. Something up on TV?" the young man replies before the two head into the living room to settle on the couch.

They find a nice movie on one of the channels and Sho gets some snacks ready which he places on the coffee table in front of them. They are pretty quiet during the movie, which indicates that Ninomiya is still in his thoughts since Sho already has learned that usually, the younger likes (or just does, without noticing) commenting on screenplays, discussing about certain scenes or acting skills of the different actors. It's definitely showing through that he's part of the theatre club and has a bit of experience in writing scripts and stories and Sho enjoys talking about such stuff with him. However, this time he just stares blankly at the screen, following the happenings without paying much attention. He doesn't even touch the snacks.

Sho notices that he isn't able to concentrate on the movie either, since his own thoughts drift off to Ninomiya each time and he finds himself staring at him quite too often. He takes in his figure, the slim statue and that handsome face. He feels a bit guilty for being happy to have him there, especially when it's thanks to a not so nice circumstance, the fight with his mother. Sho's look runs over the student's features, his eyes bear so much emotions, his slim face makes him look grown up somehow despite the overall cute and young impression. And those lips… those lips are the most beautiful lips Sho has ever seen and the most soft and tender and passionate lips he has ever kissed…

"You kissed me, before," Sho suddenly speaks his thoughts out loud and Ninomiya turns his head in his direction, a bit confused. Sho chuckles softly, finding the puzzled reaction cute. "I'm sorry, it may not be the time to talk about something like that now but I just can't get it out of my head," he admits and he knows he must be grinning like stupid.

Ninomiya blushes nicely and averts his eyes again, forcing them to look at the TV screen again. He purses his lips a little, making his face even cuter before he murmurs. "Why are you so surprised, it's not the first time, we kiss, isn’t it?"

"No but… It's the first time you _initiate_ a kiss," Sho says grinning, remembering the sweet but innocent good night kisses they shared so far. He'd like to add _and so far it's been the most passionate one_ , but he gulps it down.

"I can't?" the younger asks, still not looking at Sho but the young assistant can see the embarrassment the other is going through, judging from his sudden unsettledness and nervous moves. "I thought the no-kissing rule is ridiculous anyway?"

Sho smiles. "Of course you can! I was just wondering… if you kissed me because you _like_ me… or only because your mother provoked you." That's what is bugging him, not too much, since he counts Ninomiya's kiss as a victory either way, but just a little bit.

Finally, Ninomiya turns to him again, looking seriously shocked. "Oh Gosh… that's how it must look like, doesn't it? I'm really sorry, that's not what I intended."

Sho's heartbeat raises. "So you really _wanted_ to kiss me?" he tries to confirm.

"Uhm… Yes, because…I guess, you heard it anyway… I like you," the younger confesses, embarrassed.

The other man now cannot hold back his grin and he knows, it's time for him to guide this in the right direction. The stage is set and he has enough courage for both of them to bring them further, if possible. "Does this finally mean that you want to be my boyfriend? I mean, come on, this thing between us is definitely something, right?" Sho smirks, seeing Ninomiya blushing again. "We just have to name it."

"You want us to be boyfriends?" the younger repeats. Not that this is a new information to him…

"I do. What about you?"

"Well…," if Sho was nervous right now, waiting for the hopefully positive reply of the young student, he doesn't show, contrary to Ninomiya, whose nervousness is written all over his face. "I-I guess, we can try it."

Inside, Sho is burning from the excitement and happiness. He wants to jump up and kiss the other on the spot but he knows it might be a bit too straightforward; he doesn't want to push too much on the other right away. Instead, he decides on mocking him a little. Just… a tiny little bit. "You sound pretty low tension for someone who just kissed me so passionately in front of his mother's eyes!"

Ninomiya's reaction is as expected but Sho finds it very cute. "I – I'm shy, OK? Do we really have to talk about it?"

"I want to talk about everything with you," Sho confesses. "Everything concerning you and me and us…"

"This is embarrassing…," Ninomiya hides his face in the palms of his hands.

"I think, it's wonderful," Sho bursts into a broad smile. "So I can now officially call you my boyfriend!"

Ninomiya looks at him, it's written on his face that he might want to say something, but in the end he gives up, blushing again. "Whatever...." 

Sho is convinced that there is no cuter boyfriend in the whole world. Finally, he leans to the other next to him, bringing them closer. "May I kiss my boyfriend now?" he asks but he doesn't wait for the answer and just goes for it.

He reaches out his hands to cup Ninomiya's face and bring their lips together in a tender kiss that quickly turns into something more passionate, more heated. Eventually, Ninomiya draws back. His head is now red like a tomato, his breath panting and Sho knows that he has to pull himself together and maybe it’s better to save the rest for another time. He doesn't want the other to feel uncomfortable or to pass out from excitement. At least in this life, he's not used to being in a relationship with a man yet, he might need a bit time to get used to it. Of course, Sho is willing to give Ninomiya all the time in the world, now that he officially belongs to him.

Instead of trying to get another kiss, Sho lifts his arm and opens space for Ninomiya to cuddle close, if he wants to. And that's what the other does, a bit insecure but he does and so they end up, Ninomiya with his back resting against Sho's chest while the other circles an arm around him, hugging on the couch, not saying anything for a few minutes, just looking at the TV screen again. This time, the silence doesn't feel strange at all. It's calming, somehow comforting, even if Sho's thoughts are still much more occupied with Ninomiya than with the movie on the TV screen.

Ninomiya shifts a little, cuddling closer and then, suddenly he whispers something, so silently, that Sho almost missed it. "You know, recently, I'm dreaming of you."

"Hm? Really?" the young assistant professor's heart skips a beat. Is it possible...? "Tell me about it."

"It's not like a usual dream though, it's… kind of special," the younger starts, tilting his head slightly. "Like I'm dreaming a story."

"Are you dreaming of us being together?" Sho asks with hope sprouting in his heart.

"Yeah…"

"About us living hundreds of years ago?" Sho continues, tightening the embrace around Ninomiya a little. "In a traditional mansion and I'm a lord and you are my servant. OK, that sounds like a dirty fantasy now but… you know what I mean," this time it's the assistant professor who blushes, and he's glad that Ninomiya cannot see his face at the moment. "You're a young man who joined the household as a child and became my best friend."

"… And your lover," Ninomiya murmurs, letting his hand slip on top of Sho's which is circled around him.

"Exactly," Sho whispers into the other's ear, closing his eyes. It's unbelievable. Ninomiya _remembers_. "That's what I'm dreaming of too."

"How is this possible? I don't get it," the student whispers, his fingers brushing slightly over Sho's hand.

"It's a memory," Sho answers. " _Our_ memory. I think it proves that we've been together once. Like I told you. We're the reincarnations of those selves we dream of."

"It's still a bit hard to believe though," Ninomiya lets out a cute chuckle and Sho grins.

"It's good that you're critical. Questioning things makes you a good literature student," the man states. "However, _I_ stopped doubting it when I met you at the beginning of the semester. You remember the day we met?"

"Yes, of course, how could I forget that weirdo of assistant professor who kept staring at me for the whole lecture?" Ninomiya teases the other and Sho laughs.

"When I saw you, I knew you're something special. You're the one I dreamt of so often. We're meant to be together again. I really couldn't stop staring at you, it must have felt pretty awkward."

"Yeah, Awkward," the student chuckles, and Sho grins at this _nickname_ the other gave him recently. "But…," doubt still swings in Ninomiya's voice.

"Listen, Ninomiya, we're dreaming about the same things," Sho starts, cuddling his head against Ninomiya's shoulder from behind before continuing his enumeration. "We obviously have feelings for each other right now. Do you need even more proof?"

"More proof?" the younger asks, trying to turn around a bit in the embrace.

"Did you by any chance dream of our tattoos already?" Sho asks.

"Tattoos?"

"Maybe you haven’t yet but, we shared the same tattoo. As a proof of love. Look…," the assistant professor explains. He loosens the grip around Ninomiya and they shift until Sho can show the other left hand, pushing back the sleeve to free the red spot on his wrist. "You see that? This is a birthmark. I never thought much of it until I started dreaming of it."

Ninomiya looks at him, stunned, letting his look drop onto Sho's wrist, his hands automatically reaching at it and Sho just nods as if to give his permission for the other to touch it, when he looks at him with questioning eyes again.

"Actually, it's the same spot on which I got this tattoo in the past. If you look closely, you can even see a faint pattern… you see?"

"Yeah, I can see it…," the student whispers, almost reverentially.

"Does it look familiar to you?"

Ninomiya frowns. "Well… it looks like a flower, somehow…"

"You have a birthmark too, don't you?"

Ninomiya's expression turns thunderstruck and he intuitively reaches one hand to his back, looking at Sho.

"Did you ever look closely at it?" Sho asks.

"It's been ages… and the spot isn't easy to look at, even in a mirror… and you mean…"

"Yeah, I saw it when I helped you with your back," the older nods his head. "It looks almost the same as mine."

Ninomiya brings his other hand to his lips. "Incredible…"

"But it's real. It's our proof," Sho says and puts his arms around Ninomiya again. He lets his hand slip underneath the other's shirt and brushes carefully over the younger man's back, over the spot where his mark is. Ninomiya shivers slightly. "We're more than just boyfriends. We're soulmates. We belong together," he places a kiss on Ninomiya's temple.

"We belong together…," the other repeats whispering, and then, he throws his own arms around Sho, a bit too spirited maybe, so that both of them lose balance and Sho falls back onto the couch, pulling Ninomiya with him.

They burst out laughing and it's no surprise that they miss the clicking noise of the apartment door when someone enters and murmurs a low "I'm back home" in the entrance area, before that person shows up in the living room, shocked by the view. Only when he drops something onto the floor and almost stumbles over it, the two guys on the couch sit up, shocked, staring at the intruder, well… at the other resident of the apartment.

"Oh my Gosh, guys! I'm so sorry!" Aiba bursts and Sho can see from the corner of his eye that Ninomiya's face now is flushing red and he pulls on his slightly misplaced shirt to get it back in place. "I didn't see anything, I swear! No wait, why am _I_ apologizing? This is also my living area, can't you get a room?!"

"Nothing happened!" Ninomiya immediately exclaims, completely embarrassed.

"Oh, yeah," Aiba chuckles, pointing at them. "This looks very much like _nothing_!"

"He was just touching my back!"

"And with what intentions? Why should someone touch someone else's back just because?"

Sho chuckles, reaching his hand to his boyfriend's to calm him down. "Ignore him, Ninomiya, let's continue watching the movie. Aiba, you want to join us?"

"Join _watching the movie_ or join your _dirty things_ here?" Aiba jokes, obviously enjoying teasing Ninomiya. "However, no worries, I don't want to disturb you love birds."

"Nothing happened!" the student repeats, still embarrassed.

\- + -

And nothing would happen for a while, Sho has to accept that pretty fast. Just because Ninomiya remembers parts of their former lives and has finally accepted to be Sho's boyfriend, it doesn't mean that things progress very fast. It's been a few days already and they still share Sho's bed – in the innocent way – kisses being everything they exchange. Well… and maybe a little bit touching here and there. However, Ninomiya is still shy and Sho is a gentleman and so, waiting a little longer isn't that much of a problem. Most of the time.

Sho would be lying if he said that his desire for his boyfriend doesn't grow with each day. It's just like it was in their old lives, the closer they got, the more Sho wanted the other man, but he allowed them to take their sweet time and he just knew that with this, everything would be fine between them.

On Saturday evening, when Sho and Ninomiya are spread in the living room together with some stacks of books, browsing through them and talking about their favourite scenes in each of them, Ninomiya suddenly gets a phone call. Usually, it's his mother who still tries to call her son at least three or four times a day and usually, Ninomiya just ignores her and lets the phone ring or presses her away when he finds the ring tone too annoying. But this time, he looks at the screen, worried, and Sho frowns, wondering. Is someone else calling?

When Ninomiya picks up the call, it's clear pretty quickly that it's not Ninomiya's mother calling, but one of Nino's friends who seems to have a pretty severe problem at the moment. Ninomiya tries to calm the other party down, but he himself seems a little desperate, nervous. He asks for that person's address and as soon as he got it, he ends the call and jumps up, explaining to Sho that something very urgent has come up and that he has to go visit his friend immediately. Sho offers to come along but Ninomiya says that he's not sure if his friend is comfortable with it so the younger man leaves on his own.

Later, Sho receives a call from Ninomiya who in a whisper tells him that his friend is in a critical state because of a broken heart and that he might have to stay over at his place for the night. Of course, Sho immediately feels that he will miss the already so familiar presence of the young student, but he finds it adorable how the other is willing to take care of a friend. It's touching. Not everyone would do so, and so he cannot help but encourages him. In the end of the evening, he packs away all of the books spread on the living room floor back to his room, several pages marked with post-its so that he doesn't forget to show Nino those specific scenes, once the other comes back.

\- + -

 _"He's still devastated,"_ Ninomiya says in a low tone as if he doesn't want anyone else to hear, when he calls Sho.

"He hasn’t cheered up?" the young man asks, feeling sorry for Ninomiya's friend as well as Ninomiya, who sounds desperate.

 _"I can tell him what I want but nothing seems to cheer him up. I'm seriously worried about him, he might do something really stupid... what should I do?"_ he asks, directing the question at Sho who is on the other end of the phone call. _"I'd feel really bad if I left him behind now but, I should go back to your place now since actually tomorrow I have this presentation coming up that I have to prepare for..."_

Sho knows the student's schedule almost by heart already, after seeing him work on his projects, papers and presentations for the past days. He also knows that the presentation Ninomiya is about to hold tomorrow will likely make up a third of the grade for the specific seminar. But he also knows that Ninomiya might not be able to concentrate on revising if he comes here now, worrying about his friend.

"Maybe you should stay with him for a while. It's Monday tomorrow and he's a student too you say, right? So he'll probably be distracted with his studies by then but for today, just in case…," Sho suggests. "If you tell me your friend's address, I'll bring you some stuff, a bunch of clothes and your materials so that you can prepare for it at your friend's place."

 _"Really?"_ the young man asks, delighted. _"That will be really helpful!"_

Sure, if Sho can be of help, he will be happy to do whatever he can. He gets some of Ninomiya's stuff ready in one of the student's bags and checks out on his phone for the address that the other sent him. Apparently, the apartment of Ninomiya's friend Ohno isn't located too far from here, just about twenty minutes by bus and so the young assistant professor arrives there pretty quickly.

Sho is happy to see his boyfriend and he's even more happy when Ninomiya opens Ohno's apartment door to let the other in and then welcomes him with a shy but very cute small kiss onto the cheek. The older cannot hold back then and pulls the other into a hug and they stay there in the entrance area for a while. They end the hug and Ninomiya, obviously still not used to the closeness feels embarrassed because of that, averts his eyes, picking up the bag Sho brought for him.

"Thank you very much," he says. "Do you want to come in for a cup of tea? Ohno is OK with it," he says but Sho shakes his head.

"Thanks but I don't want to disturb and I still have to do preparations to do for lectures tomorrow too," he explains and Ninomiya nods, understanding.

Again, Sho pulls the younger into a hug. Ninomiya buries his face at the other's chest and suddenly lets out a cute chuckle.

"Why does this now feel like a good bye scene from a cheesy movie, it's not like we're parting for the rest of our lives," the younger murmurs.

Sho chuckles too. "I don't know, it's just stupid, isn't it?"

"Maybe we got too used to each other already..."

"I can never get too used to you," the assistant professor says, lifting his hand to caress his boyfriend's face.

"Sorry for bothering you for so long in your apartment," the younger says suddenly. "Just because I'm fighting with my mother…"

Sho shakes his head. "You aren't bothering me at all," he says, cupping Ninomiya's face. "You're such a wonderful person, really. My door will always be open for you so once your friend feels better you can always come back to my place. I'll be waiting for you."

"Thank you so much, Sakurai-san," the other says, tightening their embrace.

"Can't we call each other by our given names?" Sho then asks, smiling, and Ninomiya looks at him as if he's experiencing a dejavu right now. Well, he is, Sho knows exactly that once, hundreds of years ago, he asked that young boy in the library the very same thing.

"By our given names?" Ninomiya repeats, as if he's in the process of repeating the script they wrote together in the past.

"Yeah, Kazu," Sho whispers and he loves how Ninomiya's – no, _Kazu_ 's – cheeks glow upon the usage of his nickname. It's another step forward in their relationship and Sho is utterly happy about it.

"Alright, Sho," he replies and Sho's heart skips a beat from happiness. He leans down to brush his lips against Kazu's, to share a tender kiss.

"Call me, if you need something," the older says, smiling, about to leave.

Kazu smiles back, waiving his hand. "I will, thanks. See you tomorrow at university."

"Don't miss me too much!" Sho winks at his boyfriend.

"Idiot…"

\- + -

"Congratulations," a female voice right next to Sho says when he brings back the food trays in the canteen, three days later. He turns around and finds a woman he doesn't particularly know but saw a couple of times already.

"Excuse me?" he asks, wondering.

"He's yours now, isn't he?" the young woman with long brown hair asks, pointing her thumb in the direction to the back of the canteen where Kazu and Ohno are sitting at a table, working on something. "Ah, sorry, I didn't introduce myself, Sakurai-san, even if you know me, probably. I'm Ninomiya's ex-girlfriend, Kitagawa Keiko. Don't say _nice to meet you_ , I know you don’t mean it and me neither."

"I'm sorry…," Sho doesn't know what else he should answer in this situation, thus he turns back to his task of putting the trays onto the collection cart.

Kitagawa chuckles bitterly. " _Sorry_?! Sure. What for? For stealing him from me? I doubt so. You must be happy now, right? You two look so damned in love, it's making me feel sick," she hisses and the image of a poisonous snake pops up in Sho's head when he looks into her angry eyes. "Take good care that nobody else takes away your happiness from you. Not like you took it away from me."

Sho sighs. He didn't expect this conversation to take place, but he can understand where it comes from. She must be the resentful type. "Ninomiya told me he broke up with you, I didn't steal him from you," Sho says, even if a tiny little voice in his head tells him that his flirting attempts since the beginning can be interpreted as such and Kitagawa must have seen him.

"Yes, because of you, isn't it? You flirted with him so shamelessly; I'm convinced that you two were cheating on me since the beginning of the semester," the young woman continues, her look piercing Sho.

"No, wait, it's not what you think," the assistant professor starts to defend him and his boyfriend. "Ninomiya never cheated on you, he broke up with you _before_ he came to me…"

"You think that I believe this now?!" she hisses, almost hysterically and even if she held her voice low up to now, Sho fears that someone might hear them. "No matter how it was at the beginning, in the end the result is the same. He broke up with me because of you. You're the one to blame."

"Kitagawa-san, please…," the young man tries to calm her down.

She takes a deep breath and returns to her snippy attitude, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Well, as I said, take good care of him. He might change from one day to the other to another guy, or girl, who knows? He's an unfaithful guy."

"Don't talk about him like that, he's not," Sho hisses at her, feeling the disgust for this woman growing inside of him. "He told me your relationship wasn't going well."

"I think it went _pretty_ well until he ended it!"

"It was his decision, and you have to accept it. A couple only works if both partners want it to work," Sho says but Kitagawa ignores him.

"Is he living with you now?" she asks instead. "His mother told me he still hasn’t gone home after their fights. She worries about her beloved son, you know? He's an unfilial son if he doesn't go home but I don't blame him, I'm sure, it's your fault, you're keeping him away from his mother."

"I am not. And just for the records, currently he's staying at a friend's place."

"Oh, so it's not you? Poor Sakurai-san," the woman asks, her voice full of faked sympathy. "Ah, wait, is it that strange guy from the theatre club sitting there with him, chatting with him? I think I saw them hanging out quite a lot recently."

"I don't know how this concerns you but yes, it's him," Sho agrees.

"I see… and you're not worried?"

"Worried about what?" he arches an eyebrow.

"That they are cheating on you," the woman whispers.

Sho rolls his eyes. How can this woman be so damned stubborn? She must be blinded by hatred. "Don't be ridiculous. Ninomiya will never-,"

"He could suddenly start liking him and break up with you just like he did with me," Kitagawa lifts her eyebrows and lets out a faked sigh. "Just saying…"

"They are just friends and his friend is currently having some problems, he's taking care of him for a while," Sho doesn't even know why he has to defend them in front of that woman. It's nothing of her concern.

"I wished, Nino had once properly taken care of me when we were in a relationship, like he's taking care of his _friend_ now," the woman spits, despiteful.

"Stop that now," it wouldn't take long before Sho loses his nerves. He has enough. "If you're trying to make me jealous, it won't work. I trust him."

"Oh well, I just want to help," Kitagawa said in a sing-song voice.

"I dare to doubt that," Sho spits.

"Whatever. Bye, Sakurai-san, have a nice day," the woman says, turning on her heel, finally.

\- - + - -

Maybe, Nino is a little prude. Or maybe, so far he just wasn't interested enough in sex to explore it further. He's not a virgin, he had a couple of girlfriends and of course tried one thing or another but somehow, it never felt right. Well, since he met Sho, even if he is taking his sweet time to get to know him better, to connect his increasingly frequent dreams about their joint past (as unbelievable as it sounds), he thinks that this fact might change very soon. He started dreaming of him and their joint past and especially since he finally accepted that they are meant to be together, those dreams are getting more intense and… intimate. 

They didn't have sex yet and since Nino isn't experienced with guys, he'd be a liar if he says he isn't a little nervous and maybe that's why he doesn't want to rush things. However, the longer he and Sho are together, especially if they share the same room, the same bed, the more he's getting curious. He loves kissing the other, he loves getting touched by the other and he wants more. And his dreams, getting less and less innocent, are adding up to this. Somehow, Nino felt prepared. He felt ready.

Just, that the timing now is bad. Just when Nino is almost ready to take the last step and offer Sho _more_ between them, they get separated by the circumstances. Nino can’t complain of course, since the emergency is a huge problem for his friend and helping him is much more important than something like having sex now. Nevertheless, it follows him into his dreams and makes him hungry. Eager to see Sho again and to do things with him that he so far... well... only dreamt of.

Nino opens his eyes, staring up to the ceiling of the apartment he's sleeping in, his mind sharp and his breath a bit hitching. He feels the heat in his face and quickly hides underneath the blanket to give himself a few seconds to calm down from his dream. He almost feels guilty, having somewhat erotic dreams at such times when he's sleeping in the same room with his heartbroken friend, but he just can't help it. He takes a deep breath and crawls out from underneath the blanket again, reaching out to find his cell phone that should be lying somewhere close, to check the time.

The next thing that Nino sees on his cell phone screen this morning isn't only an unanswered call from his mother but also a super sweet mail by Sho. The young man cannot help but smile happily, feeling his heart tightening slightly from joy. He rolls onto his back and types a reply, taking much too long while trying to find the perfect words and trying not to use those embarrassing heart emoji that he for some reason wants to use so much. He reads the message like three times before he finally sends it out and puts his phone back on its place next to his futon on the ground.

"Your boyfriend?" a weak voice coming from the bed asks and when Nino turns, he sees Ohno lying there, as pale as the other day.

"Eh?" Nino blushes. He feels caught. Hopefully, he didn't do anything embarrassing while dreaming this night...

"You're smiling, so I thought maybe you got a message from your boyfriend. The assistant professor, right? He brought over your stuff. It sounded like you two get along pretty well," Ohno continues, smiling faintly.

"Ah yeah, we… it's pretty fresh though," Nino answers sheepishly. They didn't talk about it yet, Nino found it inappropriate to tell his friend about the happy development in his private life when for Ohno everything seemed to have crushed.

"I'm happy for you," the other says. "Sorry for keeping you away from him."

Nino finally sits up, looking at his friend, shaking his head. "It's OK, really, don't worry about it. Your situation is more important now. Were you able to sleep a bit?"

Ohno doesn't answer but it's not necessary, seeing the dark circles around his puffy eyes. He didn't sleep much since what happened with Matsumoto.

"I guess we should get up and make breakfast, the appointment is at 10," Nino continues, setting an example and getting up, folding his futon to make more space. "What do you want to eat?"

"I don't know…," Ohno murmurs, not making any signs of getting up.

"I'll find something in the kitchen and make something. Just get dressed, OK?" Nino suggests and makes his way.

Yes, as much as Nino wants to explore his new found relationship with Sho, right now, this is not the right time for it. Right now, Nino has to take care of Ohno who seemed to have literally knocked on death's gates, to beg for a new life, to beg for another chance with his lover Matsumoto in his next life.

Unfortunately, Nino cannot say that he is too surprised about Matsumoto's reaction to Ohno's secret. It's sad but they knew that it was risky and that the possibility existed that Matsumoto would be shocked – too shocked – and possibly reject Ohno. Like the young man himself said, it's understandable that Matsumoto got a shock from Ohno's revelation that he's not a woman but a man, physically, and it's also understandable that he said he needs some time to think about it. However, it is not acceptable that the other man cut ties with Ohno completely as it seems. He doesn't answer the phone nor replies to mails, not even for one proper talk to at least cleanly end things, if this is what he wants.

Nino feels horrible about the deep sadness and despair of his friend. This must be what a broken heart feels like, he thinks and suddenly, he hopes that the hearts he broke don't suffer as much as his friend's now.

It's been about four days now that Nino stays at Ohno's place and thankfully Nino could convince his fellow student, not to end his life, which he's sure that the other truly considered, thinking about the fact that he's convinced that he will be reincarnated. The argument that suicide will probably shrew up Ohno's karma and that in his next life he can possibly not become _better_ , finally worked, to Nino's relief. Further, he was also able to convince his friend to not rush things and to properly think about his second idea – getting surgery to become a real woman.

Ohno thought about it for a few days, but in the end, he decides that he wants to talk to someone for once to get some professional advice at least. So, Nino made an appointment at a doctor for Ohno as soon as possible. He already gave some information about Ohno's situation to the assistant on the phone to make sure the doctor is prepared for it. As promised, Nino offers to accompany the other and this is how they end up here, in the consultation room of a doctor today, a few hours later. It's a little awkward and definitely not a usual doctor's appointment but both, Nino and Ohno know that this is the first necessary step on what’s a probably very long way. It's not like you can change gender from one day to another, after all…

"So, Ohno-san, you're thinking about having surgery to become a woman?" the doctor asks with a friendly smile. He seems like a very patient person, probably necessary in this job, Nino thinks.

Ohno doesn't reply. Nino looks at him, pitiful. He can only imagine how confused and nervous his friend must feel right now. Just when he wants to part his lips to answer on behalf of his friend, the doctor clears his throat and Nino looks at him again.

The doctor continues, slowly, after taking another closer look at the documents in front of him. "I think, judging from the information that I got from your friend... that you aren't completely ready yet for this, are you? It seems that you yourself started to doubt your feelings about yourself only recently but you seemed to be fine with it before. You don't _hate_ being a man, right?"

Ohno slightly shakes his head. "I don't."

"So why now?" the doctor asks in a friendly voice.

"I... you see... it's because of him...," Ohno starts but he isn't able to finish the sentence, falling silent again.

"Your partner?"

The doctor looks at Nino who is sitting in the chair next to Ohno, stiffening and quickly shakes his head. Ohno mirrors the gesture, a faint smile on his lips.

"Ah no, not him, Nino here isn't my partner," Ohno says. "He's my dear friend, but I'm talking about someone else."

The doctor makes some notes, nodding in understanding. "I see. So it's about another man… Someone you are in love with? Sorry for the intimate question."

"Yeah, I'm in love with him," Ohno answers honestly.

"And does he love you too?"

"I think... he likes me. Or… _liked_ me before I told him about being genderqueer," the young man sighs.

"Does he know you as a man too or just as a woman?"

"We got to know each other when I was dressed as a woman. I _felt_ like a woman in his presence, it's a little complicated," Ohno rubbed his forehead slightly. "We started dating and I didn't think about everything until it kind of hit me that he might only like the female me and so I told him the truth before… we got too intimate."

"How did he react? Did he yell at you? Did he get aggressive in some way?"

"No," Ohno replied, shaking his head. "Well, he said that I betrayed him and that he needs time to think, then he just left and since that day I cannot reach him. I guess it was a huge shock for him and he doesn't want to see me… obviously..."

"Well," the doctor said. "At least he didn't get violent. In fact, I don't think that it sounds so bad, are you hoping for him to come back?"

To be honest, those are exactly Nino's thoughts, it doesn't sound _that_ bad. However, on one side, he doesn't want to raise hope in Ohno without any basis and the fact that Matsumoto isn't contactable at all doesn't provide that much space for hope… and probably this is also what Ohno is thinking.

"Since he knows the truth, and ignores all my attempts to contact him, I fear he won't come back," the young man's voice cracked slightly.

Nino frowns sympathetically when he sees Ohno's wet eyes. He reaches his hand out to touch his arm in a small comforting gesture. He might not be able to help in this situation, but he at least wants the other to know that he's there. 

"Is it possible that you think that if you were a woman, he might return to you?"

"...It's my only hope," Ohno finally replies after a few seconds of silence. He's trembling slightly.

"Did he you that he can only love you if you become a woman?"

Ohno shakes his head.

"Does he know that you're thinking about undergoing a gender change?"

Again, shaking of the head.

"Maybe you should talk to him again, text him at least if you cannot reach him. Confirm his feelings toward you. You haven’t talked a single word since he found out the truth, right?"

The young man shakes his head again.

The doctor leans a bit forward on his table and folds his hands. "He might be still under shock. This isn't meant to be rude but if he fell in love with your female self and didn't suspect you to be a man, the revelation must have been huge, maybe even traumatic. Especially if he's a straight man. Do you know for sure that he's straight?"

A nod. "I'm pretty sure about it. He mentioned that he had other girlfriends before but that I am special to him."

"You think he's only referring to you as a special woman?" the doctor asks. "Or do you think it's possible he referred to you as a _person_ special to him?" When Ohno doesn't answer, the doctor continues. "Don't you think that if you give him a bit more time, maybe write him a letter and explain things again to him that he will change his mind and get used to the idea of you being a man?"

"But if he really is straight…," Nino chimes in, voicing Ohno's doubts aloud.

After all he knows about them being the reincarnations of a married couple, a man and a woman. Considering the sexual orientations of Ohno, who is again interested in men, even if he is not born as a woman this time; Sho, as well as Nino, the chances that Matsumoto was straight in his former life and also is in his current life, are high. Or is there a chance that Matsumoto is bi? Or maybe… _becomes_ bi, for Ohno's sake? According to Ohno's stories they loved each other so much in the past and their love survived through the reincarnation process, making them fall in love with each other _again_ in this life. It's a miracle, even if there is this big obstacle right now. But isn't there a chance that their love can overcome this obstacle? Is there still room for hope?

"To be honest, Ohno-san," the doctor continues. "I believe that there is the possibility that he still likes you. This is not a guarantee, but otherwise, his reaction towards your real gender might have been different, more aggressive, for example. You said he was not aggressive towards you, was he?"

"Not at all, he was more… hurt. But… you see, things are a little more complicated," Ohno answers and Nino can only imagine that he is referring to their joint past. To the fact that Matsumoto was in love with him once, a long time ago, well, with a female version of him.

"What do you mean?" the doctor asks and Nino looks at Ohno, a bit nervous, wondering how far his friend might go, how much he is willing to tell.

Surprisingly, Ohno decides to go with the truth, probably knowing that it's risky, but this is how he is, he's honest and straightforward, that's how he approached Nino too regarding this topic. "You might call me crazy, Sensei, but… do you maybe believe in things like reincarnation?"

The doctor looks at Ohno, then he exchanges a short look with Nino who just looks back with a serious face, before he focuses on Ohno again. After a second, the doctor replies. "... That's a very philosophical question, isn't it, Ohno-san? I have to admit that from my scientific point of view, I cannot really say that I believe in reincarnation. But of course, this doesn't mean that it doesn't exist."

Well, at least he didn't call them crazy.

"I don't want to force my belief about this on you, but I _do_ believe in reincarnation," Ohno answers, honestly. "And I am convinced that in my former life, I was a woman. And _he_ was my husband."

"Is that why you think you should be a woman again in this life?" the doctor asks but Ohno doesn't answer. "But even if, let's say, you two really are the reincarnations of a couple in your former life, does it mean that you have to be a couple again? Maybe, you aren't meant to become a couple again in this life. Maybe you are just meant to be friends."

It must appear like a harsh thought to Ohno, but Nino has to admit that he already considered _this_ option too. However, he isn't sure if giving up so easily is OK. Seeing how deeply Ohno is in love with Matsumoto, Nino wants to believe that this is just a challenge for the couple, to see, if they are _worth_ to be together again or something crazy like this. It's not like he actually understands how fate works, but isn't it possible? The young man – most likely just like Ohno too – is drawn in between wanting to give up and wanting to keep hoping. This cannot be over now, there _must_ be something they can do, or at least _try_. Giving up without trying is something that Nino did too often in his life already, and he's sick of it. He wants to give all he can to help Ohno to not give up yet.

"I do believe that we're meant for each other," Ohno replies, looking directly at the doctor. "I will fight for it. We will be a couple again."

"So you want to become a woman for this man?"

"If this is what it takes to get him back, yes."

"Ohno-san, please. I think you should think about this surgery topic again, very thoroughly. This isn't something you should decide to do for someone else, it's a huge change that concerns _you_ and _your body_ and it will be a long process. A psychologist will need to get you a certificate that states your mindset is the one of a woman so that you will not regret your decision later. I can send you to one of course, but it's up to them and you how things will progress further. And I'll be frank, it's against a doctor's ethic to agree to your request if I am not 100% convinced that you really _want_ this and that you are ready for this. Then you will have to start taking hormones pills, for quite a while. Surgery will only be the _last_ step on a long way," the doctor says and Nino is glad to hear some professional saying what he has been trying to tell his friend. "You should definitely talk to that man again. At least you have to tell him about your plans. If you two are meant to be together, maybe he can overcome his doubts without having you going under this surgery. After all, changing your gender has a huge impact on your body and is filled with risks, mentally as well as physically. Think about it, do you really want that?"

"I just want him to love me," Ohno says in a whispering voice, heavy with the tears that are waiting in his eyes to run down his cheeks.

"But at what price?" the doctor asks.

Ohno doesn't say anything, and Nino can catch despair, doubt and fear in his eyes, mixing with his determination. He reaches out to hold his friend's hand.

"Senpai, please, let's try to find another way first."

\- + -

Indeed, Nino has an idea up his sleeve for this _another way_ of trying to fix things, even if at first, he's not sure of how Ohno will react to it. It can be risky. It can reveal more about Ohno than he is willing to share but Nino wants to try and suggest it to his friend, bearing his straight-forwardness and honesty in mind. And indeed, when he tells him about it, Ohno's reaction is quite positive.

"I can write a script based on yours and Matsumoto's story and we can use it in the theatre club for a performance," Nino tells him once they are back in Ohno's apartment. When the other looks at him, confused, the young man continues to explain his plan. "About your past life, and your current life and about fate messing with the two of you. Maybe, if we tell the whole story on stage and Matsumoto sees it – kind or from the position of an outsider – he gets the big picture and is able to think about it in a different way?"

Yeah, the idea _is_ risky and Nino will have to base the script on a quite detailed plot in order to be able to reach Matsumoto. Plus they don’t even know if he will come watching the play once they hold it. But somehow, Ohno's eyes get brighter, with hope sprouting again, and he urges Nino to tell him more about his plan.

The theatre club is quickly persuaded over Nino's idea for a new play. Of course, he doesn't tell anyone about how much truth lies in it, but the members of the club find the story and the diverse topics of reincarnation, soulmates and genderqueerness quite interesting and worth telling a story about it. It may be a bit risky, still the world – also the academic world – isn't open-minded enough for something like that but the students see it as their obligation to guide people's eyes towards such topics. Two days later, preparations are already in full operation. While Nino is working on high speed on the script and dialogues, others already started working on the stage design and more. They plan to set the play on stage soon, as soon as possible.

Nino and Ohno are even working on it during lunch breaks at university, well that is, if they are not eating or when Nino isn't busy with staring at Sho. The three of them go together on lunch breaks since Monday and Nino is happy to see that Sho and Ohno seem to get along well too. In the meantime, the young student told Ohno everything about him and Sho, about his returning memories, that they are kind of _living together_ recently because of a fight with Nino's mom and whatnot. His friend is sincerely happy for him that he found his soulmate and supports them, even if he – along with Sho – suggested to Nino about making up with his mother. Ohno even agreed on telling Sho the whole story, it seemed natural to get him into the "inner circle" so to say, since he's one of _them_ too, Ohno said. With _one of them_ he means people who remember their previous lives, and this, Sho proved to Nino already, undoubtedly.

What's a little surprising is that it turns out that Sho actually knows Matsumoto Jun. Well, kind of. They met on the campus once and it seems they attended the same university. It sounds like a huge coincidence but if they follow Ohno's theory that if all four of them knew each other in their previous lives already, it would make sense. It seemed obvious that fate wanted them to cross each other's paths again. However, when Nino and Ohno told Sho Ohno's story, he remembered the guy from the magazine and suggested trying to get in contact with him too, if he doesn't react to Ohno's calls. It sounds like a plan and Ohno is thankful for each and every little help he could get.

Sho offers to take away the empty trays after lunch and disappears from their table for a while, when Ohno reaches out with his hand to touch Nino's arm who's hunched over his script, scribbling a few sentences on the paper, in deep concentration. Nino looks up at his friend, a bit confused.

"Don't you want to go back to Sakurai-san's place tonight?" Ohno suddenly suggests, smiling cutely.

"Eh?" Nino wonders. He's still staying at Ohno's place, almost a week now and he hasn't returned to Sho yet, still worried about leaving his friend alone. "But…"

"It's OK," Ohno says, pulling his hand back and resting his chin on it. "You've done so much for me already and I can see that you miss each other. I feel guilty for keeping you two separated."

Nino blushes slightly. He feels caught. "Are you sure?" he asks, a bit insecure if he should really consider the offer to go back. "Are you OK on your own?"

Ohno nods, confirming. "I'm fine now. You gave me hope, Nino and I'll owe this to you forever. I won't do anything stupid, I promise. Go back home, I know you want it."

"Can I trust you?" Nino asks with a critical look.

"You can," another smile of Ohno and this time, Nino is convinced.

Nino smiles, obviously excited, his heart beating a bit faster when he thinks about going back to Sho's apartment, cuddling with him under his blanket again, warm and cosy. "Alright."

"Ah," Ohno exclaims. "He's coming back."

Sho puts three cups of coffee onto the table that he brought along – Ohno immediately reaches at one, thankfully nodding - and settles down again on his seat next to Nino's. When he lets his hand slide onto Nino's back, letting his hand lay there, Nino feels like the skin underneath his clothes is burning from excitement.

"How are preparations going?" the assistant professor asks, leaning a bit closer over Nino's scribbling, making the student blush from the closeness.

"Nino is amazing," Ohno says. "He's almost finished with the script and it's gorgeous."

"Of course, since _he_ is gorgeous," Sho answers with a cute chuckle and Nino's heart melts from it.

"Don't flatter me, Sho, I have to concentrate, this is very serious," the student pouts, trying to play it down and grabs his pen a bit firmer to focus again.

"I know, sorry for distracting your thoughts," the assistant professor smirks cheekily before he takes his own cup of coffee into his hand. "So I'll leave you guys here and return to classes and afterwards, I'll try to find out more about Matsumoto. I'll let you know when I have more information."

"Thank you very much, Sakurai-san," Ohno bows slightly.

"No problem. I'm sorry I can't be of more help."

"It's more than enough, really," the arts student replies.

Sho takes another sip of his coffee and then stands up, touching Nino's shoulder, who looks up at him.

"I'll call me in the evening at the latest?" the assistant professor asks.

Nino nods. "Alright."

"Then talk to you later. Good luck," Sho winks at him and Nino blushes again but doesn't avert his eyes. Instead, he keeps on watching his boyfriend as he leaves, until he's out of the canteen.

"You… don't want to return to him tonight?" Ohno then asks a bit puzzled.

Nino turns at him before he drops his gaze back to his papers. "Oh, I will."

"Ah, you want to surprise him?" it's as if Nino can almost hear the grin in his friend's question.

"Well, I thought it would be nice…," he says, embarrassed, scratching his cheek.

"Definitely. You two are so cute together."

\- + -

When Nino ends the phone call with Sho a few hours later, sitting at Ohno's low table with some tea and snacks, his friend looks at him with wide, curious eyes. It seems that Sho has managed to find out something about Matsumoto when he called the magazine's phone number on the business card, even if the information is limited to that the young journalist is not in the office lately since he got assigned to a project in Hokkaido for a couple of weeks. Ohno looks a bit confused when Nino shares the news with him. Maybe this is, why the other is not contactable at the moment. Maybe he does not have time to deal with the situation with Ohno now, that he's busy with a project out of town. That could be possible.

Thus, Ohno is fine with the information and repeats again that Nino should leave to go back to Sho and that they will meet at university anyway to talk about the theatre project. Nino agrees, promising Ohno to keep him updated about every bit of news he gets and about his progress on the script and then, packs his stuff to get ready to head to Sho's apartment. Ohno gives him a big hug before he leaves and promises Nino, after he insisted on it, that he will call him if he needs him.

Nino is pretty nervous when he sets his foot into Sho's apartment complex. His heart is beating heavily from the excitement to see his boyfriend again and he is truly looking forward to sharing his bed again. Maybe, this night, even in a little less innocent way then what they are used to so far. It's not that this is the main reason for the young student to come back – to get laid – but he has to admit that he's thinking about what their reunion will be like, for days, and if they will finally take the next step, which is hovering between them, anyway.

Even if Nino thinks that he isn't cheesy at all, usually; he decides to give one of those famous deception tactics he knows from a bunch of romantic movies a try. He doesn't know what makes him want to do such a thing, maybe it's the overwhelming love he's experiencing recently. At times, he doesn't recognize himself anymore. It’s incredible how the encounter with Sho changed him, in a good way.

The young student takes out his cell phone before he enters the elevator, dialling his boyfriend's number and when the other answers the call almost immediately, he pretends that it is just a good night call to him – as if they haven’t said good night about an hour ago. Sho chuckles cutely, surprised but obviously very happy with Nino's call. When the young man exits the elevator on Sho's floor and shortly after presses the door bell, Sho just tells him to wait on the line, he'd just quickly open the door.

The assistant professor is literally astonished when he pulls open the door without looking at the visitor through the peeping hole first – his cell phone still pressed against his ear and he finds Nino standing there, flashing him a cheeky smirk. Surprised, Sho lowers his phone, pushing it into his jeans' pocket and the younger man mirrors his action. They look at each other for a few seconds, the attraction between them so tangible and so obvious that it's overwhelming. Nino gulps down the knot in his throat and tries to keep his heart from bursting. He has to pull himself together not to jump into the other man's arms immediately.

Sho bites his lower lip cutely before his lips curl into a happy smile. "It's you," he simply says.

"It's me," Nino answers, almost voicelessly.

"You're back."

"Seems so," the student tilts his head slightly.

"So… Ohno is OK now?" the other asks, knowing his boyfriend's concerns.

The student nods. "He said he is, yes. And I told him, I'm his 24 hours help hotline if he needs me."

"You're really a nice guy, Kazu," Sho says, smirking at the nice blush on his boyfriend's face.

"I-I just want to help my friend," the younger replies, embarrassed.

"Well, that's what a nice guy does, isn't it?" Sho asks. "Are you still fighting with your mom?"

"Yes…," Nino admits, lowering his look to the ground. "But… that's not the reason why I'm back, if that's what you think," he clarifies immediately.

Sho grins cutely. "You missed me?"

"You said, I can come back to you whenever I want to," Nino answers, trying to get around answering such an embarrassing question directly. Where did his cheesy attitude go, now that he's standing here in front of this man?

"That's what I said."

"You really mean it?" finally, Nino gathers the courage to lock eyes with the assistant professor again.

Sho smiles, sincerely. "Of course I do. And I'm really happy you came back."

"I may bother you for a few more days, if that's OK," the student says, his heartbeat back to racing.

"Sure," Sho leans his back against the doorframe; his hands casually in his pockets and Nino can't help but find the other absolutely sexy.

"I will sleep in your bed again," the young man answers and he'd be lying if he says his thoughts are completely innocent now.

"That's something, my boyfriend has the privilege to do," the other grins and judging from his expression, most likely, Sho's thoughts are not completely innocent either.

"May I really stay for a little longer?"

Sho reaches out one hand to Nino, smiling widely before he breaks into his usual cute chuckling. "Come in now or I'll _carry_ you to my room."

"What a scary threat, Awkward," Nino replies jokingly, taking the other’s hand.

"Welcome back, Kazu," the other says, pulling the young student into the apartment, right into his arms after he closes the door.

Nino drops his bag onto the floor in the entrance area and wraps his arms around Sho's waist, pressing himself into the embrace as firm as he can. He presses his face against the soft fabric of the man's shirt, taking in his unbelievable comforting smell and even if they were talking to each other on the phone just a minute ago, even if they met each other just for lunch, it feels like a long awaited reunion that Nino doesn't want to let go of Sho ever again. He buries his hands at the back in Sho's shirt and Sho wraps his arms around Nino just as firm as the other. Nino feels the assistant professor's hand wandering to the back of his head, burying his fingers in his black hair. The second, the young student tilts back his head slightly to look at the taller man; Sho seals their lips with an eager kiss, causing the other to melt into their embrace even more, to sigh into their kiss with pleasure, making him finally feel complete again.

When Nino's knees get weak and threaten to give away under him, his boyfriend catches him in his embrace, pulling up his legs, making him lean closer as he carries him while standing. The change of position causes the younger to wrap his arms around Sho's neck now to find more stability, their lips just parting for a few seconds before they find each other again for another kiss. The assistant professor kicks away the bag that is lying in his way and starts walking, carrying Nino along the corridor – almost bumping him into the wall since he can't see due to being still occupied with kissing Nino passionately – until they finally reach Sho's room.

A second later, Sho leans forward, dropping Nino onto his bed, topping him just to bury the student in the soft bed sheet and pillow underneath him, before he continues kissing him lovingly, his forehead, his cheek, his lips, his chin.

"Sho, my shoes, my shoes!" Nino giggles. "I'm still wearing my shoes, your bed is getting dirty!"

"Let's throw them away, then," Sho answers and quickly reaches out to his boyfriend's feet to pull off his sneakers and literally throw them somewhere in his room. "Problem solved."

"I like your straightforwardness," Nino says appreciatively.

"Thanks," Sho smirks confidently.

The student reaches out his arms, circling them around Sho's neck and pulls him down again into a hug, pressing him close. They lie there for a few minutes, just cuddling, just enjoying being close to the other but they both cannot deny their growing desire.

"I really missed you," Sho whispers while he allows his hand to slide underneath Nino's shirt, the warmth of his hand spreading pleasantly. He starts kissing his boyfriend again, starting with a peck on his lips, locking eyes with him.

"I missed you too," Nino says, sincerely.

Sho kisses him again, his soft lips brushing against Nino's, slow and sweet and it's like the kiss is freezing time, Nino getting completely distracted from his surroundings. Sho ends their kiss and Nino sighs disappointedly, but it's just because the other wants to progress, allowing his lips to explore other parts of his beloved, again kissing his chin, following an invisible trace back until he reaches Nino's ear, causing him to giggle at that ticklish spot. Sho's kisses trail down Nino's neck and it excites the young student so damned much that he cannot control his breath that becomes hitching, and his body starts trembling slightly from the sensation.

The older man doesn't ask for permission as he lets his other hand continue in exploring Nino's skin under his shirt and starts pushing the piece of fabric upwards, further up until Nino automatically lifts his arms and Sho can push it over his boyfriend's head before letting it join the shoes somewhere on the floor. The cold air hitting Nino's body distracts him just for a second before Sho takes over the task of warming him with his hand and his lips immediately; spreading kisses all over his chest and letting his hands run up and down Nino's sides slowly.

A pleasuring shiver runs all over his body and the young man reaches his hands to touch Sho, his hair, his shoulders, everything he can reach, until Sho moves too much south to be in proper reach. The man teasingly kisses the very sensitive area underneath Nino's navel and caresses softly the small strand of hair, guiding a little but seductive way downwards to the slowly but surely growing bulge in Nino's pants, with his hands. Nino can't hold back a deep moan. He can't wait. Seriously, whatever Sho is up to, he cannot wait.

Sho's kisses follow his hands’ path backwards, up again. He teasingly lets his teeth brush over one of Nino's nipples before kissing his collarbones, his Adam's apple, then, again the sensitive spot near his ear, his curled up lips showing his obvious appreciation of the sensitive and excited reactions of his boyfriend's body. Nino tilts his head as Sho's tickling breath hits his ear.

"Sho…," the younger then whispers nervously, trying to make the other look at him. There is still one thing burning in him that he needs to get out. One thing he feels necessary to finally say, even if it must be obvious, even if the fact that they have been together once and are together again now, is the biggest proof for it, anyway.

"Yes?" Sho asks, looking at him with a loving expression, his hand caressing his boyfriend's face.

Nino feels that his cheeks must be blushing even more – if that is still possible. He parts his lips and looks Sho deep into his eyes. It's so easy, he just needs to say it. It's just three little words… His lips feel dry, as dry as his throat and his heart is beating so fast and intense; it feels like his whole body is shaking from it. Sho's closeness, the warmth in his look, the warmth spreading from his body, makes Nino almost feel like falling in a trance. He must be drunken from the love and the excitement he feels for this gorgeous man.

"I… I love you," Nino finally says before he presses his lips close, biting them, nervously.

He can't remember if he ever confessed to someone like this before and it feels strange, like you are laying your heart open in front of that one person and suddenly, Nino admires everyone who accomplished this step, because even if the feelings are so apparent and real, saying it, is another deal.

Thankfully, Sho catches him before Nino feels that he is losing ground from the nervousness. He catches him with his wide, loving smile and when he replies, "I love you too, Kazu, you can't imagine, how much," Nino's heart blooms in pure happiness.

He reaches with his hands to cup Sho's face, pulling him close for a kiss, pouring all of his emotions into it. Love, despair, desire, gratefulness, everything. Their kiss becomes more intense, heated, passionate and Nino _knows_ that they will take the last step today, finally. He feels the love between them, and the need, the _craving for each other_. He feels ready and if he would be just a little braver, he would voice it out, just like his confession before, but Sho is faster this time.

"And I _want_ you," the man whispers against Nino's lips with a deep, throaty voice, causing the other to shiver again. "So much…"

"Take me," is Nino's almost pleading answer, allowing himself to just _fall_.

Sho shifts his body a little, supporting it with his elbows, still locking eyes with Nino. His look is so intense, so filled with desire - it thrills Nino. Sho brushes his hand through Nino's hair carefully. "You're ready for this?" he asks, concerned.

"Can't be more ready," the younger says, determined, pushing his lower body and his obvious excitement against Sho as proof.

Smirking at his boyfriend, Sho pulls off his own shirt quickly to reveal his well-built upper body, leaving Nino breathless at the sight. It's just then when Nino realizes once more that he never ever found any other person, no matter man or woman, more desirable than this man. And he's so excited, so immensely proud of the fact that he belongs to him, that he really stops breathing for a moment.

After another hot, loving kiss, Sho doesn't hesitate any longer and reaches out his hands to Nino's trousers, fumbling with the belt and zip to loosen them, to pull them down and free him. It doesn't take long until both of them are completely naked, underneath Sho's blanket and it's almost too hot for Nino to bear, especially when Sho starts touching him in the most intimate spot he can ever imagine. Sho takes his time, gives his boyfriend the chance to get used to the sensation. They never went this far, not in _this_ life at least, and it must be new and maybe even a bit strange for the other. But Nino enjoys it, the new, unknown and so exciting form of contact he shares with his boyfriend now. Their hands all over their bodies, between their legs, caressing each other's manhood, getting to know the other's preferences, exploring reactions and desires. Nino wants this. Definitely. He wants it at least as much as Sho wants it too.

The older is well prepared and soon, Nino is on top of him while Sho helps him in preparing. He circles a lubed finger around Nino's entrance, who's bending forward, kissing Sho who hugs Nino's legs to be able to reach behind him properly. Once he inserts a first finger into the younger's puckering hole and Nino lets out a short, surprised noise, he immediately stops, waiting for the other to get used to the situation. He kisses his lips again and again, soothing him, telling him that everything will be fine, that he'll be careful or that he can even stop if Nino doesn't want to do it any longer. But Nino just shakes his head slightly and closes his eyes, answering the kiss. He wants it. He can take it.

Sho continues inserting his finger, slowly and Nino manages to relax, his eyes still closed. Suddenly, it's like he's thrown back in time, thoughts, pictures, feelings, sensations, _memories_ are invading his mind. He sees himself, half dressed in a kimono, on top of Sho in almost the same position as right now. He _remembers their first time_ , their first time _ever_ and Sho, or Shota, how he was called back then, was the same careful and sweet gentleman like he is now. Nino knows, he can trust him, forever.

Slowly, he pushes back on Sho's finger, working with him and soon he moves on his own, finding the right, comfortable rhythm. Sho lets him do as he prefers, but soon adds another finger and another one, spreading Nino's muscles slowly. Nino flushes deeply red when Sho's fingers hit a spot deep inside of him that makes him see stars and his arms give in, letting him collapses on top of his boyfriend, his whole body trembling from the overwhelming feeling, from the lust, the excitement. Sho continues moving slowly, increasing Nino's pleasure with each thrust, until he stops, pulling his fingers out of his lover's body just to switch positions, laying the still trembling student onto the bed again. He puts a pillow under his boyfriend's butt to make access easier and reaches his hand to stroke Nino's crotch again, carefully first, then closing his fingers around the shaft, moving his hand up and down, doing the same for himself with his other hand in sync, pumping his already protected with a condom member. Nino buries his fingers in the bed sheet, pulling himself together not to scream from the pleasure.

Sho must see that the younger is close, thus he stops pumping them and continues just slightly stroking the red, erected flesh. The view of Nino, his face showing a pleading expression, his breath nervous and his chest lowering and rising in an unsteady rhythm, his legs parted and his erection proud between them, makes Sho almost lose ground. He leans down to Nino's face again, pecking his lips.

"I can't hold back any longer," he warns his boyfriend and Nino just nods, blushing. He's ready.

Sho presses the tip of his penis against Nino's entrance, slowly, carefully. The younger is prepared well, so it works smoothly and soon, Sho's member is buried deep inside of Nino's hot, tight body, causing both of them to moan. Nino needs a moment to get hold of himself, to get used to the new feeling, and to stop from trembling. Sho's kisses that the other spreads all over the younger's face help him to relax and soon he gives his sign to his boyfriend that he can start moving. Sho pulls out of his man slowly, just to push his whole length back in again, making the other scream, scream in pleasure as he hits that specific point again, right away. It's like a dream, Nino thinks. No, it's literally a dream coming true.

He continues the movement and Nino isn't sure if he can handle the overwhelming sensation. Sho's cock fills him completely, making their joint bodies feel like one, feel complete. It's just awesome. Nino never thought that sex could be something so pleasurable, something so exciting, so beautiful. Sho is definitely skilled, he knows exactly how to move, how fast or how slow, to make their first time the most awesome and memorable experience Nino had so far in his life. The young man circles his hands around his lover's neck and wraps his legs around Sho's waist, pressing them closer. Their bodies feel hot and slightly sticky from the sweat and Nino can feel his member leaking some precum that must be spreading all over Sho's hand, which has slipped between them to increase Nino's pleasure. He shivers under pleasure when Sho slightly bites his neck before he kisses the very same spot while thrusting into Nino again and again, his speed increasing with every thrust. The young student arches his back, buries his head in the fluffy pillow underneath him, his eyes closed, and they both moan in unison when they release at almost the same time.

Nino sees stars when he shoots his semen all over his belly and Sho's hand and he shivers when Sho thrusts into him, burying deeply inside his lover, moaning deeply as he fills him up with his orgasm. After a few seconds, giving them time to catch their breath, riding out their high before coming down again, Sho moves again, swaying a bit inside of his lover's body, teasingly, before he pulls out. He gets rid of the condom, reaches for some tissues, and lies down right beside Nino. He kisses his boyfriend's tired face while he starts cleaning the mess they created.

The younger is still too exhausted, too caught in the afterglow of his orgasm to do anything helpful in this situation. He's overwhelmed by happiness. His body still feels like it’s under electric shock, shivering slightly, without full control over his movements yet and his heart doesn't know what it's doing anyway. His breath is still unstable, his chest rising and lowering quickly and he feels so damned sensitive that he is sure that he will be able to come again just from Sho's caressing touch.

Sho kisses Nino's sensitive neck, smiling at the shiver running over the young man's body from the sensible touch. He smiles, looking at Nino who blushes deeply. "I think I'm in heaven…"

Just a bit later, the two men lie there on Sho's bed, still sweating slightly, feeling hot, but nevertheless not able to not touch each other. Sho's arms are circled around Nino's waist, pushing him closer, their bodies pressed together and they kiss each other lovingly, over and over, Nino cupping Sho's face. Their whispered "I love you"s fill the space in between, until they both get too tired to continue and finally fall asleep, happily, holding each other in their arms.

\- + -

_Nino's dream feels kind of like a continuation of what he and Sho were just doing in the young man's room but Nino knows that it's not the same time, that it's earlier, much earlier, a scene from their previous life that he's experiencing right now. He's on top of Shota, naked, like so often, allowing his hands to hover over the young lord's lower belly which is tensing more and more while Nino is riding him passionately, increasing his rhythm more and more._

_"I love you, Kazu," Shota hisses underneath his heavy breath and he locks eyes with Nino._

_The young servant looks down at him, fighting with the urge to just close his eyes and fully concentrate on the penetration as he moves up and down, lowering himself onto his lover's shaft in the most natural movements, bringing them both pure pleasure. They did this so often, they do this so often, Nino knows exactly how he has to move to drive the other crazy, to provide himself with the best sensation possible. They are professionals in making love to each other, it's their favourite game after all and they both cannot get enough of it._

_Shota is married now, to the princess from a neighbour country, stunningly beautiful, but he obviously isn't faithful to his wife. Not even once the thought of ending his relationship with Shota crossed Nino's mind, even if he knows that they will never have what an official couple has and even if he knows that he will suffer at times because of that. He should probably feel guilty, and Shota should feel probably guilty too, if they weren't still so deeply in love with each other, feeling betrayed by fate and society for being born as what they are, in the class they came from. They don't see it as betrayal or as cheating on Shota's wife. In their twisted, lovesick minds, they see it as their right to be together whenever time and circumstances allow it, because they just know that they are meant to be together, meant to share their love, and their lives, even if they have to do so in the dark._

_Shota and his wife do not have children. They tried it, just as it's their obligation, not only once, since it didn't work with the first try. For a few months after the wedding ceremony, Shota sometimes went to lay down with her, even if he hated it, as he swore to Nino, but his wife just didn't get pregnant. Maybe, she just can't._

_One day, Shota started refusing to even try it but they didn't send the woman away. Like this, the lord explained to his lover, he wouldn't have to try it with another woman. He says, he doesn't care if he has children or not. He says all that he wants is "his Kazu". His wife doesn't know about them, at least she shouldn't since the two men keep their secret, but sometimes, Nino wonders, if she looks at him with those piercing eyes because she actually knows. Maybe, it's jealousy radiating through her eyes. Maybe, the same jealously that's radiating through Nino's eyes sometimes._

_Even if he knows he doesn't have a reason to be jealous, since all that matters is that Shota loves him, it still pains Nino each and every time to see his beloved partner together with that woman. Walking through the big mansion together, sitting together at their meals while Nino has to serve them, seeing them on strolls through the gorgeous gardens while he is meant to stay inside and clean the floors. To the outside world, she's still Shota's wife, still the one he's supposed to love, the one he's supposed to spend his days with. And that's why Nino envies her. He wants to be her. He wants to walk openly next to the man he loves but he knows he can't. Maybe, he's too greedy..._

_The young man still sometimes flees to the library, the shelter from his teenage days and the place where he and his young lord became more than just lord and servant for the first time, years ago. First friends, then lovers. When Nino is able to get lost in one of those dreamy books, which he is able to read all on his own now thanks to Shota's efforts to teach him reading and writing properly, the young man feels safe. And when in the evenings, Shota joins him in the library, or he sneaks into Shota's single bedroom, and they can be the couple in love as they are, the pain is forgotten. Because even if the days with Shota are his wife's, the nights are his._

_To be honest, Nino never thought about what Shota's wife would think about them if she finds out, how she would feel about the fact that her husband is in love with another person, with a man, with his servant even. Of course they try everything to hide it, but how safe is their secret really? Are they too careless sometimes?_

_Probably they are or they have gotten careless over the years, at least, that will explain why in this very night, they aren't alone in Shota's bedroom. They don't notice it though, until it's too late, until Nino felt the stabbing pain in his back, surprised and not able to tell what exactly caused the pain, until he sees the sheer panic in Shota's face. It takes another second until he finally senses the sharp contaminant piercing in his back, causing him immense trouble breathing and then, the thick, warm liquid running down his spine, finding its way down his lower back, between his butt cheeks, dripping onto Shota's thighs._

_Nino suddenly feels overwhelmingly dizzy and he collapses on top of his lover, who shifts immediately, separating their lower bodies and catching his lover in his arms, as the younger grabs Shota's arms. He feels that the thing that pierced him gets removed and there must be even more liquid – blood – run down his back. His mind starts blurring and the young man can barely hear Shota's calls that are supposed to reach his ears. He presses his cheek against his lord's chest and manages to turn his head a little to see the culprit's face._

_She's standing there, dressed in her night kimono, her hair black and long, almost reaching the ground. She's beautiful, like always, so beautiful that Nino cannot help but be envious of her beauty. But all her beauty wasn't enough to win over Shota's heart. Shota is his, only his and this is what the beautiful woman cannot bear, not any longer. Her breath is panting and she seems to be crying. Her shaking hands drop the red coloured, blood dripping knife, probably from the shock from what she did. Nino strangely feels sorry for her somehow, feels sorry for her and for Shota and for himself, because of the unchangeable fact that not all of them can be happy, not at the same time, in the same life._

_He feels Shota cupping his face, slapping his cheek slightly, desperately. He tries to look at him but he can only see forms, his mind already slipping away. The man yells at him, shakes him slightly, but maybe, it's already too late. The last thing Nino feels before he slips into a long long sleep, is how Shota presses his lips against his own, soft but trembling, but full of love, like always, before he whispers some familiar words against Nino's lips repeatedly, their usual oath to each other and it makes him feel better, gives him hope._

_He feels a tear leaving his eye though when he realizes that they will be separated – at least for a while -, feels it running down his cheek and he wants to reach his hand up to Shota's face, to touch it for a last time, but his hand feels so heavy, so weak, that he can't..._

_He feels tear drops falling on his face, tastes his partner's salty tear, the taste of their defeat, and then, everything around him goes black..._

\- + -

Nino wakes up in the middle of the night, taking in deep breaths, sweating, panicking, tears in his eyes and feeling an immense pain in his back.

"Kazu, oh my Gosh, what happened?!" Sho asks beside him, immediately awake too. He seems to reach for the lamp on the bedside, switching it on and turns to his boyfriend, worrying. The assistant professor immediately reaches out his hand to the younger, caressing his cheek and then moves up to his forehead, feeling it, before he brushes the sweaty hair out of his lover's forehead. "Hey, hey, calm down, Dear. A nightmare?"

Nino's breath is still hitching when he turns to look at his boyfriend, his lungs feel like they cannot inflate with air well enough and the pain, the pain is almost driving him crazy. Though not as crazy as the memory of what he dreamed about just now, no, what he _remembered_ just now.

Right, a _memory_ , Nino tries to tell himself, just a memory, nothing that happened just now is current. He tries to focus on Sho, tries to calm his breath down, and tries to will the pain away. He frowns painfully. It still hurts. So much that tears are forming in his eyes.

"My back…," he whispers, still crouching.

"Your back hurts again?!" Sho worries, intuitively reaching his hand to Nino's back but not daring to touch it yet. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," Nino tries to press out. "I… I dreamed…"

"Wait, calm down," the older says. "Try to breathe normally. Shall I… what can I do to help you?"

"It goes away by itself usually," Nino answers, still under pain. "Just… give me a few minutes."

Sho nods but intuitively starts to slightly rub Nino's back carefully, which seemed to help a little, thankfully. Indeed, the warm touch of his boyfriend's hand feels good, almost curing, and the more strokes he makes over Nino's back, over the spot near his birthmark, the better it gets. Nino's breath calms down, the cramping figure of his hunching back becomes less and then the pain is finally almost gone.

"Thanks," he says, leaning his, finally able to relax a bit, body in his boyfriend's embrace and reaching his hand out searching for one of Sho's to press it slightly, seeking comfort. Still he's trembling a little.

The other answers the pressure of their intertwined hands and leans forward a bit more to his boyfriend, pressing a kiss against his temple "So, you dreamed? What did you dream about?"

Nino looks at him, the memory again flooding his mind, making it hard to speak. "I dreamed… about my own death."

"What?!" the other looks at him, seriously puzzled.

"I mean, my death, from my past life…," Nino explains voicelessly. He feels tears welling up again.

His boyfriend looks at him, shocked and it takes him a minute until he can finally ask. "I never dreamed about that before… what… how?"

"Sho," the younger searches for the right words, but how will it help if he does not name things as what they are? He takes a deep breath, confronting the unchangeable truth. After all, if it didn't happen, he wouldn't be here now, right? And being here right now, together, _back together_ with Sho, is definitely a good thing. "I was _killed_ ," he says, in a whisper.

"Killed?" the assistant professor stares at his lover in disbelief. "Oh gosh… How? By whom?"

"I was killed by your wife…," Nino adds in a low voice.

"Oh fuck…," Sho stares at him, blankly.

"She found out about us and she couldn't bear that you loved me more than her."

"I loved _only_ you…," the other man agrees.

"In the dream, the flashback, we… we were making love and she," Nino continues, tears welling up his eyes again at the memory. "... She saw us. And she must have gotten so angry that she took a knife and… stabbed me from behind."

"Your back…," Sho whispers, shocked. "Is that why..."

Nino shrugs his shoulders while tilting his head a little. "Most likely that's what causes my back pain. I guess, my body remembers... more than my mind since the beginning."

Carefully, Sho rubs over his lover's back again, confirming that he is doing OK again and then pulls him into a tight hug. "Oh Gosh, Baby… I'm so sorry."

Nino shakes his head against his boyfriend's chest. "What are you apologizing for?"

"It's my fault that you got…"

But the student interrupts him, pulling himself together. "Sho, no, don't think like that, it wasn't your fault. And it's over anyway, I wouldn't have been reborn if not. I'm with you again now, that's all that matters."

"True, but that must be such a horrible memory," the older states, shaking his head slightly just with his imagination of it. He presses a kiss onto Nino's head, caressing.

"It is… and there is more…," Nino murmurs.

"What do you mean?"

"I, I know her, Sho. I mean, here, now, I know her. The… reincarnation of your wife," Nino finally spits out.

"What?" Sho asks, puzzled. "Who is it?"

They lock eyes.

"Keiko…"

\- - + - -

It's been two days now. Two days since Jun left Ohno's apartment, as well as Ohno's life. At least, for now. He didn't look back when he closed the apartment's door. He didn't answer any calls or messages. He just _can't_. It hurts. So much. He feels betrayed. Betrayed by the one person he fell so deeply in love with that he thought he'd be able to change from the womanizer he was to a loving, future husband. But things went differently. Unexpectedly. And it was a real shock for Jun to see the picture of the future that he built up in his imagination, crumbling down by finding out that the supposed to be woman of his life is everything but a woman...

The young journalist still doesn't really know how he should feel about the situation. He's just immensely confused, about everything he knows. He feels that he is becoming crazy just from thinking about it.

Because of that, he gladly takes the chance that comes out of the blue and volunteers for a business trip to Hokkaido for a couple of weeks as the chief editor of _Tokyo Himawari_ suggests. His friend and colleague Toma looks at him with a puzzled expression, as he lifts his hand without hesitation, obviously he didn't expect the other to be willing to accept this task, especially not at the moment.

As soon as their boss left the scene, the young journalist leans to his friend, whispering.

"What is calling you to Hokkaido now?! I thought you're so happy with your girlfriend, do you really want to leave her alone for weeks now?" Toma asks, a bit concerned. When Jun just continues staring at his screen and doesn't answer, his friend frowns, worrying. "Did something happen?"

Jun parts his lips but it takes him a while until he can find the words to reply. "I... maybe we are not as made for each other as I thought we are..." Still, he doesn't look at his friend.

Toma hums wondering. "Hm... and I thought you finally found the one you want to spend your life with. You were so deeply in love after all."

"Well, things can change, can’t they?" Jun answers after a huge sigh and he's sure he cannot hide the bitterness in his words. 

"Come on, tell me!" Toma nudges his colleague's side. "What happened that makes you change your mind so rapidly? Is she so horrible in bed?"

"Toma!" finally, Jun turns to his friend, looking at him indignantly.

"What? I thought that's a criteria for you. Or let me think what else could it be...," the journalist turns in his chair, careful to not spill the obligatory cup of coffee that he's holding.

"Toma, please, don't. Just leave me alone," Jun murmurs, trying to focus on his article again.

"Is she a hysteric religious girl or something? Did she want you to marry her before you have sex? Or does she have some disgusting sickness or anything?" Toma doesn't listen to his co-worker and just keeps on. He chuckles before he voices his next guess. "Or did she turn out to be a guy?"

Jun stops typing. His look on the document freezes. He can feel how he turns pale.

"Matsujun?" Toma asks, his chair stopped and rolled closer to his friend. He lifts his hand, waiving it in front of Jun's face. "Ma-tsu-jun...?" The journalist lowers his hand again. "Don't tell me..."

Then, Jun turns at his friend again, his eyes spitting a mixture of anger, sadness and distress. "I won't tell you _anything_ , just leave me alone, Toma!"

The young man jumps up and leaves his place, murmuring something about taking a five minutes break when Toma calls after him, towards where he's heading. He just needs to get out of here for a moment or... he doesn't know what he will do otherwise. He could smash his computer or he could burst into tears, he couldn’t predict his own actions any longer and it’s scaring him.

Jun doesn't take the elevator but decides to climb the stairs by foot, rushing, to get rid of some of his excess energy that he doesn't know where else to channel. It's lucky that the magazine's office is located just four floors under the rooftop of the tall building and so it's not too far for Jun to reach. However, when he bursts open the door, he's out of breath from running and his lungs are burning. He stumbles forward, closer to the edge of the roof top, hooking his fingers on the wire fence, and directs his look in front of him into the blue sky above the metropolis of Tokyo.

He pulls in the fresh air to fill his lungs again with oxygen and then he lets out a blood curdling scream, not a word, just all of his pain, frustration, despair and confusion bundled in a noise that he didn't even know he'd be able to produce.

When he runs out of air again, his knees give in and he slides down, his fingers' grips loosened and just slightly brushing the wire grid until he sinks to the ground completely, leaning his head against the fence and panting. His heart aches. It aches so much since Saturday and it's a new experience for the man. He clenches his fist and presses it against his chest, his eyes squinted. If Ohno feels the same at this moment?

Jun is in such a deep shit, he doesn't know what to do. So many emotions are hovering in him that his heart and mind cannot decide what he should feel first. He still feels the betrayal as the most prominent emotion, the disappointment in Ohno for lying at him for so long and the disappointment in finding out the truth. The fear that this could bring about an end to a relationship that they built up so sweetly... but he has to be realistic. The fact that Ohno isn't a woman but a man, changes everything. Just _everything_. It's not only the immense shock he felt when he found out that the person he loves isn't the one he thought she is, also the fact that she - _he_ \- is a man, just changes everything. 

How can they carry on this relationship, even if they were supposed to be together hundreds of years ago? How can Jun bring himself to love a man the same way he will love a woman, when he's actually a straight man? And he's convinced, he is. He never found a man desirable. Well – until now. But Ohno has blindsided him. Has faked his appearance, has betrayed him. Jun isn't in love with Ohno the man, he is in love with Ohno the woman, a fantasy figure that doesn't exist, not _really_.

Things are so fucking complicated and Jun is so fucking confused that he just can't take it anymore. His broken heart makes him want to cry and Jun usually isn't the type to cry, not at all. But he cannot hold back any longer and for once he allows himself to set free his sorrow, tear drops falling down to the ground and colouring it in a slightly darker grey for a moment. He sits there, crouching, he, a grown-up man, usually the definition of composure and pride, let's his tears run down his cheeks. For a moment, he wishes he didn't fall in love...

When Jun returns to the office, trying to hide his red shot eyes, Toma gives him a questioning look and immediately rolls closer when the young journalist takes place again in front of his computer. Jun has to suppress the urge of punching his friend in the face, he really does not need him and his comments at the moment... but that is exactly what he gets.

"Dude, that's really not funny...," Toma whispers, sounding more serious than usual. "I just wanted to tease you a little and make a joke but your reaction..."

"Don't _dude_ me, Toma, just shut the fuck up."

Thankfully, his friend doesn't take it personal. "Look, I'm sorry. But I'm your friend and I cannot ignore it when you're dealing with problems," he said instead, insistently.

Jun sighs and the urge to punch his colleague's face disappears in a microsecond. "Sorry."

"So did I actually guess _right_?! Your Ohno-san is a _guy_?!" Toma hisses in disbelief.

"Let's not talk about this here at work, please," Jun replies and tries to focus on his work again.

"Fine so after work at dinner in the Italian restaurant across the street? It's on me."

"OK."

\- + -

Talking to Toma doesn't help much, unfortunately, but Jun didn't even expect it. His friend is as straight as he is and he totally understands that finding out the _woman of your life_ is actually a man is a huge shock for Jun. It would be a huge shock for most men. With this, Toma's _advices_ , namely "forget about Ohno, find another woman" weren't really helpful. 

Actually, Jun tried. Tried to forget about Ohno but that's easier said than done. For some reason, he just _can't_. He can't forget Ohno's face, Ohno's smile, Ohno's lips, Ohno's hands linking with his arms, the endless calls they exchanged, the dates they went on and all the words they spoke to each other. He can't forget this connection between them, built from a bond that came from the past. He can't forget the stories, dreams that Ohno shared with him, telling him stories about them as a happy couple hundreds of years ago and he cannot forget the feeling of still belonging together.

But his heart and mind are still confused. Too confused to make up his mind. And so, Jun is thankful for the chance to put a bit more distance between him and the situation – not only mentally but also physically.

He arrived at Sapporo, Hokkaido about three weeks ago. Since then, he still didn't exchange any messages or calls with Ohno and soon he noticed that the calls and messages stopped. Well, that's what he expected to happen sooner or later, especially since he is a coward and doesn't answer to them at all, fearing that he wouldn't be able to say anything. Ohno wouldn't run after him forever, would he? Though, Jun isn't completely sure if he's relieved because of that or disappointed. He hates himself for his twisted feelings. If Ohno doesn't try to contact him any longer, it must mean that Ohno has forgotten about him. Or at least gave up. That he is moving on, hopefully. Maybe, he is in love with someone else already. If that's the case, Jun should be happy for him and try to finally move on too, right?

But still, Jun is unable to move on. He tries to occupy his mind with work which works out well most of the time, the project he took over is huge, he's supposed to visit and write about several art exhibitions in town and since he does not have much experienced in art, he has to do quite a lot of research. But frankly, it is art that reminds him of Ohno again and again since the other is an arts student. And remembering those gorgeous sketches of Jun from Ohno's dream diary, doesn't help at all, either.

In the end, Jun's despair reaches a level on which he cannot deal with it any longer. He knows that he cannot ask for help from Toma, he appreciated his friend's encouragement to move on, but this isn't what he wants to hear at the moment. He wants to get another solution, something that might help him to overcome this.

Eventually, he posts his problem in the reincarnation forum that he didn't check since the fiasco with Ohno, depressed and feeling mocked by _reincarnation_ , maybe even starting to slightly doubt the whole thing. But somehow he cannot get away from it completely. Still, no memories. Still, there's the risk of Ohno lying to him regarding this whole soulmate and reincarnation stuff too. But the forum shows that Ohno isn't the only one believing in it. Jun can turn the pages as much as he wants, he still finds himself the same conclusion, that it's _possible_.

The first reactions to his problem are diverse. Most people – especially those who haven’t found their soulmate yet – feel pity for him and wonder if maybe someone else is his soulmate and if the person he dated was maybe just one step closer to his fate. Others call him a jerk for leaving his partner behind, saying that if gender is what makes Jun change his mind about their love, it's obvious that they aren't meant together and that he should just move on. Still, Jun isn't fully convinced. Still confused, still worried, he buries his face in his hands, sighing deeply.

Then, when Jun opens the forum website again a couple of days later, and finds an unread message in his inbox, he clicks it open immediately, curiously. Maybe someone didn't reply to his topic but found it better to send him a personal message instead. However, the journalist is a bit surprised when he reads the familiar nickname and when he reads how the sender of the message actually addresses him, he's _more_ than surprised.

**\- - -**

**Unread message  
** From: ShotaS  
Subject: Please call me 

**Matsumoto-san,**

**I think we have to talk, urgently.  
Please call me under the following number: xxxxxxxxx**

**Sakurai Sho**

**\- - -**

Jun is dumbfounded by this message. So _ShotaS_ is actually someone who _knows_ him. The young man tries to remember the face to the indeed familiar sounding name. Sakurai Sho… Sakurai Sho, from where does he know that name? 

Then, he finally remembers. The assistant professor at Seijo, the one who graduated from the same university as he did! Well, _knowing_ him would a bit of a stretch but nevertheless, Jun can't believe this coincidence of meeting someone for real _and_ in such a specialized internet forum at the same time.

It's unbelievable.

\- + -

 _"Yes? Sakurai speaking,"_ Jun hears the voice of the young man on the other end of the line and nervously pulls in some air.

He gulps down the lump forming in his throat before he casually starts the conversation. Well, as casually as he thinks he sounds. "Ah, Sakurai-san? This is Matsumoto. You wanted me to call you, I hope my call isn't at a bad moment."

 _"Don't worry, it's not, I have time,"_ Sakurai answers. _"I'm glad you called."_

Jun lets out a slightly insecure chuckle. He doesn't know what is lying ahead of him or what exactly Sakurai wants to talk about. "You know, I can't believe that we actually _know_ each other... well, somehow. The world is small... May I ask how you..."

 _"I was surprised too and it took me a while to figure out that you're the same person from the forum, but your nickname gave me a hint, your initials, right? And of course the story you told,"_ the other admits.

"True, when we met on Seijo's campus, I introduced myself to you."

Before Jun can continue, Sakurai cuts him in a more serious voice than before. _"I'm sorry but I think we have a pretty serious topic to discuss. So I'll go straight to the point, if you don't mind."_

"Please go on," Jun confirms, nodding slightly, even if the other cannot see this gesture.

_"Actually, I'm a friend of Ohno."_

Jun can't believe his ears. "What?!"

And that's not all about it. _"I know what happened. Everything. You were talking about Ohno when you wrote those posts in the forum, right?"_

"What, wait..., you mean... I mean yes but how do you know about Ohno?" Jun frowns, trying to collect his thoughts. Sakurai _knows_ Ohno?! And if the other man is talking about everything, what exactly does he mean? "What kind of coincidence is that?!"

 _"No coincidence,"_ Sakurai replies. _"I believe, it's fate. Not only you and Ohno, all of us are connected somehow."_

"All of us?" Jun asks, wondering who Sakurai is talking about.

 _"You said you don't remember your previous life yet, right? But we – that means Ohno, myself and my boyfriend Kazu – we more or less do remember our past and we are convinced that the four of us were connected in the past too,"_ the young man continues explaining.

"Tell me more about it," Jun asks, getting curious.

 _"All of us only have fragments of memories so maybe we don't know everything but I believe that between us, we got a pretty good picture of the whole thing,"_ Sakurai starts. _"You were a young lord back then, right? In fact, I was too. In another area of Japan but we knew each other and I believe we were friends, companions, even over the distance. Maybe we fought side by side in a war once or something. However, when you married Ohno, I was invited to your wedding. I brought along my partner – Kazu – who was working as my servant at that time and this is how you and Ohno got to know him too. We believe that Ohno and Kazu became friends during that time and even now they are connected through a wonderful friendship."_

"Seriously, this sounds like a movie...," the journalist massages his forehead with one hand, as if it would make things easier to process.

 _"Well, life writes the most interesting stories, doesn't it?"_ Sakurai states.

"So you know what happened...," Jun repeats, knowing that this is what they really need to talk about. "That means you also know why I left Ohno behind," the young man still feels the pain of the memory popping up his mind.

_"Yes, I know everything about it, as I told you. I know why you left but I don't know why you don't contact Ohno at all since then. To be honest, the guy was devastated. You can't imagine what he went through because of you..."_

Jun's heart cringed at those words. So Ohno has been suffering too... well, if he thinks about it, trying to put himself in Ohno's shoes, it makes sense, doesn't it? After all, Ohno was already desperate at the time when Jun left, even if Ohno's reaction wasn't as significant in Jun's mind like his own. He might have missed some things due to the shock and the clouded mind he had back then. However, Sakurai's words make him worried.

"What do you mean?" he asks, risking that he might sound silly.

 _"Ohno thinks that you might hate him and that he messed up everything. You must know – deep inside – that the guy didn't have anything bad in mind. He's as much in love with you as you were, if not more. When you left, he wanted to die,"_ the man on the phone explains in a low voice.

Jun clasps his hand in front of his lips. "My Gosh...," he murmurs, and he doesn't care if Sakurai hears him or not. "I – I don't know what... oh my Gosh..."

_"I'm not telling you this to blame you, Matsumoto-san," Sakurai continues. "I'm telling you this to show you how sincere he is. I bet you're hurt because he lied to you, right? Or are you just disgusted because he's a man? I don't think that you're such a shallow person though..."_

"Of course not!" Jun bursts out, surprised by his reaction but this is how he feels at the moment. "He's not... disgusting... it's just... I was so shocked. He lied to me. And then it's something like this! It just changes everything, you know?"

_"I can just imagine how you felt about that, to be honest. And I can understand your reaction to some degree. However, I want to tell you that if Ohno didn't sincerely love you, he might not have done this. He cared about your relationship, he wanted to be a woman for you. He's genderqueer, for him it wasn't such a big deal if he's a man or woman because mentally, he is both."_

"I – I know," Jun whispers. Ohno told him this. And he thought about it. And yes, he even appreciates Ohno's efforts to act like a woman as best as he could. Even if it didn't change the fact that he got betrayed. Or the fact, that Ohno _physically_ is still a man... "It's complicated..."

 _"Maybe, you're the only one making this complicated,"_ Sakurai says and Jun snorts, surprised by the other's frankness.

"Don't you think it's easy for you to say? You know, I _can't_ love a man, I'm straight! You're gay, aren't you? Can you love a woman?!" he asks, challenging the other to put himself in his shoes.

However, contrary to Jun's expectations, Sakurai doesn't even hesitate before answering boldly. _"If the soul of the one I love is born into a woman's body, then yes, I will love that woman."_

Jun shakes his head, his heart cringing. If this is really true, then Sakurai must be either bi or he's worthy of deep admiration. "How... how can you be so sure about that?"

_"I'm confident in our love, that's why."_

"Confident in your love?"

 _"Yes. I think that our souls are more important than our bodies. I'm confident that no matter in which form we are reborn, as long as we meet in our life, we'll find each other over and over until the end of times,"_ the man says, and Jun can feel that he really means it. _"And you should think so too. Your love overcame death after all, isn't that a miracle on its own? It's fate. You belong together, no matter what."_

Jun envies Sakurai. He envies him for being able to think like this. Why can't he think like this? What is blocking his mind? "But... but what if fate messes up this time? If I really believe all this, then Ohno and I were a married couple, a man and a woman. Why can't we be just like that again in this life?" he asks desperately.

_"I'm sorry to say that but maybe... this is just a theory of us, but maybe, your old self messed up your karma."_

"Messed up my karma?!" Jun can't believe his ears. "What do you mean?"

_"Do you remember Ohno-san's dreams? I'm sure he told you everything. And Kazu's short story? I'm sure you read that one too, didn't you?"_

Jun frowns. "Wait, your Kazu is... Ninomiya Kazunari?"

_"Exactly."_

OK, the puzzle is clearing up also to him a bit more now. "Well, I indeed read that short story... Why?"

 _"Didn't your old self commit suicide after Ohno died in the flames?"_ Sakurai asks.

The journalist remembers that – even if pretty short – passage in said short story. It's true, the samurai in the story ended his life and that ended the story. "... Apparently, yes."

 _"There you go,"_ the other man says as if it should explain everything.

"So you think my _suicide_ fucked up my karma?! Even if I committed suicide out of love?!" this is turning into something absurd. Or not. Jun feels mocked. "How nice!"

 _"Think about it,"_ Sakurai continues. _"Would Ohno have wished for you to die after she died? I'm sure, the answer is no. Ohno wanted you to live a happy life even without her but you didn't even give yourself a chance to recover and just followed her into death."_

"Some people would call that romantic...," Jun answers desperately.

_"Maybe, fate isn't romantic," the other states strictly. "It can be cruel. But it gives second chances, obviously. And now, I think that fate wants to challenge you. To test you. See if you're really still meant to be together."_

"Fate is a fucking bitch, if you ask me!"

 _"Yeah, tell me! My beloved got killed by my wife in our past life!"_ Sakurai joins his lament.

Wait... what did he say? "Your _wife_?!"

_"Ah... that's a long and complicated story..."_

"I'm all ears," Jun says challenging and he's glad he doesn't have any plans for the evening because the story Sakurai is about to tell him will take quite some time to be told.

\- + -

_"Give me your current address. You will receive an invitation by Ohno for a play," Sakurai tells Jun when he calls him the next time, just about one week later. "They almost finished preparations, it will be on stage soon."_

"Eh? A kabuki performance? Isn't the ensemble still in hiatus at the moment?" Jun asks surprised. He remembers that he read that after another few more Akatsuki performances the ensemble will concentrate on practising for a new performance.

_"No, this is a theatre play from Seijo's theatre club. Ohno is part of it and Kazu is in charge of the scripts. Those two and the whole club worked their ass off to come up with this play. It's something really important, not only for them. It will also be important for you."_

"I'll send you my address via LINE," Jun says before they end the call.

Jun sighs and stops in front of the shop window he's passing right now. It's a Saturday, his work on the project for the magazine is waiting in his hotel room but he's good on time, he will meet the deadline without any trouble, so he can relax a bit. He was on a stroll when Sakurai called him, trying to free his mind, trying to tidy the chaos that still exists inside his head. He's wandering through Sapporo, enjoying the afternoon sun, watching the people making their way through the streets, going shopping, going to eat some sweets with their children or meeting with friends in cafes.

The journalist let his eyes wander over the dress the mannequin in the shop window is wearing. It's a blue dress and it reminds him of Ohno, of their date in Ohno's apartment. Ohno looked stunning that day, even more than usual, her brown hair in beautiful waves, her slight, natural make up underlining the beauty of her eyes. Her smile brightened Jun's mind the moment he saw her and wearing that beautiful blue dress combined with that nice necklace, it has been breathtaking. The memory still was. The memory of her – no, _him_.

Jun frowns again, sighing. He tries to remember how Ohno looked like as a guy, knowing that he saw him like that only once, for a few minutes, on the campus. He tries to find out if he felt just the tiniest little bit attracted by him back then. Just a hint, a small trace, a blink of hope.

He has to admit that he has been so blinded by the image of _Ohno Satoko_ that no other person looked interesting to him back then. He cannot remember clearly, but Ohno's male self most likely must have fallen into that category too. Jun suddenly wonders how Ohno felt back then when they met on the campus, and Jun didn't recognize him. Did Ohno find it cruel? Or was he relieved?

Anyway, Jun feels guilty about it. Why hasn't he paid more attention? How could he have been so blind? If he recognized Ohno at that time, wouldn't he have been able to save both of them from a lot of disappointment? They wouldn't have started dating, probably, they wouldn't have gotten to know each other so well, they wouldn't have fallen in love. Or was it too late by that moment already, anyway? And does Jun really want to miss all those _happy_ memories from when they were dating? Isn't that why he's mourning now, why he wishes Ohno could _be_ what he thought he is?

Jun has tried to find out what he wants. What he can do. Where his limits are. He thought about all this genderqueerness, thought about what it means to be straight or gay, or genderqueer, just like Ohno. He would be lying if he says that he can really imagine how the other feels. Because the truth is, he just can't. Though, he can finally say that he might be able to understand what it feels to love a person as a _person_ , no matter what sexuality you might have. Love between friends, or family, aren't that much different after all. There exist so many different forms of love in this world, not bothered with things such as status, age or gender, the possibilities are endless. It's true that some forms of love don't include the erotic side of love. It isn't always needed. But for a couple in a love relationship though, Jun thinks that it's needed, if not essential. Because it brings their love to a whole new level, it represents an intimacy that cannot be shared with other people. Combined with love this intimacy is the proof of everything. Of shared happiness, of trust, of support, of love.

The journalist has tried to find out the limits of his sexuality. He has been on a date with a woman at the beginning of this week, has spent a nice evening in a restaurant with her, even kissed her good bye. It felt different from kissing Ohno, it felt more like kissing all those other women he kissed before Ohno. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't Ohno, Jun thought, wondering if he's still mourning _Satoko_ so much that he cannot forget her. However, he couldn't bring himself to take that woman with him upstairs to the hotel room which he's living in currently to go a step further. He feels like it would be like betraying Ohno and for some reason, he doesn't want that.

Jun tried the same with a man he hooked up on a dating app two days later, openly telling him that it was just for an experiment, asking him if he would be willing to help him to figure out something that troubles him. The guy agreed on the premise that Jun pays for their dinner, which is the least that he can do, the journalist thinks. They spent a nice evening in a restaurant, the man walked Jun home until to the front of the hotel. Of course, Jun didn't take that guy upstairs with him either but there in front of the hotel, the man kissed him good bye.

To his surprise, Jun didn't find it disgusting. He thought he would, but in fact, the kiss didn't feel that much different from any other kiss he shared with a woman so far. He couldn't say that he disliked it. However, it didn't feel the same as kissing Ohno.

In Jun's mind, no matter how he tries to forget it, kissing Ohno is still the best. Ohno's kiss is still the kiss he's yearning for, Jun has to admit but still, he's confused about it. What does this mean? Is he just mourning the memory? Can he forget the woman, Ohno? Does the fact that Ohno _isn't_ a woman really change the fact that his heart still belongs to Ohno?

Well... what, if it doesn't change anything?

\- - + - -

Ohno thinks that never in the history of Seijo's theatre club – maybe in the history of every Japanese university's theatre club – there has ever been a play set up on stage faster than this. Nino's script itself, based on his short story _The Princess in the Flames_ as well as on excerpts from Ohno's dream diary (of course that was a secret) was finished in less than one week and so preparations could be done simultaneously and proceed quickly. With this and the help of their club members and Sakurai as well as Sakamoto-sensei's support (who seem to be a huge fan of Nino's work already, well Sakurai obviously not only because of Nino's work) it took just about one month when the play is ready to open its curtains.

Everyone has worked on high speed. The stage setting might not be the most detailed ever but it was simple and well done, fitting the atmosphere. For the costumes, Ohno managed to ask _TsubakiKabuki_ to lend them some old kimonos and people have been astonished, not only by the wonderful costumes but also by finding out about Ohno's _part-time job_ as kabuki actor – or actress, depending on how you see it. Nino has been a bit worried about his friend's coming out but for some reason; Ohno didn't see the point in keeping anything a secret any longer. He does not shout it out from the rooftops but people can conclude for themselves that Ohno Satoko and Ohno Satoshi are the same person and the young man doesn’t hide it when people ask him about it.

The good thing of being so casual about the whole topic, without making a big deal out of it, is that miraculously people don't make a big deal out of it either and maybe it is also thanks to Ohno's natural charm that everyone seems to more or less accept him as it is. However, Nino can't help but tell his friend how amazing this is. How amazing _he_ is and that he's convinced that Jun will be able to accept him too, once he overcomes his shock.

Talking about Jun makes Ohno feel nervous, of course. It turned out that Sakurai knows Jun and that he managed to get hold of him somehow – Ohno doesn't know all the details but he's just happy to hear that Jun is well, he's been worried about him. Thanks to Sakurai , it was easy for Ohno to send out the invitation to the theatre play to him, attaching a note telling the other that he's deeply sorry about the circumstances but he's still not ready to give up what they had – what they still _have_ \- and that he's hoping for a second chance.

Ohno has made his decision. He won't think about switching gender any more. He's a genderqueer man with the reborn soul of a woman. He likes who and what he is, he never had a problem with it and he won't let it become a problem ever again. He can sacrifice a lot for the love of his life but Nino and Sakurai are right, if their love is still true, Jun will either love him again as the person he is now… or not. Then, it is fate and Ohno will accept it. He still can become friends with Jun… maybe. But for now, the young man is full of hope. He won't give up, not without trying. He'll show Jun that he's willing to fight for him and his love and the rest is up to him.

Right now, Ohno is standing backstage, poking his head out from the curtains on the stage in Seijo's main hall, which the theatre club was able to rent. The hall was already filling slowly with some early audience, some students from the university, some accompanied by friends or family, a bunch of professors gathering at the entrance, exchanging some chats, the university magazine's staff members, and some more people, mostly from outside. Somehow, the news about the play – probably thanks to Sakamoto-sensei's enthusiastic advertisement – has spread like a wildfire and many people seem to be interested in the play due to the specific topics it will address. Still nobody knows that it also tells a very personal story of Ohno, even if for some parts people might guess that they apply to him.

Despite being confident and known for not being nervous before stage performances, he has to admit that today, he is very nervous. Well, his life is at stake. Or, his love life at least. Moreover, he still doesn't know if Jun will come or not. He must have received the invitation, Ohno confirmed it with Sakurai but still it doesn't seem clear if the journalist will attend the play or not.

"Senpai," Ohno can hear a familiar voice behind him. "Are you OK?" He faces Nino when he turns around, who gives him a friendly smile. "I'm sure, he will come. Just wait for him."

"Thank you, Nino," the older student answers and after sending a last look out to the audience, he retreats to the backstage completely, trying not to stumble over the long sleeves of the colourful costume he's already wearing. The princess' one. He smiles at his friend. "Really, thank you for everything!"

Nino reaches his hand to scratch the back of his head. "Thank me when everything is over and our plan worked out," he says. "Not, that I don't believe that it _will_ work out!" the student adds quickly.

Ohno chuckles. "Yeah, let's believe in it."

"We're almost ready. Let's go to the others and talk about a few last details," Nino suggests and Ohno nods, following his friend.

Nino, who is taking a role too in the play, the one of the storyteller, is also wearing a kimono, but nothing as impressive as Ohno has. The young man did not write his own or Sakurai's character into the play. First, he considered it, but he was reluctant and too shy to openly show his own relationship on stage (even if Sakurai told him that he'll be fine either way). In the end, he decided to focus on the story revolving around the characters based on Ohno and Jun only, since it is their main goal to draw Jun in with this story.

The group of students, performing as actors or backstage staff, gathers nearby and Higashide, the one who will play _Matsumoto Junta_ is still reviewing some of his lines. Most of them are dressed in kimonos since the first act is set in ancient Japan, telling the story of how the young lord and his princess met and fell in love with each other. The voices coming from the front of house, indicating that more and more people are joining the audience, gives them an exciting thrill, as before every play they perform, but this time, it's special.

Ohno takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, trying to focus. When he feels Nino's hand on his shoulder, he opens his eyes again and looks around at his fellow students, all of them became quiet and exchange smiles and anxious looks from nervousness. Nino takes the first step and reaches his hand out to the middle of the circle they have formed, ready for their performance and one after one, they put their hands on top until the last one and with their voices and feelings combined they make a short round call to help them focus, ending it with an encouraging yell.

The backstage staff hurries away first, checking the set for the last time and one of them runs to the opposite side of the stage, ready to start the CD player with the music they will use to accompany the performance. The lights in the performance hall are turned out and the audience falls from happy chatting into a slight, anticipating mass of whisper, which falls silent as soon as the music, a slow, Japanese traditional tune, starts.

Nino enters the stage with a big book in his hands and settles in the middle of a spotlight at the left side of the stage, looking into the audience. He bows.

 _"Ladies and Gentlemen, please let us, the Seijo theatre club ensemble, welcome you tonight for our new play, a play about reincarnation, fate, and a love that overcomes time,"_ Nino starts and then he opens the book, pretending to read the story from there.

 _"Once upon a time, there was a princess…,"_ he begins the story with the classic words and with the first few sentences, he gives the first impression of the time and place that the audience will be guided to. With his prologue, he is setting the first stones of the story of a couple, separated in an awful way but so much in love that fate decides to give them a second chance in a second life.

When Nino comes backstage again after the introduction, he quickens his steps as soon as he's out of sight for the audience, rushing towards Ohno who is preparing for the next scene.

The young man reaches for the actor's sleeve and flashes him an encouraging smile.

"He's here," Nino says. "He's sitting in the third row, middle. Don't be nervous, it will be fine."

Ohno's heart skips a beat. Jun is here. He's actually here! This means that he at least wants to give this a chance, doesn't it? The young man tries to calm down his breathe, and nods thankfully to Nino before he goes back into acting mode. "I'm ready for this."

"Give your best."

The moment when Ohno enters the stage – followed by Nino who takes his place as the narrator again quickly - the whole audience gasps. The sight of a beautiful young woman with long black hair, wearing this wonderful kimono, must take their breath away. But Ohno doesn't care how people see him. Right now, he only cares about how _Jun_ will see him.

When he takes his position in the middle of the stage, the simple setting hints of a traditional garden with a large tree behind him and the spotlight mimicking a beautiful sunset, he allows his eyes to search for him. Third row, middle, Nino said, and that is where Ohno's gaze wanders. The spotlight is bright and his eyes take a bit of time to adjust but as the silhouettes in front of him take shape, he spots the familiar man, sitting there, looking as gorgeous as always, focused on him. They lock eyes for a moment, before Ohno lowers his head and looks at the floor.

 _"Oh, look, a lizard!"_ he exclaims, his voice sounding naturally high, when he pretends to see a small reptile running over the ground. He captures the adventurousness and agility of his role – his past - _Princess Ohno Saki_ perfectly and it's not even that much of an act, it's much more like living through a dear memory.

Princess Saki's playing through the garden, astonished by the smallest animals and the tiniest flowers is accompanied by a friendly tone and joyful laughter, inviting the audience to settle in a comfortable surrounding and pulling them into the past. It doesn't take long until the princess on stage gets company, in the form of a good-looking young lord, Lord Matsumoto Junta, played by Higashide, a young samurai who fell in love with the princess. He watches her playing and despite this behaviour might be unfitting for the daughter of high ranks, he doesn't stop her but just smiles at her. When she finally climbs the tree, her huge kimono hindering her movements, he gets worried for her.

 _"Mylady!"_ the young lord yells, just the moment the princess slips from the tree and thankfully he's just there to catch her in his arms.

The princess looks up at him as he asks her if she was hurt, shaking her head to take away his worries.

 _"Please marry me!"_ the young man then exclaims, all of a sudden. _"I will take care of you and watch out for you so that nothing will ever hurt you, I promise."_

The lights go out and there is rustling on the stage to change the setting while the music turns into a quick, joyful tone. The drums and the shamisen open the following ceremony scene – a colourful and glorious wedding ceremony The couple is sitting in the middle of the stage, wearing traditional black and white wedding kimonos and people around them are celebrating and wishing them good luck. They sing and dance, the princess, and the lord swear their eternal love to each other, happily.

Then, the scenery changes again, the glorious festivity vanishes and again the storyteller enters the stage, a simple spotlight focusing on him. He opens his book on another page and the music turns to something slower and more dramatic.

_"The couple lived happily for years, supporting each other and loving each other truly. They were blessed with a baby, a wonderful child that was the representative of their love, uniting the most beautiful and most adorable features of the princess and the lord. However, when war came, Lord Junta had to leave his castle, leaving behind his wife and child."_

On the right and left side of the stage, some more spotlights, this time red ones, appeared, Lord Junta and some companions entering from the one side, a couple of other people from the other side, behind Nino. The two groups approached each other until they met in the middle of the stage.

Then, Lord Junta as well as the head of the opponent clan let out blood curdling battle cries before they dashed towards each other, their swords above their heads, and the dance of death begins, accompanied by the intense drumming of the taiko and red lights flashing over the scenery, making it hard to follow the actual happenings. When people around the lord start collapsing to the floor, the lights decrease and finally, the lord is the only one left, a single red spotlight on him as he raises his sword in a victory pose.

The lights go out and the storyteller's voice speaks up again.

_"Even though he won on the battlefield, proving his skills as a master of the swords and a brilliant tactician, he didn't count on the deep devilishness of his opponent who hired a group of ninja to weaken the lord's position and take the most important thing from him – his little family."_

Dramatic music continues and a group of black dressed ninja appears on stage together with the princess, dressed in another, simpler costume this time, holding a small bundle in her arms. The ninja first tiptoe around her, until they form a circle, running around her again and again. The music is winning on intensity, the tempo speeding up.

 _"The assassins captured the princess and her child in her castle, while Lord Junta was still on his way back home from the battlefield, anticipating the reunion with his beloved wife. When the ninja set a fire in the castle, which the princess was not able to escape from, she knew that things were over. She pressed her baby close to her chest and sent her prayers to the gods, begging for her husband's safety, begging to get reborn and to get a second chance to meet him again in another life."_

Suddenly, the black dressed ninja pull out red and yellow light fabrics, whirling them through the air, tightening the circle around the princess. From the audience, people could watch the stage burn like this, the orange spotlight underlining the impression of a fire and the princess screams, before she collapses and gets buried under the black ninja bodies, the fabric disappeared again.

 _"What she didn't know was that her husband, as soon as he returned home and found his beloved dead, his heart broke and he decided to follow her to death, praying for the exact same thing, not knowing that his suicide was a big mistake, despite the romantic intentions,"_ the storyteller's voice blends out. The spotlight on him vanishes, hiding the fact that Nino leaves the stage.

 _"I pray to the gods, and beg for forgiveness but please, reunite me with my princess, in death,"_ the samurai who appeared on stage, kneeling on the ground, says.

His short sword is lying in front of him. He reaches out to it, lifts it, the blade pointing at his own body, and pushes it, moaning before he collapses on the side, dead, the dramatic music playing out until there is just silence and the spotlight focused onto the dead lord goes out to leave the stage in perfect darkness.

After a few seconds and some shifting in the dark, Nino, still in the storyteller's role, enters the stage again, his appearance changed. His hair is styled more prominently, and he's wearing modern clothes, the huge book exchanged with a modern tablet, which he's holding casually in one hand. The music in the background now is a catchy pop tune.

 _"The year 2016,"_ Nino announces the jump in time. _"Saburo, a young man, wakes up in his room, facing a new day. What nobody knows is that Saburo is not a normal student. That he is not a normal man. He is special."_

Ohno, now performing as _Saburo_ , dressed in pajamas, rises from his bed, yawning and stretching his arms and doing a few knee bends and shaking his body a bit in the rhythm of the song before he approaches a clothes rack next to his bed, draped with many different, flashy clothes. There are trousers, jumpers, t-shirts, but also skirts and dresses. On the ground, sneakers and high heels and on top of everything there is a wig with brown wavy hair hanging.

The young man grabs a few seemingly random clothes and stands in front of a tall mirror, holding a jumper and then a dress in front of his body, making a wondering expression. In the end, he decides on the dress and with big smile he reaches to the wig on the clothes rack and exits the stage.

 _"What is special about Saburo is that he is not limited by his physical gender,"_ the storyteller starts to explain. _"He might be born as a man but his mind set is flexible and enables him to live his life as he wishes, either as a man or a woman, without being forced to decide on a role he wants to take over in society. And on that special day, Saburo decided to go out as a woman, feeling more comfortable with the long hair brushing his face and some make-up on to shine a little more than usual. This is the day when he meets Junpei."_

In the next scene, the setting quickly changed by some backstage staff to a scenery that hints at a shopping district, Saburo enters the stage again, dressed in the beautiful dress and wearing a wig and high heels. He looks stunning as a woman – as usual - and due to his flashy clothes and the brown hair he stands out among the few supporting actors and actresses who act as people on their way to go shopping, looking at shop windows, talking silently to friends. Saburo walks around, slowly, looking here and there, smiling happily.

Higashide, dressed as Junpei in modern clothes too, a pair of jeans and a black shirt with a jacket over it, appears, walking through town too, leisurely. When he suddenly comes to a halt in front of Saburo, the spotlight focuses on the two characters, while around them; everyone hurries to leave the stage. They look at each other, obviously surprised; Saburo lifts his hand up to his lips, his eyes widened.

 _"You…,"_ Saburo finally starts, astonished. _"I know you. You are the man of my dreams!"_ he exclaims and goes a few steps forward, until Junpei reaches his arms out and pulls Saburo into a hug.

 _"I don't know you but it feels like I finally found you after a long search,"_ the man states, brushing his hand over the brown hair. _"This must be fate."_

While Nino continues to tell the story, showing different small scenes between Junpei and Saburo on stage, the two of them are strolling through the city, eating something together, holding hands, hugging, and kissing.

_"While Saburo is capable of remembering his past life, experiencing the memories in his dreams, Junpei can't remember anything. Maybe, this is his punishment for betraying fate by committing suicide in his previous life. However, the two of them fall in love again and become a couple right away. But Junpei still thinks that Saburo is a woman, believing that the two of them could get married and have a child, just like they did hundreds of years ago. It is not the case that Saburo intended to betray his lover; it's just that he didn't realize that his real gender would be a problem and living as a woman with Junpei from his perspective would be so easy, that he wouldn't mind it at all. Nonetheless, it does not change the truth and eventually it will became inevitable to tell Junpei and so, Saburo faces the day when he tells his partner the truth."_

The scenery has changed to another date, showing the couple walking hand in hand, until Saburo stops, drawing back his hand and facing Junpei, announcing that he has to tell him something important.

 _"Please, don't hate me for this,"_ Saburo says in a pleading voice. _"I never meant to betray you, I just wanted to love you and wanted you to love me. Just like we used to."_

With those words, he pulls the wig from his head, revealing his true self, shocking Junpei so much that the young man retreats a few steps. When Saburo reaches out his hand, to touch his partner's arm, the other steps back even further, slightly shaking his head.

 _"I'm sorry, I – I need some time to think about this,"_ the young man says, turning around and leaving the stage.

Saburo stays behind, his hand slowly sinking, hanging his head, sadly. He crushes to the floor, crying, crouching as to protect his cringing, broken heart. The light goes out.

_"Opening his heart to Junpei was risky, Saburo knows that. But it was the right choice, it was the only fairness Saburo could offer to the other man in this situation. Getting rejected, is breaking his heart, of course, he knows he might have been a bit naïve. He can understand that the other needs time to think. Maybe he wouldn't come back, but maybe he would. Saburo meets a really dark and sad time in his life during their separation, but he doesn't completely give up hope. Though what he hopes for isn't forgiveness, because he cannot change what he is, what fate made out of him. What he hopes for is another chance, acceptance, and love. And then, one day, Junpei comes back."_

The play ends with Junpei and Saburo – dressed as a man – hugging each other. It's not completely obvious yet, if Junpei will keep his romantic relationship with Saburo, but it's obvious that he accepts the other as a person, no matter if he is a woman or a man and this alone, is enough for now.

Nino left the end kind of "open" on purpose, knowing that it would be too much to force a too frank, too blatant Happy Ending on Jun. In the end, it's not Junpei, the play's character to decide if Ohno would be accepted by his lover or not. After all, it is Jun's decision. Of course, they all bear the hope that Jun will give Ohno a second chance, that he still loves him and wants to be together with him. Or that at the very least they can stay friends. Ohno doesn't want to force Jun into anything that he doesn't want to, that much he found out himself . But he wants to share his life with him in one or another way, if he lets him.

The audience is, to be simply said, astonished. Ohno is a little bit surprised but in a positive way, that people seem to like their play so much. The story is kind of unusual but it seems that they have managed to get through with the topics they wanted to deliver. When the full cast and the backstage staff set their feet on stage for a last time, bowing in front of the audience, the hall is still applauding and they even receive standing ovations. Ohno's heart beats like crazy and he looks to his right side where Nino is standing, slightly flushed cheeks – he must be proud that people liked his script that much – and smiles at him happily. The cast members link their hands, Nino presses Ohno's hand encouragingly in the process and again they lower their heads before leaving the stage.

Ohno looks back to Jun's seat a last time, his eyes has been focused on him as much as he was allowed to watch the audience in between acting, as if he has been acting just for him (well, he kind of did) but when he searches for the familiar face, he realizes that Jun is gone. He looks around a bit but the young journalist is nowhere to be seen. All of a sudden, Ohno's heart sinks into the pits of his stomach and he feels like it is drowning in his stomach's acid, stopping to beat for a second. He loses hope again.

Jun is gone. Maybe, that means that all the efforts have been for nothing. Maybe, with this it's over.

Nino slightly pulls Ohno's hand so that he follows him backstage, the young actor still frozen from the shock. But Ohno follows him, slightly stumbling. It feels hard to breathe for him now and his vision is a little blurred. No, he doesn't want to cry yet. Jun watched the play. At least. He gave him a chance and he hopefully got his point. At least. If he's gone now, it might really mean that he doesn't want to share his life with Ohno any longer and nobody can force him, right? Ohno should be thankful for what he got.

At the backstage, the young man notices from the corner of his eye that Sakurai embraces Nino to congratulate him for the successful play and when the young assistant professor reaches his hand to pat Ohno's shoulder, and congratulates him too, Ohno tries hard not to burst into tears. He must look horrible because just a second later, Nino pulls him into a tight hug.

"You did well," his friend reassures him. "You did your best and I'm sure you reached his heart."

Ohno can't hold back his tears any longer and slightly wraps his arms around Nino, cramping his fingers into the other's costume. He sobs slightly.

"Jun is gone…," the young man says in a broken voice. "I lost him…"

"Maybe you didn't," the assistant professor suddenly says, pointing to the side exit of the backstage.

Ohno looks at him, wondering and when Nino loosens the embrace, the arts student has a better view of who is standing there, waving at him shyly. The next sob gets drowned by an insanely loud beat of his heart and Ohno cringes slightly at the strong sensation. He cannot believe his eyes. It's the young journalist, standing there, locking eyes with him and there is a small smile on his face. The young man cannot completely decipher it yet but maybe, this is a good sign and maybe it means that there is reason for hope.

"We'll help the others cleaning up, take your time," Nino says, smiling. "And call, if you need us."

Ohno can't take his eyes off of Jun but he nods, and then, his friends are gone and it feels like he and Jun are the only people left in the whole world. The young man takes a deep breath and lifts his arm, wiping away the last traces of tears with the edge of his sleeve.

"Ohno-san…," Jun finally starts.

The actor's heart jumps. Is this his chance? Or is this their real goodbye?

"Jun-kun… you're still here," he states the obvious, nervous like hell.

"Of course, I wanted to talk to you," the journalist says. "Thank you very much for the invitation. This was a very interesting and impressive play, if I might say so."

"Did you like it?" Ohno asks, shyly.

The other man nods. "I liked it."

"It's all thanks to my friend, he wrote the script based on my dreams and our story. I'm sorry if I told a bit too much, maybe you didn't want to disclose everything to the public... but I can assure you that nobody knows that this is based on a _real_ story, so –," the young man starts babbling, unable to stop himself. For some reason he is afraid that if he does not tell Jun everything he wants now, he may never have the chance to.

"It's OK, Ohno-san, really. It's a really wonderful, tragic and touching story," the journalist chimes in. "I don't have any problem with it being shown on stage."

"Really?" the young actor asks to confirm.

"Really."

Ohno sighs, feeling relieved. "I'm glad then, thank you."

They look at each other, none of them saying anything further for a few minutes, before Jun breaks the awkward silence and lowers his head. "I wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry. I behaved like a real jerk," he says. Ohno shakes his head slightly but Jun cannot see it, it's just then when he looks at Ohno, insecurely. "You know, when you told me you're not a woman, I was really shocked…"

"I know, I understand that," Ohno admits. "I'm really sorry for not telling you earlier."

"No, don't say that," Jun shakes his head, firmly. "I'm sorry for being so blind and not realizing anything."

Ohno chuckles, bringing his hand to his face to cover an insecure smile. "Well, I'll… take this as a compliment for my cross dressing skills, then."

Jun smirks. "You definitely can," he says, "And you can be proud of so many other things too."

The arts student blinks. "Like what?"

"Like your acting skills, both, in the kabuki ensemble as well as here now with the theatre group, for example," Jun starts. "You are stunning, really!"

Blushing, Ohno waves his hand, hectically. "No no, I guess it's thanks to Nino's gorgeous script…"

"It's not just the script," the other replies. "It's the whole thing and you're part of it. It was wonderful."

Again, they fall into a slightly awkward silence and just look at each other. Ohno's heart starts racing. Jun is so close to him, he's within reach and if Ohno would just take a few steps forward, he would be able to circle his arms around the young man's neck to hug him… but he doesn't. It's not the thing to do now. He doesn't want to scare the other away again.

To his surprise, it's Jun then who slowly comes a few steps forward, his eyes still focused on Ohno, whose breathing becomes harder and harder the closer Jun comes and the more nervous he gets. After a few more seconds, the young journalist lifts his hand and brushes it over Ohno's cheek, slowly, caringly. The touch feels like a pleasurable burn on Ohno's skin and he is ready to melt away, closing his eyes for a second and allowing himself to lean into the soft touch, carefully.

“ _You_ are wonderful," he hears Jun's whispering voice, so close to him and he can feel the distinct warmth of the young man's breath.

Ohno shivers. Is it a dream? "You think so?" he whispers back, opening his eyes just to lock them with Jun's again.

"Yes, I do. I'm sorry for leaving you behind the other day… you must have felt horrible…," the man sounds sincerely sorry.

"You did not react to my calls and texts," Ohno starts, sounding a bit desperate. He doesn't want to remember that time.

"Yes. I was very confused," Jun continues. "I needed some time to think. I know, it's not an excuse. I hurt you with my behaviour and I regret it."

"Well, I shocked you pretty well," Ohno replies. Or course, he was hurt back then, but he never said that he cannot understand Jun's reaction. "You felt betrayed…"

"But I know that you didn't mean to betray me."

Ohno shook his head. "No, I didn't. But I guess I handled the matter wrongly."

"My reaction was too much though," Jun sighs.

"I don’t blame you."

"Don't blame yourself either."

"Yeah, maybe we should stop blaming ourselves," the young actor chuckles, slightly amused by the direction this conversation is taking.

Jun lowers his head again. "I'm really sorry, Ohno-san."

"Maybe we shouldn't apologize either," the other says. "It was… let's say, unlucky."

"Probably," the journalist agrees.

Silence again until Ohno raises his voice, in a gentle whisper. "So what now?" he asks, darting his eyes at Jun. Can he still hope? Or will Jun leave now after apologizing?

"What do you think?" Jun replies with another question.

Insecurely, Ohno steps from one foot onto the other. "I... I don't know but I wonder if we can at least be friends, maybe?"

"Friends?" the other asks.

Ohno blushes. "Well, I was also wondering if we can go back to where we were, but..."

"Back to being a couple?"

"...Yes. But I think that's just my wishful thinking," the young actor murmurs.

To his surprise, Jun chimes in immediately. "I think, we can try."

Ohno looks at him, astonished. His heartbeats make it hard for him to breathe. "What?"

"We can try," the journalist repeats.

"Are you being serious?" the other asks, feeling perplex, not sure if he can really trust his ears. "I mean... you know that it won't be exactly the same anymore, right? After all, I'm not who you think I am and -"

"You're Ohno-san," Jun said, determined. "And you're wonderful. That's all I need to know."

No, those words are too good to be true. Ohno has a hard time believing them. Isn't this just his imagination, a dream? "But... look, this is how it is. I'm a man," he clarifies again. "I like to think of myself as a man and as a woman, depending on my moods. Sometimes I enjoy dressing like a woman and behave girly, sometimes I like doing manly things. However, I do not intend to change that. It's who I am," he lets everything out, there will be no more misunderstandings between them. Jun just looks at him, his gaze not wavering at all. "Do you... do you think you're really able to love me like this?"

Jun nods and gets even closer. Ohno cannot even react properly before the young journalist wraps his arms around him, pulling the other into an embrace. A wave of heat runs through the young actor's body and yes, he really feels like being in a dream. The best dream he ever had. Jun brushes his fingers though Ohno's hair and the young man cannot help but lift his arms and cling to the other, first hesitating, then stronger, when he finally understands that the other won't push him away.

"I'm sure I am able to," Jun says into Ohno's ear. "I don't care if you're a man or a woman or both, I fell in love with you – twice –," he says, referring to their past life. "And I am still in love with you."

"I... I thought, you're straight," Ohno whispers his doubt, his fingers buried in the other's clothes.

"I thought so too, but maybe I'm not or maybe it just doesn't matter," Jun shrugs his shoulders a little. "I just know that I cannot ignore my own heart any longer. It's true, I'm not used to being in romantic relationships with guys but… it's first and foremost your character, your soul, that I love. And eventually, I'll love you as a whole, I promise. You might have to give me a little time to get used to everything but I don't intend to let you down, so if you still love me, please give me a chance. I promise, I would never hurt you again."

"Are those your real thoughts?"

Jun nods, still pressing Ohno close. Then he pulls back a little to be able to look him in the eye. "As real as I'm standing here right now. So what do you say?"

"Of course, I still love you too!" Ohno bursts, having a hard time not to start crying again – from joy this time. "I always did and I always will. And I hope you will be able to love me too."

"I already do," the young journalist says, leaning forward.

When his lips meet Ohno's, all of the young actor's doubts are wiped away in an instant. He melts into Jun's embrace, clinging onto his arms and moves his lips to answer the kiss, moaning silently from pleasure. His dreams are coming true again. They found their way back together. And he's pretty sure that no matter what happens, nothing will break them apart any longer.

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

It's been a few weeks since Sho and Kazu got together and they are still on cloud 9. Ever since Kazu came back to Sho's apartment, they have been together most of the time, and they love spending time together, even if both of them are often just sitting in the same room, doing different stuff. Like when Sho prepares for his classes and Kazu does homework or works on the script for the theatre club's play. There is a mutual understanding for each other between them, that both need their time and nonetheless they always have some nice words for the time between, a few minutes to chat or time to prepare dinner together. Aiba uses to tease the two of them, calling them an old married couple and when Sho then jokingly circles his arm around Kazu's hips, making his boyfriend blush with some flirting attempts, Aiba retreats from the kitchen, leaving them their time and space, not willing to witness any lovey-dovey behaviour by his friends.

The theatre play's script Kazu and Ohno came up with is progressing very well. Sho can see how hard the two of them work during every single free period they can find at university, brainstorming, Ohno showing Kazu some stuff from his dream diaries, starting preparations for the stage setting and costumes, and whatnot. And he can see how hard Kazu is working on his own in the evenings, at night, refining dialogues and details over and over. His boyfriend is a perfectionist. Sho can totally understand why Sakamoto-sensei is such a big fan of Kazu. He's hard working but also talented and those two strengths combined let him create the most beautiful stories.

Kazu has been working for hours on a specific scene, wondering over and over how to create the most thrilling atmosphere. He's done some research on samurai, on ancient Japan, has talked to Sho about all that, seeking help and a second opinion on different stuff and Sho is happy that he can be of help, a little notch in the progress of his lover's play. It's fascinating to be around him, seeing him being passionate. Sho loves this about Kazu a lot. Like he loves everything about him.

Sho is still working on the preparation of a presentation he's to conduct in Sakamoto's next lecture about Murakami Haruki's work, when he suddenly hears a rustling noise, followed by a thunk from behind. He turns his head, just to see his boyfriend having passed out, sitting at the low table that he put up there for him and his laptop and papers. He must have fallen asleep over reviewing the play for the nth time, Sho assumes. He cannot help but smirk a little as he stands up from his desk and settles down beside the young student, seeing his arms slipped down from the table and his forehead resting on the wooden table. He reaches out to his boyfriend's shoulders, pulling him back slightly. Kazu's glasses almost slip from the young man's nose and Sho quickly reaches for them to put them onto the table.

"Hey, Kazu," he whispers into the student's ear. "It's time for bed, don't you think so?"

"Huhmm?" the younger reacts – somehow - he doesn't seem to be fast asleep yet but in a state between being awake and dreaming.

"Let me help you to bed," Sho continues and pats his boyfriend's shoulders to make him move.

The latter slightly opens his eyes, looking at the other through his half-opened lids and seems to try shaking his head, mumbling something about not having finished yet. Nevertheless, the young man automatically lets his arms curl around his boyfriend's neck when Sho pulls him slightly closer to drag him to his bed. Kazu doesn't even struggle, when Sho sits him onto the bed, pulls back the blanket and helps him to lie down before he pulls off his socks and tucks his sleeping shirt in place.

"Don't be silly, you've done enough for today. You can continue tomorrow," Sho smiles and leans down to place a kiss on Kazu's forehead.

The young student moans, complaining, but instead of complaining about being forced to stop working, Sho quickly finds out that his boyfriend is actually complaining about not receiving a proper good night kiss. Kazu tugs at his pyjamas and pulls him down to bring their lips close. The young man is already too tired for proper kissing, but the brush of their lips makes Sho feel nice and warm, and his heart skips a beat.

Sho is happy. He has never been as happy as now. He feels the love, the most prominent feeling invading his chest ever since he met the young man just a few weeks ago. He remembers the love that he felt for him hundreds of years ago and again he thinks about the miracle of having found each other again, this time in a surely better environment, with better chances for their love. He considers himself as really lucky. And as soon as they managed to bring Ohno and Matsumoto back together and Kazu to make up with his family, everything will be perfect. 

The movement of Kazu's lips are small and fading, but they don't stop despite the young man's obvious tiredness. He moans slightly, this time satisfied and Sho's lips curl up into a smile, still touching the other's lips. He really enjoys all the little affections he receives from his boyfriend recently. Kazu is still shy, but since they made love to each other, he's much less shy than in the beginning and when he's seeking for closeness, he's just too adorable and cute. After kissing him good night properly, Sho brushes his hands lovingly over his boyfriend's cheek. Soon after, the younger seems to slip into dream world, for real.

Sho smiles lovingly, seeing Kazu's hand still clasping his pyjama shirt and he carefully loosens the grip and tugs his blanket over the student properly to ensure that he wouldn't feel cold at night. He places a last kiss on his lips and stands up again to return to his work. He'll just review the presentation for one last time and then follow the other to bed. He cannot wait to cuddle with him, connecting and warming their bodies underneath the fluffy blanket.

Back on his chair, Sho has a hard time finding back his concentration, his mind is still with his boyfriend who just turns a little in his sleep, showing the other his cute sleeping face half buried in the huge soft pillow. A small sigh leaves the young man's lips and Sho smiles again, supporting his chin with his hand as he witnesses his boyfriend sleeping. He wonders what the other is dreaming about now and hopes that it's something pleasant.

The young assistant professor's happy smile fades at the memory of Kazu's bad dream from the night after their first time, the one in which the young man was forced to re-experience his own death, and as if this isn't enough, a murder. Sho remembers the dream, no the _night_ he dreamed of himself, recently, after Kazu told him that he dreamed about his own death. Up to that point, Sho hasn't remembered that unpleasant memory, most likely, it was better that way, not clouding their wonderful time together. But now, since the thing is out, he remembers it clearly in his dreams and those memories are very painful. He can only hope that it doesn't haunt his boyfriend’s dreams any longer, that would be horrible. At least Kazu didn't mention it again, so his hopes might be actualised.

Sho doesn't share the memory of what happened after the murder of his boyfriend, even if he now remembers everything. Kazu didn't ask, probably knowing that it's nothing nice to talk about, that they should rather keep focusing on their present than the painful past and bearing in mind that the past is past and what's now is now. And so Sho keeps it to himself. However, it was surely the most painful time Sho – or Shota – had to get through in his lives so far and even if he tries to shut it out, sometimes, the bad memory sneaks into Sho's dreams again, making him wonder why. It's in the past, isn't it? They don’t blame anyone for what happened. Neither themselves, nor Keiko's former self who murdered Kazu. How would it help? But why aren't they able to forget? Is it a message, maybe? Are they missing a hint?

The young man lets his eyes drop to his presentation material, deciding that he won't have the mindset for reviewing it now and that he better look a look at it again in the morning. Saving his files and putting away his material, he calls it a day and before going to bed, he also saves the document on Kazu's laptop before he shuts it down. He turns off the lights and lifts the blanket, crawling underneath it until he finds Kazu's warm body besides him and he immediately circles his arms around the boy's waist, bringing them close, spooning him from behind. As if he can feel the presence of his boyfriend, Kazu sighs slightly again, turning his face a little and Sho leans a big forward to kiss the other's cheeks. Kazu's hands shuffle a bit, seemingly searching for Sho's and cuddling together, breathing in the sweet scent of the one he loves, it also doesn't take much longer for Sho to fall asleep.

\- + -

_After Kazu's death, everything got exposed. Every little detail._

_The hidden relationship between Shota and Kazu, the yearlong affair they shared, the meaning of the mysterious tattoo on the young lord's wrist, and the betrayal of Shota's wife. Every single person living in the Sakurai residence is talking about the happenings, except for Shota who stopped talking since the incident, mourning his loss._

_His parents were shocked, not only about the affair, of course, also about the behaviour of Shota's wife. After her actions, the woman turned insane, ridden by guilt and sorrow. She broke down in Shota's bedroom when Kazu died, kept repeating that she couldn't bear being replaced by a male whore even when she's doing her best as a wife. It turned out that the fact that the woman was unable to become pregnant has made her mind go crazy. The feeling of being useless to her husband who refused to make love to her, to not being able to bear children, was unbearable for her. She became suspicious, thinking that Shota took someone else as a lover and she started spying on him. She found out that he never slept with another woman but he did sleep with someone else – his servant. And realizing that this might have nothing to do with her not becoming pregnant - since the man wouldn't be able to give him children either – she had to realize that Shota was in love with that man. Even if the young woman still refused to believe, to accept Shota's words that he loves Kazu and that he has been together with him for years. Because of their love, not just because he needed someone to replace his wife._

_It was hard for her to accept and jealousy invaded her mind, poisoned it, and caused her to believe that if she could just get rid of that man who kept her husband away from her, Shota would fall in love with her. Of course, it didn't work out as she planned and deep inside she knew why. She hurt her husband deeply. And he would never forgive her for what she did._

_In the end she gets sent back to her family, dismissed from the marriage to the Sakurai clan. Shota kind of feels sorry for her, being able to see where her anger and frustration is coming from but no matter what the reason is, he of course cannot forgive the woman who took away the most precious from him – his Kazu._

_When Shota's parents suggest to him to take another woman as his wife, he calls them crazy, refusing the offer right away, of course. He's furious, yelling at them, saying that he will never ever take another women as his wife, and that he doesn't want to carry on the Sakurai family name. He breaks down in tears in front of them, something he never did since he was a young child who had gotten hurt badly during playing outside. He repeats over and over that he wants his beloved back. But of course, nobody can return from death and the young lord knows that he has to try and overcome the loss of his partner._

_He will never be able to forget him, and he will never replace him, is what he tells his parents. His father bursts into anger towards his son, blaming him for the mess that happened, for driving a young woman insane, for causing the death of one of their servants and for being a man who is unworthy to carry on the Sakurai's title anyway._

_In the end, after several fights, Shota decides to leave the residence and his family, leaving behind his old life, freeing himself from his obligations and freeing his family from the shame of living with a useless son like him. His mother of course wants him to stay, begs him to stay with the family, on her knees, crying big tears when her son decides to go, but Shota made up his mind. Maybe, he'll regret leaving his family behind, still fighting, and parting on bad terms, but for now, it's all he can do in order not to fall apart._

_He doesn't take much stuff when he packs his things, thinking of abdicating the worldly pleasures anyway, but he isn't able to completely let go of things connected to the past, his heart still broken, still in love, and his body and mind not able to leave the memory behind. So he arranges some things he'll take with him, that remind him onto the happy times he and his beloved one shared. Some small presents that he made for the young man, small souvenirs from trips through the country, and some of Kazu's personal belongings that Shota's parents wanted to burn after the small funeral, but he just managed to save in the last moment, claiming them as his. And a book from the mansion's library, "Kaguya-hime monogatari" - Kazu's favourite story._

_Brushing over the book's cover, Shota remembers the time he met Kazu in the library, secretly trying to read the books there, despite the fact that servants weren't allowed to spend time there. They were so young back then, kids, and Shota was drawn by the boy ever since he met him and especially, since he discovered the high interest in stories that the other carries, a commonality between them._

_Shota loves stories, ever since. As the son of a prestigious family, he didn't have the chance to make many friends. Other kids in town were sent to school, put in classes together, played afterwards outside on the streets and in the fields. But for Shota it's always been home tutoring, studying at home, together with his sister who didn't share his interests and often didn't play with him. He felt lonely, and for a long time, besides starting to receive training in several things from his parents, the only thing he could do to pass time in the residence was reading, and he loved it._

_When Kazu – called Nino by the other servants – entered his life, a boy around his age, small, thin, but obviously clever, Shota developed hope to find a friend in him. When he found him in the gardens, scared by the new surroundings and people, he felt this immense urge to protect him. To make him want to be here, here, together with him. Shota tried to keep in contact with the boy, even if he knows that he wasn't allowed to play with him. And so, instead, when the boy was ordered to do time consuming, boring tasks, Shota started to stay close to him and read him stories, to make the task more bearable, more fun. Kazu never said it – he wasn't supposed to talk to the young lord – but Shota hoped that the boy enjoyed his little company._

_Then, he found proof for it. Proof, that Kazu indeed enjoyed Shota reading him stories, as he found the boy in the mansion's library, hiding the book of Kaguya-hime behind his back. The common interest made Shota feel understood and even more eager to spend time with the boy. So he offered to help him learn to read. And this was how they became friends... and more, later on._

_Shota takes the book in his hands, firmer, and presses it to his chest, his heart feeling heavy like a rock, ready to drown him in the deep ocean of sorrow. He cannot describe the feeling he's experiencing, it's too much, too many feelings overlapping, despair, guilt, the wish to turn back time... It's like a deep hole opened in his chest since his beloved got ripped out of his live, and nothing is able fill it. Nothing ever will._

_The man's arms feel awfully weak and the weight of the book he's embracing seems to double, as it thunks to the floor. Then, suddenly, Shota sees a small piece of paper sticking out between some pages. He fears that he has ruined Kazu's favourite book and hurriedly opens it at the respective pages, just to find a small note there that must have shifted from the movement. Though, the note leaves him puzzled._

_Shota frowns as his eyes take in several numbers, paired in several lines with a sign between them showing that two of them each are connected. What's this supposed to be, he wonders. However, one thing is for sure. It's Kazu's beautiful, neat, and slightly wavy handwriting. He'd recognize it everywhere. But what are those numbers supposed to tell? Is it a list?_

_The young lord turns the note, but there's nothing else written on it. He lets his arm drop, feeling empty again before he puts it back into the book, wanting to keep it as it is. However, even during night when he's supposed to rest and get some energy for his planned departure to nowhere the next day, the note haunts him, making it impossible for him to fall asleep. He still wonders about the meaning behind it, wonders if it's really just a list – and if yes, for what? Maybe, it's some kind of message? A hidden message from his lover, encrypted in a code that nobody would be able to read. Shota allows his mind to wander further. What kind of message could it be? When did Kazu write it down? And why did he hide it in the book? Is it a message to Shota and did he want him to read it?_

_In the end, Shota has to get up and lit a candle, getting the book again, staring at the note. Those numbers must bear some deeper meaning, he's convinced of it. Maybe they are really a code. Hidden syllables maybe? Kazu could have used them to indicate on the writing systems. Shota takes a piece of paper and some ink to write, starting to note several syllables of the hiragana writing system. He stops quickly though, frustrated since nothing seems to make sense. He tries again, breaking down the numbers differently, but still, nothing._

_He agonizes over possibilities desperately, tries to think what else these numbers could mean and the hours pass by until dawn breaks, letting the sun light fall into the man's room. The used candles are burned down and sheets of paper are spread next to Shota, nothing helpful written there. In the end, he has resumed to flip through the pages of the book, reviewing the story of princess Kaguya._

_He sighs and his eyes seem to fall shut although he tries to keep his frustrated mind busy with reading, indulging into the story to flee from the cruel reality. His vision gets a little blurred, the letters in the books start dancing slightly but Shota tries to focus. Then, he sees it._

_There's a dot next to one of the characters. A dot that obviously doesn't belong there._

_First, he thinks, it's just a misprint, a small mistake or even only a small piece of dirt, fallen onto the page. Shota looks closer. He takes his finger and brushes over it. Not dirt. It's something permanent. It's dark, black, like ink. Can it be ink? It looks like someone added it, maybe not so long ago, judging from the intensity of the black colour._

_Shota's mind seems to wake up again. Maybe, this is a clue. Maybe, this has something to do with the code that Kazu left behind – if it is even a code. He stares at the character but he doesn't get how it's connected to the code. He almost gives up, and then he finds himself browsing through the pages further, as if he's searching for similar hints. Surprisingly, he finds more of those dots. Not on every page, there are just a few, but they are there... hope rises in Shota's chest._

_He takes the note in his hand again, looks at the number. He tries to connect. He starts counting the pages. Then there it is. The number of the first page with such a dot coincides with the first number on the note. He tries again. The second page does too, and the third._

_His heart starts racing. He counts the characters and excitedly finds out that the number of characters is the same as the second number in the pairs. He did it. He decrypted the code!_

_Shota searches the book, goes to the pages indicated on the note, searches for the characters are indicated with the dot. They fit! All of them! He writes down the characters and words he finds on the respective pages and there it is, the message, folding out on the paper little by little._

_It's making Shota's eyes wet when he reads character after character, connecting them into sentences and he blinks in order not to start crying on the spot. He scribbles down the last word, his handwriting messy from the speed and the shaking of his hand, coming from the excitement. He drops the brush onto the small ink stone and stares at the paper, at the last message by his beloved._

"Thank you for teaching me how to read. For teaching me how to love and for loving me. My life is worth being lived because I got to know you. I wish that our hearts will be connected, forever, throughout all times."

_Shota stares at the words he scribbled down on the paper, his fingers crinkling the edges of the paper. His vision blurs dangerously and it doesn't take long until large tear drops fall down from his eyelashes, bursting on the paper and blurring the words. Hurriedly, Shota tries to dry the paper, using his kimono's sleeve to remove the salty water from it, to save the message. Kazu's message._

_It's similar to what he often told Kazu, what he whispered into the young man's ear when he was troubled about something._

_"You and me together, you and me through all the times," is what Shota used to say, while caressing his lover's soft skin, embracing him._

_They both shared the same wish – to stay connected. Even in the afterlife._

_Even if his heart is still broken, the young lord knows that he has to treasure life. Because life is what brought him and Kazu together. Life is what made it possible for them to meet and to share their time together. He could kill himself from the desperation, committing harakiri, to clear his reputation as lord, or to follow his lover into death. He could have gone and kill his former wife for what she did. But he doesn't. Because Shota knows better. He knows that this won't bring his and Kazu's soul peace._

_In the end, the young man decides to become a monk, living high up in the mountains as he joins a temple to serve the gods. He will live with the guilt he feels for being partly responsible for his lover's death and with the memories they shared, until his life ends. He will spend the time left in his life to pray, pray for his and Kazu's soul to be able to search and find for each other in their next life again._

\- + -

The next day after university, when the two of them allow themselves a break from working on their stuff at home, Sho and Kazu take a bath together. It took Sho quite a bit of persuasion to make the other agree to his wish but the young man thinks that it's definitely worth it. Sho's night was horrible, haunted by bad memories, and the day at the campus was exhausting too, so he definitely needs something to relax. And what's a better method to relax than to share a hot bath with the one you love?

The thing with Keiko is still troubling Sho. Kazu told him that he properly broke up with her and that since then they aren't in contact any longer – not counting the contact the girl obviously seems to still have with Kazu's mother. However, when she confronted Sho in the canteen, she was in a bad mood, and so the young assistant professor wonders, if there is more to expect from her. Sometimes, he thinks that he spots her staring at him and Kazu. Well, they still visit the same campus so a meeting or spotting each other occasionally is inevitable. However, those stares, which he isn't even sure if he's just imagining them or not, make him feel a bit nervous. Maybe, he's over thinking things…

The space in the bathtub is limited but Sho doesn't care, sitting as close to his boyfriend as possible and taking him between his legs, Kazu's back facing him. The young student's back has become pretty stiff from all the sitting in front of his laptop and concentrating on working on the script. Sho takes the chance to massage him, while Kazu is busy playing with the water and a small towel that he dropped from his head, which he is trying to sink it right now, smiling cutely at the bubbles forming from the fabric. The student lets out a small sigh of joy when Sho kneads his shoulders and leans a bit forward to kiss the birthmark, imitating a camellia, between his shoulder blades.

"Ne, Kazu?" Sho asks when he pulls back from the kiss and continues the massage.

"Hm?" the other turns his face, trying to look at him.

"Does your back still hurt much, recently?" the young assistant professor lets his fingertips run over the remains of his lover's tattoo again.

Kazu tilts his head. "Sometimes, a bit. But nothing serious, don't worry about it."

Again, Sho places a kiss on the respective spot. "When exactly?" he asks.

"Hm, when I'm on the campus sometimes, when I'm getting stiff from sitting in the lectures and such. Or when I have a bad sleeping position. I don't know... as usual it comes and goes but the pain has become less since we got together," the younger explains.

"Hmmm," Sho hums. "Must be my magic hands, after all," he smirks, thinking about the countless massages he offers his boyfriend casually, not only to soothe the other's pain but also because he just cannot keep his hands off the other.

Looking at his lover's birthmark makes Sho think about their past tattoos, about the tattooing session, the pain Kazu went through and then, his thoughts bring him back to last night's dreamt, to the memory of Kazu's murder, of the knife's fatal wound near to the tattoo's spot, the grief, the time after Kazu's death, the loneliness...

"Don't you think it's time to go home?" the young man asks suddenly, causing the younger to freeze, his shoulders stiffening again under Sho's touch.

"What?" Kazu tries to turn around to face Sho, but the limited space in the bathtub makes it impossible. With a slightly shaking voice, he asks. "Do… do you want me to leave?"

The older man's heart constricts. "No," he answers immediately, "It's just, I-"

"Then, did Aiba-san say something?" the student continues asking, nervously. "I'm taking too much space, aren't I? Or is it because I don't pay any rent? I can search for a part-time job and earn a bit money, of course, I'll pay you back, sorry I didn't think about it earlier, I-"

"No, Kazu, wait, it has nothing to do with that. Nobody wants you to leave, don't worry," the other tries to calm his boyfriend, rubbing his shoulders comfortingly. He has to admit that even if Kazu is obviously panicking, it's cute to see him worry about the thought of leaving Sho's apartment. They both really got used to living together, already and it definitely makes Sho happy.

"Why should I go home then?" the young man asks desperately.

Sho sighs deeply and takes a deep breath before replying. "I think you should make up with your mother."

"Sho…," Kazu sighs too. "We talked about this already, didn't we?"

"Yes, but I think we should talk about it again."

"Why is it so important to you that I make up with my mom?" the student asks and even if Sho cannot see it, he can imagine him frowning with worry. "She's been really mean. To me, to you, to every non-straight people in the world."

"She must be worried like hell about you," Sho replies, hugging the other from behind, placing his chin on Kazu's shoulder.

"That’s because she thinks her gay son is in the claws of the evil, Mr. Devil," the other answers snappily, rolling his eyes and his lips forming a cute pout.

"I'm sure you'll regret it if you don't make up," Sho then says, kissing his boyfriend's shoulder.

He remembers it, remembers how it feels to fight with his own family, parting in bad terms and losing contact with parents and siblings forever. He has experienced it, as the young lord who lost his lover, leaving his wife and family members to live for the rest of his life as a hermit. Up there in the mountains, all alone, all by himself with only the sad memory of his departed lover, lonely. That's why Sho wants Kazu to make up with his mother, the sooner the better. He could understand why the young man refuses. It's normal to fight with people close to you once in a while, but after some time, they should better try to make up again. Because of that, Sho pressed the other again and again to search for a reasonable conversation with his mom, but still, Kazu is stubborn, really stubborn.

"You think so?" the student asks, irony throbbing from his voice. "I think I have enough of her narrow-mindedness."

"Seems to run in the family," Sho murmurs against Kazu's neck before he retreats a little.

"What?!" the other protests immediately. "What did you just say?"

"Calm down, Kazu, I just mean that you are both stubborn," Sho clarifies. "But I'm sure if you have a proper talk, your mother will understand. She still tries to contact you, she wants to talk to you. You have to give her the chance."

The younger man sighs again, heavily. "But what… What if…"

"She won't abandon you, I'm sure of it," the older tries to assure him, hitting the point of his boyfriend's probably biggest fear.

"How can you be so sure of it?" Sho can hear the serious doubt in Kazu's voice.

"Would she still call you multiple times a day if she intends to abandon you?" the other replies, questioning.

"She still thinks she can make me _get back to normal_. But I won't!" Kazu says, determined. "So I won't be _normal_ in her eyes any longer, no matter what she wants."

"She will have to learn living with it. In the end I'm sure you as her son as a whole is more important to her than your sexual orientation. She'll get used to it."

But despite Sho's encouraging words, the young student is still as stubborn as before. "She said so mean things about you; I won't forgive her if she doesn't apologize to you."

"I don't care, really. I heard much worse things in my life. It cannot hurt me."

"How can you be so generous, Sho?" Kazu raises his voice before he falls silent again. After a few seconds of silence, he adds in a whisper. "You're unbelievable. You're too good for this world."

"Don't say that," Sho answers. "I just learned to live with the various reactions of people towards my sexuality. Nothing can hurt me any longer. Especially not with you by my side," Kazu shivers when Sho kisses his neck slightly, tightening the embrace around the young man. "So… do you want me to come along to visit your mother?" Kazu still doesn't answer. "Or shall we invite her to the play? It could be interesting for her. It could make her more accepting, maybe. And it's something you are writing. She'll be very proud of you."

After another few seconds of silence, Kazu leans back into Sho's embrace. "You think so?" he asks, wondering.

"Of course!"

"Hm… maybe we can give it a try then."

"Once you have the tickets for the play, let's send her one too," Sho suggests.

Finally, Kazu gives in, nodding slightly. "Alright."

"Good boy," Sho smiles at his victory, happy to see his boyfriend willing to reconcile with his family. After all, this is what Kazu really wants, deep inside. Sho knows it.

He continues kissing his boyfriend, his back, his shoulders, trailing up his neck and brushing his lips softly against the very ticklish little space between Kazu's neck and ear, causing the other to shiver. Sho allows his hands – his arms still settled around the slim body in an embrace – to slip down a little in the water, feeling the soft skin of Kazu's belly, until he reaches his most sensitive area, making his body react to the touch, making him nervous. Sho can feel his lover's body tensing, and smirks satisfied, continuing the underwater caress shamelessly.

"Uhm... Sho?" Kazu asks with a slightly shaking voice.

"Hm?" the other hums, teasingly.

"We have finished talking about my mother now, right? Because if not... this would feel... inappropriate somehow," the younger hisses, his body starting to tremble.

Sho chuckles at the cuteness of his boyfriend and decides to continue teasing him a little. "Oh, don't tell me you've dirty thoughts in the bathtub."

"It's your fault," Kazu whispers, his face turned back as far as he can, his lips brushing Sho's ears.

"Well, you being pouty is just irresistible, you know?" the older man smirks, pleased.

"I love you," the younger whispers further, blushing nicely and allowing himself to relax in Sho's hands, finally.

Sho shivers at the tension between them, closing his eyes. "I love you too."

\- + -

Kazu hasn't told anybody that his mother and maybe also his father (probably not since he must be busy with work as usual) might come watch the play. He and Sho are the only ones who know. The happenings around Ohno are much more important now, at least that's what Kazu says and why he asks Sho not to mention it in front of their friend. Nevertheless, when Sho is standing at the side of the stage, watching his boyfriend greeting the audience and opening the play, he can see the recognition on the young man's face. He must have spotted someone familiar. Sho hopes that it's not only Matsumoto that Kazu spots in the audience, but also his mother.

When the young man comes backstage and excitedly tells Ohno who seems to be a bunch of nerves that Matsumoto is sitting in the third row – he must have recognized him from the drawings and photos that Ohno showed him – Sho comes a few steps closer, looking at the young student with questioning eyes.

"Kazu," he whispers, putting his hand on the young man's shoulder hurriedly, knowing that there's not much time left before the other has to go back on stage.

Kazu bites his lips and nods slightly, nervousness visible in his eyes. "She's here," he says and that's enough for Sho to know what the other is talking about. He presses Kazu's shoulder and flashes him an encouraging smile before he retreats, giving the young man the time and space to prepare for his next performance.

The play is fascinating from beginning to end and even if Sho already saw parts of it during the rehearsal phase, seeing the whole thing is even more fascinating and impressive. Everything is on the point, the music, the stage setting, the acting of the several performers. The dialogues are easy to follow and dynamic and Sho can't help but be sure that the play will reach lots of people and make them think, Matsumoto for sure and Kazu's mother too. Kazu has refrained from putting a too clear message at the end, not wanting to impose his own opinion on the topic onto the audience but it's visible that this play is not just telling a simple love story but also a story about losing and finding yourself, about acceptance, respect and giving someone a second chance.

Sho is immensely proud of his boyfriend and his friends when the curtain falls and everyone is backstage. He pulls Kazu into a quick hug to congratulate him, but then, he realizes that Ohno seems troubled. Seems like Matsumoto has left the audience. Sho frowns. He's sure he talked to the man, who he became friends with during the past weeks, about everything and it seemed that Matsumoto is willing to give Ohno a second chance, wanting to tell him after the play. He won't just leave the scene and run away again, Sho is certain.

He looks around, hoping the man might have found his way backstage to fulfil his promise and indeed, he sees Matsumoto standing there, nodding at him as a greeting. Sho smiles encouraging, feeling a load fall off his chest and turns to Kazu and Ohno, Kazu still busy with comforting and encouraging the other, to tell them who's here.

Leaving Ohno and Matsumoto behind finally to talk out things, Sho reaches his hand to Kazu and pulls the other away, guiding him downstairs to the room the students use as dressing room.

"Your mother is still there?" Sho asks as they trail along the corridors.

"Seems so. She was sitting in the back until the very end," the young student answers and Sho can feel his hand slightly trembling in his. He must be nervous.

"I'm sure she's waiting for you, we should go to meet her soon and talk to her," Sho says, earning an insecure look by the other, who finally nods, though. "But maybe you should get dressed first."

Sho can see from the slightly shaking movements of his boyfriend that he's nervous, when he changes into his casual wear and packs his stuff. The other students coming back to the dressing room for changing cheerfully greet them and tell Kazu how awesome the performance was, how much fun they had and Kazu exchanges some compliments with them, obviously embarrassed by the praises. When Higashide asks him if he's coming along for celebrations, as he has gathered a small group of people who want to go eat sushi, he declines and replies that he already has plans with his family... and Sho.

Kazu takes his bag with him and follows Sho upstairs again, reaching for the other's hand, making Sho's heart skip at the cute gesture. He laughs and pulls the other up, until they reach the top of the stairs of the first floor. Smirking, Sho quickly presses Kazu against the wall before the other can even go outside. The cheerful talking from the performance hall and the corridors reaches their ears, but they seem to be alone, undisturbed despite the circumstances.

"Sho," Kazu blushes at the sudden closeness. "This isn't the time for…"

"I'm sorry, I just can't hold back," Sho answers. "I'm so proud of you. For writing this play, for performing, for giving Ohno the chance to make up with Matsumoto and for your willingness to reconcile with your mother."

"And this turns you on?" Kazu chuckles, joking.

"You always turn me on," the other replies, smirking against his ear, causing Kazu to take a deep breath.

The young assistant professor doesn't want to waste more time and so he cups the student's face, sealing his lips with a tender kiss that turns more and more passionate with each brushing of their lips against each other. A voiceless moan escapes from Kazu's lips when the younger closes his eyes and slightly parts his lips to make it easier for his boyfriend to deepen their kiss. Both of them are like in trance, their hands found each other, fingers intertwined, their mouths connected with their sweet proofs of love.

Footsteps resonate behind them but Sho doesn't care. But then, he suddenly feels something – someone – tugging at his shoulders, pulling him back forcefully and he unwillingly lets go off Kazu to turn around and check what's going on.

"You shouldn't kiss at university, pervert!" a female voice hisses.

Surprised – or not as much as he thought he should be – Sho looks straight into the angry, distorted face of a woman. Keiko. She looks angry. Her eyes are shining, as if she's about to cry, she's biting her lower lip and her grip around Sho's arm tightens as she furrows her eyebrows. The young man can feel the jealousy and hate coming from her eyes as she glares at him, and the sadness when her look slightly slides off to Kazu for a second, who just stares at her, wondering.

"Keiko... what are you doing here?" the student finally asks.

"I watched your play," the woman says, adding in a cold voice. "Congratulations."

Kazu doesn't seem to be sure if he shall thank her or not, so he just nods at her, slightly insecurely.

Keiko just stares at them, her look wandering from Sho to Kazu and it's like she wants to say something. Sho starts feeling really uncomfortable. What does she want? He clears his throat and finally addresses her.

"Can we help you somehow, Kitagawa-san?" Sho asks.

Keiko glares at him, angrily, her close pressed lips finally parting. "Give him back," she whispers.

"What?"

"Give him back! I want Nino back!" the woman yells at the other. "I want the relationship that you ruined back!"

"Keiko, what are you talking?!" Kazu exclaims, stepping forward and touching Sho's arm, slightly clinging to the man's shirt. "Sho didn't ruin anything!"

The woman's look falls to the spot where Kazu grabbed Sho's arm and Sho can almost see the fire burning in her eyes. She obviously doesn't approve of this at all.

"He took you away from me... he's the devil. He made you fall for him although you're mine," Keiko murmurs, her voice sounding cold and hurt.

"Our relationship didn't work, that's why I broke up with you," Kazu continues, desperately. "I'm sorry, I didn't intend to hurt you but please, just accept the facts already, will you?"

Still, Keiko's eyes are locked onto Kazu's hand and Sho can somehow feel, that this small, simple touch between them is enough for her to go crazy. He feels his heartbeat rising, feels a shiver running down his spine, coming from the bad misgiving that is intruding his mind suddenly. He slowly reaches up his hand, in order to loosen Kazu's grip but maybe, this was a mistake, making Keiko misinterpret the gesture as the two men trying to hold hands in front of her very eyes, to provoke her.

"I will never accept you two being together!" she finally bursts in anger and then, everything goes very quickly.

The young woman's face looks furious and she jumps forward, her hands reaching for Kazu's and Sho's that were almost touching, and she pushes the two men apart from each other with an insane strength that her thin arms never looked able to produce. Kazu yelps, bending forward a little, following the movement of his hand and Sho, surprised by Keiko's power, stumbles. Stumbles dangerously close to the stairs and then it happens – he slips.

Sho loses his balance and waves his arms when he desperately tries to get hold of something to stabilize. It's Kazu, who then reaches his arms to his boyfriend, stepping forward to catch him, trying to pull him back, but it's already too late and Sho's bodyweight pulls the other man with him. Their bodies tangle as they both crash down the stairs and Sho can feel how Kazu wraps his arms around him, pressing Sho's face against his chest to protect him from getting hurt. The world is upside down and Sho cannot comprehend the situation any longer, just feeling Kazu's heartbeat against his ear and his arms tightening around him. His own left arm hits a step's sharp edge during the fall and Sho cringes, closing his eyes in reflex. Then, he hears Kazu moaning painfully and Keiko screaming in shock as the movement stops.

His heartbeat slamming against his ribcage and his mind puzzled, Sho tries to get back into the situation quickly. His mind is filled with Kazu when he fully realizes what just happens. He snaps his eyes open and finds himself still locked in the other's arms. Kazu isn't moving.

Sho disentangles himself from their embrace, his look focused on his boyfriend, who lies there next to him at the end of the staircase, his eyes closed.

"...Kazu?" Sho asks, his voice a whisper, shaking.

Still, Kazu isn't moving.

The flashback of the motionless, cold body of his lover in his arms overwhelms Sho and makes his stomach feel like it turns upside down. He starts to panic.

Sho bends forward, reaching to cup his boyfriend's face. "Kazu! Hey, Kazu, open your eyes!"

The young man starts patting Kazu's cheeks hurriedly with shaking hands, panic rushing all over his body and mind, but he doesn't receive any reaction from the man lying on the ground. Kazu must have passed out... Sho turns to Keiko, yelling that she should call for help, but the young woman doesn't hear him, staring at Kazu, her face gone white as chalk.

"Nino… Gosh… what... what did I do…," she whispers, clasps her hands in front of her mouth, sinking down to her knees. "I… I didn't want to…"

The woman was just a bunch of nerves and she breaks into tears, her body shaking helplessly. Cursing, Sho focuses on his unconscious boyfriend again and reaches into his pocket to pull out his cell phone, realizing only now that his arm that he hit during the fall hurts pretty badly but he doesn't care, and dials the ambulance's number quickly. His eyes focus on his boyfriend, his heart is racing. He can just hope that he isn’t too seriously hurt and that everything will be fine. After settling the call, Sho clenches Kazu's hand, pressing it tightly, still, there is no reaction from the young man. Maybe, it's just the shock, but Sho's thoughts are running wild, drifting into the most angsty and depressing direction possible. He cannot lose his Kazu, his love. Not again. He wouldn't be able to bear with it. Everything _has_ to be alright. Definitely!

His eyes fill with tears. 

\- - + - -

_The day of Shota's wedding is the most horrible day in Kazu's life. He thought he would be prepared for it, he went through the scenario multiple times in his head but in the end, it feels so different from what he imagined, so much worse, that he almost cannot bear it and falls into a deep depressed mood, making him almost unable to move._

_He tries to mute the cheerful noises and voices around him, tries to focus onto his tasks, taking longer than usual, and getting scolded in the kitchen that he should serve the plates faster or the meals for the wedding will turn cold before they even reach the tables. Kazu honestly doesn't care. He himself isn't able to taste anything for days, having lost his appetite completely with the day Shota's bride arrived at the residence a few days before the actual wedding ceremony._

_Returning to the celebration room feels like being thrown into an ocean of oppressing happiness, happiness that turns into an unbearable weight for Kazu. Looking at Shota, who looks stunning, even more than usual, makes his heart cringe, especially when his look falls onto the beautiful woman to the lord's side. He's such a good-looking and charming man, and she is just a classic beauty, together they look like the perfect match in everybody’s eyes. I's just smashing. Kazu can see that Shota is forcing himself to smile and whenever their eyes meet, he seems to try to communicate with the servant, but Kazu cannot bear it and just averts his eyes quickly. It's too risky, the emotions in his heart will overflow and make him burst into tears and that's the last he wants now._

_When he's serving a plate to one of the female guests and stands up again, the servant suddenly feels dizzy, losing his balance. The woman at his side reacts quickly, catching him before he can fall down._

_"Are you OK?" she asks, worried._

_When Kazu looks at her, the dizziness slightly fading, he recognizes Matsumoto Saki – born Ohno -, the beautiful and friendly wife of Shota's friend, Lord Matsumoto from the north, who he got to know at their wedding ceremony just about one year ago. She's known for her amiableness and Kazu immediately bows his head in apology, feeling bad for causing her worries._

_"I'm really sorry, Lady Saki," he murmurs. "I'm fine."_

_"You don't look fine at all," she says in a low voice, trying not to trigger too much attraction._

_Luckily, most people are drunk already anyway, and do not pay attention to the servants. "You look pale and you're much too thin. Come with me, I'll talk to your superior, you should rest."_

_"Really, I'm fine, thank you very much," Kazu whispers. He looks around and his eyes suddenly lock with Shota's, who looks at him, a bit confused. Did he see him stumbling?_

_"No protest, come with me," Lady Saki insists and stands up, obviously planning to accompany the young man outside of the room._

_He follows her when she takes his arm, guiding him toward the door and out to the corridor. She searches for another servant, asking for the superior. She leads him to the respective person, a middle-aged woman, looking a bit confused, but worried too once she sees Kazu's pale face._

_"Excuse me, I think, this young man needs some time to rest, he looks ill," the young lady says, with concerns._

_"Nino, what happened?" the female servant asks. "Thank you, Lady Saki, I'll take care of him," she adds, tugging at Kazu's sleeve to bring him to his room. The lady follows them, curiously, watching the woman helping the young man to set his futon and lie down on it._

_"Lady Saki, shall I guide you back to the celebrations?" the female servant asks, but the lady just shakes her head._

_"Thank you, I'll find my way. I just want to make sure that he's fine," she replies, "Maybe he should eat a little, he looks so pale."_

_"I'll get you some soup and rice, Nino," the servant says, bows at their guest and leaves the room again, quickly._

_"Thanks," the young man answers weakly before he turns his attention onto the fine lady again, who's knelt beside his bed, her eyes still watching over him, worriedly. "You're too generous, Lady Saki, I'm very sorry for the trouble."_

_She shakes her head slightly, her hair decoration causing slight clinging noises as they sway. "Don't be silly. If you are sick, you should take some rest. That's just logical."_

_"Yes, thank you."_

_"Tell me… Is something troubling you?" the young woman asks then, slightly tilting her head, after looking at Kazu for a few seconds._

_Kazu freezes, staring at her. How is this possible? Is he so easy to read? "What do you mean?"  
"I remember your visit together with Lord Shota when I got married to Junta. You've been such a friendly and happy servant, it was a pleasure to watch you. But now, you look troubled. Or is it just the sickness?"_

_"I… Lady Saki…," he really must be easy to read. Or the lady is just someone with a great power of observation._

_"You're troubled, aren't you?" she asks again, empathically._

_"It's not my place to annoy you with my worries, Milady," Kazu shakes his head slightly. Further, how can he risk telling someone about his and Shota's secret? It might cause his lord trouble; he cannot risk anything like that. "Please, just return to the celebrations and don't worry about me."_

_"I want you to tell me," the friendly woman insists. "I might be able to help."_

_Kazu smiles at her, gratefully. "I heard of your big heart, Milady and I really appreciate your thoughts, thank you. But I don't want to trouble you with my sorrows, really."_

_"Hm… you're pretty stubborn, refusing help so profoundly, aren't you?" the lady smiles, beaten at Kazu's obstinacy. "You're called Nino, right?"_

_"Yes, Lady Saki," the young man nods._

_"Alright, Nino. Take some rest now. I'll go back to the celebrations but I'll come check on you tomorrow, my husband and I will spend a few more days here in Lord Shota's gorgeous residence," the woman says. "Maybe you want to talk by then. Think about it. Don't be shy, you can trust me. Let us become friends."_

_Kazu is overwhelmed by her friendliness, feeling almost guilty for not telling her everything on the spot. He nods slightly. "Thank you very much, Milady."_

_Kazu eats just a few spoons of soup when one of the fellow servants brings it for him, he still doesn't have any appetite. Then, he lies down again, closing his eyes. He tries to sleep, tries to escape from this cruel reality and forget about the pain, but even if he feels tired and weak, he cannot find any sleep. Sometime later, the door to his room gets pushed open and when Kazu opens his eyes, he recognizes Shota entering the room._

_"Shota," Kazu whispers, shocked, sitting up, obviously fighting with dizziness again._

_The young lord quickly pushes the door close and kneels down beside his lover, reaching his hands to support his back. "Kazu, lie down again, please," he whispers back._

_"What are you doing here?" the young servant asks, obeying to his lord's wish as he settles on the futon again._

_"I'm worried; I wanted to check on you. I just couldn't come earlier, they didn't let me escape from the table, I'm sorry," Shota answers, brushing the young man's face lovingly, feeling his forehead and cheeks, checking if they feel hot._

_Kazu feels his heart constrict. He wants to burst into tears. "Don't worry, I'm fine."_

_"Are you really OK? Aren't you sick?" the other asks, concerned._

_"Just a little dizzy," Kazu blushes. "Please go back to the celebrations, it's your wedding after all."_

_"Don't remind me on it, please," the young lord sighs deeply. "Really, I'd prefer staying here with you and taking care of you."_

_"I just need a little rest," the young man replies. "I'm sorry for being an unreliable servant."  
Shota shakes his head slightly. "No, don't say that. I'm sorry that you're forced to witness these celebrations anyway... Did you at least eat properly today? The menu is splendid," the lord says, as if he's desperately searching for something positive in this whole mess. Kazu knows that this day isn't easy for the other man either, after all._

_"I didn't feel like eating, but I ate some soup earlier," the servant replies honestly._

_"I didn't notice… You shouldn't neglect your health."_

_"You should better go back to… her," Kazu says, ignoring his lover's comment._

_"No," Shota shakes his head. "I don't want to. She can wait. You're more important."_

_Kazu knows that Shota's words are honest, but he cannot accept them. People would find it strange if the lord stood away from his own wedding celebrations. They couldn't risk anything. "Not today," he whispers, trying to hide the breaking of his voice._

_"Oh Kazu…"_

_"You're going to spend the night with her, right?"_

_"Yes… But just this night," the lord answers. "I promise. Just this one night, because I have to. But I'll be all yours again from tomorrow onward."_

_The young servant flashes the other man a little smile. "I can't wait…"_

_"Please eat some more, will you? Take care of yourself," the lord insists, giving his lover a strict look._

_"I will," Kazu nods._

_"Good…," the lord replies._

_The young lord still doesn't show any intentions of leaving and Kazu finds himself – again – staring at the other, at his gorgeous appearance, his precious clothes, his neat hairstyle, his handsome face. He'll have to share this man from now on, and it hurts just to imagine. But as long as he belongs to him, even if it’s just for a few hours, in the darkest nights, he'll learn to be satisfied by it. It doesn't change that much from how it was before, anyway, right? At least, that's what the young man tries to tell himself, to make it bearable._

_"Shota?" the servant then finally asks, his voice still a whisper. He tries his best to hide that he's about to cry. "Before you go… May I… can you… please, kiss me."_

_His lord bites his lips, nodding. "Of course," he whispers back._

_Then, the man leans forward, slowly, over the lying figure of his secret lover, allowing their lips to touch, softly, gently, in a kiss filled with all his love. Kazu replies to the kiss, moving his lips just slightly and then the moment of magic is over and the two lovers get separated again._

_"Good night, darling," Shota whispers with a sad smile._

_"See you tomorrow," Kazu replies._

_The young lord finally stands up and after looking at his lover for a last time, slides the door of the servant's bedroom open again, exiting to the corridor. The voices and music from the celebration reach Kazu's ears and his stomach seems to turn upside down when he imagines Shota returning to that woman's side. He closes his eyes firmly after he took a deep breath. He tries to mute his feelings, calm down his racing heartbeat, fight the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. He repeats his thoughts over and over as if he is reciting a mantra. Just this one night he has to get through without Shota. Just this one night Shota will lie down with that woman._

_Just this one night…_

_\- + -_

_On the day after the wedding, Lady Saki searched for Kazu's company again, when she sees him cleaning the rooms used for celebration the previous day and night. She worriedly asks the young servant if he had enough rest and he assures her thankfully, that he feels much better and she doesn't need to worry. Again, she tries to make him talk, since she's stubbornly of the opinion that he still looks troubled and so the two of them end up going for a stroll in the huge gardens of the residence._

_After making her promise that she will never ever tell anybody about this, Kazu finally tells the young Lady about his connection to Shota, about their relationship. She just nods understandingly and Kazu hopes that it doesn't mean that their secret relationship is too obvious for other people's eyes. In the end, Lady Saki offers Kazu not only a listening ear for his sorrows, but also tries to encourage him. She tells him that she supports them, since true love should really be supported, not the connection through marriage that bound countries together in a politic way, which is still the most common practice._

_A few days later when the Matsumotos are about to leave again to travel back home to the North, Lady Saki gives Kazu a small piece of paper, a written message that she wishes to continue in contact with him to learn about his story and that he should write her a letter when he has some time. Kazu bows deeply in front of her when he and the rest of the servants bid the lord and lady good bye and he smiles back when she waves slightly, thankful for this new friendship he found and that will make the coming few years more bearable for him due to her support._

_Regarding Shota and his wife, unfortunately it doesn't seem to be enough, this one night that he had to spend with her. It turns out that the woman doesn't seem to get pregnant easily and so, they have to try again and again. Both Kazu and Shota know that it has nothing to do with love when the latter lies by that woman's side but he has to do so in order to get a descendant as his parents demand. Nevertheless, it hurts Kazu having to share his beloved, even if he knows that officially, he doesn't have any claims on him._

_He knows that Shota's wife doesn't like him much, but Kazu doesn't think that she is suspicious of them. Well... he has to find out in the hard way that he's been wrong._

_The moment he dies, Shota is whispering, reciting the vow they gave each other; it's everywhere in his mind, giving him hope, when the world goes black._

_"You and me together, you and me through all the times..."_

_Yes, Kazu is sure, they will meet again._

\- + -

When Nino wakes up, he feels a stinging pain running through his temples, squinting his eyes again for a moment. He slowly opens them again, trying to adjust to the bright, white light that's flooding the room, looking up to the white ceiling. A second later he lets his eyes wander.

He's lying in a bed, feeling awfully tired. There must be bandages or something around his head, it feels a bit squeezed. White curtains surround the bed he's lying in. Is he in the hospital?

When he hears some shuffling noise beside him and feels the familiar touch of a hand on his, he turns his head to face Sho. He presses his hand, relieved to see his boyfriend.

Sho flashes him his usual gorgeous smile. "Hey…"

"Hey...," Nino answers, trying to smile too but the movement of his face hurts so it doesn't work properly.

"I'm glad you woke up," Sho sighs, brushing his thumb over his lover's hand. "How do you feel? Does your leg hurt much?"

"Eh… what? My leg?" Nino frowns. He follows Sho's gaze, down the bed and it's just then when he realizes that his leg is caught in a huge plaster and placed on top of some pillows, to make it comfortable. "Oh..."

"Maybe you're still under the influence of the painkiller," his boyfriend suggests.

However, Nino finds the fact that Sho's arm is in bandages too, put in a white cloth that's hanging around his neck, more troubling than his own injuries. He frowns, worrying. "What happened to your arm?"

Sho lets his look drop on his own arm for a second, lifting it slightly to demonstrate that it's not as bad as it looks. "Don't worry, it's just a sprain, nothing serious. You got it worse with your leg. The doctors said it was a slightly complicated fracture so they had to operate, but they say you'll be up in a few weeks and you'll be able to run like usual."

Nino is glad to hear those news but he's still a little puzzled. "What exactly happened?"

"We fell down the stairs," the assistant professor says. "You wanted to help me and protected me, thus you hurt your head and leg."

Sho's words trigger Nino's memory, he sees some images flashing through his mind. There's the memory of fear, fear that his beloved could get hurt, a fall, a scream, and then, black. Nino squints his eyes for a second. "Ah yeah, right... Good thing you didn't get hurt worse."

"So you remember what happened?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's coming back," Nino still frowns but yes, he can remember. "Keiko was there and pushed you away from me and then you stumbled and threatened to fall down the stairs…"

"It was an accident..."

"Yeah...," Nino murmurs. "She didn't want to hurt you, did she?"

The older man slightly shakes his head. "I don't think so. But she was furious, seeing us together. I can understand that she… freaked out. She still loves you."

Nino sighs.

"You know," Sho continues, trying to lift the mood. "I don’t blame her. She fell for you, just like I did. And once somebody loves you, it's hard to let go off these feelings."

The younger chuckles slightly. "Idiots... I'm nothing special."

"For me you are. And for her too, obviously," Sho presses his hand.

"Even if she seemed to be in love with you in our past life," the student then points out. "I can't blame her for that either, though."

Sho sighs deeply. They try to live in the present but still, the memories from the past are weighing heavy in the air. "At least nobody died this time…," he whispers after a few seconds of silence.

Nino's heart constricts. "Fate would be a real bitch if that happened." He locks eyes with his boyfriend, and realizes that Sho's eyes seem wet. He presses his hand and tilts his head, slightly, smiling for real this time. "Hey, Awkward, don't tell me, you're crying."

Sho blinks away some small tears, quickly, flashing his boyfriend another smile. "I'm just so happy that nothing happened to you."

A huge wave of relief rushes through Nino's body and he's sure it's the same sensation that Sho feels at the very same moment. It's true. This time, nothing happened. A broken leg, a sprained arm... but if these are things they can bear with, they will be fine with it, Nino is sure about that.

"Give me a hug, please?" the younger then whispers, overwhelmed.

"Everything you want, my love," his boyfriend smiles and leans forward, taking his lover in his arms – trying to avoid his injured one – and hugs him close before he presses a careful kiss on Nino's head.

When someone clears her throat slightly behind them, Sho loosens his embrace and the two men turn their heads to face a woman, standing at the end of Nino's bed and holding some canned drinks that she puts on the side table once she walks a bit closer.

The news about Nino's accident of course have already spread. Not only has Sho called Nino's mother immediately after it happened, also some of his fellow students from the theatre club and several other students, professors and guests have witnessed of the arrival of the ambulance that took care of the injured men. So, it's not a surprise that they aren't alone here.

"Mom...," Nino whispers.

The woman hands one of the cans to her son, who takes it in his hand and reads the label. Green tea with mango flavour – his favourite. He feels a little warm around his heart, at the gesture of his mother and nods, thankfully. Then, his mother reaches out again, this time to Sho, handing him a can of black coffee, even if she doesn't look at the other man directly, as Nino notices. Sho stands up, hurriedly, bows his head slightly and gladly takes the can with his free hand.

"Thank you very much, Ninomiya-san," he says, his look wanders between his boyfriend and the woman. "I'll leave you alone for a while now."

Nino wants to hold him back, but he knows his boyfriend’s good intention, wanting him and his mother to give the time and space for a proper talk. And most likely, it works better without him around, even if Nino wishes for his support slightly. However, Sho is with him, in his heart, even if he doesn't take part in the conversation.

"You look pale, dear," Nino's mother says with a sigh when she pulls a chair closer to the bed besides her son. He doesn't answer and just opens the can of cold tea, taking a first sip. She sighs again. "I'm glad nothing worse happened to you," she then says, sincerely.

Her son looks at her and they lock eyes. It's been so long since they met, Nino thinks, about a month or so? The woman's face has become thinner and suddenly, he worries about her. Did she eat properly? Is it his fault, did he cause her to worry so much? The young man really doesn't know how to join the conversation, there's so much unsaid between them, and so much that they need to talk about again, in order to fix the broken relationship between them.

In the end, he starts with a simple, "Thank you."

His mother opens her own can of tea after looking at her son for a few second. Maybe, she doesn't really know how and where to start either but she tries. "I can't believe what Keiko did… she's always been such a nice girl," she says, referring to what happened. Indeed, the news must have spread quickly. "Do you want to tell the police what happened?"

Nino looks at the woman and thinks for a second. Then, he slightly shakes his head. "No, Mom. It was just an accident."

"But -," she doesn't seem convinced.

"It was just a small fight," the young man continues. "She didn't know what she was doing and I'm sure she didn't want anyone to get hurt, it really was just an unlucky accident. You liked her so much, don't hate her now because of this."

The woman frowns, her eyes filling with tears, slowly. "How can I forgive that woman who almost killed my son?"

Nino sighs. She's becoming too emotional, again. "Mom, a broken leg will not kill me. I'll be fine."

"But you could have died!" his mother replies, a slight hint of hysteria invading her voice. "What if you injured your head badly and fell into a coma or something?"

"It didn't happen. No what ifs, Mom, please," her son says.

Then, she pouts, taking a sip of her tea. "Still, I don't want to see her again."

Nino nods, slightly. "That's your decision. I'm not together with her anymore anyway so you won’t be forced to cross path with her that often."

"Good thing, then...," his mother answers, huffily.

"Mom…"

"I know, I'm sorry," the woman sighs. "I'm just… I was so worried when I heard you got hurt. My baby!"

Nino frowns, chuckling. "I'm not a baby any longer, Mom!"

"My Kazu-chan will always be my baby, you're my youngest child after all!" she exclaims and mother and son look at each other for a while.

Nino can feel it. Feel the sincere love his mother has towards him and also the love he feels for her. They are mother and child after all. They are together since his birth, in this world, they lived together for years. This woman took care of him with all her might, brought him up well, never made him feel unwanted or gave him any reason to hate her – until recently. Well, they had their differences, sure, and the latest fight has been something big and Nino felt like she would never be able to understand him. However, right now, he knows that she will always love him, no matter what he does and he will love her back, unconditionally.

The young man gulps down the small lump that formed in his throat and looks at his mother again. "Then, will you forgive your _baby_ that he left you and ran away from home?" he asks quietly, the woman looking at him with big eyes. "Mom… we still didn't talk about what happened. But I think it's time to."

His mother nods, slightly. "I guess you're right."

"You know…," Nino takes a deep breath. "You might not like it, but... I love him. I really do."

Of course, she knows immediately whom her son is talking about. She pulls in her lips, hesitating for a second, before she replies. "I know. You risked your life for that man after all, what else but love can make people so reckless?"

Nino frowns again. "I didn't… we weren't about to die, Mom, we just fell down the stairs"

"Some really dangerous stairs!" the woman exclaims. "What was Seijo thinking about building such dangerous stairs?"

Her son sighs deeply. "Mom, seriously."

"What?!"

"You're complaining about everything and anything and now you even blame Seijo for building stairs?!" he can't believe it. Is she even serious or is she just trying to run away from the conversation about her son being in love with another man?

"They are dangerous!"

"It could have happened everywhere!" Nino says, slightly unnerved. "Listen, what's done, is done. It's no use to complain about stuff that already happened."

"I know that," his mother pouts and it's just then when her son realizes what Sho actually meant with both of them being stubborn. Maybe, his boyfriend is right.

"I'm happy that you worry about me, Mom," he says, sincerely. "It means you still care, right?"

"Of course I do care about you, Kazu. You're my beloved son."

"Then please don't waste your energy with blaming people or circumstances for what happened," Nino adds. "This was an accident, I got hurt, I'm recovering well. It's a happy ending, isn't it?"

"True...," there's relief written on his mother's face now, as she allows those facts to sink in. "But tell me, where did you learn to think so positively?"

"Surely not at home," Nino exclaims, not able to hold back the comment.

"Hey!"

"Sorry, but it's true," he slightly rolls his eyes. A second later, he regrets it. He doesn't want to start a fight again or anything...

Surprisingly his mother doesn't really seem to mind. Instead, she tilts her head, "Probably."

Nino looks at her for a moment. It's true, both of them can be very stubborn and it's hard for them to admit mistakes, but this is a beginning. He should recognize it and so, he finally continues the actual conversation. "I learned it from Sho," he tells her and she looks up at him, wondering. "It's not just about positive thinking, it's about accepting my past and accepting that everything that happened brought me to where I am now. And this is something good, I believe."

The woman sighs. "You _really_ like that man, don't you?"

Nino nods, determined. "Yes. As I said, I _love_ him. We're meant for each other," he adds. He feels the urge to spill out everything, to tell his mother about the past link between him and Sho, to tell her the unbelievable story they went through, to tell her that his boyfriend the soulmate that he found again after hundreds of years. But this might better be a story for another time... "Do you still have a problem with that?"

A few seconds of silence. The woman takes another sip of tea before she asks her son. "Is he good to you?"

"He's the best," Nino nods and looks deep into her eyes to convey his deep feelings for that man.

"Are you happy with him?"

Again, nodding. "Happier than I ever was."

Then, there's a smile dancing on the woman's lips, even if she sighs again. "Well, I think than this is all that should matter, right? As a mother, I only wished for my kids to be happy."

"You'll accept him as my partner?" Nino asks, hope spreading in his heart.

"As long as he doesn't hurt you…"

"He never would!" the young man says, quickly. "I'm hundred percent sure of it!"

"Good then."

Excitedly, Nino looks at his mother. He feels so happy right now, and he doesn't care about admitting that this is what he really wanted – his mother accepting him and Sho, not fighting with her until the end of their days because she said some mean things. "Get to know him, Mom. He's an adorable man. I'm sure you will like him."

"I said so many mean things about him, he must hate me," his mother answers.

Nino is glad that she seems to be willing to admit her mistakes but he slightly shakes his head. "No, he doesn't. In fact, he's the one who encouraged me to make up with you."

"I guess I should give it a try then."

Nino smiles, happily, until another worry invades his mind. "Will you talk to Dad?" he asks his mother, a bit shyly.

"I will," she nods. "He might still object but I think I'll be able to convince him to accept your relationship too."

"Thank you, Mom," her son flashes her a grateful smile.

"Everything for you, Kazu."

Nino would be lying if he said that he's not relieved about having made up with his mother, and he's all smiles when Sho returns to his room and finds him and his mother chatting with each other. The woman has a couple of questions about the play of Nino's theatre club and her son is happy to answer every single one of them. He tells her more about the story and she seems to be pretty fascinated, and not as uncomfortable with the topics as Nino had feared. Sho smiles at him when he settles down at the other side of Nino's bed and he blushes a little when Nino finally introduces him formally to his mother – as his boyfriend.

It's only when a doctor comes in to check if Nino is healing properly, that Sho and Nino's mother have to leave. They bid him good night and promise to come back in the morning and this is exactly what they do. The coming days, not only they, but also Ohno accompanied by Matsumoto at times (who gladly made up, to Nino's relief), come visit him as often as they can, since he has to stay in hospital for a while due to his broken leg. Fortunately, soon he will be able to start some slight therapy for his leg and he will be allowed to get back home, soon.

It's the fourth day in hospital, when Nino was surprised by someone’s visit, someone he doubted he would even see again that soon. He's busy reading some books for university – being bed-ridden because of his leg doesn't keep him from doing the literature homework that Sho brings him regularly – when someone knocks at the door. After Nino asked the person to come in, a young woman with long, straight dark hair enters the room slowly, obviously insecurely. Slowly, she approaches Nino's bed, putting a bunch of flowers on the edge of the bed. He drops his book.

"Keiko…"

The woman brushes a strand of hair behind her ear and blushes, embarrassed. She's not able to look into his eyes. "Nino... How are you?"

"Uhm... quite OK, I'd say," the young man replies.

"Does your leg hurt much?"

He shakes his head. "Most of the time, no. The stuff they give you here against pain really kicks in."

"I see… good then," the young woman says. Still, her eyes are glued onto the white bed sheet. Then, she falls silent.

"Why are you here, Keiko?" Nino then asks, after a few seconds.

The woman takes a deep breath. "Because… I wanted to see if you're OK. Well... as OK as you can be after falling down the stairs… and I wanted to apologize," she says and finally, she looks at him. "I'm really sorry that this happened. It's my fault that you got hurt."

Nino looks at her for a few seconds. He's happy to receive her apologies. He already didn't expect this to happen, so it's a nice surprise. "I'll recover, no worries," he answers. "Just… just tell me that you didn't really intend to hurt us."

"I didn't!" Keiko shakes her head, insistent. "Of course not, I just… I was so angry and when I saw you two kissing, I couldn't bear it any longer and I – I don't know how this could happen but of course I didn't want to hurt you, neither of you. You have to believe me, Nino!"

The young man can see the sincerity of his ex-girlfriend. She really seems to regret what happened. "I do, I do. It's OK," he answers. "I'm glad this wasn't your intention."

"I'm _so_ sorry, really...," she repeats, her eyes teary.

"It's OK. It's done."

"Please, if there is _anything_ that I can do for you to make up for this, tell me!" Keiko says.

"I only want you to promise me that you'll apologize to Sho, too," the student replies.

She nods. "I'll do that. Of course, I'll do that! I just wanted to see you first."

"OK," Nino smiles, relieved. This is enough to satisfy him. He doesn't hold a grudge against Keiko, remembering that she didn't have it easy either. Maybe he is even feeling a bit guilty that he's not able to return her feelings, but he wants her to understand and to bury her grudge against Sho and against him. So that a tragedy like the one that happened in the past will never take place ever again.

"You love him a lot, don't you?" the woman asks in a whisper and Nino just nods, determined. "I guess I wouldn't stand a chance against him anyway."

"It's nothing about you against him, Keiko," the young man explains. "It's _fate_ that brought me to him."

"Fate?" she asked, puzzled.

"Yes. He's my soul mate," the student says. "Maybe, one day you'll understand. I hope you'll find your own soul mate too, one day."

Finally, Keiko's lips form a faint smile. "You're too good Nino. You should hate me now, yell at me, throw me out, but you don't."

"I'm not that good," the young man shakes his head. "I did handle things wrongly too. I'm sorry that I was such a bad boyfriend to you."

"I wasn't really a good girlfriend either," the young woman shakes her head. "I guess we're even."

"You were fine – well, except of the jealous ex-girlfriend behaviour of course," Nino adds. "You will be a fine girlfriend for someone else, I'm sure. Just, the two of us simply are not meant for each other."

Keiko tries not to lose her smile again. She sighs. "It's a pity. I really loved you. I still do."

"I'm sorry I can't love you back."

"Love can't be forced, right?" the woman replies. "I learned that now."

The next day, it's Ohno and Matsumoto's turn again to drop by checking on Nino, together with Sho, who shows up as often as possible anyway. Ohno excitedly tells him that the theatre club gets more and more inquiries of putting up their play once more, since people heard good things about it and want to see it. Most likely, this is – among others – thanks to the positive review Sakumoto-sensei wrote in record time for the campus magazine and even Matsumoto is planning to release a review about the performance in _Tokyo Himawari_.

Nino is happy to see his senior happy again, his eyes glittering when he talks about their play and his hand linked with Matsumoto's. Their plan is a full success! Ohno is dressed as a girl today – it's one of the days he feels more like a woman – and he's wearing a beautiful new hair pin that he received from Matsumoto the previous evening, as he tells proudly. He also received a pretty cool and manly watch – Ohno teases Matsumoto for trying to find some girlish as well as manly present to _prove_ that he will accept both sides of Ohno, but in fact, he's just immensely happy and proud, gladly bragging about the presents. In the end of their visit, Ohno makes Nino promise to recover quickly, because he and Sho have to come and watch the new kabuki play he's currently working on with _TsubakiKabuki_.

When the couple left, Sho still stays with his boyfriend and they exchange happy smiles, glad about their friends' happiness. Sho leans to Nino, kissing his cheeks and then suggests to take him up to the hospital's rooftop with the wheel chair to get some fresh air. Nino agrees, and it doesn't take long till they are up there, watching the seemingly endless sky with just a few clouds dancing on the blue horizon and a fresh breeze tickling their noses.

"Keiko came to me this morning," Sho says when the two of them reached the fence and watch the view together, Sho settled down on a bench, Nino beside him, sitting in the wheel chair, his legs covered with a blanket.

"She did?" Nino asks, not so surprised, remembering the promise the girl made.

"Yes. She apologized in tears," the assistant professor continues. "I think she's really sorry, she didn't want us to get hurt."

"I know, she apologized to me too," Nino adds.

Sho turns his head, looking at his boyfriend. "She doesn't remember about her past life, right?"

"Doesn't seem so," the other shakes his head slightly.

"You didn't tell her anything, did you?" Sho asks and again, Nino shakes his head. "Good. I think, it's better if she doesn't know. She will probably blame herself too much. I think she has suffered enough."

"True," Nino agrees. Those are exactly his thoughts. "And I think she learned that hurting others isn't the right way to overcome her own pain."

"I'm sure, she did," the older says and reaches his hand to link it with Nino's. "And I'm still just glad that nothing worse happened. I was worried about you."

"I'm glad too. This time we didn't get separated," Nino says, smiling sincerely, his heart skipping a beat as they intertwine their fingers, firmly.

They both smile and look at each other for a few seconds, in silence, until Sho continues the conversation. "Talking about getting separated… since you made up with your parents, I suppose you won't need to stay at my place any longer?" he lifts an eyebrow.

Nino tilts his head. "Well… actually, there's no need for that any longer, right?"

Sho's smile fades. He presses his boyfriend's hand. "I will miss you. Really."

"I'll miss you too," Nino replies, the thought of leaving Sho's apartment is making him sad.

Then, Sho darts his look in front of him. The slight breeze messes up his hair, making him look incredible cute in Nino's eyes. He can see a small smirk on his lover's lips, and can't help but wonder what the other is up to.

"Listen," Sho then starts. "Aiba told me he got transferred to a new branch of the "LeafLetters" in another part of the city and he's thinking about moving there for a shorter commute to work."

Nino blinks. "Oh really?..."

"Yes, which… basically means that I'm currently searching for a new roommate," the older man continues.

The student lifts his free hand, rubbing his nose. "Are you?"

Sho nods excitedly. "The rent isn't that expensive, you know? The apartment is quite large, we have a small but comfortable bathtub -" at this point, Nino snorts, trying to hold back a laughter but failing - "Furniture is included and it's just a few minutes from university."

"Are you trying to talk me into moving in with you?" the young student smirks.

Sho turns his head slightly, eyeing Nino for his reaction. "Kind of?"

"I'd get my own bedroom?" the younger asks, teasingly.

"Well… I'd say you can turn Aiba's room into your study and… you'll keep sleeping in my bed, as we're used to," Sho clarifies, causing the other to grin.

"Don't you think it's a little too… soon for such a step?" Nino arches an eyebrow, playfully. "I mean we're just together for a few weeks…"

"Well no," Sho objects, immediately. " _Theoretically_ , we're together for _several hundred years_ , if you ask me."

"That's a way to look at it, I admit."

"And we _practically_ lived together for the past few weeks anyway, if I might remind you," Sho ads.

"Sounds like a selling point," Nino smiles, pressing his boyfriend's hand.

Finally, Sho fully turns to him, an adorable smile adorning his face. "I'd say, the trials are over and we passed. It worked out well, didn't it?"

"It did."

"So, what do you think? Shall we start living together _officially_?" he asks, properly.

Nino tilts his head again, averting his eyes and looking at the horizon. "Hm… I don't really know…"

"Come on, Kazu," Sho starts shifting nervously on his spot, looking a bit puzzled when his boyfriend bursts out laughing.

"I'm joking, I'm joking!" Nino says, conciliating. "So... When can I move in, _officially_?"

Sho stands up, not letting go of Nino's hand and takes a step in front of him, facing his boyfriend with a wide, happy smile. He reaches his free hand to cup the young man's face and closes his eyes when he leans down, sealing Nino's lips with a tender kiss. Love overwhelms Nino and he reaches his hand up to his boyfriend's neck, pulling him close to deepen their kiss before he breaks it and presses his forehead against Sho's, smiling happily.

They will talk about the details later on, he decides, after all, they had time. They will be together, forever. 

Smiling, Nino brings their lips together again.

**THE END**


End file.
